Saturday Update! (Patreon)

CURRENT CG COMPLETION: 77/181

WARNING: Gore art

Hello once again my friends! It's that time of the week! 

This is probably gonna be a long one because I had a very long and jam-packed week ^^;

I have a sort of 'good news, bad news, good news' about my personal life situation.

The good news is that my mood has been MUCH better. I can't believe how much difference going cold turkey on news and banning my phone from my bedroom has helped! I'm suddenly spending so much less time on social media and obsessing over upsetting stuff I can't change. I'm happy, and I'm happy that I'm happy LMAO!

The bad news is that I had to deal with one of my special Week Long Headaches™ which was as shitty as it sounds on the tin. I don't get them all that often, but when I do it sucks balls. I've heard that it's a type of migraine, but not the kind that shuts you down super hard with the visual auras and stuff- it just kind of counts because it lasts so long? I dunno. All I know is I get week long headaches sometimes and it blows LMAO But it's pretty much cleared up now thank god. I was able to work through most of it but I had to stop on Friday and finish up my last CG this morning [ no biggie ]

The last good news is that I've suddenly discovered something really important about myself. I stumbled on some videos made by people diagnosed with ASD/Aspergers where they talked about their struggles and childhoods and challenges, and I was absolutely stunned. I started watching more and more videos made be these people and it felt like a million disjointed machine cogs all suddenly clicked together. I just sat there like "Oh my god, It's me. This is me. I'm not alone. I'm not crazy"  I have Aspergers. Or whatever people prefer to call it now. The name isn't important, I'm just... I'm so sure too. Like, I'm a million percent sure. EVERYTHING makes sense now. EVERYTHING matches...

I've been searching for answers for so long. I always knew I was different and that I struggled with things that a lot of people find easy. I kept studying disorder after disorder trying to find the one that matched me, and it was always a crooked half-match at best. What I thought were 'anxiety attacks' were meltdowns. Even when I was a little kid, I played alone, I memorized dinosaurs and birds, I begged my parents to buy me extra math workbooks in the grocery store...

And the barrier I feel when I try to make friends. I thought I was broken. I didn't understand I was missing social cues. I've always been so gullible too... It's mind boggling. I've always felt like I was smart and stupid in all the wrong areas, operating on some unrelatable different wavelength. It's kind of a lot to process honestly. But I'm so dead sure about it. Nothing has ever fit like this.

Anyway. My journey of self-discovery seems to be at a very important crossroad. I've already joined an online support group, so hopefully I can learn more and start tackling some of my biggest hurdles. Now I understand that I'm always going to have trouble making and keeping friends, but now I know why. And I can use that knowledge to adjust. 

At the end of the day, this understanding is just another tool on my belt.

I think I'm going to pursue a formal diagnosis- but only after I'm fully vaccinated. I've waited 32 years to figure this out and I can wait another few months to avoid any unnecessary risks.

Phew! ANYWAY! WHO'S READY FOR SOME ART NOW? x'D

First up I got some nasty gore:

I'm quite proud of it tbh, I think I'm getting stronger at gross textures x'D And this one was worth 2 CGs since there's a version without the hand up there :D

And we have a... a corner of a room. ^^; I know, crazy boring. It's a flavour CG for a pretty long scene. I picked out this one because my big bad headache started with a night of terrible insomnia [ didn't sleep a wink! ] and after that, I didn't want to mess up a character CG with a tired brain so I picked something I couldn't screw up LMAO

Last but not least, Jack's back! I think this one turned out well ^o^ When I was posing in front of my camera to make a ref, the kitchen knife I was holding reflected a strip of light over my eye. I thought it looked pretty cool in the photo so I tried to work that in to the final pic. I'm happy with it! 

And I guess that's about it! It's been a really wild ride this week but I think I made a lot of progress both in my personal life and work! 

I wanna thank you guys again, so much, for supporting me on this journey. There have been a lot of times in my life where I felt totally out of place, treading water in an alien world. But here, working for you guys, I feel at home. I feel like I was made for this- and it's you guys that give me this opportunity. It means the world to me,  and I'm so deeply grateful.

PS- credits update coming on the 10th! Have a good week and stay safe! <3