Saturday Update! (Patreon)

CG COMPLETION: 79/181

Hello again folks!

This update might be kinda long ^^; It was kind of a hell of a week.

I'm gonna be going kinda strong on the 'mental health' topic, so please feel free to skippy scroll right down to the CGs if you're not interested in that!

WARNINGS: serious mental health talk for first half, unrendered gore drawing for the second half

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Everything kinda hit the fan for me on Wednesday. I was taking a walk with my mom and I ended up breaking down pretty hard. With everything that's going on, I've been just kinda dealing with the ambient stress, but it was too much on Wednesday. 

My mom was [ rightfully ] concerned about my mental state so I went home with her instead of my place and talked it out. 

Somewhere along the line, my perspective got skewed bad into despair. I kept thinking about how long I've been struggling to find a happy and stable life since 2018 and how the last year has set me back. On top of that, I'd become seriously addicted to American news shows and political pundits on Youtube. 

I swear, right now, American news is as addictive as it is poisonous. [ and I do very much mean both sides of the political spectrum ]

By Thursday, I was calm enough to start diagnosing what went wrong with my mental state. I replayed the events of Wednesday in my head, and the problem became pretty clear.

For the last several days, I'd been waking up in bed, rolling over to grab my phone, and immediately checking the news. The first moment of every day was being consumed with fear and anger about injustices and atrocities. I'd emerge from my bed totally destroyed. Then by 8:30am, the yelling in my building would start [ the walls are thin and many of my neighbours are clearly under a lot of mental duress too. The morning is the worst time and I often hear yelling through the walls ]. 

Nearly every contact I was having with other humans was negative- and that was affecting me. I was beginning to believe that there was no more good in the world. That's a seriously bad position to be in mentally.

The first thing I did was seriously and firmly tell myself that there is still beauty in the world. There is always calmness and gentleness if I take the time to look for it. 

The second thing I did was bring an iron fist down on youtube. I sat down and blocked every single news/political channel that came up in my feed. No mercy, no survivors.

The news had been stringing me along with addictive argumentative content for a long time, but it really crossed the line when it started posting hopeless scenarios of the future. News programs have recently started saying really awful things about the future of the economy and pandemic, and I just straight up don't need that in my life.

And honestly? 

What the fuck do they know about the future anyway? It's time for me to stop taking these people's words as gospel. They're just news anchors, not prophets.

So, I've cut the news out of my life. I've let go of the concept that watching will give me more control over my future. I was wrong. 

The third thing I did was permanently banish my phone from my bedroom. I've replaced it with a book of 365 'Tao meditations', borrowed from my mom. Now when I wake up, I reach for the book and pick out a meditation. They're like short little poems followed by a paragraph of explanation. I'd rather spend my mornings contemplating esoteric spiritual messages than choking on 'news'.

I'm relieved to report that my changes seem to be making a difference. I've been feeling a bit better each day. My perception of people and the world is changing as I adjust my focus. Not to get all spiritual or anything, but you really do see the world through a lens of yourself.

I learned a really important lesson about taking care of my mind. The REAL way to have more control over my future is to approach it with a clear and healthy attitude.

And with that, let's get back into work progress, shall we?

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I completed this Mason CG and a fun little variant! I streamed the first version and it went quite well. I really like the background on this one too!

As for the other, I'm afraid I wasn't able to complete it. Partially because I lost some work time to my emotional struggle this week, but also because it's just VERY TECHNICAL.

I had to take extra time to check on internal leg anatomy, plus drawing the bear trap at the appropriate angle [ that shit really does take 100% of my brain power lmao ]

I did as much as I could though! I got the inks and flats down so it's currently sitting at 'horrible wikiHow illustration' level

Normally I would pull some overtime and just complete this over the weekend but I have to do my taxes this weekend =_=;; And that's really a 'whole day' chore for me because I don't have an employer to send me a T4- I have to add up and calculate all my business expenses and earnings myself and it is a genuine pain in the ass LMAO

So I'm just gonna eat the lost day. It happens sometimes, and I think the important thing is to concentrate on my mental health so I can keep everything up in the long run. 

Anyhow, I believe that's about all I have to say! 

Thank you for aiding me in my quest to make a game, and thank you for being with me during this journey. Thank you for providing a roof over my head and the stability to recenter myself. I'll always be so grateful for your help.

Please be safe! And see you next week! <3