Head Hopping Update - Feedback on edits (Patreon)

Hi Patron. Having a nice week so far?

I appreciate the feedback about the head hopping and the suggestions and reading material to inspire as well. Ultimately, I will have to do things my own way and take the reader through the darkness by the hands in as intimate and thrilling a way as possible.  Take a look at this version which I think - perhaps - is a bit clearer or at least makes the transition a bit smoother or more interesting.

Making things difficult apparently is my MO and I can see how it can be jarring, but trying to make a head hop into an organic and smooth process has been a fun undertaking. I play around with all kinds of points of view during the transition (Primarily the third paragraph) and I am trying to provoke a question from the reader which is answered almost immediately after that. Then by the fourth paragraph you start to settle in and by the fifth paragraph you are concerned for your back because of the huge weights you have bound up in your tight top.

At least that is how it goes in my mind. Ultimately I am not the judge of that, am I? I am a single reader and you my dear Patron, are another. You may very well be legion! I hope that you like it and thanks in advance for any feedback and comments as always. I will post the original version after this for comparison.

Also, there will be more EM coming out later this week so stay tuned for that as well.

Ta ta~

~Michelle

----- New Version -----


There was an echoing sound after each time she left beyond just her footsteps down the hallway. After she walked down the brick hallway and it faded after a while, they would fade back and I could hear the ringing of a bell on a door. It came from a different direction and had a metallic reverberation accompanying it. There must have been a vent near my head or something because I thought I heard her walking in and out of the door, getting a breath of fresh air or something, and dealing with delivery drivers or talking on her phone.

Once there was a sound of an argument. Three female voices had accosted and complained to the doctor about something. I could only hear a few snippets of the conversation before orgasm took me again and I fell back into my dream of pleasure which had become a happy place for me during the duration of this intense treatment. Thinking clearly was becoming more and more difficult for me as hours felt like days lost in endless orgasm. The last thing I thought about was my boss from work. Those voices reminded me of her. What was she doing now? I wondered while I fell into dark unconsciousness as my body was milked ceaselessly.

Flashes of white cut through the darkness at high speeds. Dashed white lines on the black asphalt of the highway blinked by reflecting off of a sleek jet black sportster. Three women were packed into the small car with a convertible top to show off the goods after everything was finally taken care of. ‘They stole one of my best workers,’ she thought. And you wanted him back. ‘I also want a few more cup sizes and the quickest way to get that done without paying for surgery was to suck it out of him.’ A smile crossed your lips at the thought. It had to be this scientist lady. She was the only one who actually knew what was going on.

Brilliant blue eyes looked back from the rearview mirror up close with an impossibly busted redhead in the back seat. I brought Trish and Valentina, my partners in this mission, with me as they were the only other two to have any sort of claim on that god like cock that we all wanted so badly. And that cum. I could feel myself getting flustered just remembering its smell. The only clues I had were the scientest and the lot where I picked him up when he needed to get out of there. Judging by the last few messages consorting back and forth with that Doctor Cuunis or whatever, she was behind it. I didn’t waste a second and screamed into the parking lot throwing the parking break on. All three of us were thankful for our natural airbags, otherwise our plan would have started with three severe cases of whiplash. No time to waste. Let’s get to work.

“Trish, help Valentina out of the car. Time to give this bitch a piece of our minds.” I said kicking a shiny black heel out of my brand new car.

--- End New version ----

--- Original Version ----

There was an echoing sound after each time she left beyond just her footsteps down the hallway. After she walked down the brick hallway and it faded after a while, they would fade back and I could hear the ringing of a bell on a door. It came from a different direction and had a metallic reverberation accompanying it. There must have been a vent near my head or something because I thought I heard her walking in and out of the door, getting a breath of fresh air or something, and dealing with delivery drivers or talking on her phone.

Once there was a sound of an argument. Three female voices had accosted and complained to the doctor about something. I could only hear a few snippets of the conversation before orgasm took me again and I fell back into my dream of pleasure which had become a happy place for me during the duration of this intense treatment. Thinking clearly was becoming more and more difficult for me as hours felt like days lost in endless orgasm.

“Trish, help Valentina out of the car. Time to give this bitch a piece of our minds.” I said kicking a shiny black heel out of my brand new car.

---- End Original version -----

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