Swole Chad (Patreon)

At first it sounds surprising that only 18% has ever tried to speak “Bloody Mary” out loud three times in front of a mirror, but if you think about it a bit it makes sense. Some manage to never hear the story at all. Those who really believe it will summon a ghost or a demon obviously would be hesitant. Those who dismiss it outright as childish superstition have no reason to attempt it. Between the two you have the insecure children not really believing it, but not fully rejecting it. It usually ends up as a dare, or outright bullying, where one nervous kid says the words, and after some silent seconds of tension everyone breaks out in laughter. After all, who have actually heard of anyone who did summon a demon.

But why would you? Children disappear all the time. Children die all the time. There is no reason to attribute any of these to whatever they said aloud, alone and under specific circumstances.

So you can imagine the surprise when Noah said “Swole Chad” three times and something did happen.

It was from Destin at the gym he first heard the urban legend. It sounded more like a bad joke. The story goes that during a physique competition in Asia some of the judges had been bribed to vote on former soviet country contenders, resulting in one of the favorites placing poorly. He took it hard and ended up killing himself before news of the bribes broke. The legend says that if you speak “Swole Chad” three times he appears in the mirror and personally trains you to get his prize winning look, so you can compete in his place.

What utter garbage. Noah couldn’t help laughing out loud. “Does he spot for you? Pack your gym bag?” It was four or five weeks later he heard a similar story from Ken during lunch. Pretty much the same story, but instead of a bribe he had been framed with illegal substance use. There are so many better myths, why do people bother retelling this one? Still, he couldn’t help thinking about it after workout, as he was standing flush and sweaty in front of the locker room mirror.

What’s the worst that could happen? He spoke the phrase in front of the mirror, feeling like a dumb-ass and hoping no one else in the gym would hear him.

The feeling was very similar to when you suck in you belly and then let go. Let it relax and be its normal self. Like the entire body just shifted into how it should be. No pain, no tingle, no magic lights or smoke. Just a short “fump” and he was unrecognizable. Wider and bigger than anyone else at the gym, for sure. Cut as well.

Swole Chad had appeared in the mirror. Noah just had expected to see himself there as well. He reluctantly reconciled with the idea that he did.