Big Daddy Dispatch May 2022 (Patreon)

Dispatch Sixty Five, May 2nd, 2022



Greetings WHM Family!

We have returned from the road and we are overwhelmed with gratitude for those who came out and said "hi!" We love playing for you folks and you always make it extremely rewarding. Also extremely rewarding spending a record SIX HOURS together at a bar called Bukowski Tavern in Boston...How we wound up doing a show the next day is a mystery for the ages.

For those who weren't able to make it out, we love you too! We've got a ton of great content coming your way in May, so don't sweat it! We hope to announce. some new dates (with brand new cities???? very soon) so stay tuned!!


Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit:  Super Mario's Hot Hot Girls by Josh Hollis 

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 603 – Morbius



Hot off the big screen, the boys invoke the emergency episode clause of the WHM Constitution to discuss Morbius, the most talked about Marvel movie in years that is also, very obviously, the worst thing to be produced by Marvel with or without Sony attached. What’s with all the undercooked bisexual stuff in this? And so, is he just supposed to be a good vampire or something? Isn’t that just really, really boring? Are you telling me the Vulture trailer stuff was just post-credits garbage? The fuck is the point of this movie other than to make a shitty Marvel version of Batman? God fucking damn!

Episode 604 – Junior: Live from Asheville!

The Arnold…er…love?...continues on as the boys take the stage at Asheville’s famed Orange Peel to talk about Doctor Danny Devito helping to impregnate Arnold, with some help from fluttery genius Emma Thompson and Kindergarten Cop alumn Pamela Reed. Why did they try to turn Emma Thompson into Hugh Grant in this movie? Is Frank Langella perhaps the good guy in all of this? Who allowed Arnold to indulge in this much cutesy trash? Plus, an extended David Letterman bit, for some reason.

Episode 605 – Last Action Hero (Patreon Only)



For this month’s WLM episode, the gang heads into the world of Jack Slater (Arnold Schwarzenegger) with disgusting shit boy Danny to face off against Charles Dance, Anthony Quinn, and every action-movie cliché ever to be dreamed up by the golden era of celebrity cokehead screenwriters. Can…can we actually get a Jack Slater movie? That would be cool. What exactly is the deal with Robert Prosky’s character? Is the farting corpse too much or just enough? Please join us! Hannibal Lecter can do the catering!

Episode 606 – Event Horizon

The fellas hop aboard the Lewis & Clark with Laurence Fishburne and Sam Neill to find the titular ship, which may or may not be a portal to H...E... double hockey sticks, out in deep space. Is Laurence Fishburne a shitty boss? How do you cure a case of prolonged Solaris? Will anyone tell Kathleen Quinlan that her kid is back in Minnesota? Even if he isn’t? No one go and gauge out your eyes to let the devil free!


Episode 607 – Max Payne 



Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve head to Canad- I mean…New York City…to help one Maxwell Paynesfield (Mark Wahlberg) hunt down the people who killed his family, as well as some demons that might be real? Or not? Signs of an overdose? Or wait, now they’re the sign of withdrawal? And they can kill you? Or wait no, they make you kill yourself? Maybe? Why does this just look like a rough draft version of Sin City? And why does this want to be Constantine so badly? Did Beau Bridges get hired simply because the character is named BB? It’s a video game movie, bro!

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew: This month was mainly taken up by prepping for our recent run of shows and then, ya know, going out and doing those shows which, if you happened to attend you know, were a total blast. So the film watching was really just a bunch of Stallone movies, but after getting back home and taking a much-needed break from the world to rest back up, I wound up watching some things right at the end of the month that I may as well note here: 

Sam Raimi's Spider-Man trilogy (2002-2007): This made for a super-fun rewatch. The first part had been on my mind since we did that episode on it a while back, and between then and now I picked up the trilogy on 4K, so I figured I'd go back and do all three. The first and second are still total classics, and while I find that part 3 has its moments, it's still way too bloated for it to be a successful film. Like, either Sandman and Harry or Venom and Harry. I feel like the logical pick is to get Venom out of there and at least this way you can still tie in Sandman killing Uncle Ben and whatever the hell else and keep all the emotional tracks lined up. I feel like Venom's storyline is the only one absent of any of that and you could honestly find another way for Peter to act like a dick. Whatever. All three have pretty solid transfers on the 4K disc though, so that was still nice to see and hear. Part 2 still reigns supreme, IMO. 

Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula (1992): This is one of my biggest cinematic 180s. I saw it way too young (for obvious reasons a young me was intrigued) the first time through and the couple of times I've seen it since then (once in college, maybe another a few years after?) I still just didn't get it. For whatever reason, the most recent go-round had everything click for me. This is a great, great movie. The production design, the costumes, the filmmaking. All just wow. Yeah, yeah, all the wild accents, but who cares? Not me, friends.

Mary Harron's American Psycho (2000): One of my fave Bale performances, if not my number one. This is a wild-ass movie and not an easy watch, but something I do enjoy going back to for several reasons. This time around, all I could think about was wishing I was downtown getting something to eat. 

Liu Chia-Liang's The 8 Diagram Pole Fighter (1984): I picked up the Arrow blu-ray of this on a blind buy and boy, was I not let down. Totally great movie with some stupendous fight choreography and mighty ass whippings. The final fight sequence is one of the most incredible things I've ever seen in a Shaw production. Check this one out immediately. 


Chris: Here’s a few:
 
We recorded our upcoming WLM on Collateral in the middle of April, which allowed me a day or two to rewatch a few Manns that I hadn’t seen in a while. First of all, it must be said that Film Twitter is correct on one thing: Miami Vice and blackhat are, without question, the most progressive, searching, and viscerally imagistic action films of the last two decades. Two of the best films of the last two decades period, in all likelihood. I’m still kind of in awe of the unforced restraint and furious power of blackhat, which speaks to the future of criminal enterprises far more confidently and correctly than almost any other film the decade produced. Smarter, far more well-read critics than me have written extensively about both these films and I suggest you seek them out, but little stacks up to actually watching them closely. If someone has a link to the director’s cut of blackhat, DM me immediately.

Otherwise, we are still slow going in the year of our lord 2022. The best films of the year thus far – The Tsugua Diaries, Hit the Road, and Petite Maman – technically came out last year, and the three near-great works of 2022 – Jackass Forever, Ambulance, and RRR – have already rightly been heralded by the online masses. I finally watched Moonfall, which you may very well see on the main feed come January but also kinda underwhelmed me, even in its badness. Judd Apatow’s The Bubble should never have been released. It’s the work of a coward, which essentially aligns with what has become of Apatow’s online presence. It’s one of the few movies as of recently where I get genuinely overwhelmed when I think of all the things that are incoherent, wrong-headed, and politically petrified about it. And this is coming from someone who thought The King of Staten Island was good. I’d say we should do it on the show but I am not that cruel. If you’re looking for a film that more accurately summons the vast, mostly unexplored emotional power inherent in the relationship between young people and the internet, seek out Jane Schoenbrun’s truly unique We’re All Going to the World’s Fair, which I believe I talked about a bit early last year out of Sundance. Either way, the less you know about it going in, the better, but know that it is easily one of the best debut films that will hit the stateside market this year. Also, Andrea Arnold’s Cow: great cow(s), bland movie.

Eric: I was too exhausted from the road for my original plan to run out and see The Northman, so that'll have to wait til next weekend. But I still had a mild case of Viking fever so I popped on Arrow's really solid looking blu-ray of Erik the Conqueror by Mario Bava. The movie's short enough, about 90 minutes, but it feels longer - in a good way. Very epic in scope of story. Great lavish sets. Basic premise you kind of wish they did more with it but I had never seen it before and walked away satisfied. Total Dadfernoon material and the violence is mild enough for the whole family (hope they like arrows!)

You can read my Letterboxd feed for a play by play of what I am watching but instead I'll focus briefly on a great rewatch I just did: Dead Man by Jim Jarmusch. It remains a masterpiece. Completely unglamorous in its portrayal of the American west, the protagonist is so passive, it really feels like an anti-western. It's probably my favorite Jarmusch and I know I am likely in a minority there. You get Robert Mitchum, Michael Wincott, Lance Henrikson! And so much more. Crispin Glover. Alfred Molina! And yes, it stars Johnny Depp - don't tell me about the trial because I don't give a shit. I couldn't imagine caring about either of those people's personal lives and hear me out here: TWO people can be BOTH be terrible. And even if the Judge said "so and so is wonderful" I don't care. I don't care. I don't care! And I'm a guy who still likes watching Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon and the Mad Max movies. Get up and out of "stan culture" and engage with the work, not the paparazzi culture around it. 

And finally some "kung fu" recommendations for the month. I won't list everything I watched, just the two I dug the most: She Shoots Straight (1990) and Kid with the Golden Arm (1979).

Steve:  Oh lordy what a month! I feel like I'm good on Sylvester Stallone movies for a good long while, but I did get some non-Sly, non-WHM entertainment into my eye holes in April. Such as....

The Northman: Robert Eggers is now an impressive three for three from deep, because this kicked ass. This is my least favorite of the three, but that's just a sensibility thing, as he's produced three rich and nuanced films and this one connects pushes my buttons the least of the three.  That doesn't mean it doesn't push my buttons. I've been chewing on this a while and I still think there's more to process, but I will say what I love about Eggers is that he makes period pieces that do their best to capture the psychology and the texture of the time period better than any director I can name. He does so with some sweet, sweet Viking violence. See this in theaters if you can.

Bad Lieutenant: Another masterpiece from noted lunatic Abel Ferrara. Somehow this was my first viewing and you know what, it still kind of knocked my socks off? Harvey Keitel gives a herculean performance of want, need, addiction, and blind inebriation that I don't think any actor could match. Just a fucking homerun. Add that with some Catholic mysticism and early 90's New York City photography and you've got some Steve Sajdak catnip. 

Choose or Die: A dispatch from Stupid City, this is another Killer videogame movie, which very much would like you to believe London is New York, please. This one's a turn-based 80's CPU game that ...is magic? And causes people to die? It also conjures up a GIANT RAT that ...well, a giant rat that remains OFF SCREEN. I'm a sucker for dumb as dogshit new horror and this didn't disappoint in that regard, but you could likely stay away if you're looking for anything substantial. Well, it does have boast a truly unhinged Eddie Marsan performance. So there's that. 

I also re-watched the first season of The Righteous Gemstones which remains just the fucking best. I cackle at least twice an episode and it also boasts some of the best looking American comedy in the last twenty years. It's that good. I'm about halfway through season two (which is why I re-watched season one) and there's some diminishing returns so far (how could there not be) but it's rounding into shape and it's still pretty damn sharp. Also, godking Eric Roberts has been added to the cast...how could I not love it?

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 

Jim from Wilmington, OH who asks: 


"Since you guys are hitting the road I think I have an appropriate question. What's your favorite road trip movie? I think Tommy Boy might be my fave but there are so many good ones like Vacation and Dumb and Dumber even the aptly named Road Trip. I'm curious what you guys think!"

Andrew: One of my all-time favorite road trip movies is Beavis and Butt-Head Do America. Consistently one of the funniest re-watches I get around to and the boys really do road trip all over the country, despite possibly whackin' in Mr. Anderson's trailer and all that... Plus you get hilarious vocal performances from folks like Robert Stack and Bruce Willis. A total classic.  

Chris: Jim, my man, there are too many great road-trip movies to count. Tommy Boy and Road Trip, both of which I adore, deserve their places on the list but I must make time to point to a few outliers. If you have never heard of Harry & Tonto, I implore you to stop reading this and go watch it, especially if you have a cat and love them very much. Wim Wenders’ Kings of the Road is about as magnificent and beautiful and honest a film as has ever been made about two men spending a long time on the road together. Two-Lane Blacktop and Badlands are more akin to the chase movie, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention two of my all-time favorites. Still get chills thinking about certain scenes from Jarmusch’s Broken Flowers, which features one of my favorite Bill Murray performances. Gregg Araki’s The Living End would also be on my shortlist for the dedication at the end alone.

Eric: Hi Jim, I am inclined to agree with you on Tommy Boy. However, what a fruitful genre we have here. I'm going to go ahead and count the original Death Race 2000. Then of course, there's Easy Rider. I think the one I had the most fun with while growing up was Pee-Wee's Big Adventure. But my absolute favorite? I guess Smokey and the Bandit?! There's a lot here to decide upon. No easy answers out here on the open road. I already feel like I am forgetting some massive great ones. I am sure my colleagues here will fill in those blanks... but for a non-American one, check out 1999's Kikujiro.

Steve:  There are far too many to innumerate, but I think my favorite is the Coen's O Brother, Where Art Thou? as not only is it based on the mother of all "road" stories, it also perfectly grafts the bones of that structure onto a particular place in American History while adding in some Coen-isms and some incredible music to make it distinctly it's own beast. I quote "WE THOUGHT. YOU WAS. A TOAD." to myself on a monthly basis. So there's that.

MAY SCHEDULE

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out for this May! 

Episode 608 —  Soylent Green 

Episode 609 —  Firestarter (1984)

Episode 610 —  A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors Live from Cleveland!

Episode 611 —  Top Gun

Episode 612 — Mortal Kombat (2021): Live from the Internet!  


Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — Collateral

Animation Damnation — Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers "The Case of the Cola Cult" (s2, e14)

The Nexus: TOS: "And the Children Shall Lead" (s3 e4) TNG: "The High Ground" (s3, e12)

Gleep Glossary: George R. Binks

Melr0210: 90210: "U4EA" (s2, e15) Melrose Place: "A Long Night's Journey"  (s2, e2)

Q2 Synchable Commentary: A Talking Cat!?!?

SUPER SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! Starting at the END of this month, we'll be recapping Disney+'s Obi-Wan Kenobi at the $10.00 level. Sign up now to make sure you don't miss a single beat!

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! Now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION




Our Youtube Channel continues to kick-ass folks! You may have noticed we put out a killer LIVE MAILBAG at the end of March. Eric has also put out great clip packages like Toby Jones in Bee Movie, Sausage Claus, David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, Egg Lawyer, Lak Sivrak, the Wolfman of Star Wars, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! You can also watch the entirety of our Witchboard episode! Complete with visual gags (most of which are almost funny.). You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes like The Sixth Day, The Matrix, and Spider-Man (2002) Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 



We just want to let you folks know that the Scanner Cop 1 & 2 collection is back in stock on the Vinegar Syndrome website! Why should you care? Well, A.) Those movies are awesome and B.) Scanner Cop features a synchable, hilarious commentary by your friends at We Hate Movies! Get your copy now before it's off the market! 

This month on Hooked on T.J. Hooker: Eric and Ben watch as Hooker and Jim Brown take down a heroin ring! Listen here!  

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We've got awesome designs including our very first piece of MelR0210 Merch by (you guessed it) Felipe Sobreiro! We also have a ton of great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come! 

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! See you next month! 

Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies