Big Daddy Dispatch: September 2021 (Patreon)

Dispatch Fifty Seven, September 1st, 2021



Hello WHM Family!


We're back, baby! As of this writing, production on season 12 is well under way, we've got two hilarious main-feeders and especially raunchy Melr0210 in the can. We've got a helluva schedule planned for you folks with some titles that you are going to go positively nuts for! We have rested up and quite honestly, we've missed this shit! Get ready for a wild, wild season 12, friends! We couldn't have done it without you!


Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit:  Moon Wobble by @Rogowcop on Twitter

WHM FALL TOUR!!! WITH A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

You're going to start hearing a new Tour Ad with all the dates and shows you've come to love with one crucial change: we have worked with the venues to make sure that proof of vaccination will be required for all of our fall dates. We spoke about it at length and it was the best way to make sure that everybody can enjoy these shows as safely as possible. So, if you don't have your shot yet, go get it! You'll be able to see a dumb comedy podcast and you'll be doing your part to combat a horrendous disease that has upended all of our lives. You Gotta Do It. 

All that said, we are stoked to perform for you folks again and all the shows below are going to be absolutely hilarious and so much goddamn fun. We can't wait to see you!

OCTOBER:

10/13, Cleveland, OH -  Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors at Hilarities

10/14, Homestead, PA - Taken at the Pittsburgh Improv

10/16, Detroit, MI - Robocop 3 at the Majestic Theatre

NOVEMBER: 

11/18, Charlotte, NC - Under Siege at The Comedy Zone

11/19, Asheville, NC - Junior at The Orange Peel

11/21, Nashville, TN - Footloose (1984) at Zanies

DECEMBER:

12/9, Brooklyn, NY - The 10 Year Anniversary Show (One Year Late) at The Bell House

Come see us live! You'll regret it if you don't!

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 561 – Puss in Boots



For the season finale of We Hate Movies, the boys welcome back longtime friend and dangerous drifter Ben Worcester to the program to discuss one of the most notable atrocities born of the Shrek universe, namely this 2011 spin-off starring Antonio Banderas as a cat and Zach Galifianakis as a horrible egg creature. Seriously, did no one just stop the entire production and point out that the egg is disgusting to look at? Was that a prison rape joke we just heard in the funny kid’s film? Is there some kind of incest going on between Jack and Jill? Why are these questions coming up in a movie about a swashbuckling feline? God damn, man. God damn.

Unlock the Vault: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

While the guys are on vacation, the executor of the WHM empire is releasing a few goodies from the Patreon vault and the collection of live recordings. First up: the boys’ special extra-long episode of the The Nexus on Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, in which Kirk faces off against that which he truly despises: a man just as smart as him who is also really hot. How did Kirk allow this botched mission to happen? How the fuck do they feel old in this one when there’s like at least five more of these? Has there ever been an equivalent villain in all of Star Trek? There was a time when you could just enjoy Kirstie Alley and didn’t have to think about how big of a piece of shit she is…a long time ago.

Episode 562 – Witchboard: Live! From The Salem Horror Fest



Taken from their digital-only live episode at the Salem Horror Fest, WHM summons the spirits to talk about this ghostly 1980s oddity, in which a bunch of yuppie weirdos contact a spirit from beyond named…David. Is the medium's name really Zarabeth? Is it really only Jim or Brandon for poor Linda? Has any other film climaxed with assassinating a board game? If anyone has a line on where we can pick up some of these 'fits, please let us know.

Unlock the Vault: Jungle 2 Jungle

Another classic from the Patreon vault is let loose on the streets! This time, Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve set out on an expedition with noted drug trafficker and sitcom kingpin Tim Allen as he has some old-fashioned racist fun with his unknown son, who his mother brought up in secret with a Venezuelan tribe. Exactly how does Steve know the kid from this movie? What the fuck was with the horrendous remakes of horrendous French comedies in the '90s? Was a Russian mafia head really the correct antagonist for this movie? Here’s hoping they don’t end up remaking this one again like Blame It on Rio.  

Episode 563 –Mad Max



Even a well-deserved summer vacation isn’t going to stop the boys from singing George Miller’s praises. Andrew, Chris, Steve, and Eric head to the outback in times of apocalypse, where a young “Mad” Max Rockatansky must face a slaughtering gang of speed-freak bikers led by the manipulative and mad Toe-Cutter. Which one of the boys would already be dead? Is there a better first 10 minutes of any film? How meteoric was Mel Gibson’s global appeal? How many debut films are this definitive and assured? Not many.

Episode 564 –Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome Live! From the FRQNCY1 Festival



One last live one before we head back to the podcasting factory. Live from last summer’s FRQNCY1 festival in Brooklyn, New York, the boys tackle the third and worst of the Mad Max films, in which he faces off with Tina Turner, a labor showdown, and homeless wildling children. Okay, seriously, why all this shit with the obnoxious kids? Isn’t it kinda cringe to beat up Master Blaster? Is this end thing all the real action we get here? Really?! All this plus the thrilling conclusion of the season 11 VHS Trailer Game!

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew: I'm gearing up for the fall movie season, so there's a bunch of stuff I've screened ahead of attending the Toronto International and New York film festivals. It's a hectic time of year because we're trying to screen as much as we can at these fests to plan for the year ahead, while also having to keep things current at the Burns with films that are coming out in the next couple months. So over the last few weeks I've been back to attending exhibitor screenings and going through as many links as I can before my September is almost exclusively occupied by these two fests (and whatever trash I need to screen for WHM, of course). So stuff that's coming down the pike soon that I've seen recently and would recommend: 

Paul Schrader's The Card Counter (September 10, Focus Features) - Schrader takes some of his fave themes like the male savior and veterans wronged by their own countries and puts it all into this bizarre tale of revenge set on the professional poker circuit. I found it incredibly engaging and Oscar Isaac is totally great and terrifying in it, but a horribly miscast Tiffany Haddish really stops the film in its tracks at times. That said, it's got an excellent score by Robert Levon Been and Giancarlo Vulcano, and it's easily Schrader's most visually interesting film in a while. Oh, and after being totally nonplussed by his presence in things like Ready Player One, The Mountain, and those more recent X-Men films, I finally came around to Tye Sheridan while watching this.

Peter Mortimer & Nick Rosen's The Alpinist (September 10, Roadside Attractions) - Another entry in the ever-growing "look at that crazy bastard climb a mountain" documentary sub-genre. This film follows Marc-André Leclerc, the fearless 23 year-old Canadian alpinist as he makes some of the boldest solo ascents in the history of climbing. Wild, wild stuff that will work well on a big screen if you have the opportunity. I was gasping on my couch at times.

Justin Chon's Blue Bayou (September 17, Focus Features) - I'll be the first to admit, Chon has come a long, long way from his days entertaining/annoying us as Eric Yorkie in those Twilight motion pictures. Blue Bayou, a film he wrote, directed, and stars in, totally knocked me on my ass a few weeks ago. In the film, Chon plays Antonio, a Korean-American raised in Louisiana who's trying to get his shaky life on track with his pregnant wife, Kathy (Alicia Vikander), and her daughter, Jessie (a totally great and not at all precocious Sydney Kowalske). After a shitty immigration loophole weaponized against legally adopted Americans has him facing deportation, Antonio struggles to find a way to stay and provide for his growing family. I found the whole thing to be a beautifully shot and heartbreakingly executed piece that avoids the melodramatic pitfalls a larger studio picture would step right into. Chon's performance is worth the price of admission alone. 

Todd Haynes' The Velvet Underground (October 15, Magnolia Pictures) - I love Todd Haynes. I love the Velvet Underground. This one worked in a big way for me. If you're not yet into the music of the Velvet Underground, the film will serve as a nice primer for you as well. Haynes puts a lot of directorial flourishes into the film, which I think can only help music docs since they're really a dime a dozen and more often than not, not really that special to watch. But Haynes also steers the film into a bit of a history lesson—not just about the band, but a slightly larger look at the 1960's downtown scene in New York City. So it's not simply interviews with the surviving band members, but also bits from The Factory and the avant-garde film scene—including a nice appearance from the late, great Jonas Mekas.

Mia Hansen-Løve's Bergman Island (October 15, IFC Films) - This is Hansen-Løve's best film to date, and an absolute must for any arthouse geeks/Ingmar Bergman fans. Absolutely gorgeously shot on the island of Fårö, it's got a fabulous lead performance from Vicky Krieps, and some great supporting turns from Tim Roth (possibly using his real accent for the first time in a stretch?), Anders Danisen Lie, and Mia Wasikowska. It's really excellent. 

Julia Ducournau's Titane (October 11, NEON Rated) - I'll say but one thing: holy shit.  

Okay, I've gone on long enough and there's so much more, but let's just say the fall film season is stacked folks! 

Chris: Count me in the “It rules!” camp when it comes to Leos Carax’s Annette, the truly beguiling musical penned by Ron and Russell Mael, the fraternal braintrust behind art-rock mainstays Sparks. I was following the gestation of this puppy since Rihanna was set to co-star in the film in the Cotillard role (I think?) and while it never quite lives up to the strengths of its pedigree, which also includes a stirring lead performance by Adam Driver, I was spellbound by Carax’s latest. I don’t think I’ve seen a film where Driver has loomed larger, literally. Carax uses Driver’s immense, uncanny frame and face to pull his character’s colossal ego and primal fury out from the cloak of his humor and controlled exterior, and he even runs the risk of letting that become the whole of the movie. Thankfully, Carax is inventive enough that he offsets Driver with several delightful formal decisions, including extensive use of a life-sized puppet to portray the titular daughter born from the feverish love of Driver’s Henry McHenry, a stand-up comedian, and Cotillard’s Anne, a famed opera singer. It’s a movie that asks quite a lot of its audience and I can’t say I blame those that simply will not accept Carax’s ideas, but for those who buy in, there’s rare, electrifying joys to be found, not the least of which being new Sparks songs and the best performance given by any member of the Big Bang Theory cast to date by a country mile. And if you do see it and enjoy it, check out Carax’s older stuff – Holy Motors, The Lovers on the Bridge, Boy Meets Girl, and Mauvais Sang are all excellent and deserving of as wide an audience as possible.

Eric: Welcome back to Eric's Kung Fu corner. I did not get to watch as much stuff this month due to traveling across all of New England. That's right, my wife and I drove through all of them: Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont. We were rolling out to find America's best diners, drive-ins, and dives. However, now that I am back, here's some stuff I enjoyed. We'll be highlighting the Kung Fu comedy.

Martial Arts of the Shaolin (1986): Jet Li stars in this action comedy which has probably the most dry and generic title ever. That said, it was a lot of fun and features, for some reason, ample cross dressing. I have not seen a ton of his Chinese output but I totally get how this guy was a star and honestly, should have been bigger in the US.

Aces Go Places II (1983): I saw the sequel before the original. I need to dig up the rest of this hysterical series, this is basically a Naked Gun type of spoof of the spy movie and unlike the other movies on this list is set contemporary. The vibe here is kinda Three Stooges but with incredible stunt work. Bonus points for featuring a Clint Eastwood lookalike playing well, basically Clint Eastwood—who is hunting them by the way. It's a lot of fun. This was a random stream from the Spectacle Theater, which has sadly now retired their “Fist Church” streams. They'll be back in person this September and I am going to try to visit IRL as soon as I can to pay my respects.

Drunken Master (1978): Caught this the other day as it was a blindspot and if I am doing this Kung Fu deep dive, it seemed way overdue. Jackie Chan stars as a scofflaw who eventually gets taken in and trained in drunken boxing following the maneuvers of the “Eight Drunken Immortals.” I think it's great that not only does this show you can be a Kung Fu master while doing Another Round type lifestyle but the moves of the “Eight Drunken Immortals” are great. There was a drunk dude who played a flute and fought people, now we worship and study his technique! Life goals.

One final thought about Kung Fu and its influence: why haven't they emulated one of these into a Star Wars movie? More so than Kurosawa I feel like a lot of these movies dig into the hero's journey really well and feature A LOT of training.

And finally I caught up and watched Spider-Man: Far From Home. Biggest shoulder shrug movie of all time right there. Learned my lesson to stick to 70s and 80s Chinese cinema!

Steve: How did I spend my Summer vacation, you ask? Well I watched a shit ton of movies! Here's a quick little round-up:

Annette: What a weird, admirable, and ultimately moving film. I'm not in the "It Rules" camp like Chris and other friends of mine, but I really enjoyed it. Driver was fantastic, but I remain not a fan of Marian Cotillard and I think she lets the film down in crucial moments. It goes on a touch long for my tastes, but the ending is really spectacular. Definitely worth your time.

Do the Right Thing: You ever hear of this one? Well, it was playing at Film Forum just this last weekend and my wife and I decided to treat ourselves to a screening, and holy shit is this movie phenomenal. You always get that "bump" from seeing a classic on the big screen, but  Ernest Dickerson's lush photography is truly a sight to behold on he big screen. Not to mention, the soundtrack, the wall to wall career making performances, and the scope...this movie vibrates off the fucking screen. It's trite to say, but sadly this movie has exactly as much relevance and resonance as it did thirty years ago. I could go on and on here, but one piece that has stuck with me is that there was a film landscape that allowed Spike Lee to blossom as a young filmmaker, that allowed him to build up to this masterpiece (not his only, btw). He was able to learn and grow from She's Gotta Have It and School Daze but NOT have to cash in and waste his prime making a popcorn film and the results are indisputable. It's why I get disappointed when young, exciting directors get sucked up by the Superhero machine, possibly never to return. 

No Sudden Move: Holy mackerel, is this my kind of movie. Packed to the gills with actors I miss seeing in great shit, doing great shit. Soderbergh himself even put down his iPhone long enough to make a movie that looks good! This is flat out some of the best period production design I've seen in a long time. The script is snappy, twisty, and thoroughly engrossing and it's written by...Bill and Ted's Ed Solomon? Whatever you say universe!

As always with top tier Soderbergh, it's the acting that sticks with you. The man can get amazing performances when he wants to. I can't talk enough about how much I enjoyed watching Don Cheadle tear through this movie like a goddamn buzzsaw. Brendan Fraser's Orson Welles turn is truly magnificent to behold. Amy Seimetz and a cast-against-type David Harbour work perfectly off each other showcasing how shallow the 50's idolized family was. Also, and this isn't a spoiler, it was great to see a Soderbergh mainstay doing what he does best—being a smarmy shit with a very punchable face—to hilarious results! That actor, who I will not name here, is best suited to these roles and should leave his Larry the Cable Guy hat in the fucking garbage.

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 

Mike from Aberdeen, Scotland who asks: 

"Who do you believe has served their time and deserves to be released from movie jail?"

Andrew: For me, a name that immediately jumped to mind is Julie Dash. In 1991, Dash wrote and directed her feature debut, Daughters of the Dust, a straight-up masterpiece that went largely unnoticed at the time, despite a presence at Sundance and critical acclaim. It grossed a bit under $2 million domestically and faded from the public consciousness. I was only made aware of it while studying cinema in college just over a decade later when a professor screened it in class off a horrendous VHS dub. In recent years it's been brought back into the spotlight with things like a 25th anniversary restoration, that restoration's placement in the New York Film Festival one or two years ago, and the fact that Beyonce used the film as a major inspiration for Lemonade. Anyway, since Daughters' initial release, Dash has only directed two other feature narratives: Funny Valentines starring Alfre Woodard and Loretta Devine in 1999 and the made-for-TV The Rosa Parks Story starring Angela Bassett in 2002. But other than that, her directorial output hasn't seen much beyond some shorts and music videos—she directed the video for Tracy Chapman's "Give Me One Reason" btw. 

It is beyond time Julie Dash gets a shot at directing another feature narrative.

Chris: BENNETT MILLER! SAY IT WITH ME FOLKS! BENNETT “I FUCKING DIRECTED MONEYBALL, YOU HEATHENS!” MILLER! First of all, Steve sorts these questions and stole what was clearly my answer to this question by right. I am forgiving, however, and will instead go with absolute master Bennett Miller. My man threw nothing but swishes from the get-go. The Cruise rules, Capote is fantastic, Moneyball is gospel, and Foxcatcher is perhaps one of the sourest films put out by a major studio in at least two decades. I don’t mean that in a pejorative sense. It’s the kind of movie that easily turns people off but hit like a thunderbolt direct through me when I saw it. It’s eerie, uneasy, and haunting in ways that can come off as alienating, but I don’t think that should merit a major talent of Miller’s caliber – Oscar proven, genuinely funny, regularly insightful – being sidelined. You heard about a lot of projects after Foxcatcher – he was supposedly attached to a new Christmas Carol retelling – but nothing has come up and we’re approaching a decade without a new film by Miller. Sucks. Also, is funding for a new Anna Rose Helmer or Tanya Hamilton feature so much to ask?!


Eric: Abraham Zapruder. Okay, okay. Well, to answer this honestly is tough because a lot of people BELONG in movie jail. I don't have a perfect answer for this but I do think Ti West was a great new talent and while In a Valley of Violence was a bit of a let down, and maybe The Sacrament veered too found footage-y but let's give him another chance! I saw he's directing random TV now. It's good he can still make a living but I'd love to see something at the level of The House of the Devil again. I liked The Innkeepers fine, but I really think there's more juice in that dude's tank. It's been five years since his last feature! Although he has a movie “in pre-production” called X. Let's hope it marks the spot, you know, TO CINEMATIC TREASURE. Probably not. But I'll hope, for some reason. 
.


Steve: That's right, Chris! I call the shots around here! I sort the questions and I run the games! I'm literally drunk with (zero) power! Well, I'm drunk at least. 

Anywhoo, yeah. The #1 Director I'd like to see released from Movie Jail has to be Richard Kelly. This one is important to me because I feel like I am somehow responsible. Being a white Dude (capital "D" intentional!) who was about 18 in 2001, I fucking loved Donnie Darko as was the style at the time. Loved and lived that movie. I've been lucky enough to marry a woman who also dug on the Donnie D. and we've revisited it a ton since we've been together, and folks, it holds the fuck up! The mechanics of the sci-fi don't hold up to scrutiny in the light, but who gives a shit! The movie works! 

I also was one of the 24 people who saw The Box when it came out and really loved it, even though it too doesn't make a ton of sense upon examination. Sensing a theme here? Also, my guilt comes from the fact that I was a vehement, vocal, and very obnoxious hater of Kelly's misunderstood post-9/11 riff Southland Tales. A movie that so perfectly and bitterly encapsulates the culture of the time, it's possible it was hard to see the forest for the trees back in 2006. Also, it doesn't make a ton of sense either, maybe even less than the other two? But who could give a shit?! Give this man another chance! He's got an acidic wit that is sorely needed in science fiction and the film landscape in general. Let him do some Netflix nonsense that gets buried but people like me and Chris Cabin can rejoice in and drone on about for years. Please.

SEPTEMBER SCHEDULE

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out in the month of September!  

Episode 565 —  Resident Evil

Episode 566 —  Hiding Out (1987)

Episode 567 —  Varsity Blues

Episode 568 —  Single White Female with Jourdain Searles

Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — Memento

Animation Damnation — Pound Puppies: "Cooler, Come Back" (s2, e13)

The Nexus: TOS: "The Ultimate Computer" (s2 e24) TNG: "Booby Trap" (s3, e6)

Gleep Glossary: General Grievous

Melr0210: 90210: "Pass, Not Pass" (s2, e6) Melrose Place: "End Game"  (s1, e26)

Programming Note: the Quarter 3 Synchable Commentary will come out in October this year, which means....you guessed it, a spooky commentary! Get hyped! The Quarter 4 Commentary will come out in December. 

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! Now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION




Folks, you gotta check out our Youtube Channel! If you did, you'd be able to watch the entirety of our Witchboard episode! Complete with visual gags (most of which are almost funny, see above). You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, Green Rooms, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes like Weekend at Bernies, Weekend at Bernies II, The Mummy, Witless Protection, and P.S I Love You! Eric has also put out great clip packages like David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, Egg Lawyer, Lak Sivrak, the Wolfman of Star Wars, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 



We just want to let you folks know that the Scanner Cop 1 & 2 collection is back in stock on the Vinegar Syndrome website! Why should you care? Well, A.) Those movies are awesome and B.) Scanner Cop features a synchable, hilarious commentary by your friends at We Hate Movies! Get your copy now before it's off the market! 

This month on Hooked on T.J. Hooker: Eric annoys Ben with a soundboard as they discuss the Season 3 Finale of our favorite hedgehog policeman! Listen here!

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We've got awesome designs including some brand new art by Felix for the totally un-crooked VHS Trailer Game! Be sure to check out their awesome art at their instagram @abrakadamnart. We also have a ton of great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come! 

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! Thank you all for your incredible support as always as we start a brand new, outrageous Season. 

Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies