PJO: What I'd Kill for Pizzas and Sundaes (Patreon)

2 / 2 TWOSHOT

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"Damn traffic jam!"

Adrian growled as he floored it, ignoring the honks of the nearby cars as he sped the fuck up through the highway.

Seriously, what is with this fucking jam? The GPS of his van didn't say shit about a jam, and here he was stuck in one!

The map says that he would reach Long Island from Princeton in about 3 hours, but it's been fucking 5!

The contract was gained at about 3 pm, and it was already fucking night.

He slammed his arm on the van's dashboard before picking up the pace, pushing as much fuel as the van could to get him to his location.

He was not losing that 300 drachmas, he needed them for Sunday Sundaes, dammit. Sundaes for half the price, that was a killer in his books.

By the time he came to the end of the highway, he cursed at the weather. A storm was brewing, and it was the heavy type of storm. That meant more traffic.

Ugh, fuck you, weather.

\I take offense in that.\

/But your control is over tempest, not weather./

\Details, Brother.\

/What details?/

Shifting the gear to 3, he quickly looked at the map on his dashboard, following the most optimal route to Montauk. Looking at the amount of cars, he should reach there in about an hour at most.

HONK HONK!

"Move, dammit..."

\Cursing can do nothing, Master.\

/Crash into them?/

\That would mean more money spent, Brother. And we're broke.\

/Unfortunate./

"You two, shut it or else I'm locking you guys and using the others instead, no matter how much I loath using them!"

Silence. Finally.

"Fucking get this over with..."

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"Owww..."

Percy Jackson groans in pain before peeling his forehead off the back of the driver's seat.

"Percy!"

His mom yelled out as he reassured her that he's fine... Well, fine as in not in danger.

He tried to shake off his daze as he looked at the situation. First, they're not dead. The car somehow didn't explode, and they swerved into a ditch. The driver side doors were wedged in the dirt while the roof had cracked open like an eggshell, with rain pouring in.

The only explanation that his head gave was lightning. That was when he realized that his best friend was knocked out.

"Grover!"

He was slumped over, blood trickling from the side of his mouth. He shook his hip, trying to wake him up in a panic. No! Please don't be dead —

"Food..."

He stopped when Grover bleated, relief pouring through his spine. He wasn't dead. Thank god...

"Percy, we have to...”

His mom's voice faltered as she stared in horror. He looked back.

In a flash of lightning, through the mud-spattered rear windshield, he could see it.  A figure lumbering toward them on the shoulder of the road.

It made his skin crawl. It was a dark silhouette of a huge guy, like a football player. He seemed to be holding a blanket over his head. His top half was bulky and fuzzy. His upraised hands made it look like he had horns.

“W-Who is — ”

That was when he heard it.

Music.

I cannot Erupt~

I Must Control!

I cannot Erupt~

I Must EXPLODE!

Even the... "thing" looked back behind him.

The sound was getting closer and closer, and he could see a silhouette of it from the bright lights that shone. A van was coming.

The "thing" snarled before charging towards the van. He was about to yell when his mom said with seriousness.

"Climb out the passenger’s side!"

Unbuckling his seatbelt, he climbed and opened the passenger side's door. Dragging Grover from the car, and noting how light his friend was, they watched as the large monster chase after the van as it distracted the "thing".

"Percy—you have to run. Do you see that big tree?"

"What?"

Another flash of lightning, and he saw the tree she meant: a huge, White House Christmas tree–sized pine at the crest of the nearest hill.

"That’s the property line. Get over that hill, and you’ll see a big farmhouse down in the valley. Run and don’t look back. Yell for help. Don’t stop until you reach the door."

"Mom, you’re coming too."

Her face was pale, her eyes as sad as when she looked at the ocean.

"No! You are coming with me. Help me carry Grover."

He said in confusion at his mother's expression.

"Food!"

Grover moaned, a little louder.

And that was when the van turned towards the van and crashed into the monster.

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Crashing the van into the Minotaur was a dumb move, intrusive thoughts won out as he braced for the recoil.

BANG!

The van shook as it impacted on the large figure of the Minotaur.

\Yeah!\

/Again, again!/

There was no more again, the car engine died from the impact. Looking through the shattered window, he watched as the Minotaur slowly got up from the ground after it crashed into the van.

Getting out from his seat, he cracks his neck before grabbing a pair of Beretta M9s, one black and one white. Shoving them into the holsters behind his back, he stops the music that was playing on his jukebox before kicking the door open.

Channeling his Demonic Power, he creates chain-like bindings that wrapped around the Minotaur's legs and arms, causing it to fall to the ground, growling.

With a grin, he walked towards the trio before recoiling at the scent upon getting close enough.

It was the scent of sea, salt, disgust, and goat. Horrible pairs.

"Ew, get some deodorant, Jesus..."

The woman, who looked like the mother of the child, used her body as a shield to cover her son, shivering as she asked.

"W-Who are you?"

Blinking, he went into his pocket before taking out a name card, ignoring the storm that was currently pouring on them since the card was waterproof. Her kid was watching the son of Pasiphaë struggle to get out from the bindings.

"Adrian. Adrian Redgrave. I run Devil May Cry, a business that deals with the supernatural."

Handing her the card, he takes out his phone.

"I got a contract to escort a Demigod to Camp Half-Blood."

He points at the black haired boy with sea green eyes —

Oh...

Poseidon's kid, huh? Don't see that often at all. Making sure that he whispers enough for the mother to hear, he asked the money question.

"I'm assuming his Dad is..."

He points at the sea, to which the mother's eyes widened in shock.

"Please, he smells so salty. Like father, like son, am I right?"

With a grin, he gave his hand out.

"Come on, let's get you guys to the Camp, shall we?"

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By the time they reached the final stretch of the distance, he could hear the Minotaur chasing after them.

Looking back, Adrian just stared at the approaching figure running at them with horrifying accuracy.

"B-But how?! His sight and hearing are terrible, but how is he — "

"That may be my fault..."

He had a sheepish grin as he slung Grover over his shoulder.

"And wake up already, Grover! I don't want my coat to smell like you!"

He scolds the unconscious goat and slapped his face when the Demigod yelled.

"Hey, watch it! He's still knocked out!"

Raising his eyebrow, Adrian replied.

"Oh relax. Satyrs are built different. Besides, he took a bullet once by me, this is nothing."

"WHAT?! You SHOT HIM?!"

"He ate a whole box of my pizza!"

"Boys!"

The mother quickly reprimanded them before warning them to dodge. Just glancing at the approaching figure of the huge cow, he puts Grover down before raising his left hand.

Fire erupts as the both conscious people present could feel the POWER radiating from the curved blade. Holding the hilt with both hands, he yells out with a smirk.

"Agni, it's time to crash and burn, baby!"

/YYYYYYYYEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!/

The blade of Agni starts to glow brighter and brighter, mist starting to appear from the raindrops evaporating upon getting close to the blade.

"Take this, you overgrown cow!"

In an instant, to even a Demigod's, though immature, natural gift of combat, Adrian blinks from his spot before reappearing in front of the Minotaur.

Twisting midair, he builds up momentum before swinging.

"INFERNO BLAST!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!!!

A blast of fire erupted from the slash, so hot that even the surrounding metal leading up to the Camp started to melt. But Adrian, who was in the apex of the blast, didn't even look burnt.

Watching golden motes fade, he swings Agni to "clean" it of blood before putting it behind his back, letting it "sheath" into his soul as he let go.

He turned around to see their shocked faces, and grinned at their reactions before his eyes dilated.

"Behind you!"

He yelled before dashing as fast as he could. A fucking Fury was behind the mother with its claw already reeled back! His hands went for his guns, but even he could see that it was too late as the Fury was already in motion.

The Demigod immediately reacted, trying to pull his mother away, but blood spewed from the claws going through her back and out of her chest.

"Mom!"

She caught her son's eyes, and managed to choke out one last word.

"Go."

And she dissolved before their eyes, melting into light, a shimmering golden form, as if she were a holographic projection. A blinding flash, and she was gone.

The son's eyes glowed. The earth started to shake, but before anything happened, the son felt something carry him.

"Sorry, kid, but a whole ass army is coming!"

Adrian quickly explained before running to the tree, one arm slinging him on his shoulder, the other was hauling Grover. Looking back, the Demigod paled as he saw a group of monsters chased after them.

In a few seconds time, they reached the tree, but suddenly —

BONK!

Adrian's face slams into an invisible force field, causing the two passengers to drop and pass the tree without an issue. With a hand out, he touches the force field before cursing.

"Oh come on, I have the pass!"

He slams his fist into the force field. It didn't disappear. He growled before looking back at the monsters.

"Come on, they're coming!"

The Demigod yelled as he retorted back with a "No shit, Sherlock!" before licking his lips. He was hoping that he'd save some energy and fuel (Food was expensive), but looks like he'll be sleeping in tomorrow.

"Kid, haul the goat's ass into Camp, and don't look back."

"But what about you — "

Raising his arm into the sky, Adrian sighs before reaching into his soul to unlock the chains that were wrapping a metal box.

\Really, Master? Her?\

/We're doomed./

"Shut up, I need a wide AOE to wipe them out, which you two don't provide!"

Calling for her, he felt the hairs of his neck erect before purple lightning sturck on his hand, revealing a purple guitar. Smoke emitted from his burnt cells as he leans on the force field as a voice rings in his head.

|So, you finally let me out of timeout, sugar.|

The sluttery voice of Nevan caused Adrian to shiver before he replied.

"You tried to suck my soul... four times, even after I give you my essence everyday already!"

|Oh, there's more that I can suck, honey...|

Ignoring that, and his rising boner, Adrian tests the strings of Nevan to get used to the durability of them before grinning.

"Let's give them a show, Nevan!"

|Yes, make me scream, darling~|

Raising his other hand, he was about to start riffing when suddenly an arm pulled him back, nito the force field.

He landed with an oof before rolling, his fingers on the strings ready to summon some lightning bats when he noticed who pulled him back.

Glaring at him was a black haired girl with sky blue eyes, wearing a choker and currently donning a goth attire.

The only person that he'd not like to see, even if his heart was beating at the sight of her.

Fuck.

"... Nice to see you, Thalia — "

POW!

... OK, maybe he deserved that for leaving her.