Serenity Chapter 3 (Patreon)

Amy stared at the banana as she rotated it in her hand. Her mind had a single train of thought circling.

“Why did I want to wet my pants instead of using the toilet?” Amy asked herself again. “When I ran up that hill. I could feel myself wetting. I was wetting in part because my bladder was full; but…” Amy thought, looking up from her banana to the bustling lodge common area. Everyone was snacking and chatting about the game.

“…I could have stopped more from coming out at that moment if I wanted to. I just… didn’t want to. Apart of me didn’t want to stop myself from having an accident in my pull-up.” Amy thought. The gravity of those words hit hard. She slowly slumped back into her chair.

“Oh my god.” Amy thought, repeating herself, “I didn’t want to stop myself from peeing in my pants. Is that normal? What does that say about me?” She thought. She ran through the accident in her mind again. She got up from the ground after trying to kick the ball. Needing to pee, she booked it to the outside bathroom. Her bladder dribbling into her pants all along the way.

“It just doesn’t feel weird. It’s like saying you washed your car. A completely normal event that means nothing to you. I don’t care that I had an accident in my pull-up. That’s just the truth of my emotions right now. I don't know. Maybe I’m just drained from the game…” She thought, trying to reconcile these new hard-hitting thoughts. She knew that wasn’t the truth though. She was highly in tune with her emotions. This was different.

“Maybe…” Amy thought, letting her mind get to the conclusion. “…What if, this is a part of me? What if there is a serious part of me that wants to wet? Has this always been inside of me? Have I secretly wanted to be a pants wetter my whole life?? I’ve just never entertained it before? I also haven’t had an accident since I was a little kid. Maybe I’ve never let this secret part of me out. I didn’t know it existed in the first place.” Amy thought.

Her line of reasoning felt right. It was taboo, but it settled easily into what Amy felt was physically acceptable. Naturally, there was a part of her mind that thought this was crazy. She didn’t know a single functioning adult that wanted to wet freely into their pants.

“Or is that the point?” Amy reasoned, “I'm doing this because it's unique to me. It doesn’t have to be an outward thing. I could secretly wet myself if I want to. I could get pull-ups. I don’t have to use the potty if I-“ Amy thought, silencing her train of thought. She smirked and shook her head.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. This is still a fledgling feeling. I could be exaggerating it too. I need to sleep on it.” Amy thought, looking up again at the people around her. She noticed pull-ups riding up over the waistbands of others. “This could just be because everyone else is in pull-ups too…” She thought.

Amy did the best she could to get her mind off the subject. She tried distracting herself by gazing out the windows into the humid summer scene. She typically found peace in nature scenes. The view helped stem the flow of diapered thoughts for a moment. She couldn’t stop them from coming back a moment later when she felt it.

“Already?” Amy thought, pushing hands underneath her pull-up. She subconsciously crossed her legs. Her eyes darted to the empty water bottle on the table.

“I’m such an idiot! I drank that way too fast, and now I have to…” Amy thought.

“… pee again.” She finished out loud. Two counselors from across the room noticed the subtle distressed movements of Amy. The hands between her legs. The concerned look on her face scanning around the room.

“Potty dance?” He said to the other. She smirked and nodded.

“Yep. Same dance I’ve seen these toddlers make a million times.” She said.

“Do you want to get her?” He said back. She groaned and slumped her shoulders.

“Ugh, do I really? She’s the only one holding out. She’s going to probably give me this whole speech about how she’s potty trained, blah-bluh blah.” She said.

“You owe me. I had to change that messy diaper yesterday for you.” He said back, she knew he was right. “Besides,” He continued, “boss wants us to take special care of her because she’s acting like this. Take her downstairs for a little bit and let her ‘play’ around.” He said. She looked back at him and winked.

“Yeah. I could do that.” She said, “But I’m not getting in trouble for pushing her along too fast!” She said, the other counselor chuckled.

“That’s the name of the game here.” He said. Amy didn’t notice the conversation happening. She was too preoccupied with her impending bladder pressure.

Amy stood up from her chair. She let one of her hands rub slowly up against her padding. She felt goosebumps flush across that arm.

“I…” Amy thought. She was at an inflection point. Should she go in the pull-up everyone expected her to use anyways? It wouldn’t be a big deal. She could get a new one easily from the counselors. Is that what she wanted though? Every minute she spent here the more of she felt her adult self fading. She didn’t come here to wet her pants. She came to this place to re-discover herself. Not to go backwards.

“I… Don’t have to make it.” She thought to herself. She felt the decades of potty training scream back at her. The rational part of her mind understood that wetting your pants wasn’t the adult thing to do. Amy started pushing those oppressive thoughts out of her mind.

“I’m allowed to wet my pull-up. I don’t have to go to the potty if I don’t want to.” She resisted in her head. “I’m allowed to make my own decisions. I can go p-“ Amy said, stopping mid-sentence.

She felt a warm burst of pee gush into her pull-up. It happened suddenly and easily. The stream stopped quickly after its first push. Amy’s pupils dilated from the rush of emotion. She felt electric excitement race through her veins. She let the muscles holding back the dam of pee relax again. The muscles slowly loosened. At first, only a couple of dribbles at a time could escape into the padding. Slowly, those dribbles increased, until they formed into a steady trickle of golden pee.

“Mmm…” Amy hummed, she closed her eyes. The spreading warmth around her groin made it easy to let the last ounce of control go. Her stream strengthened from a trickle to a heavy river of pee. Her body dumped an entire bladder’s worth directly into her pull-up.

“Oh.” Amy said, opening her eyes. The reality of the situation hit her. “I’m having an accident.” She whispered, “I’m having an accident in my pull-up. And I don’t care.” She thought, feeling an equally warm and happy smile spread across her lips.

“How are we over here, Amy? Do you need anything?” The counselor said, walking up to Amy. Her voice brought the wet girl back down to Earth.

“Hey, um…” Amy said, still in the middle of soaking her pull-up. She could tell it was approaching maximum capacity. She didn’t worry though. If she leaked, the counselor was right there to take care of things.

“Nope. I’m all good!” Amy said, feeling truly content for the first time here.

“Good! We noticed you making a little potty dance, but it seems like that’s not an issue anymore.” She said, Amy, blushed.

“I’m Sheva. I’ve noticed that you’ve had a little trouble settling into Serenity. We strive to make sure all of our guests are as comfortable as possible during their stay.” Sheva said. Amy’s flow started to taper off.

“Thank you, I appreciate that. It was tough transitioning at first, but I’m feeling better about being here with each day. Especially after that game, it helped.” Amy said, feeling the last drops fall into her pull-up. The garment was completely saturated. It would easily leak from another wetting.

“That’s great to hear, Amy. It’s important to us that you’re enjoying yourself and learning everything you can to combat your mental illnesses.” Sheva said, pausing for a moment. “There’s something I want to show you. I think it’ll seriously help someone in your position.” She said.

“My… position?” Amy said questioningly.

“Someone who could… benefit from additional privileges.” Sheva said, choosing her words carefully. Amy pondered Sheva’s words for a moment. She shrugged and smiled.

“Okay, I’m up for anything if you think it will help.” Amy said. These people were the professionals after all.

“Wonderful, why don’t you follow me then.” Sheva said, motioning for her to tag along behind. Amy tried walking normally at first, before quickly adopting a slight waddle to compensate for her full pull-up. She didn’t want to squish it too much with her thighs. Any compression would certainly lead to leaks.

Sheva led Amy to the long side of the cabin. In the middle, a set of stairs descended to the basement. Sheva walked up to the steps and started taking them down. Amy hesitated at first to take the step. Watching Sheva descend rapidly forced her to decide quickly. She placed her right foot on the first step, then scuttled downward to catch up. The stairs led them to a doorway. Sheva placed her hand on the knob before looking back up at Amy.

“You’re going to have a lot of fun, little one.” She said cheerfully.

“Little one?” Amy thought as Sheva opened the door.

Amy didn’t dwell on the pet name for long. Her attention was grabbed by the large room through the doorway. The basement was finished. Complete with white carpeted floors, and sky-blue walls. What shocked Amy wasn’t that, but by the baby toys and art that lined them. Amy took soft steps up to the door, then peered around the doorway. It was a massive nursey. Larger in area than the cabin above. Changing tables, cribs, playpens, toy chests, and TVs dotted the room.

“This is… a nursery? What is a room like this doing down here?” Amy said, taking her first steps into it. She slowly scanned the room, making note of the crayon scribbled walls, and the heavy scent of baby powder.

“It’s not a nursery,” Sheva said, she closed the door behind Amy. “This is a place for you to reconnect with a version of yourself that didn’t have to worry. A time where everything was easy and you didn’t have to think about mental illnesses.” Sheva said, walking toward a TV monitor on the wall. She grabbed the remote velcroed onto the wall and pulled it off.

“What?” Amy said apprehensively. “I don’t understand what you mean. How is any of this supposed to help me?” She said.

“It’ll make sense in a minute here, dear. Just watch the screen…” She said, flipping the TV on.

“Why should I…” Amy said, her eyes catching a glimpse of the bright and colorful cartoon coming to life on screen. That’s all it took for her eyes to lock onto it.

Amy’s eyelids drifted wide open. Her gaze grew transfixed on the pretty colors blurring across the screen. A wave of colors appeared to emanate from the TV toward Amy. This rainbow wave propagated directly into Amy’s head. The moment they struck her skull. Her brainwaves changed entirely.

The first aspect of reality that changed was her view of the world. All of Amy’s worrying thoughts from just moments ago. They dissolved into nothing. She felt every ounce of anxiety in her chest melt away. Her mind entered a smoothed relaxed state. Once her mind felt at ease, she saw her thoughts curve into bland nothingness.

“Babies don’t have to think! They let their Mommies, Daddies, and Babysitters take care of them! They know everything that a little baby like you needs!” The characters sang out. Their words carried through the waves. They breached into the forefront of Amy’s mind. The words cemented deep into Amy’s being. She felt herself identify with them as though they were the foundation of her being.

“Doooww…. Iii… wan dis…?” Amy questioned in her mind. She failed to answer that question. Her mind tipped into the backend of another mindless wave. Amy’s eyes lost their light. Her brain descended into uncontrolled blank spots. She felt like the waves had scrubbed away every thought and memory she ever had. A complete mind-wipe ready to be re-wired.

Sheva’s came back into Amy's view. Amy couldn’t make out her body or face very well. Her vision had devolved into a blurry wavy mess. She could tell she was holding something white. Amy felt her body guided down onto the floor. Her eyes remained locked onto the screen.

“We ndada guna ana diaper on you.” Amy heard from Sheva.

“Buhh?” Amy asked questioningly. She could barely understand the sounds coming out of Sheva’s mouth. She saw her lips moving again. This time each word sounded like a jumbled mess of meaningless phrases. Her brain had forgotten the English language.

Amy’s mind could barely piece together that there was a diaper in front of her. She felt Sheva taking off her pants. She didn’t put up a fight. Adults like her knew what they were doing. In the deepest orbits of Amy’s mind, she felt negative feelings about the diaper surface. She didn’t know why, or even how these emotions came to be. It didn’t matter in the end, Amy’s body acted independently on these feelings.

“No no diapor!” Amy said, slapping at the padding sliding underneath her butt. Sheva’s body towered over Amy’s on the floor. She broke eye contact from the screen to look up at Sheva.

“Your pull-up is soaked. You’re going into a diaper, Baby.” Sheva said directly into Amy’s face. The stern tone from Sheva sent Amy’s brain into a babyish tailspin. She felt utterly out of control in this situation. She was helpless to whatever Sheva, or the cartoon, wanted her to do.

She felt herself sink deeper. Her thumb snaked its way up into her mouth for comfort. Her tongue and lips loudly sucked and popped around it. A soothing calm washed over Amy. She didn’t want to think or feel bad thoughts. She wanted to be happy.

She wanted to be a baby.

“I wan dis.” Amy thought, a hazy memory appearing in her head. She could see herself standing in a room, peeing freely into her pull-up. She could feel the brimming happiness again like she did at that moment. Amy knew she did it on purpose. She knew it’s what she wanted.

Amy didn’t just accept it. She pushed harder. She wrapped a rope around the last of her adult self and pulled down hard. Her mind dislodged from her head, sinking deep into babyish dribble. Fuzzy dumb freewheeling thoughts. The confines of her brain shrunk. The only thoughts she could render were images of colors, desires to stick things in her mouth, happy toys, diapers, blank emptiness, and more diapers.

“Grbooo” Amy babbled at the TV, seeing the colorful waves start to subside. She didn’t know how long her eyes had been locked back onto the TV. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore to Amy. She didn’t feel stress. Her mind and body couldn’t anymore.

Her body felt different. She looked away from the now dark screen, and down at herself. She was naked, except for a large white diaper taped around her waist. When she saw her body, it didn’t look the same in her mind. She didn’t feel like 5’2. She felt her body had shrunken down to the same size as a newborn. She felt less than a foot tall. Her limbs started wiggling independently of Amy’s thoughts. They moved aimlessly in nonsensical directions.

With her mental body image the same as a newborn's, Amy felt her brain shrink to the same size as well. Her brain was the size of a walnut. She felt the walls of her thoughts close in. She couldn’t keep more than a single thought drifting aimlessly through her mind at a time. It all stopped making sense. The world, thoughts, words, all of it scrambling into warm dumb baby thoughts.

Amy’s face drooped. Her eyes stayed fixed on a random point on the wall. She felt a growing warmth spread into the lower half of her body. Amy didn’t understand what it was. She didn’t know what caused her body to feel like that. She didn’t worry about it. Instead, she let the warmth envelop her mind. Amy drifted on her pee-soaked cloud. To her, this was just another random experience in the never-ending playground of her mind.

The programming worked itself deep into Amy’s mind. Permanently re-wiring her brain to want more. To come back to the nursery every day for more baby training. Whether the origins were organic before she got to Serenity, or if the hypnosis from earlier sessions had already warped her mind. It didn’t matter anymore.

At the very core of Amy’s self-identity, she wanted to be a baby. Not just sometimes, but every second of every day. Amy didn’t see herself as a boring grown-up anymore. Her self-image had changed, to a dumb mindless baby. Totally out of control of her thoughts and body.

***

“That’s the fifth time this week and she still hasn’t picked up.” Laney said to herself. She nervously tapped the phone on her neck. She looked far away in thought.

“This isn’t right. She called me the first night. She said she would again. That was almost a week ago now…” Laney thought. She looked up at the wall clock in her living room. As if it could tell her exactly how long ago she spoke to Amy. She sighed and questioned herself one more time.

“No, you know what. Screw it.” She said, slipping her cellphone back into her pocket. She walked over to her living room table. Her hand quickly snatched the car keys resting on it.

“I’m going there to see her. They said no visitors, but I don’t care.” Laney said. She grabbed her purse and walked out the door.