Give Up Parts 1 & 2 (Patreon)

Jessica drew in a deep breath, before sharply exhaling. She steadied her frame in the mirror. Her fingers slipped down toward her waistband. Her tips slid across the hem of her jeans to double-check her pull-up wasn’t sticking out. She felt a familiar sense of annoyed anger shimmer through her.

“You’re stupid for getting yourself into this in the first place, but I’m done. I’m done having accidents. I’m not a little girl. I’m 27, I have a full-time job, and I am potty trained.” She said to herself in the mirror, “I. Am. Potty. Trained.” She reiterated to herself. The mantra did little to quell her anxiety. Jessica moved into her apartment a year ago to work a remote job. Being alone meant she could wear all the diapers she wanted, whenever she wanted, around the house nearly 24/7. Jessica had grown from comfortably wetting and messing in any position, to surprise full diapers within the same year.

It was entirely her fault. Relaxing your bladder muscles 24 hours a day has consequences. The moment she taped herself into a diaper, she’d let her bladder and bowels flow without stopping it. It didn’t help either that she smoked regularly, which only spaced her out and relaxed her muscles further. Going to the bathroom in her pants slowly became as easy as breathing.

Jessica understood she was reaching a point of no return after she leaked through multiple diapers in a week without noticing. She had grown far too accustomed to the heavyweight of full diapers between her legs. Normal adults at 27 don’t mindlessly potty in diapers. Knowing her diaper dependence was reaching serious levels, she decided to take steps back into normal adult panties for a while.

“I got this. I can have control over myself. If I pay attention, I’ll know when I need to go. The past couple of months have been fun, but it’s time to take this seriously. I’m being smart about this. I’ve recognized my fetish is starting to impact my daily life, and I’m wisely taking a break.” Jessica said confidently. She smiled at herself in the mirror before finally walking out of the bathroom.

“That’s what people don’t understand about smoking or living a fetish lifestyle. If you take breaks, you won’t face the long-term negatives. Yeah, I’ve worn diapers a lot, and I’m sure I could wear panties if I wanted to right now, but I’m just being safe with pull-ups. Nothing wrong with taking it slow.” She thought as she walked into the kitchen. Jessica instinctively started her morning routine of making breakfast. Her hands worked subconsciously grabbing the ingredients and placing them on the counter. She hesitated at grabbing the orange juice but decided that half a glass wouldn’t hurt. She hadn’t had anything to drink today anyways.

“I can hold half a glass, I’m not a baby.” She thought with a giggle. She poured the glass, taking small sips while she cooked her meal. She paid close attention to the messages from her bladder as she drank. She knew this could be a dangerous game if she left her body unchecked. She finished scrambling her eggs, then shoved them onto a plate. She grabbed the plate and juice, turned around, and walked to her table. Her legs widened by an inch as she sat down.

“What’s up with…” Jessica thought, but the idea got lost in her head as she started scrolling through social media. In the back of her mind, she was still keeping an eye on herself. Her phone was unfortunately one of her biggest distractors.

“Ohp!” She said, feeling the faintest single from her bladder indicating it was beginning to fill. “I’ll go right now!” She said, she knew it was silly to go the moment she felt pressure, but she didn’t want to risk an accident. Besides, making it to the potty on any time frame was a victory right now, and a major morale booster.

Jessica quickly walked into the bathroom. She felt herself getting giddy about using the toilet. She couldn’t remember the last time she planted her bum down on the cold seat.

“This is progress!” She thought, as she unbuttoned her jeans, “I was silly for thinking this was going to be an issue in the first place. I’m not….” She said, her words trailed off. She stared down at her pull-up. It was thoroughly soaked. Jessica’s face melted into a mix of confusion and worry. Zero part of her brain could recall going in the ten minutes between putting the pull-up and now. She didn’t even feel it warming up in the first place.

“… Potty trained.” She said, finishing her thought in defeat

***

“No, no nooo!!!!” Jessica yelled; her hands cupped the bottom of her warming diaper in an attempt to stem the flow. She waddled quickly across her living room floor toward the bathroom. She knew it was futile. Her small bladder was done emptying itself by the time she reached the door. Her shoulders, and diaper, drooped heavily in shame. Her eyes looked up from the floor and at the pile of used diapers growing in her pail.

Getting out of diapers was an absolute train wreck. She switched out of pull-ups and back into diapers after absent-mindedly wetting through four in the first couple of hours. She didn’t want to be strapped back into the plastic prison of diapers, but she didn’t have a choice. She didn’t want to ruin her clothes and/or furniture.

Putting herself back in diapers on the first day was a blow to morale, but she was still determined. She tried even harder to focus on every feeling that meekly echoed from her bladder and bowels. Jessica even drastically scaled back her fluid intake, dropping down to only a couple of cups of water a day. It still didn’t matter. Any amount of liquid that entered her body was bound to trickle out unnoticed within minutes. Her bladder had reduced to that of a plastic doll. Whatever came in, instantly leaked out into her diaper. It felt impossible to keep herself dry.

Her messing control wasn’t much better. She had at least a few moments warning before she helplessly messed, but it came with a catch. If she was already messy, it was hard for her body to tell if she had to go anymore. Once she started feeling mushy down there Jessica couldn’t tell for sure if she was adding just a little more to the pile. She’d stand up from the couch and place a probing hand on the back of her mushy diaper.

“I didn’t know I went that much…” She’d say, before marching back to her bedroom in shame to clean up. Each accident chipped away at her belief she could fix this. She knew her body was used to diapers. She didn’t know her was body used to going without telling her. She felt trapped.

Jessica reflected on these moments as she stared at the pile. She didn’t feel like a big kid. She felt like a dumb baby who didn’t have a clue how to use the potty. She looked down at her diaper. A creeping infantile feeling inside her quickly took over her mind.

“If I can’t make it to the potty.” She thought, walking to her room to grab another diaper. She grabbed one from her closet and unfolded it on the bed. Her fingers ripped the tapes off the wet diaper on her waist. The diaper hit the ground with a dull *thud*. Jessica hopped her butt onto the diaper on the bed. She didn’t even bother cleaning herself up. She was just going to get messy in a few minutes anyway. She brought the front up, taped it, then slid off her bed.

“Then I’m just going to be a baby.” She said, walking over again to her closet to grab her onesie. She threw it over her head and began pulling her arms through. She felt the infantile side of her grow like a wildfire in her heart. The constant barrage of wet and messy diapers and pummeled her adult-self esteem to a pulp. She didn’t feel like a grown-up. She felt like the type of person who can’t keep a diaper dry. A baby.

She grabbed a water bottle off her desk. Without hesitating, she walked back to the kitchen and filled it. She knocked the bottle back. A heavy stream of cool water poured into her. She finished it within seconds. Her hands turned the faucet back on and filled it again. She polished off bottle after bottle until her stomach couldn’t take anymore.

“I’ma be a wet baby.” She thought. It was easy to let her babyish tendencies take over. She didn’t have a choice. She was bound to a life of diapers now anyways. Why fight it? She walked back to the bathroom to pick up the pacifier she left on the sink counter.

She looked at herself in the mirror as she popped it in her mouth. Jessica lifted the onesie up to get a better view of her already sagging diaper. She shrugged and looked back up at her chest. “Game Over” her onesie said.

“Yupp.” Jessica said in between the plastic bulb. It was true. She let the last concern of potty training slide out of her mind before skipping into the living room to play with dolls and watch cartoons.