Diaper Update 5/21 (Patreon)

Let’s talk about messing. (Fair warning to the squeamish)

I haven’t talked too much about my bowel incontinence in past updates, mostly because I haven’t experienced it at a higher level yet. When I first started my training, I only wanted to focus on urinary incontinence. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be messy in public on a daily basis. I used to be really weird about smells. Over time though that worry has seriously faded. It took some nerve-wracking trips to the grocery store at first to realize, “Hey wait, this isn’t as bad as I thought it’d be…”

Right now I’m inching toward full blown bowel incontinence. I don’t even remember how long I’ve been training to my bowels now (I literally had to go back and check my previous updates. I guess since last August? Time doesn’t make sense during COVID). How long it takes to mess really depends on what type of foods I eat. If I’m eating high fiber foods, then I have very little warning between feeling the urge to poop and it reaching the back of my diaper. Normally though if I’m consciously trying to hold it, I have a minute or two before I start feeling it creep out. 99% of the time though I’m not trying to hold it. At this point, I don’t feel significant messages from my body that I’m about to mess. I don’t really know how to explain that better. But basically I’m not 100% sure that I’m messing until it’s already happening.

I’ve started having genuine messing “accidents”. The way I define that is I pooped myself in some amount without realizing it. It isn’t generally “Oh my god! I just had a massive BM and I didn’t even notice!” It’s more I’ve had little accidents without realizing it. It happens SO much when I’m walking around, and especially when I get up from a chair. I play this game with myself a lot where I’ll think, “Okay I think I’m a little messy right now.” 6/10 times I undervalue how much I’ve gone.

That’s not to say I don’t have ‘big’ messy accidents. There certainly have been moments where I’ve messed a lot and didn’t fully realize it. It’s kinda rare. I’d say the amount of times I have a big mess without noticing from start to finish is about once or twice a week right now. It’s happening at much higher rate than before XD. I remember earlier this year I’d have ‘little’ messy accidents only once or twice a month.

It’s exponential with me. Once I start noticing a development in either my bowel or urinary incontinence, it’s a matter of a weeks before it becomes a common occurrence. For example when I first started messing in public. I was SUPER nervous and I couldn’t even go at first. After a couple weeks of trying, I finally messed myself alone in an aisle. That graduated into being able to mess when I was walking alone. I was able to mess with other people in the aisle a couple times after that. Earlier in April I found that every couple trips I would mess myself at some point whether I wanted to or not. Now? I make sure I’m in a completely dry diaper when I get into the store because I know I’ll be messy at some point. Whether I realize it or not, and it certainly doesn’t matter anymore if people are around me.

Oh also, once or twice a month I’ll mess in my sleep now 😊. We’ll save the details on that for the next update as it becomes more common.

Peeing. Lol.

I don’t even know if I would call it peeing anymore. In my mind it’s just wet diaper. I’m wet when I wake up. I’m wet when I’m making breakfast. I’m getting soaked by the time I’m putting on regular clothes. I’m wet right after I change into a new diaper. I’m wetter at this point in my writing than I was when I first started this update an hour ago.

I have near zero control of my bladder anymore. And when I say near zero, I mean I have less than 1% control. I wrote this description in a last caption because it’s literally how I feel about my control. I’m like one of those dolls that when you pour water down it’s mouth, the pee trickles out of the plastic tube instantly. My bladder size has shrunken down to near bare limits a woman in their 20s is able to get it down to. If I even had the ability to hold it anymore, I’d probably be doing a potty dance after half a water bottle. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was less than that.

I do notice sometimes when pee is coming out of me if it’s a lot of once. In my head I actually call them “little pees” and “big pees”. The sensation of my diaper getting wetter than usual is what tips me off. Then I’ll shift my mental focus to my urethra, and I can feel something spilling out of it. But that’s honestly all that’s left of my control. I’m not able to clench down and stop it. The best way to describe my diaper wettings is like this. Imagine you were wearing a diaper that was every slowly getting fuller with each passing second. It’s not like a balloon, but slight incremental increases in your diaper. It’s always warm. So there’s no “telling you just had an accident” because you’re always having an accident. The faucet is left on. It’s continuously dripping. That’s Maggie and her diapers :)

Next thing about me this month, I’m not sure if you guys can tell (you 100% can by my posts), but I’ve been seriously connecting with my little side lately and it’s been amazing for my mental health. I’ve shed so many negative thoughts about regressing. I spend almost the same amount of time in little space as I do in “adult” space (Perks of working from home). It’s helped my training immensely. Regressing acts as a wrecking ball to any mental walls that come back to my untraining. Being little and in diapers is me. There is a serious part of me that never wanted to grow up. A part of my brain is wired to think “I’d rather be a baby than an adult.”

Couple of other random things I also wanted to mention in this update. Someone asked me in a message how I deal with hiking and wearing. Great question! My training has effected my hiking ability, but it’s not as bad as you think. If it’s a little day hike then I’ll make sure to change before I hit the trail. I carry extra diapers with me, and I’ll literally change in the woods if I need to. I’ve only had to do that a couple times though. Really wasn’t a big deal. Same thing as if you squatted and peed. I keep my dirty diapers in a plastic bag and throw it in my hiking bag. I’ve even hiked with people who don’t know about my diapers and they couldn’t tell as far as I know.

One last thing I wanted to mention in this update. I moved!! It was for my new job. That’s part of the reason I haven’t been able to post as much this month. I’ve been busy getting my life back together after moving all the way across the country. Because I had a lot of people help me move, I had to burn through my diapers so we weren’t hauling a bunch of cases. I didn’t mind if the people helping me found out. I just didn’t want to have the conversation if they did peak into a box (Some people get weird about it). I’ve had some people buy diapers for me in the past. I can’t even begin to explain how awesome that is and how much it means to me!!! But I wanted to throw it out there again for anyone who wanted to help build my supply back up. It’s for sure no pressure, just if you’re thinking about helping this girl stay padded 😊

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/2ER5QTGFVU7OV?ref_=wl_share

Thank you so much as always for reading and supporting me, everyone! I’ll be back next month to update you on my wet and messy adventures 😊. We’ll be tracking toward regular posting schedule too.

MC