Mental Chapter 2 (Patreon)

“The camera will capture everything that happens this time. Just in case I get too lost in it. Okay, the bottle is full, there are ample toys to grab, and I’m ready for my diaper.” Natalie thought, “…Er, my diaper. Sounds like I’m a little kid again. My diaper. Not anyone else’s. This diaper is meant for me, Natalie because I need diapers, and I can’t be trusted by someone smarter and bigger than me to be without them. Otherwise, I’m going to… Haha… okay… I don’t need to keep thinking about it like that. I’m an… Adult!” Natalie thought, she grabbed the neatly folded diaper next to her. The carpet tickled her feet as she slipped the diaper up between her thighs and placed the tapes evenly across her waist.

“Alright, grab my pen. I need to start writing all of this stuff down before I get too loopy. Date, um I think today is the 8th? It might be the um… 9th… I’ll just put 8 and a half and fix it later. Location: Here, duh. Mood, um… I am a happy girl! Yes. That’s perfect. I am always the happiest of happy girls. That’s what Momma tells me. Food… ugh this is getting kind of boring. Um, whatever, stupid words. Wish I didn’t need to think so hard about them. Food today… um… I think I had a banana? How do you spell that one again? I can’t remember all of those… numbers. I mean letters! All of the letters that are in there, they’re so confusing. Which one starts that letter again? It starts like a Buh sound. Buh… buh… buhhhh huhaha…. That funny sound. Buhhh buhh… Hehee…” Natalie thought, her legs sunk to the floor. Her padded butt nestled onto the carpet.

“Buhh… buhhaaa! Hehe that’s a funny sound.” Natalie blurted out, she jostled up and down in a happy buzz.

“Was I doin’ something? Oh! Yes! I was doing something here on the paper. I was… uh… this paper look confusing. Someone scribbled all over it. Huh? Maybe they are drawing on this scrap! Yeah! That make sense. I’ll draw up and down, then left, then through this…” Natalie thought, getting lost into the dancing pen and paper. The pad devolved into a blank ink mess.

Natalie’s face started to droop the longer she drew on the pad. Her fingers grew soft. The tension between them and her body felt severed. She went from drawing vague images with her fingers, to gripping the pen entirely with her fist. Eventually, even that became too difficult to maintain. Her dexterity atrophied into useless stumps. Then pen flopped out of her hand and onto the floor.

“Bwuh?” Natalie uttered in a dull haze. The room looked foggy past a couple of feet. Objects blurred each time she moved her head. A beeping sound emanated from the table above.

“Why is that thing making noise? Am I… Supposed to know what that…. Wait. Is that an alarm? Hey, I think that is… my… beepy noisy thingy…. Some big Mommy put it there when I…. Like the noise. Hehe, beep beep beep. Beep, the wheels going round and round! Round and round, splish splish splish! That’s what the windshield wipers do to the bus. They make the water go woosh!!” Natalie said, throwing her arms and body weight to the side.

“Oh… um.. Why does it feeeel like that? What is that? It feels like, not good.” Natalie thought, rolling her hips from side to side.

“It… it… its feelin’ leakyyy… What was that, it’s getting…. Um… uh… waaarrmmm…. I getting warm… I think, mmm it feels so good to be warm. This is nice. Hehe… if I bounce up… and up… like this… it gets warmer! Hehehe this is fun! Squishy warm!!” Natalie thought, feeling a strange sensation spill out in between her thighs. Hot pee spread through the front of her diaper.

“Wait! I think… I think I know what this is…. I think I’m, potty! I going potty! Mommy said if I know I going potty then I suppose’ to tell her!” Natalie thought, she let the weight of her head fall back. Her neck was too loose to hold her head upright in any direction.

“MOMMMMYYYYY!!!!” Natalie yelled, “I went potty, Mommy! I went potty! I told you! See?! I’m a big girl like you told me I would be!” She exclaimed into the empty room.

“Yeah, I’m such a big girl.” Natalie thought, her face forming into a smug expression.

“I know that I go potty. That big smart. I even know what the potty is. It’s this… um… it’s this room that is… sometimes it’s white. But at school it’s not that w-white. It’s got brown… is that the color? Brown? I don’t know if that’s it. BUT ANYWAYS. It’s got this um, um, a seat in it that you um, Ooo! A bottle. Itz got milk in it! Mmm… it tastes so… goo….gooo …. …. ……” Natalie’s thoughts grew quiet from the bottle. She let out soft muffled coos from behind the nipple. Her gaze glazed into an even further blurry mess. Her vision was like looking through a steamy glass shower. She could make out the color of shapes, but she was lost in the warm wispy sensations drifting through her mind.

“Nuga… Ugnanana…” She thought, her mouth continued to suck on reflex. She couldn’t help herself. She felt control of her mind and body finally slip away. A babyish lost self-identity washed over her. She was nothing before this moment. She felt no connection to the world before drinking this bottle.

“Nruy… Moanana.” Her mind continued, a deep part of her, sandwiched under miles of babyish bedrock, was her decaying adult sense of self. It tried to shake a warning through the growing foundation of her infantile mind, but even if it did reach the surface of her forethought, there was no way Natalie could make sense of it. It was just another tug in the aimless direction of her brain. A dark wispy chamber of emptiness.

“Warm.” Drifted randomly through her mind again. Her body felt brighter. A wet echo of warmth involved her being. Her glossy eyes saw yellow. The wave crested above her vision, before slowly subsiding. She felt an ocean of warmth settle into the core of her existence.

And then, brief moments of warm lucidity, with even more missing moments of amnesia.

***

“Ohhh my head….” Natalie groaned. Her eyes peaked open. She brought a hand up to her forehead. “Ughh I feel like death, my head feels awful.” She thought, sitting up on the carpet. “Wowie, did I just leak through this diaper? The carpet is… Yepp, wet. Wet from my pee pee. Why doesn’t that weird me out as much as it should? It feels almost normal. Jeez, how long was I under like that? Why didn’t the alarm snap me out of it?” Natalie thought, sloppily getting onto her feet. “Balance is… not all there. Woah!” She thought, grabbing onto the lab table, her other hand was still on her head. The diaper sagged heavily between her legs. Drips of pee dropped out from the oversaturated front and middle.

“I need to, get out of this… thing. Erf, the tapes are super hard to get off. It’s like they’re super glued onto there… My fingers can’t even- Uah! There’s one. My fingers feel like jelly. I need to get this off of me, I stayed in it for way too long. My head still feels funny. It’s hard to… pay attention to what I’m doing. I need to write this down, where is my notepad? Did I write anything down? I think I started scribbling. Wait. Natalie, get the other tape off. It’s so haarrdd but I have to… Uah! There’s another, I can’t believe how much I pee peed. I drank that whole bottle of milk. I don’t even remember doing that. It’s so hard to remember… any of what happened after I put the diaper on. It felt, good, though. I know that. It felt so good. So fricken good to be baby. Mm, yeah it did feel good to be a baaaby again. Heh, saying that word makes me feel so much better. Baby, baby, baby. I was a baby. I wanna be a- Woah. Stop. This is the diaper talking. I’m not like this. I’m not one of our target demographic. I don’t like diapers that much. Uah!” Natalie said, pulling apart the third tape. The full diaper slid down her left leg with one tape still attached. It landed with a wet *thud*

“This is like the worst hangover I’ve ever had. My head still feels so weird.” Natalie thought. She was right. Thoughts felt small, they bounced around in her head like beads in a baby rattle.

“Let’s get this all down on paper. Where are my notes? Notes… notes… ah, here it is. A scribbled mess.” Natalie thought, she bent down and picked up the lab notes. She turned around and plopped them on the table. “Well, these are useless. I need to make sure next time I write everything down before I put the diaper on. If… there is a next time. That was intense. I don’t know if I’m going to want to wear another diaper… even if it was… so nice to feel that way. It felt so good. So, pleasurable to forget like that. I need to write this all down.” She put the pen to a separate piece of paper on the table, her handwriting looked like a 2nd grader's because of her weak fingers, “I felt at peace. I was a baby. I lost all sense of self. My life as an adult never existed in my brain. It felt…” Natalie stopped writing her thoughts down for a moment.

“The lab is reviewing these notes. If they see my scribbles, they’ll just think I was regressed and got a hold of the notes. But if I write down that I’m feeling…” Natalie thought, looking down at the wet diaper. Her pupils dilated, “… A pull toward them. They’ll shut down the experiment immediately. They don’t want this to be an addi-“ She thought, closing her eyes to stop the thought process. “No. They’re not addictive. I’m in control. I was in control the whole time. I’m just, feeling it still. I’m feeling the pretty butterflies in my head. They’re going away, my brain is coming back, even if it is…” Natalie said, she involuntarily winced, “Hard to remember and think straight. I just need to wear more diapers. No. I mean. I just need to stop wearing the diapers as much. I need to only wear them sometimes, and I’ll be okay. Momma said the diapers are just for sometimes.” Natalie thought, looking back down at her notes. She felt a little better. Her pen started writing.

“Diapers exhibited regressive effects. Felt brief moments of mild euphoria. Self-recognition altered to an infantile state. Further testing and “ Natalie stopped for a moment.

“You don’t have to write this.” She thought. Her pen hovered over the paper. The tip was shaking. She continued.

“Increased dosage is recommended.” She wrote. She dropped her pen next to the lab notes.

“Screw this, I need to get a drink.” Natalie thought, dropping all the responsibilities around her. “I don’t want this stress right now. All these thoughts are hurting my head.” She thought. She gathered her clothes and pulled them back on properly this time before leaving.

***

“So-“ Maria said, before gulping her beer. “People will actually PISS in the diaper?” She said with a slight slur. Natalie nodded, putting down her fourth martini of the night.

“Mhm! That’s the whooole thing about it for some people. They love getting the diaper on. Drinking a bunch of water or beer or what have you, and then they start pissing all over their diapers. It’s their favorite thing. Our company says we’ll make a whole bunch of money off of it.” Natalie said through slowed speech. She wasn’t sloppy yet, but she was feeling a heavy buzz.

“Keep it together. You still sound coherent. It’s taking everything to keep thoughts on the right track, but don’t get too drunk, it’s going to slip. It’s right there.” Natalie said, feeling new sensations in her mind attempting to push through. They weren’t words contributing to her inner monologue. But rather, strong feelings of desire toward diapers. Her brain relished in each conversation about them.

“I don’t know girl, it’s just crazy to me." Maria said, changing the conversation. "I want a baby so so bad. I thought Mason and I were going to have one. I’m just lost without one. I feel like I have no purpose.” Maria said, the drunk buzz spilling her sober heart.

“I do feel bad for her.” Natalie thought, taking another sip of her drink. “No real career, no serious friends, I’m the one who’s stuck with her all this time. She may suck as a roommate, but she’s a good bestie to have. I should cheer her up.” Natalie thought.

“You good friend.” Natalie said, she shook her head, “Er, I mean you are a good friend. Sorry. Too many martinis.” She said with an uneasy smile.

“Haha, someone’s getting drunk. How about we take one more for the road? I bet they’ll put it in a sippy cup for you if you ask the bartender nicely, Ms. ‘I wear diapers for a living.’” Maria said teasingly. Natalie went flush red.

“Shut up, Maria! Everyone here is gonna know I’m thinking about diapers…” Natalie thought, looking around herself to make sure they weren’t in earshot. She looked back with a smirk and kicked her friend.

“Be quiet! I don’t want anyone knowing that!” Natalie said through giggles. Maria raised an eyebrow while knocking back her beer.

“Oh? You don’t want people knowing how you test out diapers? You wear Diapers all day. You play Baby in your Diapers all day.” Maria said, emphasizing the childish words.

“Heh, she’s being silly…” Natalie thought, she could feel her infantile feelings from earlier spilling out over the mental barrier with each word from Maria. They splashed into her consciousness. Each delicious thought was too powerful to hold back. Maria could tell her friend was having a visceral reaction to the words. The bashful look down toward her glass. Her teeth chewing down onto her lips. The way she took a long sip after each mention of the word.

“Hey why don’t we get out of here? Maybe head back home and you can tell me more about those diapers?” Maria said Natalie’s eyes lit up.

“She wants to talk about diapers! That’d be so much fun! We could talk about soft ones, super thick ones, or maybe even what happens when they get all warm and mushy. That’d be so much fun to talk about with… No. Wait. Stop. I need to get a hold of myself here. Drinking makes it so much easier for diaper thoughts to come back. I thought I had it under control when I left the lab. I need to write this all down tomorrow. There’s lingering neurological effects. My head feels, floaty. It’s so easy to let diapers come back into my head. Just thinking about them… and how cool they are. They’re like stickers all over my brain.” Natalie thought, she looked again at Maria.

“Haha, no it’s okay. But yeah, let’s get back home. Call up the uber.” Natalie said, Maria held her phone up.

“It’s already here, I called it about ten minutes ago. I could tell you were getting sleepy after that drink. Come on, we don’t want you falling asleep in the car now?” Maria said, getting up out of her chair. Natalie nodded as the two of them got up from the table.

“How nice of her Mommy to think of that…” Natalie thought subconsciously. She was too distracted by the pretty bar lights and conversations to recognize that thought drift through her mind. Maria held her hand as she guided Natalie through the bar and out the door.