The Smartest Person Ever (Patreon)

Taylor lived in a different world than us. A world where the trajectory of her life was inverse of ours.

“Do you really think I have what it takes, Mom?” Taylor said, looking up at her mother from the playpen. Her face looked genuinely worried.

“I don’t think you’ll have any trouble at all, darling. Your heard it from Harvard. You’re the smartest person on this planet. You’ve done more work than Steven Hawking and Albert Einstein combined and you’re only 20! You’re more than ready for this.” Taylor’s mom said, patting her worried daughters head at the end. Taylor responded with a comforting smile.

“I don’t know, this has never been done before. No one has ever lost their potty training at 20. The earliest ever recorded was 26, and he was practically a genius!” Taylor said, looking away in shame. Her mother instantly threw her daughter into a reassuring hug.

“Hush, Taylor. Don’t think of it that way. I’ve never met anyone as determined or intelligent as you. I believe with all my heart that not only will you lose your potty training soon, but I think you’ll lose your ability to count and read within the next year!” Her mother said profoundly. Taylor’s head snapped back toward her mother’s. She audibly gasped.

“Mother! Do you know how hard that is?! Becoming diaper dependent is one thing, but to unlearn how to read and write?! Within the next year?!?! Most people don’t even start getting confused with numbers until they’re 35!” Taylor said. Again, her mother dismissed her skepticism.

“I know, Honey. I’m 37 and I really can’t count any higher than 50, and you know you have to help me sound out words now. But honestly, if I really tried, I’m sure I could have been the level I’m at now years ago. I had my first accidents when I was 30. It wasn’t until three years later I started wearing diapers full time. The fact you’ve already started wetting yourself during the day at 20? I’m telling you, Taylor. You’re gifted. I know you can do this. At the very least you should forget common social cues in the next few months.” Her mother said. Taylor shrugged and looked around her surroundings.

She fell onto her knees and looked around her playpen. The pretty stuffed animals stared back at her. They didn’t speak, but their happy faces and smiles seemed to echo her mother’s words. “Maybe I can do this…” She thought. Taylor had all the tools she needed to become a mindless diaper filler within the next year. All she had to do was look in front of her! Feeling a wind of confidence flow through her, she looked over her shoulder at her mother.

“I think I can do this, Mommy.” Taylor said, emphasizing that last phrase with a childish lisp. Her mother smiled and started walking out of the room.

“You’re brilliant, Taylor. Make us proud!” She said, walking out of the room and into the hallway. Taylor kept her eyes locked onto the doorway. Her body was in the middle of something. Her mind was working too hard to turn her head around. That confident look slowly turned into a blank far away stare as the back of pull-up started to expand.

“Come on… *grunt*… come—on!” Taylor thought in her mind, as she pushed out the messy load into her pampers. She beamed in pride as it started to settle into her padded underwear. “Ahh…” She said, feeling a bolt of joy course through her body. “I did it!! I got this. I can un-potty train myself, this will be way easier than vector calculus….” Taylor thought, her mind trailing away while she focused on wetting. It required all the focus and mind power she had to get over decades of potty training. But soon enough, a trickle started flowing into her pampers.

Her muscles felt loose after she finished going. It was as if they were still switched into the “off” position. It took nearly half an hour before the strength in her bladder and bowel muscles returned to normal. Taylor knew then that she might have something here. Maybe she really was ready to loose her potty training at 20. Looking up at her potty chart, with stickers on her cheeks, Taylor knew her greatest work was about to come.

“Wooahh… This one reallly squishy!” Taylor said to herself while holding back giggles. Her thickly diapered bum pressed up against the soft rubber patterns on the floor. She subconsciously gyrated her hips to play in the wet mushy diaper. She loved the way the warm soggy padding pressed up against her groin.

“Who’s my little baby in here!” Taylor’s mommy said, walking into the room wearing nothing but a onesie and diaper herself. Taylor’s head spun around. Loose drool flung from her lips from the sudden motion. She didn’t care though; she was incredibly used to being constantly covered in drool at this point.

“Mama! Hello! Me really went in my diaperrr. I didn’ even know I hads to go!” Taylor said with a glowing smile. Taylors mom smiled and gave two thumbs up.

“Dats great! How long has yous been trying to-to go potty in your diapies?” Her mother said, trying her best to remain articulate. Taylor cocked her head to the side and tried recounting the past few months. It was very hazy at this point. Most of the days just blurred into one. Taylor’s life had devolved into (full) diapers, naptimes, and mind-numbing TV. It was genuinely hard to figure out how much time had passed. Still though, Taylor tried figuring it out with her mom.

“Lets think, I’ve been in diapers fo’ one…. Two…… tha-tha-reee…. Ff… fff-o…..oo… Um…” Taylor said, trying her best to formulate a number higher than three. It was too challenging at this point. It was like trying to imagine a mathematical concept you’ve never learned before. It simply wasn’t there in her mind.

“Whats you tryin’ to say? Foo-.. Four?” Taylor’s mom said. She had to close her eyes and think really hard about that one. Taylor’s eyes lit up the second she heard it.

“Oh yeah! I’m tryna say da numba fouwr!!” Taylor said, her hands started clapping out of joy. She was so proud for being able to count that high. Her mother clapped along with her. Suddenly though, Taylor’s mom’s demeanor changed from happy and bright, to serious.

“WAIT!” Her mother said, throwing both her hands up. “Aren’t you suppose’ ta not know dat? Wike, aren’t you suppose ta be we-weally smawrt and not know how tink dat high?” Her mother said. It took her a few moments to register what her mom had just said to her. Her thought processing had gotten pretty slow, but after about 30 seconds she threw up an understanding finger.

“Yous right! Me gotta stop thinking dat…. High… hrmmm!” Taylor said. She started envisioning the number line in her head. She used all her mental capacity to bring up every shred of knowledge she had about numbers. Once she had those memories, she did what she had been to every adult memory/skill the past 4 months now. She forcibly forgot them. She used all her brainpower to forget the number line.

“Hmmm! Ermmm!” She strained. Her face had contorted into a furious strain. Slowly, the number line started to get smaller in Taylors head. She only knew a couple numbers at this point, but they started to shrink in her brain. They got smaller and smaller, until they were almost too small to see. Taylor strained even harder, her growning firetruck red. She pushed and pushed until…

Pop!

“Aah!....he…heheee….” Taylor muttered dumbly to herself. A drooly tongue flopped out of her smile. Her eyes opened, but they looked dull and unable to focus. Taylor had done it. She’d completely forgotten what numbers were!

“Did ya do it, honey?” Taylor’s mother said.

“Wha?” Taylor said, looking hazily over at her mother.

“Do ya know what da number fo-..fo…. Th-aree is?” She said, doing her best to think of the highest number possible. Taylor looked perplexed. As if her mother asked her to recite gibberish.

“A.. numba?... Was… Was dat Momma?” Taylor said, genuinely unaware of what her mother was talking about. Her mind was completely blank on the subject.

“*Sniff* You’s so so smawt. Don’ even know numbas… I so prouwd of you, Tay Tay!” Taylor’s mother said as she hugged her daughter. Taylor didn’t know what was going on, but she liked the warm embrace. She reciprocated the loving hug.

It didn’t take long for Taylor to reach the bottom of her potty training after that. It only took a few more weeks until she was completely non-verbal. She accomplished a feat that no one else had in her world. Completely, and utterly, mentally destroyed with zero potty training at 20! Truly, the greatest thinker in all human history!