Dreams Chapter 2 (Patreon)

Hannah looked back to her underwear drawer. She was emphatically confused. 

“I… Who’s doing this?” She thought to herself. “I’m not crazy.” She continued, before shimmying out of her PJ pants. They fell to the floor with a dull plop from the extra water weight. Her underwear came off quickly after that.

“Then again, that is something a crazy person would say…” She thought. Her top came off, rendering her completely nude in her room. She felt gross. Not only was she dealing with this pull-up mental crisis, but more pressingly, she needed to clean her pee stained legs. She grabbed a towel, wrapped it around herself, and made her way to the bathroom to shower.

The hot water always helped Hannah calm down. She contemplated her next move while she scrubbed the stale urine away from her thighs. 

“I need to get out of this house. I haven’t left in weeks.” She pondered. It had been a while. Quarantine had kept her in the house for 4 weeks straight. “I’ll just take a drive. Maybe I’ll go to the outlook.” She thought with a nod. The outlook was one of her absolute favorite places. A short drive to some cliffs, anyone could park there and enjoy a beautiful skyline view of the city, and surrounding forests. Feeling content with that choice, Hannah cut the water and hopped out of the shower. She dried herself and walked back into her room to get dressed.

***

“Hey, I’ll be back.” Hannah yelled out to her mother in the kitchen. Her hand was already on the doorknob out of there.

“Where are you going?! We’re not supposed to leave unless it’s essential!” June said, popping her head out from around the kitchen. Hannah sighed.

“I’m just going for a drive, Mom. I’m not stopping anywhere. I’m going to the cliffs and back. I’ll be gone for like 30 minutes.” She said sternly. Her mother wanted to protest, but let that fight die in her throat. After this morning’s odd exchange, she didn’t think it was a bad idea for the girl to get some time alone and out of the house.

“Alright, just be back soon, okay? I don’t want you out and about for too long.” June said. Hannah nodded and turned the knob. She pushed the door open, and instantly felt the warm sun on her skin. 

Hannah’s old Outback always roared to life. It never had a quiet start-up. It always commanded the attention of the passengers once the key was turned. She loved it, mostly because of how spacious it was in the back.

She reversed out of her driveway and started down the road. The cliffs were only about 10 minutes from her house. The radio played some quiet pop-music while her mind dwelled on the events that transpired yesterday.

“I woke up, and my mom started treating me like I was a toddler.” She thought, taking a turn to pause her train of thought for a moment. “It was a dream, obviously, one of those where you think you’re awake, when really you’re not.” She reasoned, “But, it just felt so god damn real. Like that’s how my life had always been…” She recalled, thinking back to the wet pull-up. It felt so crazy and unrealistic in the moment, but oddly, way in the back of Hannah’s mind, it felt oddly familiar. Like it was something she’d worn plenty of times before, and her mother was acting just like she normally would when Hannah had a wet pull-up. She shook her head to get that thought out of there. She focused on the road for a few more minutes before entering the cliff’s parking lot.

She backed her car up toward the cliff’s edge. She loved laying on the pillows in the back. She could take in that view for hours. Hannah put the car in park and pushed the driver side door open. Her legs took her around to the hatchback. She opened it and hopped into the back. 

Same beautiful skyline. Hannah let herself relax and sink into the pillows a little further. She found her mind quieting down for the first time today. “You know, quarantine sucks, but it’s nice to have time like this.” She thought, feeling herself relaxing even further. The pillows she was resting on were the perfect angle for her back. 

Her muscles relaxed, the tension in them seemingly melting away. Her mind continued to quiet. If there were any thoughts in Hannah’s mind, they were only comments about distant objects, or the shapes of various clouds.

Hannah caught her head from falling once. She adjusted her body instantly so it wouldn’t happen again. “I’m good. I’m good.” She muttered, looking back out to the view with tired eyes. “I’m okay…” She thought, her eyelids betraying her. “I’m… okay…” She thought, her mind slowing down.

She had a faint smile on her face. For the first time all day she felt at peace. Like things were going to be alright.

“I’m… big girl….” She thought, just before sleep finally took her.

***

“Wake up, Hannah! Let’s get you out of here, you’re gonna get a sunburn if you stay out here all day.” A voice called to Hannah, she moved gently and slowly opened her eyes. 

“Hrmm?” She muttered before fully opening her eyes. “HMM?!?” She said again, this time with much more concern once she took in her surroundings.

Instead of laying peacefully in the back of her outback, she was crumpled up in the back of a rideable toy car. The kind with red doors and a yellow frame. She was in the middle of a playground next to a school. She was wearing a pink shirt that said “Be gentle, I’m special!” in block lettering. She had untied white shoes with tons of stickers on them. But the part that freaked Hannah out the most? The thick white disposable diaper she had securely taped around her waist, and nothing else on to cover it.

The women wearing a long flowing dress gave a gentle, loving look toward the shocked Hannah. “Come on sweetie, play time is over.” She said, opening the red door. She effortlessly guided Hannah out. Hannah was in a world of confusion.

“Lady, what the FUCK are you doing? Where the HELL AM I?!?” Hannah yelled out, or at least she tried to. Instead it all came out as: 

“Mama, me nun bahbhy! Me bwig gwirrlll” She gurgled, a snot bubbled popped from Hannah’s nose at the end. The women just laughed and shook her head. She held Hannah’s hand tight as she guided her into the school.

“I hope you figure this out someday, child. But I’m not your Mommy! I’m your special caretaker. Can you say that, Hannah? Care…take…er?” The women said.

Hannah looked at her in shock. Her brain was working overtime to figure out what in the world was going on.  “Who is dis… women. Why am I… so.. in stinky diaper… I’m… I’m not.. in biwg giwl clothes…” She thought while waddling with the teacher to the front entrance. Her brain seemed clear moments ago, but it felt like a fog started rolling in. Like her thoughts were slow and hard to hold onto. The concerns and feelings she had while in the car were fleeting like sand running through her fingers. 

“Oh I know that face concerned face. Are you gonna give me that whole story again? The one where you tell me how you’re a big girl that goes to school all by herself? You drive your own car and all that grown-up stuff?” The women said, laughing quietly to herself at that last part. 

Hannah saw the women laughing and felt like she should be too. She was so big, if she thought something was funny, then it probably was. Hannah did her best to hold it in at first, but she started breaking. She quickly found herself giggling and laughing along with the teacher.

“Haha! See, look at you! You’re just our silly girl. You have such an imagination, and a rather complex for someone as silly as you…” The women said, as they entered the school. Hannah stopped dead in her tracks the moment she saw it all.

“You’re only going to be in The School for Special Needs for a few more years, Hannah. You’re already past the 4th grade!” She said, motioning toward what was essentially a gigantic nursery. It had to be the size of a Walmart. At least, that’s how it felt to Hannah.

Hundreds of adult sized men and women ran around the nursery. They were all wearing the same shirt, shoes, and diaper combo. Toys, TVs, color tables, you name it, and it was there. Hannah’s eyes continued looking on in shock. The women took notice and let out another short giggle.

“You do this every few weeks, Hannah. You act like you’ve never seen this place before…” She said to Hannah, but she wasn’t paying attention. The women let out a sigh and gave a somber look at the shocked girl. “Maybe we should keep you back for the 3rd time…” She said quietly to herself, before suddenly saying, “Oh, Hannah! You’re leaking, Sweetie!” 

“Wha?!” Hannah said, suddenly getting pulled out of her daze. She lazily shot her head down and took in the sight. She was right, Hannah’s diaper was overflowing. Which was strange because not only couldn’t she tell her diaper was wet in the first place; she couldn’t even tell she was going. Her bladder had zero connection to her brain. Which should have freaked the hell out of Hannah. But for some reason, as she stood there in this large nursery, a puddle of pee collecting in her shoes, it strangely didn’t matter. In fact…

“Tehe, Igahpeepee!” Hannah blurted out with a wet wad of drool flying out of her mouth at the same time. She couldn’t even care that her chin was now completely sopping wet with drool. Her brain felt so light and funny now. Like all the things that mattered was the fun warm feelings dripping down her leg. She slapped the front of her diaper and instantly plopped onto the floor. 

“Me gownna pway pway!” Hannah said, looking up at the teacher. She didn’t even wait for a response, she started rolling around on the floor and giggling uncontrollably to herself. 

“Keewp… it…together… han…hanw….hahwwawub…” Hanna thought, her mind unwinding with each passing second…

She understood faintly that her mind was draining away. That she wasn’t supposed to be in love with rolling around the floor in a leaky diaper, but she frankly didn’t care. It was fun to be in diapers. And it was even more fun to push harder so they felt even warmer and squishier!

“Oh, Hannah. Now, ugh, come on little one. You can’t poop yourself while rolling around! How many times have we told you that?” The women said, trying her best to get Hannah off the ground, but Hannah was an expert at squirming away from grownups.

“Hannah, you have that same look on your face when you need to go number 2! You better not!” The women said, trying to deal with the girl flopping around on the floor. Hannah kept giggling and playing on the floor while her diaper suddenly felt so much better.

“domeone pus poopie in mah diapieee! Ahehe!” Hannah squealed, feeling the mess press and squish up against her butt. 

The women just stood there, placing a hand on her face. She took in a deep sigh. “Grown-up my ass. This kid can’t even keep herself from rolling around in a full diaper for more than five minutes. I don’t know why she loves doing this so much…” She thought, before resigning herself to plan B.

“Hannah, do you want to watch cartoons!?” She said, Hannah instantly stopped in her tracks.

“*GASP* Bardoons! Wes! WES! WESSSSS!” Hannah yelled; her head was practically screaming. Nothing else in this world mattered except watching cartoons. Especially the super fun ones at school.

“Come on then, let’s get you over to the TV.” The exacerbated women said. She helped Hannah off the ground and started walking her over to the huge screens mounted on the wall. The caretaker caught the eye of another across the nursery. They both smirked and shook their heads.

“Wouldn’t stop rolling around in their mess? Mine did that earlier today.” He said, the women chuckled and nodded.

“She was telling me all about how she was a “big girl” again.” She said, shaking her head. The man laughed and nodded.

“Did she tell you about how she is in college and everything?” He said, the women shook her head no.

“No, not this time. You know she hasn’t been getting to that part as much lately. The past few times she’s just told me how she’s a big girl, then slips right back into being the dumb rugrat she is. Maybe she’s growing out of it?” She said, plopping Hannah down on one of the pillows. Her eyes instantly fixated on the screen.

“Yeah, or just getting dumber…” The man said, pointing toward Hannah’s heavily soiled diapered butt. She instinctively had it in the air to lean in closer to the screen. 

Hannah could hear the adults talking, but she didn’t care. This show was always the best. It taught her so many fun things. There were different story arches, but the one she’s been watching a lot of lately was all about thumb sucking. How great it was, how normal people always sucked their thumbs, and how she should never forget that if she ever felt bad, she’d just have to suck her thumb, and everything would be okay!

“Mrmm mwum mwum” Hannah uttered behind the wet pruney thumb she had planted firmly in her mouth. The bright swirling lights locked her eyes right into the TV screen. She couldn’t look away even if she wanted to.

“You’re a thumb sucker… Babies love sucking their thumb… You are a baby… And you love to suck your thumb… You’re a thumb sucker…” Played over, and over again through the speakers. Hannah’s mind felt itself rewire from the words. All she could hear, all she could think about, was her thumb, and how badly it needed to be in her mouth.

“Me bahba” She gurgled, before feeling the world growing dark again. She’d been sitting in front of the screen for 5 hours straight, drinking in all the commands and colorful lights. Her eyes were getting tired and strained.

“Jus.. nigh-night” She thought to her deeply broken mind. She tried fighting to stay awake for a moment, but she barely put up any resistance. Darkness took her, as her thumb bobbed in and out. 

***

“Hannah, wake up. We’re here.” Hannah heard, suddenly waking her up from a daze. It sounded like her mother’s voice.

“Hm?! *POP*” Hannah said, popping the thumb out of her mouth. She felt a wave of anxiety wash over her without it there. 

“Babysitting. We’re here.” Her mother said shortly. That’s when Hannah began registering where they were. It was dark out, she was in the back of her mother’s van, with her mother and father in the front.

“Oh, babysitting.” Hannah thought, sitting still while her mother got out from the front. “Wait, who was I supposed to babysit again? Didn’t I talk to the Stevenson’s about babysitting April in a few weeks?” Hannah thought, trying her best to recall events that seemed so long ago now. 

She still remembered everything, even events before the whole “Special School” incident. “Just dreams. Just really, strange, messed up, dreams…?” She wondered. Before she could continue that line of question further, her mom suddenly opened her car door for her. It brought Hannah back to Earth to face much more pressing matters.

“Mom, who am I babysitting again? April, right?” She said genuinely. It felt like the world was moving a million miles per hours. She just needed some clarity. Her mother, which had always been her rock, had to give her something.

Her mother let out a quick, loud laugh.

“Ha! Good one honey.” She said, her hands suddenly reaching toward Hannah. Hannah looked down in response and nearly gasped at what she saw.

“Do you think babysitters get driven by their mommies and daddies in a car seat?” Her mother said, unhooking the belts. Hannah was in complete shock. She was getting unbuckled in an overgrown car seat, but that frankly wasn’t even the worst part. She was wearing a long white dress, with a pacifier clipped to the side. The same massive, thick diaper was taped around her waist. Just like the one she was wearing in the dream.

“Come on, get out, we don’t have all night. Your father and I are going to miss our movie.” June said, guiding Hannah out of the seat and onto the pavement. Hannah felt fear growing in her. She was beyond confused. The first few dreams had been fine, but now she genuinely wasn’t sure where she was.

“Mom.” She said, subconsciously grabbing her mother’s hand.

“Yes?” June said, with a slightly annoyed tone. 

“How old am I?” Hannah said. She knew it was a stupid question, but her fear was overwhelming at this point.

“What kind of question is that? You know how old you are.” Her mother said, as they got to the door. Hannah wasn’t taking no for an answer here.

“Mom, please.” She said, stopping June and looking her in the eyes. 

June’s look was complicated. She looked concerned, but at the same time, she looked oddly hopeful. Like Hannah was saying something June was finally hoping for.

“Physically, you’re 24, Hannah.” June said, with an odd tone of defeat. Her hopeful face melted back into general annoyance.

Hannah didn’t care though, she let out a huge sigh. She didn’t even notice her thumb falling out of her mouth, she had started sucking it moments before for comfort.

“But what did the doctor say? Mentally you’re 4?” June said, her annoyed tone returning. She sighed and shook her head, “Honey, if you’re going to suck you thumb, you need to put your pacifier in. We talked about this.” June said, taking the plastic dummy and shoving it in Hannah’s mouth. She didn’t even protest, her mother’s words just reverberated through her skull.

“I am.. Just... fo’ yeas’ owld…” She thought, her mind seeming to become lighter with each word that passed through her mind. It was as if the past 5 minutes she’d been fighting to stay upright, and finally the waves of her true self were coming back.

Suddenly though, the door swung open, which commanded all of Hannah’s limited attention.

“Hi there!” April said. The girl placed her hands on her knee caps and knelt in closer toward Hannah. “Oh don’t you look adorable in that dress! Who’s a cutie? Hm? Who’s a cutie? You are! You are!” April said in a classic condescending, babyish tone. Hannah couldn’t help herself but giggle and smile at the complements.

“Is she wet?” April said, before grabbing Hannah’s diaper without her consent. She squished around for a moment before looking at June. “She’s a little wet, but, when isn’t she? Ha-ha a few more accidents before we’ll change her.” She said, June nodded.

“Thank you, April. You’re the best, we can always count on you, even on short notice!” June said, taking a few steps back off the steps. “We’ll see you at 10.” She said, turning around and toward her car.

“Oh! Is she going to Special School tomorrow, by the way? Does she have any homework?” April said to the fleeing June. June was already in her car but rolled down her window to respond.

“Nope! 6th graders don’t have school tomorrow, I guess. Some professional development for the teachers! See you soon!” June said, rolling up the window and quickly pulling out of the driveway. April chuckled.

“Heh, more like those teachers need a break from all those diaper changes…” April said. Hannah couldn’t believe what she had just heard. 

“Fudgey, me still in dat schoowl? And in da si-…sii-…sth…” Hannah tried remembering that number her mother had said, but it was like trying to climb the highest moment possible mentally. It seemed so high, something she’d have to train a long time for to even slightly grasp. Still though, it didn’t sound right. She thought she was in a different grade, perhaps one that was lower?

“Well squirt, what do you wanna do? It’s gonna be your bedtime in a little bit anyways. One episode of cartoons then we can go night-night?” April said happily. Hannah wasn’t listening. She could feel anger building up inside of her. It came so suddenly. The emotions hit her quickly, and sharply. What little control she had over herself was obliterated by the storm of anger that quickly formed inside her.

“ME BIWG KIWD! NO SWEEPIE!” She screamed suddenly. The words just rolled out her, there was not stopping it. “TAKE DIS DIA-PO OFF ME!” Hannah yelled, flipping up her dress as she did so. She tried grabbing at the tapes, but her hands felt so weak and uncoordinated. April quickly swooped in and slapped her hands away.

“Sweetie! What’s wrong? Why are you acting like this? You’re normally so good. Do you want your diapee changed? We can get you into a fresh one.” April said in a concerned motherly voice. Hannah wanted none of it, her outburst began melting into a full-blown tantrum.

Hot tears started streaming out of Hannah’s face. “NO! DIAPIE GO BYE BYE NOW!” She screamed, dropping onto the floor for added effect. It made the most logical sense in Hannah’s brain to get her point across. She began pounding her legs and fits onto the floor.

“ME BIG! ME NO WEA’ DIAPEEES! ME WANNA, WANNA..” She said trailing off for a moment. Grunts started accompanying her outburst, but she kept going, “I WANNA BE BIWG KIWD AG- *Grunt*, I NO, *Grunt*, I NO… WAH.. WAHHH” Hannah screamed, her yelling devolving into pure blubbering and tears. She lost it as sounds of Hannah’s whaling echoed through the house.

“Oh that’s it, see you got yourself all worked up and now you made a mess. You ALWAYS do this when you throw a fit. Such a pooper this one.” April sighed, “Come on, Hannah. You’re acting like a baby. Gosh, you must be exhausted. You’re going right to bed.” April said with a much sterner tone. She scooped up the flailing girl from the floor and began taking her upstairs. “Here, you just need your pacifier” April said, popping the dummy in Hannah’s mouth.

She tried spitting it out a few times, but after the 3rd time, she just left it in. It did make her feel better. She could feel herself calming down from her episode. 

“There, there. See? You just need your pacifier. Silly one.” April said, as they walked into what appeared to be an old looking child’s room. “You love sleeping in my old room. It always makes you feel so much better, huh?” April said, her happy demeanor returning. 

Hannah hated to admit it, but the mixture of the pacifier and colorful room did calm her down. She had gotten herself so worked up, that she couldn’t quite remember what she was even fighting about. She just let the bobbing pacifier do the talking for her.

April made quick work of her messy diaper, taping her into an even thicker one for nighttime. Hannah couldn’t even press her legs together if she tried. 

“You just rest while your Mommy and Daddy are out, okay? They’ll be back soon, don’t you worry.” April said, placing Hannah into a large crib. Hannah wasn’t really paying attention. She was so exhausted from that outburst. It surprisingly took a lot out of her, like she had just run 10 miles.

“Ima wamgwum.” Hannah babbled, even she didn’t know what it meant. All she knew was that suddenly her body felt very warm, and someone was stroking her hair. Those feelings lasted a few seconds, before sleep took her.