Kakarot the Priest Chapter 1 (Patreon)

DBZ parody: Phone Fic/Bad Day Fic/Tier 1

Kakarot the Priest

Things in universe 7 have changed as it was under new management. Because of one of Zeno’s games Beerus was allowed to switch universes with another God, Liquiir becomes in charge of 7 while Beerus gets put in charge of 8. Rules were rules and Liquiir takes his job seriously so he gets to work on improving the poor mortal level in the universe, taking a fancy to the saiyans.

Chapter 1

Long ago there were 16 universes. For a reason lost to time, four of the universes were erased by lord Zeno. Twelve universes remained and to create some form of balance, the 12 became linked. 7 and 6 were linked, 8 and 5 were linked, 9 and 4 were linked and so on.

Each universe had a God of Destruction, an angel attendant, and kais to govern the mortal realm. The God of Destruction was then linked to the Supreme Kais of the universe to establish a balance of creation and destruction. As it stood two of the gods of destruction were siblings Beerus of Universe 7 and Champa of Universe 6, the two were always at odds with each other, competing in so many ways.

Since their universes were linked it was easier to traverse between the two. Beerus grew irritated with his brother and soon sought a way of getting peace between them. Whis was against this, saying… “Lord Beerus you really should focus on your destruction duties.” The feline-like god was quite lazy, not only shirking his divine training but his duties as well. He often slept for many years at a time leaving the task of destroying to Agents of Destruction.

The cat also nearly lost his life recently as all but one of the Supreme Kai’s were killed by Majin Buu. The terror was stopped, but Beerus believed he had an ace up his sleeve, a supreme kai sealed away in a sword. It was a devious idea but it was a coin toss if it’d even work. Beerus’s schemes tended to fail him and get him in trouble.

So when Zeno held a game Beerus got an idea. “I propose a prize for the winner of the game, a favor from Lord Zeno himself.” It was a game of Hide and Seek, and Beerus nearly ruined the game by pretending to be asleep. A trick as he caught all the gods fed up of waiting. He won and got his favor from Zeno. “I’d like to switch universes with Liquiir.”

The fox-like god was one of the last gods standing in the little game. He had Whis do some investigating for him, Universes 1, 12, 5, and 8 had the highest mortal level among all the remaining universes. Beerus played this smart targeting the eighth universe as it was the fourth strongest, had he targeted one or two he might get some protest from the gods.

Universe 8 had a high mortal level, had a total of five supreme kais with the strongest being Iru, and even the Angel Korn Whis said is an assertive angel but respectful of his peers. Beerus didn’t want to be stuck with an angel like that but figured since Whis was assigned to him and Shin was linked to him they’d be swapped as well.

Zeno took Beerus’s words frankly, allowing him and only him to be switched. Korn wasn’t really amused and said so openly, not shy about voicing his opinions. He would do his duty regardless of such nonsense.

Liquiir wasn’t happy about this arrangement either, he’s put a lot of time and care into his universe and now Beerus was gonna ruin it. That’s what he thought at least. He didn’t trust the cat as far as he could throw him.

Sadly there was no getting out of this, Zeno did Beerus this favor as winner of his game. He couldn’t or wouldn’t go back on his word. Any further complaints would be met with...well...erasing.

Grand Priest did speak up. “God of Destruction Beerus, while you will be granted dominion over Universe 8, we do expect you to not allow the mortal level to diminish. This would reflect poorly on your status as a God, and if you are not fit to the task you will be replaced.”

“Yes!” His voice cracked. “Understood sir!” He bowed, clearly sweating bullets.

This went about as Whis predicted as Beerus’s schemes always backfire. Though the Grand Priest didn’t direct words to Liquirr directly his warning to Beerus was a challenge to him as well. If he could improve the mortal level of Universe 7 it’d reflect well on him as a God of Destruction.

A wicked twinkle formed in his eye. ‘I’ll show up Beerus, and when Zeno’s next game begins I’ll get my universe back from him. Then I can rub it in his face that I’m a better god!’

Universe 7 was under new management Lord Liquiir was in charge now, and he was a touch/a lot more hands on than Beerus. Shin wanted to be hands off and let the universe develop naturally. Not exactly a bad way to go about it, but the Cold Family who Beerus left in charge made that problematic.

As Agents of Destruction King Cold had dominated a good chunk of the universe and continued to expand his empire. Beerus and him had a pretty good deal going on, Beerus could visit any of his planets and get the royal treatment if he wasn’t satisfied with the service the planet died. King Cold destroyed planets and sold planets for profit, able to do Beerus’s job and make a hefty sum to enjoy.

He had two sons who would one day succeed him. Cooler and Freeza were rather different, both with their own little quirks and issues. Sooner or later he was gonna retire and leave conquering to his sons on the front lines. This would cause some problems if left unchecked.

Liquiir wasn’t gonna leave things to chance. He’d honor King Cold’s deal with Beerus but when he retired things were gonna change. With the help of Whis Liquiir studied the history of the universe so far to see what he was working with. This universe had knowledge of magic, ki, psychic powers, and even alien abilities but the knowledge seemed so scattered and imbalanced.

His interest piqued upon learning of the saiyans, a warrior race that had joined the Cold Empire some years ago. They were a mighty force, capable of growing stronger surviving battles, their warrior pride tended to teeter on savagery but that could be smoothed out. Their ability to transform by the full moon was fascinating, and it appeared that the saiyans even developed unique techniques to grant that ability on planets without a moon. It showed their ability to adapt and evolve. “Ohh yes, with the proper training they could be quite useful.” He studied the saiyan’s history and legends and learned some very interesting things.

Liquiir made contact and took a hands on approach with the saiyans, teaching them things they would need to learn. He was quite adept at ki based techniques but he also dabbled in magic. Taking a page of the namekians he began to guide the saiyans in two ways as warriors and priests.

When King Cold retired, he planned to leave Freeza in charge of the forces including the saiyans and left Cooler to try and build his own empire with his own two hands. While it felt like an insult to the oldest son, King Cold did it because he believed Cooler could do it, and build an empire greater than his own.

Things took a turn for the Cold Family as Liquiir relinquished the title of Agents of Destruction from them. They could continue to do their business but without his blessing. He wouldn’t take back the worlds they claimed but the Cold Empire was used to taking worlds 10-15 a year, while Beerus had no qualms being asleep, Liquiir did. He restricted them from claiming or destroying worlds to 1-3 a year.

To rub salt in the wound Liquiir named the saiyans his new Agents of Destruction. Freeza was furious, the vast army he had been given was now nearly worthless. Meanwhile Cooler was off doing his own thing.

Liquiir’s efforts with the saiyans was bearing fruit. The Warrior Clan he called them the Agents of Destruction, as for the priests he called them Guardians of Creation. He learned what happened to Shin and the other Supreme Kais and such things couldn’t be allowed to happen again. The kai wasn’t sure about any of this, also not really trusting the saiyans. His focus was training the newest Kai born named Kibito.

With Liquiir’s help the saiyans learned to sense and control ki, able to hide their power levels and sense life energy. With his insight some saiyans who were thought to have no combat potential were able to hold their own against elite warriors. He was able to figure out the key to ozaru control lied within their tails, first step was to train the tail, the second step was mental training, combine the two and a saiyan would have full control of themselves in their ozaru state.

This secret wasn’t well known to the saiyans as many elite saiyans were just born able to control the monstrous form. Training the tail served two purposes removing their sensitivity and weakness, and controlling the ozaru form.

For other saiyans Liquiir’s lessons into magic and ki control gave them more options, some learned to convert ki into a healing force. Some learned binding spells that could rival most psychic powers, others learned barrier or enhancement spells. The skill of healing became well respected as saiyan healers could trigger what was known as a zenkai boost, not only saving a life but granting one a boost in strength.

Some saiyans even learned enough magic to be skilled terraformers, taking planets that were once uninhabitable and making them livable. Magic materialization helped improved their need for different resources, they didn’t just need to take and claim. They had some limits, but a saiyan could recharge their energy through...intimate contact.

Liquiir wasn’t a prude, he rather liked sex and gave the saiyan priests a guide in all manner of erotic arts. So a vow of chastity wasn’t a thing with saiyan priests. Through sex saiyans could tap into a similar boost, Liquiir affectionately called it a Hentai Boost.

To be Continued The Prince and the Priest