Lamia x Lamia Chap 5 + PDF (Patreon)

Hunter X Hunter Parody: Tier 1

Chap 5 Run Slither Run!         

Gon was so excited they past the most recent trial. “I wouldn’t celebrate just yet, we’ve merely earned the right to take the exam.”  

“Can’t you ever look on the bright side?” Leorio asked. “It’s progress, I’d say that calls for a little celebration.”  

With the help of the Kiriko navigators Gon, Kurapika, and Leorio made it to Zaban City. “A navigator’s main job is to identify worthy applicants for the hunter exam, this isn’t for the faint of heart after all.” Gon was looking around all excited, there were so many new sites to see. “It’s nearly impossible to find the exam site on your own.”  

The city was full of vendors, offering everything from food, jewelry, weapons, exotic items, and more. “You know, Zaban City is one shady place.” Leorio noticed some drug dealers, and con men trying to hock goods, and wood be fortune tellers.  

“A city that’s as prosperous as this one would attract its share of unsavory characters.” Gon wasn’t listening, slithering from stall to stall.  

They mistook a tall glamorous building as the exam site, only  for it to be a small regular looking restaurant. It was a clever trick, the exam attracted millions of applicants every year, and no one would suspect the exam in this place.  

After their navigator exchanged words with the cook they were taken back to the back room. “Only one in ten thousand ever make it this far. You did great for first timers, well good luck to you.”

“Thanks for your help!” Gon offered his hand, it caught him by surprise usually applicants weren’t so friendly to the navigators. They shook hands. “I hope that next year, I can help you again.”  

As soon as he left, the room shifted, they were heading down. Leorio was kinda pissed at the Kiriko’s words. “That bastard is expecting us to fail.”  

“Once every three years, that’s how often a rookie passes.” Kurapika explains.

“It’s that unusual?”  

“It is, most can’t handle it, it’s mentally and physically taxing. It’s also common for veterans to break the rookies so badly they never retake the exam.”

“So that’s why those that want to become hunters are willing to risk everything for it.” This led to a shouting match between Leorio and Kurapika, Leorio praising the ability as a hunter to get more money than anyone else in the world. While Kurapika praised the hunters as a noble profession. This argument turned into name calling, and Gon couldn’t help but chuckle.      

“Look Gon, there’s a list of the 100 richest people every year, and every year at least 50 of them are hunters!”

“There are some hunters sad to say, who seek treasure and wild game, but they are second rate. True hunters work tirelessly to maintain order in society as well as nature.” The two went back and forth like this, going as far as to even growl at one another.  

“It seems like hunters have a lot to do.” Gon says. With so many opportunities and benefits, it was hard not to see why someone would come to become one. “Even for me, if I get a license I won’t be hunted.”  

That stopped the bickering at least, they made it to floor 100, and upon stepping out was greeted by a mob of people. Kurapika could see the skill of the applicants here compared to those in the city. “Each one is a master in their own right.”  

“’Scuse me,” Gon approached, and met with only glares and cold shoulders. “Looks like everyone is really on edge down here.” Kurapika and Leorio noticed some of them were eyeing Gon as if he was prey.  

A little man with a green head appeared, offering them badges. Leorio was 403, Kurapika was 404, and Gon 405. “Be sure to wear this on your chest at all times, please, and be careful not to lose it.”  

The secretary left, and the group was approached by another applicant. “Don’t think I’ve seen you boys before.” they looked and saw a short pudgy man, with badge 16 on his chest. “Yo!”

“You can tell it’s our first time here?”

“More or less, it’s getting easier this is my thirty fifth attempt, so it comes with the territory.” That shocked them. “Besides anyone would take notice if a monster shows up for the exam.” he went on to sorta brag about being an exam veteran.  

“Not really something to brag about.” Leorio says.  

“Indeed,” Kurapika agrees.  

“If you have any questions I’d be happy to help you out.”  

“Thanks a lot.” They introduced themselves, Badge 16 was Tonpa. “Are you the only one who’s taken the exam a lot?”  

“I might hold the record but there are others.” he pointed them out. Number 255 Todo the Wrestler, he was sitting down eating from a large lunch box. “Probably the strongest one here and he’s smarter than he looks.”

Number 103 Bourbon the Snake Charmer, he was sitting and meditating, a snake chilling on his shoulder. “He can really hold a grudge so try not to get on his bad side.”  

Number 191 Bodoro the Kung Fu Master, he to was meditating. “He’s getting old, but his skills are sharp.”  

“Then there are the brothers, Amori, Imori, and Umori. They work great as a team.”  

Number 384, Geretta the Huntsman, he was working on some kind of weapon, if he was cleaning it or loading it was not known. “He specializes in killing all kinds of creatures, with his blow dart and club, so I’d watch my back if I were you Gon.”  

“There are more, but they’ve taken the exam the most times.”  

An applicant was walking around and bumped into a rather tall male. No sooner had had he taken 5 steps away the man screamed, dropping to his knees as his arms appeared to turn into red flowers. “My, how unusual.” Number 44 Hisoka says. “Seems this poor man’s arms turned into flower petals. Now you see them now you don’t.”  

Gon gasped, his eyes flashing gold. “He did it.” he trembled slightly, able to sense great power from Hisoka.  

“You should be more careful, and apologize when you bump into someone.” The crowd began to mutter, everyone was scared of Hisoka.  

“Oh great, the psychopath is back again.”

“You know him?” Kurapika asked.  

“Number 44 Hisoka the Magician, he was the number one pick to pass last year’s exam, until he almost killed an examiner he didn’t care for.”  

“Then what is he even doing here, they are letting him retake the exam after something like that?!” Leorio snapped.  

“Of course they are. They change the content and the examiners every year, and the examiners choose the new material. The devil himself could pass the hunter exam if the examiners say it’s okay.” Hisoka walked, and the other applicants got out of his way. “I’d keep my distance if I were you.”  

“Well, he definitely looks dangerous.”  

“He is, I can feel it.” It took awhile for Gon’s eyes to revert back to normal, once Hisoka was a safe distance away, but Gon could see the terrifying aura the man had.  

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Tonpa broke the tension, and began rummaging through his bag. “Let’s have a toast of friendship.” he brought out cans of soda.  

“Okay, thanks don’t mind if I do!” Leorio said excitedly. They each took a can. “Ah, I was dying of thirst.” They each gave their thanks, unknown to them the other applicants were smirking and chuckling.  

“He’s at it again.”  

“Playing the nice guy act.”  

“Even though he’s the nastiest one here.”  

“Tonpa, the Rookie Crusher.”  

“Here’s to new friends and good fortune. Cheers!” they clinked cans, and started opening them. ‘Sorry, guys, but the juice I gave you contains a powerful laxative.’ he watched as Gon brought the can to his lips. ‘One sip, and your guts will be on a non stop roller coaster for three days.’  

As soon as Gon took a sip, he quickly spat it out. “Blehh!” Tonpa gasps. “I think this juice might have gone bad, it tastes funny.” Leorio quickly spat out his mouthful, and Kurapika hastily poured his out, he was a bit more wary of Tonpa’s gift than the others.  

“Huh? That’s odd.” he sweats. “Really sorry about that, fellas.” he rubs the back of his head sheepishly. ‘Impossible, that laxative is flavorless and odorless.’ Gon inspected the can. “Please forgive me!”  

“Are you really sorry?” he froze. “You wouldn’t have been trying to poison us would you, Mr. Tonpa?” Tonpa gulped. “You’ve had a really shady look in your eye for awhile now.”  

“Me, poison you guys, never!”  

“Oh good, because any fool who tries to poison a lamia,” his tail smacked the ground denting it and making it crack. “Is a fool asking for death.” Gon smiles sweetly at him. “But you weren’t trying to poison us right?”  

“R-right...” Gon explained even if he was not a lamia, he trained on the mountain back home, since lamias have weak taste buds he trained by eating grass and plants to strengthen them, so he could taste if something was going bad. “That’s some talent you got there.”  

‘Shoot, I thought I could at least bring down a lamia, I’d have been a legend.’ He was sure now Gon was not someone to fuck with.  

“Man, something is off with that guy.” Leorio says.  

-x-

‘Something isn’t quite right with the crop of rookies this year.’ He tried his tricks on other rookies and got less than satisfactory results, like with 294 Hanzo. He seemed like a chump but when offered a drink he had a serious aura when he declined. If he had made one wrong move against him, he’d be dead.  

Number 301 screamed trouble, he had all these weird needles penetrating his body. Tonpa wasn’t even gonna get near that guy. The one who couldn’t stand at all was 107 Nicolas. The boy was highly intelligent and just as arrogant having figured out where the exam site was all on his own, he had data on almost every applicant so he knew who Tonpa was fresh off the bat. Tonpa hated the cocky brat, and intended on crushing the boy before the second exam. ‘Just you wait you little bastard, I’m the one that’s gonna break that snotty nose of yours.’  

“Hey! Mr. Tonpa!” an applicant’ shouted. He turned and saw a boy with white hair carrying a skateboard. “That juice was great! Got any more?”  

“Uh, oh of course!” he smiled and greeted in his friendly voice. ‘What the hell? That laxative he drank should have taken effect by now. What’s up with this kid?’

Number 99 Killua, he opened up another can and chugged it. ‘It’s only a laxative, but if the kid drinks that much, he could die of dehydration.’  

“Worried?” Killua smirked. “Don’t be. I’ll be fine. I’ve trained for this.” he gave Tonpa a piercing look. “Poisons don’t hurt me.”  

‘He knew, then why the hell did he drink it?!’ Killua took two more cans for the road. ‘No matter, the stronger the rookie the more fun it is to crush them.’  

An alarm went off, signaling the end of the prelims, those that were here were the ones taking the exam. The wall raised revealing a very thin man dressed in purple. “Greetings I am Satotz, your first examiner. We shall begin the 287th Hunter Exam.” he gave a bow. This showed the end of the entry period. “This way please, we’ll start with a run to the second phase of the exam, though I can’t say how far it’ll be.”

Some of the applicants looked at Gon. ‘A run? Sounds easy for a monster with no legs.’  

“Umm Mr. Satotz?” Gon raised his hand. “Is it fair for me to be in this exam since I don’t have legs?” Satotz was surprised, as was everyone else.  

“You still move under your own power yes?” Gon nods. “Then there is no problem, this way please.” he starts to move, and everyone follows after him. The first phase has begun, they just had to follow Satotz to the second phase.

Gon slithers with the group. Time marches on, and the tunnel they were in seemed to be endless. Satotz was also picking up speed, so easily. This was more than a simple test of speed, without knowing how far they had to run, or how long those that don’t conserve energy would be wiped out. A test of both physical and mental capabilities.  

Nicolas over estimated his calculations and while looking confident at first soon fell further and further behind, until he looked like a total mess. He dropped out with a little help of the brothers trio paid by Tonpa, kicking him when he’s down. He broke, collapsing to his knees screaming in terror.  

Tonpa smirked at him, and gave the brothers some money. ‘Bye you little pest.’  

-x-

Some of the applicants dropped out due to fatigue. Leorio was struggling, but Gon was staying close to him. Killua was riding his skateboard, much to Leorio’s displeasure. “Hey kid,  get off the board!”  

“Huh, why?”  

“Why? This is an endurance test!”

“No it isn’t,” Leorio looked to Gon. “All he said was to follow him.”

“Gon, who’s side are you on!?” Killua stared at Gon.  

“Hey how old are you?” Gon told him his age. “Same age as me.” he jumped off his board. “Guess I’ll run for awhile.” He ran alongside Gon.  

“That was really cool, I wish I could ride a skateboard.” he wagged his tail. Killua chuckled.  

“I wish I could show ya,” he rubbed the back of his head.  

“It’s fine, I know not everything is built for monsters.” he smiled and Killua blushed. “I’m Gon!” he offered his hand.  

“Killua,” they shook hands. “I uh I like your tail.” he blushed, and Gon blushed.  

“Thank you!” Gon smiled, and Killua’s heart fluttered.  

To be continued