Death Stranding: An Ocean of Poop (Patreon)

I told you this game was cool. Now i'm finally at the part where i can show you. You thought it was all just gonna be dead body disposal and pizza deliveries forever. Well now what do you have to say for yourselves, now that you get to witness a man hop across ghost buildings to cross an ocean of poop while fighting a shit whale. 

That's what i'm talking about. That's what i've been trying to tell you all along. This game is full of cool stuff like that. I've just been busy doing dumb bitch work until now. 

Do not get sick of the game now. You can't. I forbid you to give up on this series because it's finally getting to the wild and crazy parts. All that walking around and falling down mountains you saw before was just to get you primed and ready for the good stuff. From this point on there's gonna be poop monsters, poop men, funny mario jokes, hot ladies who are also extinction monsters, fist fights with the silly man, and all kinds of demented stuff like that, and it doesn't let up until the end. So there. Doesn't that sound rad?

Ah whatever, describing it doesn't do it justice. I'm telling you this is one of those rare games where the story is the fun part. You'll see. You'll all see. Or you won't. I don't know how many have already stopped paying attention to this series but it's their loss. It's all the same to me cause I've seen it, cause i played it, cause i'm cool. Cool like Norman Reedus drinking a Monster Energy drink on a motorcycle and pretending it tastes good.

For the record it doesn't. Monster is evil and it tastes like an electric chair. I had 3 the other day and i swear the chemicals in them made me hot from inside like a computer melting down. I was cookin like a frog in a microwave. I was making the same sound my ps4 makes when the cat sits on it. Death. I was the Death Stranding. 

I'm even more Death Stranding today because i went to Olive Garden and had too much food, which i'm now going to eat more of because i just don't give a fuck about life. Talk about an ocean of crap. You should have seen what i did to Olive Garden, you can't because it's no more. Only devastation and ruin remains. And by the time i'm done with these leftovers i'm gonna be the shit whale that Sam Porter Shits-His-Britches is Beefing with.