Groovy Tunes: Black Sabbath - Dehumanizer (Patreon)

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!! DIOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SABBBATTHHH!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!

Nowadays when you say the name Dio, a bunch of zoomers jump out of the bushes to spam you with idiotic JoJo memes. Shameful. I will never watch JoJo. Ever. Unless some Sushi Swine pays me to do it. Have i mentioned you can pay me to do stuff? Well I'm gonna keep mentioning it. I'm running a business here. Deal with it. And deal with me, cause i deal in money and that's the deal, honey. 

I'm also gonna mention that you can be a Groovy Tune patron and request one of these bad boys alongside an anime thing. Okay that's enough of a sales pitch i'm bored. 

This actually wasn't even a request. This is one for me. I just wanted to talk about this masterpiece because after not hearing it since high school, i recently found a used copy in a store and i just about shat myself, but in a good way for once. Not in a spicy chicken way. If Wendy's Spicy Chicken sandwich didn't ruin my intestines and my underpants the way it does, it would be the perfect sandwich, and if that hypothetical perfect sandwich was an album it would be this one. Dehumanizer is a perfect sandwich, but actually it does totally kick your ass. So maybe it has more in common with the Wendy's Spicy than i thought. What the fuck am I talking about? 

All i know is i just embarrassingly spelled sandwich wrong about 5 times in a row and made spell check shake its head at me disapprovingly. Well excuse me, princess. I momentarily forgot how to spell, because i forgot how to do anything, because i just got my brain meat pounded into jelly by merely thinking about this album and remembering what it sounds like. 

I love this album, if you couldn't tell by me saying as much a hundred times. Just making myself clear. It rules. It rips. It kicks ass. It shits. It punches your nuts off and throws you in a trash compactor. It rolls over your town like the Technodrome and crushes you like Shredder got crushed in the garbage truck by Casey Jones, but then you come back stronger like Super Shredder in the 2nd movie, played by Kevin Nash. In other words, Dehumanize is 2 SWEET. 

I saw Dio Sabbath a couple times, when they were called Heaven and Hell because Sharon was being a cunt about it. I still have the ticket stubs in a folder next to some pokemon cards. I wish that guy was still around. I saw them with Ozzy too one time, and Andrew WK was the opening act, but he didn't play any songs. He just DJ'd and threw a beach ball around while randomly shouting motivational stuff into the microphone. A truly based and memorable performance by the white shirted warrior. 

God Sabbath is the greatest fucking band of all time. And I'm saying that in a cool way not in a lame boomer James Rolfe normie way. He seems like a guy who only listens to their overplayed stuff like Paranoid. I bet he's never heard a non-Ozzy Sabbath song in his life. Geeze, why am i picking on James all of a sudden. That's not very metal of me. 

I blame Dehumanizer. It gets me all totally pumped and then i start lashing out at the world. An album this powerful must be enjoyed in moderation or you'll get so energized you start hurting people and becoming a danger to society. It turns you into a violent cyber-man and then you start going around like the Terminator dehumanizing others. I'm here to spread positiivity and tell people about some Groovy Tunes. Unless the tunes suck, but this one doesn't. It actually totally rules and kicks ass, which was my entire point if you missed it before.