Katamari Rerolled (Patreon)

Oh boy it's the Blue Glow debut of another one of the greatest games ever made.  Well technically it's the modern remake/remaster/re-something of it, but you get what i mean. Katamari Damacy, baby!

I remember when i was a lad watching G4 after school when this gem was first coming out. People were simultaneously perplexed and enamored by this quirky, far-out, japanese-ass rolling game. It's one of those rare cases of a game that you can't believe even got released over here, because no one would have thought there was a market for it, but it was so undeniably unique, charming, and fun that it ended up being pretty successful just through word of mouth. It filled a niche that no one even knew existed. Those were such better days. 

But now the world is cold and ugly. We've forgotten Katamari. Seriously, i never hear people talk about it anymore. They should make a new one to brighten this hellish modern world, but honestly people nowadays don't even deserve it. They'd probably call it racist or problematic, or ignorant to the systemic institutions that enforce negative views of something or such and such, something fucking stupid like that. 

We've come a long way from the bright, optimistic early 2000s, to a nightmare era where G4 doesn't even exist anymore. Oh sure they tried to bring it back, but they did it WRONG, and ended up killing it even more dead than it already was. Worst of all, Morgan Webb was nowhere in sight. Not that i blame her, I'm sure she saw the writing on the wall like we all did and wanted nothing to do with it. She should come back in some capacity though. Preferably at my house to have a sleepover and play spin the bottle with me and the Mrs. 

All i know is this world needs her now more than ever. Who fucking thought it was a good idea to bring back a Morgan Webb-less G4. Oh, but of course Sessler's ugly ass head was all over it. Absurd. We all know who the real one was and it weren't him. Without Morgan he's a shell of a man and it's sad to watch. Why is the wrong one still around?

You kids today don't even know. You'll never understand how hot Morgan Webb was and no doubt remains. You just don't know. No one does. I alone remain as the keeper of this sacred flame, and i will nurture it until the true gaming waifu returns like Aragorn and makes all the big tittied streamer chicks bow before their rightful Queen, and i'll say "Yaaaassss Queen". That's the only time i'll ever say that about anyone. Nobody else deserves a yass queen from me. 

Maybe then this stupid world can finally start to get back on the right track, and humanity can begin on the long road toward redeeming themselves as a species. WW3 will be averted by everyone agreeing that any planet with a totally rad gamer-chick that fine has to be protected, and thus will all lands be made sacred and holy, as Queen Morgan embarks on her pilgrimage to bring video games and boners to the smallfolk. 

Anyway here's Katamari.