Oh hey look an actual masterpiece. (Patreon)

This is Disco Elysium, it's one of the best games i have ever played in my life. There's so much i could say about it, that i don't know what the hell to say about it, because i don't know where to start. Luckily this isn't a full review or critical analysis, it's just a couple paragraphs of introduction on my journey through it in that old Blue Glow. I'll have plenty more chances to articulate my deep and profound love for this absolute fucking juggernaut of a game, because there will be many posts and many episodes to come. 

That being said if you haven't played it, don't just sit around waiting to hear all of my scattered, babbling and barely coherent observations on it, go play it yourself right fucking now. I'm not joking. I'm dead fucking serious. Play. This fucking. Game.

Disco Elysium belongs in a museum. If you put it next to Boticelli's The Birth of Venus, she'd look like an ugly-ass bitch by comparison. Mona Lisa's goofy ass smile ain't got nothing on "The Expression". If you know, you know. The statue of David would look like a fat-assed weakling compared to artistic perfection of this magnitude. The charismatic cast of cast-offs and curmudgeonly cretins herein puts the Tragic Heroes of Greek myth to shame. The soundtrack makes Beethoven sound like some boring-ass Billie Eilish bullshit and the prose puts Shakespeare to shame. The story makes War and Peace look like a Family Circus comic and the presentation makes Seven Samurai look like Joe Dirt 2. 

The game. Fucking. Rules. Play it, damn you. Play it or die. I been telling everyone i know. I've been shouting it from the rooftops. I even got my girl playing it now and if she doesn't appreciate its majesty we're gonna be Splitsville, ya dig? This game deserves your love as much as i do, which is all the fucking way if you didn't know. 

In the words of a rapper who was only half as good at rapping as this game is at being awesome, "if you don't know, now ya know". If you ain't hip to the facts, you're about to be, Daddy-O, cause i'm gonna teach, preach, and beseech you to do what's right for society and your soul by going forth at once to experience this world-saving, life-changing, heart-fixing masterpiece. 

This is Disco Motherfucking Elysium and you're gonna be a better person just by watching me play it. Play it yourself and you'll become a goddamn Super Saiyin. I ain't lying. This game is gonna take you by the hand and in just 7 minutes will make you a man. It'll cure your depression and make you love yourself. Even if you suck, it'll make you slightly cooler just for having been in the same room as it. 

This first video barely even shows any gameplay, it's just me doing all the stat-building beginning bullshit, which in any normal game would be the shitty, boring part, but Disco Elysium is a genetic freak, and it ain't normal. So even the "shitty, boring" part is greater than most games (or sexual acts for that matter) manage to be at their highest climax. 

NO MORE TALKING. GAME GOOD.