Soma (Patreon)

Oh yeah baby, you know i can't talk about a bunch of spooky movies without talking about at least one spooky video game, on account of how cool video games are. 

Soma is what you get when you cross Bioshock with Outlast, and it's also what you get when you cross a good game like Bioshock, with a bad game like Outlast, so the comparison works on multiple levels. Multiple sea levels that is, specifically deep, and deeper, unlike the story which only operates on one level, Sort-of-deep-but-not-as-deep-as-it-thinks-it-is, so maybe someone accidentally added some Bioshock Infinite to the concoction as well. 

I apologize to any Outlast fans for my Outburst but i like that paragraph so i'm not changing it. The best i can do is explain the analogy in further detail so that you can understand why I'm right. Games like Outlast, and it's forebears the Amnesia series, have been nothing less than a poison in the world of horror games. I'd like to take the guy who decided not being able to fight back and having to hide from everything makes for scarier gameplay and really beat him up, but i can't because he's obviously hiding. On second thought i've probably made this point before, including in this very video, so i shan't elaborate further here. It would be a waste of time and unlike the poo-tagonist of Soma, i don't have time to wax and whine. 

Outlast? More like Outkast, cause if you lean a little bit closer Soma really smells like poo poo. That's my actual review. Just that one sentence, which barely makes any sense out of context.  Everything else is indulgent padding but that's the name of the game, i mean the reviewing game not the game i'm reviewing, which is named Soma.

Let's be real, if it weren't for a certain literary flourish and some small degree of comedic effort all my game reviews would be not only a sentence long but the same sentence. "This game was obviously good enough to get my attention but i'm too jaded to care so it's poopy."

Whoops, i just revealed my secret Krabby Patty writing formula, luckily no one else would even know what to do with it. I can show you the steps but I alone hear the music, and that's why you pay me the adequate bucks. There's no job security like being yourself, unless you're the guy in Soma, that is. For that is the very notion this macabre vision of our future seeks to challenge. 

I hope you like a little Sci-Fi Salad with your Scary Spooky Bullshit because todays buffet features both. Am i writing a review or a Twilight Zone intro? Truthfully i can say my life and times are uniquely such that i have long since passed the point of there being a difference.