Super Secret Banned Scott Pilgrim Game (Patreon)

Okay so get this, remember when Scott Pilgrim was a thing? Remember those glory days when us millennials were just coming into our 20s, and funny Nintendo jokes like "Sex Bob-omb" were still charming and cool, and there was still some color and hope in the world because the president was black and twitter didn't exist yet? 

If you're a sad culture-less zoomer who doesn't remember a time when anything was ever pure, watch the Scott Pilgrim movie sometime to see what the last dying gasp of culture in the west looked like, that movie is how real life used to be, and that's why my generation will never forgive the world for what it's become. It was all downhill from Scott Pilgrim. 

Well my point is back then they also made a Scott Pilgrim tie-in game, which i never got a chance to play because as soon as the movie was over i walked out of the theater and saw the sky turn black forever as it did on the day God's only son was killed on the fucking cross. Next thing we knew it was Harambe, Trump, bloodsport youtubers, and Corona-virus in that order. Now here we are. My generation was told the coming collapse would have a lot more Terminators, and self-lacing shoes, but now that we're in it i must say i'm underwhelmed. 

Do you wanna know how much shittier the world is now than it was 10 years ago? You wanna know the true extent? Well get this. You can't even play this game anymore. It's gone. It doesn't exist. Why? I have no idea. Probably some boring licensing shit that no one cares about, but the real answer is because the 2010s were one long spiral down the toilet and civilization is now a shambling zombie. 

Damn shame too, cause this game is dope as hell, which itself is substantially doper than our current society. I seen sinner's diggin holes, tryin to get to lake of fire faster, rather than spend one more goddamned day in this crumbling testament to man's short sighted cycle of decadence and decay. Better to be Satan's butt-slave than trying to maintain a long-distance relationship in the fractured enclaves and isolated bubbles we now call America.

Excuse me, 2020. I didn't realize dating someone a few states over would suddenly become MORE depressing than drilling holes in a watermelon, but thanks to the Stranding, that's where we're at. When are we gonna come together as a people and stop Kojima from making any more fucking predictions about the future? This isn't funny anymore. 

Anyways, this Scott Pilgrim game is pretty sweet. The pixel art is gorgeous and beautifully animated, the gameplay is fun, the music is incredible, and it harkens back to a time when people were still allowed to enjoy life. Here's a video of me playing it with some friends, and also a time capsule of the last time any American citizens were allowed to sit in the same room. 

Timestamp 1:34:22 for the last cool moment of American History. The Final dab.