Big Coof (Ft. Digibro) (Patreon)

Hey, remember when i used to make music? Well I still do, but i used to too. That's a reference, not a theft. Here's a disgusting, grimy, filthy, vile, ugly, hideous, stupid, stinky, slimy, sludgy, grungy, scummy, fugly, pug-fugly, fug-nasty, ass-crapping corona-virus rap song made specifically for the occasion. 

At some point during Radcon 4 i got an email from bandcamp telling me that just for one day, any sales made on bandcamp would go 100 percent to the artist, without bandcamp taking their usual cut. That's the second most I've ever had to use the term bandcamp in a single sentence, remembering the first takes me back to the summer of love, 1999, with my high school sweetheart Alyson Hannigan. 

I mentioned this to Digi offhandedly and then went to take a poop, but i had accidentally left the youtube algorithm playing whatever random beats it felt like, and when i returned that boi was coofing up a storm with the hook to what would become this song. I guess he liked my "make a song for bandcamp" idea. Bandcamp the website, that is. Not bandcamp the debaucherous cesspool of young maidens' defilement where i spent the grooviest days of my youth. 

And so it was that by combining my power of having ideas with Digi's power of getting them done in a timely manner, we were able to spew out this retarded coof rap in under an hour. Really the whole thing couldn't have take more than 20 minutes, as evidenced by me foolishly and disgracefully rhyming the word fake with itself which i didn't even notice until it was too late to care. Whatever. This ain't exactly meant to be my magnum opus, more like my fag-dumb dope piss. 

After all that i uploaded the song onto bandcamp in time to take advantage of their offer with a fair 1 dollar price point. It sold 2 copies. That's 2 dollars bandcamp will never get their filthy flute dooting tendrils in. Cha-ching. 

In addition to bandcamp, you can also listen to the song for free whenever you want on soundcloud, or on digi's youtube channel. 

Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/endlessjess/big-coof

Digi upload: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBiS5dVFKew

Bandcamp: https://endlessjess.bandcamp.com/track/big-coof-ft-digibro

I would post the full lyrics here but i don't want to mess up Digi's part. Here's my verse at least. 

blood in my hanky and germs on my gun

bout to spill some real ill shit at anyone

you scummy scum fucks and grungy young punkers

come get some, run, or get slam dunked in dumpsters

i get a tummy ache from dummies and snowflakes

with fake takes, thinking they're waked but half-baked

you're so fake, i got mo' hate than Socrates

to make my brain woke to the joke when you procreate

(I actually quite like that Socrates line, I'm pretty cool.)