The Witcher 3: Will I beat it? (Patreon)

Ha. You thonestly thought i     not make a video this month? I always come through. I      did a Whole fucking video   review thing. I spent the first half of this month on a train. It was sort of a cosmic trip through the outer dimensions, maybe i'll tell you bout it sommtime. But teh point is there was no time to do no stupid video shit but then i got back to earth and im like oh crap i gotta do my fuckin job now. 

so im like shit what the hell can i do i dont know i got nothin. I guess i'll watch this smelly Witcher show on my star trek machine which is what i call netflix. so i watched that whole stinking crapping show. it was pretty cool. so i says to myself oh yeah, that show is a game too. 

so now im playin the witcher 3, which i gave up on the first time cause i was in a cave with a scary bug and i didnt want to deal with it. But i finally turn that game back on after letting it sit    on me shelf for 2 years and i haul ass outta dat cave cause that bug is too damn strong. So i go back to doing the missions and the story and the shit like a witcher do. 

So im playin this wistcher 3 game and im thinkin oh hey damn this game is actually good what the fuck nobody told me.   Ha Ha.  That is a lie. Everybody told me but i didn't listen because i respect no one. 

So im playin and im witcherin and im fucking humpin on this fine sexy sorceress and im gettin into it man. im like way invested in the game. and i dont know how many nights go by, but all of a sudden my inner voice is like 

"oh hey january almost over bud you thinkin of making some content this month?"

I say first of all bitch, im an artist. Not a "content"  person . And second. No. 

And that was that. 

so then i go back to playin my stupid witcher game for babies or whatever and like another week passes or something i dont know who gives a fuck but then that dork ass inner voice come back like

"hey me, you really ought to think about getting some work done on account of you're completely out of money and have car payments to make so if you dont crap out some made up opinions and humorously sarcastic word vomit soon you're gonna have to siphon gas from a school bus and hit the road to escape the Repo Man."

And i said you fool,

i'm an intrepid traveler so that's fine by me. 

They'll never catch me, i'll live and die free. 

and then the inner voice said 

"that's well and good but a man's gotta eat, 

and warm bedsheets beat sleepin in the street, 

and once you see that these things ain't free, 

you'll have to make ends meet with the pcp"

and i said OH FUCK ANYTHING BUT THAT!

so i threw the controller through the tv screen in a frantic rage and started pounding out those fake opinions as fast and furiously as the world famous fast and furious movies that i seen 2 of. 

then i spent the last 3 days not sleepign and wokrin a 75 hour shift recording 500 takes of the same lines and painstakingly going through them all and putting them together in the timeline liek some deeply cynical audio frankenstein and transferring the footage from the ps4 to the computer and then combing through the footage and time stamping the parts where the footage matches the bullshit im saying and then layin it down and putting the final flourishes and all the little stupid trivial agonizing editing desicions and then thinking this fucking sucks and it snot good enough and re-recording shit and stress eating and only taking brakes to drive aimlessly in my car and contemplate shit at 3 in the morning and dealing with weird random computer problems like my mouse cursor disappearing for no reason and thinking for sure im not gonna make it this time and watching my whole life fall apart at the seams and deep down thinking good let it burn let it all die so i can finally be free and and step forth from the ashes of all that came before into a better simpler existence, renewed and purified as a truer version of myself, wiser and younger than ever before with a clean soul and a tranquil mind and a healed heart having grown ever closer to the man i want to be, living my life right and drinking deep from the chalice of everlasting love with all those i hold dear, mending fences and bridges burned, to once again or at long last truly support and protect all who i've let down and lost in this soul-depleting hollow pursuit of a sick vapid profession i've always despised and a lonely notoriety i never wanted in the first place...  looking through sunken eyes with deep disdain and furious disgust upon all my cursed channels and hovering over the delete button promising myself that one of these days i swear to god one beautiful day i'll have the strength and conviction to say enough is enough and just fucking destroy it all and disapear without a trace or word of explanation like an old folk legend that no one is sure ever truly existed in the first place and finally be free and finally be me and finally be someone else by escaping destroying and finding myself, shedding the past like a cracked and scarred old snake skin and letting this failed experiement of a career fade into nothingnesss so i can escape from all this hellish toxic cancer to regenerate, realign, expand, and evolve once and for all into the free wheelin hippie guru i was always meant to be, but i guess that'll be a bit difficult if they take my car away so i better just finish this boorish babbling bullshit and post it for the patrons and keep dreamin. 

So you know, pretty much my usual process. 

Okay that's all. Please enjoy me silly video. Now i sleep, and rejuvenate my body for another exciting month of goofing off until the last minute. Not really, but maybe.