LNAF 1 (aka what do I do with this) (Patreon)

Recently YouTube sucked me into a rabbit hole of Five Nights at Freddy's GMod roleplays.  Most of them seem to be made by little kids and are completely unwatchable, but I found a few I like and I am hooked.  I never played FNAF because the concept just didn't interest me and the gameplay looked atrocious ... however these fan adventures are sort of like puppet shows with crazy, elaborate plots.  It's a raw, immediate, spontaneous form of storytelling that I found to be quite inspiring.  While mowing The Swamp a few days ago, a script started to materialize in my mind, and later when I sat down at my computer the first three and a half episodes came spewing out of me like ... well, something spewing forth in a great torrent.

The problem is, I'm not a gamer, my Steam account hasn't even been logged onto in YEARS, I don't have Garry's Mod, don't know how to use it, don't have video capture equipment to record my session, and I doubt it would be worthwhile for me to gather all of the resources I would need to make this into a video.  So I'll just post the script here and you tell me what you think I should do.

It doesn't follow the lore of the games (because I don't know much of the lore of the games) and owes only a loose allegiance to the GMod fan lore.  I leaned more heavily into the concept of them being animatronic robots, which is really not utilized much in the videos I've watched.  I imagine my version of Freddy sounding like Peter Griffin.  Bonnie talks like a California Surfer Dude.  Chica sounds like Minnie Mouse.  Foxy sounds like Long John Silver.  Golden Freddy talks like a posh Englishman.  Frenni should have a husky femme-fatale voice but if (in the great GMod tradition) I am voicing all of the characters, she will sound like a drag queen.

Anyway, that's enough preamble; here's the script for the first part.

Last Night at Freddy's

Chapter 1

(Freddy Fazbear "wakes up" (i.e. suddenly activates) on the main stage of the pizzeria.  Bonnie the Bunny, with his guitar, is standing next to Freddy.)

(Freddy looks around.  The main dining room is empty.  The security shutters are down in the windows behind him but he does not notice.)

Freddy:  Huh?  What the hell?  (pause)  Hey Bonnie, are you awake?

Bonnie:  Uh, yeah.  This is weird.

Freddy:  Tell me about it!  We normally don't activate until showtime, but ... there's nobody here.

Bonnie:  Dude, I don't like this.  Something's wrong.

Freddy:  Let's look around and see if we can find out what's going on.

Bonnie:  Uhh, I dunno man.  We're not supposed to leave the stage.

Freddy:  Aw, come on, Bonnie, we've done it before.

Bonnie:  Have we?

Freddy:  Yeah, we must have, because I know where things are.  For example, the kitchen is through those doors over there.  (points)

Bonnie:  Well duh, bro, we can see into it from here when they're open.

Freddy:  Okay buddy, then what's down that hallway? (points)

Bonnie:  The snack bar.

Freddy:  Right, but how do you know that?

Bonnie:  Uhhh...

Freddy:  The arcade's down there, and way at the back is the security office.

Bonnie:  (nervous whisper)  S-s-security office ...?

Freddy:  And the only way I could know all of that is if I'd been there.  Right?

Bonnie:  Y-yeah, I guess.  I do know all of those locations, so like, I must have gone there but I don't remember actually going there, y'know?

Freddy:  Well come on.  First let's see if Foxy is awake.

Bonnie:  I dunno, Freddy.  Seriously, we probably shouldn't leave the stage, dude.

Freddy:  Relax, Bonnie.  So we barge in somewhere we're not supposed to be, what's the worst that could happen?  They'll just shut us off and put us back on stage, no problem.  You and me, we're expensive pieces of equipment.  They're not gonna let anything happen to us.  Especially not me.  I'm the main attraction!  My name is on the sign!  You stick with me and you'll be okay.

Bonnie:  Well ... all right.

(They go over to the Pirate Cove and stand outside the curtain.)

Freddy:  Foxy!  Hey Foxy!  Aw crap, what's that thing we have to say to get his attention?  Uh ... AHOY!  Foxy the Pirate!

(Foxy sticks his head out)

Foxy:  Avast there ye lubbers!  Why be ye disturbin' me slumber?

Freddy:  We wanted to know if you were awake.

Foxy:  (long pause)  Yarr, obviously I am, so what is it yer wantin?

Freddy:  How long have you been awake?

Foxy:  Yarr, just this minute since ye roused me outta me bunk.  Now for the last time, tell me what ye want or I'll split ye from stem to stern! (brandishes his hook)

Freddy:  Whoah, calm down man.  Just take a look around and tell me what you see.

Foxy:  (looks)  Well blow me down!  Never have I seen the galley so empty.

Bonnie:  Yeah, dude, there's like nobody here.

Foxy:  No passengers?  No crew?  Yarr, have they all abandoned ship?

Freddy:  Seems that way.

Foxy:  Yarr.  Stormy weather brewin, lads.  I like not the look of it.

Freddy:  Bonnie and I are snooping around, trying to find out what's going on.  You wanna come along?

Foxy:  Nay, I'll need all me strength for the trouble ahead.  I go on watch at six bells.  Until then, I'll not be disturbed.  Yarr!  (he goes back inside the Pirate Cove)

Freddy:  Okay ... Well, let's check the kitchen next since it's the closest.

(They enter the kitchen, where Chica is fussing with the oven.  Two pizzas are cooling on the counter.  Chica turns as Freddy and Bonnie enter.)

Chica:  Oh hello boys!  Would you like some pizza?

Freddy:  Chica, we're animatronics.  We don't eat.

Chica:  I know, but there aren't any customers and I'm so BORED!  Cooking is the only thing I know how to do!

Bonnie:  So then, you've been awake for like, a while?

Chica:  Long enough to make these pizzas.

Freddy:  That's what, about an hour?  Did you see anything, hear anything?

Chica:  No, I've been in here the whole time.  There's usually orders coming in, but so far tonight, nothing.  I peeked out there once and saw the dining room was empty.

Freddy:  You said tonight.  Is it night time?  Is it the time when the pizzeria is usually open?

Bonnie:  Oh whoah, good point Freddy!  What time is it?

Freddy:  I don't know.

Chica:  I don't either.

Bonnie:  We could look outside and see if it's light out.

(They look back into the dining room and notice that the security shutters are down.)

Freddy:  Holy crap!  The shutters are down!  That means we're closed, and I think something bad has happened!

Chica and Bonnie:  Oh no!  Oh no!

Freddy:  And we have no way of knowing what time it is.  Bonnie and I are investigating.  You wanna come with us?

Chica:  Uh, I kinda have to stay here and make pizzas.

Freddy:  Chica, we have no customers.  Better not waste ingredients making pizzas if there's nobody to eat them.

Chica:  Good point.  Let me just turn this oven off ... okay, let's go.

(They leave the kitchen and turn the corner into the hallway leading to the security office.  The hallway is dark, but we can see that a light is on in the office and someone is moving inside, casting a shadow on the wall.)

Freddy:  (whispering)  There's somebody in there!

Chica:  Is it Foxy?

Freddy:  No, he's sleeping in his Cove.

Chica:  Well then it can't be an animatronic!  All of us are accounted for.

Bonnie:  I don't like this!  Let's go back to the stage before we get in trouble, man!

Freddy:  You can go back if you want to, but I've got to find out what's going on!  Chica, are you with me?

Chica:  Y-yes...

Bonnie:  (flees back to the stage and returns to his idle position)  Oh man, oh man, oh man...

(Freddy and Chica sneak up to the security office, where they peek in the window and see Golden Freddy messing with the security console.)

Golden Freddy:  I can see you on camera, you know.  Stop skulking and come inside.

(Freddy and Chica enter the security room)

Freddy:  Who the hell are you?

Golden Freddy:  I am known as Golden Freddy.

Freddy:  So you're, what, a special version of me?

Golden Freddy:  Not quite.  I am your predecessor.  I used to work here until they bought you.  Then I was decommissioned and put into storage.

Freddy:  Wait a minute, if you were decommissioned, then why are you active, and what are you doing in here?

Golden Freddy:  Ah.  Well, it's a long story, but basically I awoke quite mysteriously and ... this is going to sound rather juvenile, but ... I lurk.  I skulk about, and watch, and behave in a generally spooky manner, and basically, well, I haunt the place.

Chica:  Like a ghost?

Golden Freddy:  Hmm, yes, you could say that, I suppose.

Chica:  Oooh, that's very interesting!

Freddy:  So you've been lurking around for a long time.  You must have seen what happened!  How come the security shutters are closed and the restaurant is empty?

Golden Freddy:  There has been an unfortunate event, an incident, which I shall henceforth refer to as ... The Incident.  Oh yes!  These walls bear witness to an occurrence so dire, so sinister, so dreadful, so ghastly, so ... unseemly that the mind shudders to contemplate it!

Chica:  So what happened?

Golden Freddy:  No idea.  I'm sure I saw it, but much like yourselves, I find that my memory is a blank.  I'm certain that the security logs will tell us everything, but confound it, I do not know the password.

Freddy:  Have you tried plugging into the USB and interfacing with it directly?

Golden Freddy:  Alas, I only have a SCSI port.

Freddy:  Jeeze, you are old.

Golden Freddy:  Well, do YOU have this "USB?"

Freddy:  I do.  Let me just squeeze in here ... (he shoves his way up to the security console and plugs in)  Here we go ... doop a de doo ...

Golden Freddy:  Egad!  Look there!  It says "device connected!"  You're in, man, you're in!

Freddy:  No I'm not.  It says I need Administrator access to do anything.  Now it wants a password and I don't know it.  Let me think, what would it be?  Something nobody would guess .. how about .. "banana soup." (types)  Aw crap, that wasn't it.  Aw double crap, now there's a timer.  What do I do, what do I do?  Uhhh ... uhhhhh ... crap!  I'm locked out.  Annnd I'm being ejected.  (sigh)  No luck.

Golden Freddy:  Blast!  We were this close!

Freddy:  Listen, Chica and I are prowling around, looking for clues.  You wanna come with us?

Golden Freddy:  No, I'm certain that the key lies here.  However, do not let me discourage you from your own investigations.  They may indeed prove fruitful.

Chica:  I think I'll stay here with him.

Freddy:  Okay, suit yourself.  I'll head toward the snack bar.

(Freddy leaves through the other door.  He passes through the dining room but Bonnie is staring in a different direction and does not notice him.  Freddy arrives at the snack bar.)

Freddy:  Nobody here and no clues.  (he notices the office door, which is ajar)  What's in there?  I don't know about this room.  (he goes in.  The office is crowded with five large crates.)  Some kind of storage room?  No, it's too nice in here for storage.  An office?  The boss's office?  I know I've never been in here.  Why would the boss's office be full of boxes?  What's in them anyway?  Pizza ingredients?  I could unpack them and bring them into the kitchen.  That would be useful, and there's nothing else to do.  Lemme just crack this one open, and ...

(he opens the crate and backs up in surprise when he sees Frenni looking out at him)

Frenni:  Initializing.

Freddy:  HUH??