The Riddler Speaks - Casefile #0157 (Patreon)

EDWARD: Look, all I’m saying is “What have I got in my pocket” is NOT a Riddle! That’s just a question! By definition alone, he lost the contest.

(IKKY caws)

EDWARD: I know he had three guesses, but that’s still not fair. It’s just a cop out is all. It’s a matter of… oh. Well… this is different. Why would they put a wall here? He asks, fleeing from an asylum. Good point, Edward. I guess we’re going through door number 2, Ikky. Well, this is considerably more sewer than I care for. Hold on tight, wee one. The terrain is a bit… ugh. I shudder to think what the terrain is.

(IKKY caws)

EDWARD: Yes, I know it’s bad, but they’re not YOUR Bruno Maglis wading through human filth, are they? Oh good lord… One would be at a loss to imagine how this could get worse.

(Crocodile growls)

EDWARD: …Why do I say words? Okay… backing up now. Haha, no need for trouble, fellas. Just a bitter human with an incredibly tasty bird passing through.

(Crocodile hisses and snaps)

EDWARD: I don’t think they’re buying it.

???: You shoulda known better than tryin’ to pass down here, boy.

EDWARD: Wait…

???: You ready to feed some bellies?

EDWARD: …Waylon, is that you?

….

WAYLON:….Eddie?

EDWARD: Dammit Waylon, you scared the shit out of me!

WAYLON: Well at least you in the right place! Haha! Damn, Eddie! It’s good t’see ya!

EDWARD: Likewise. I could do without the crowd, though.

WAYLON: Oh these guys? Ahh, they just here to scare. Ain’t gonna hurt ya none. Are you? Aight now, run along while Daddy gabs.

EDWARD: So is this the latest idea of fun? Sewer security?

WAYLON: Y’know it was to start with, but Arkham noticed some of the runaways beggin’ to be let back in, and they started wonderin’ why. When Jonny found out what I was doin’, he made sure Arkham threw a few dollars my way to keep the folks where they aughtta be.

EDWARD: Good work if you can get it.

WAYLON: So whatcha doin’ in ol’Croc’s neck o’ da woods?

EDWARD: I’m a man on a mission, albeit a conscripted one.

WAYLON: Eh?

EDWARD: Our good Doctor’s gone missing, and I’m going to help him out of the goodness of Oswald’s heart.

WAYLON: I was gonna say, bout the only way Ikky’d be on your shoulder is if Jonboy was in trouble. Hadn’t stopped by in a while neither. Figured he just didn’t wanna talk to Ol’ Waylon no more.

EDWARD: Does he visit often?

WAYLON: ‘Bout once a week if he had the time. Said he was takin’ on new patients, but he didn’t charge me none. Heh, I mean… no one’s ever wanted to talk to Killer Croc before. Gets lonely if you let it. Sometimes you just need someone t’talk to, y’know?

EDWARD: I… yeah. Sometimes you do.

WAYLON: Speakin’ of! You have to meet the chirruns!

EDWARD: Beg pardon?

WAYLON: C’mon over here. Come meet the family!

(Duckling quacks.)

WAYLON: C’mon over here, kiddies. Come say hi to Eddie naw!

(More duckling quacks.)

WAYLON: Alright now, this here is Waylon the Third. This one’s little Dickie. This here is Jonjon, and this one’s Eddie – he’s the smart one, that one. Always runnin’ around. Where’d he put his little hat?

EDWARD: They’re beautiful, Waylon. A perfect little family, but I’m afraid I have to get on my merry little way. Duty calls and whatnot.

WAYLON: Where you headed, anyhow?

EDWARD: Uhm… 43rd and Nine.

WAYLON: The farm? Ohhh, you’d do well to stay away from there, Eddie. There’s a stink in there water don’t wash away.

EDWARD: Any other day, I would avoid it like the plague, but I fear my hands are tied.

WAYLON: You wan’t ol’ Waylon t’tag along?

EDWARD: The muscle would be appreciated, believe me, but I fear we would draw too much attention together.

WAYLON: Fair ‘nuff. Farm’s about six miles east – you follow system A here, and hang a left at the split. It’ll take you right alongside 43rd, so it’s just a hop to the farm.

EDWARD: A and then left. Much obliged, Mr. Jones.

WAYLON: You need help though, you know what to do.

EDWARD: Most assuredly. Take care of yourself Waylon, and the chirruns.

WAYLON: You too, Ed. Don’t be a stranger now, huh?

EDWARD: Certainly not – now that I have an address.

WAYLON: Bye now. Bye Ikky.

(IKKY caws)

EDWARD: Alright Ikky, only… six more miles.