Nightwing's Joke (DC) (Patreon)

This was a story commission for one of the top tier patrons - hope you all enjoy!

Dick Grayson, the man known as Nightwing, didn’t often like to admit when he was out of his depth. This time however he felt somewhat forced to confess that things weren’t going his way, especially as he was face-to-face with the Joker, the most feared enemy of Dick’s adopted father Bruce, and the villain had him strapped down onto a gurney. He was painfully vulnerable in that moment, capable of doing little more than hiding his terror and hoping that the madman’s whims wouldn’t turn violent any time soon. Given his famous unpredictability though, Dick didn’t have much faith that the Joker wasn’t about cutting him up and messing around with his insides.

“You know, I don’t think anybody tells you what a pretty little bat you are,” the Joker announced suddenly, tracing his fingers along Dick’s collarbone. “Definitely prettier than Bats and I don’t think much of his new Robin either. You, my darling Nightwing, are my favourite. Don’t you feel special?” If Dick hadn’t been gagged in that moment he would have enjoyed spitting in the other’s face. Alas, he was restrained and could only settle for glaring which earned a roaring laugh in response. “Don’t be sad, my dear! It’s a compliment! You should be smiling!”

Dick wasn’t sure anyone had ever willingly smiled in the Joker’s presence unless they too were clinically insane, like Harley Quinn or the goons that he always seemed to be able to recruit. “You’ll be smiling soon enough, don’t you worry,” the madman promised, “I’ll take that frown and turn it upside down!” Knowing the Joker that probably meant carving Dick’s face open by his mouth and that most certainly wasn’t an option. Dick began to struggle a little more, resenting how tough the binds around his wrists and ankles were. He was firmly locked in place.

A quick look around the room in the hopes of finding something that could be of potential help to him unfortunately turned up very little. His investigation had revealed a series of monitors that seemed to be displaying his vital signs, as well as several keyboards full of complex switches and lights, and then another gurney. Most concerning though was that the gurney was connected to a number of wires that led right back to the keyboards and monitors and that likely meant that the gurney Dick was currently placed upon was hooked up in similar fashion. Whatever the Joker was planning, it wouldn’t be good.

“Don’t you trust me, Pretty Bat?” the villain asked, reaching down and removing the gag from Dick’s mouth. It was an action that caught the young vigilante by surprise but he quickly took advantage by spitting right in the other’s eye. The act of defiance merely earned another cackle from the Joker - followed by a sharp slap around the face. “Now now, that’s no way to treat your host! You’ll only regret it in the long run - trust me.” 

While not an obvious threat, there was something very ominous about the Joker’s words and a ripple of fear rushed down Dick’s spine. He squirmed in place and fought back the urge to start an angry tirade that would likely only amuse the villain more. “I don’t know what you’re planning but you’ve gotta know by now that you won’t succeed,” he warned the other, faking confidence that he certainly didn’t feel. “You never do.”

The Joker seemed undeterred by what he had to say. “Oh but things are different this time, aren’t they?” he pointed out with a bright smile, “There’s no Bats to swoop in and save you. We aren’t even in his territory!” It was true. For once the Joker wasn’t committing crimes in Gotham but instead in Bludhaven, the city that Nightwing had sworn to protect after first leaving his position as Robin. It was unusual for such a high profile super-villain to make an appearance in Bludhaven but the Joker had become so synonymous with Gotham City that Nightwing had never expected to run into him on one of his nightly patrols. He’d been totally unprepared as a result of his complacency and had been momentarily overwhelmed which had allowed the villain to get the upper hand on him and knock him out.

“I don’t need Bats to save me,” Dick replied defiantly, even if he didn’t feel quite so sure. The Joker had a way of getting under his skin in a way that no other villain did. Sure, the likes of Bane were tough and the Riddler was always difficult to predict but nobody scared Dick like the Joker. He was sure he wasn’t alone in that either, especially after what he’d done to Jason, Dick’s replacement as Robin. Even Bruce was scared of him, although he would never admit to such a weakness. Batman was invincible both in body and mind - at least that was what Bruce wanted people to believe.

“That’s right, Pretty Bat,” the Joker agreed, stroking a finger along Dick’s strong square jawline, “I’m here to save you.” With that, he returned the gag to Dick’s mouth and gave him a pat on the chest. The inhuman grin on the other’s face sent another ripple throughout the young vigilante’s body and he struggled against his bonds once more as the Joker whistled, summoning two of his goons into the room. “You know what to do, boys!” he instructed and one of the goons moved to the keyboards next to the monitors while the other helped the Joker onto the second gurney.

Dick watched in sheer confusion as the Joker was strapped onto the gurney, laughing all the while. The vigilante’s heartbeat began to race as his mind put together a series of potential events that may have followed but he didn’t have to wait long before whatever system was being run through those computer systems activated and gave Dick a sharp electric shock, causing his body to convulse. He screamed against the gag in his mouth, writhing in pain until his vision - and the world - seemed to go dark and provide some momentary sweet relief.

Dick woke to the sound of a familiar laugh. It was not the Joker’s laugh, however, but rather his own. Most concerningly, he wasn’t the source of that laughter. It came from across the room.

No… he hasn’t… Dick was too terrified to open his eyes. He dreaded what he might see standing across the room and simply didn’t want to believe what he was already suspecting to have happened. The reason the Joker was strapped down to the gurney and they were both connected by wires to the computer made perfect sense if it really had happened and Dick really didn’t want it to be the case. His whole body throbbed with pain and he didn’t feel quite right. He’d have to open his eyes. He had to know!

Sure enough, across the room stood his body, now free from the restraints and stood next to the gurney, flexing his lean muscles and feeling up his body through the black-and-blue skin-tight suit that had become so iconic in Bludhaven since his arrival years beforehand. There was no mistaking the laugh that came from his body though - that was the Joker’s laugh. He had switched their bodies!

Panic flared through Dick as he considered what the Joker might do under his new disguise and he began to thrash wildly against the restraints, screaming into the gag. The sudden ruckus caught the attention of the body thief and with a bright smile, the Joker bound across the room until he was right next to Dick and placed a single finger to his lips. “Hush now, Pretty Bat, you’re ruining my fun!” he exclaimed, the words sounding foreign when spoken in Dick’s own voice.

Despite the other’s warning, Dick didn’t cease in his struggles. He was desperate for an escape so he could fix the horrific act that had been committed, the thievery of his body easily being one of the Joker’s most heinous acts since he had tortured and killed Jason Todd all those years ago. The damage he could do in the identity of Nightwing was absolutely incredible and that was what scared Dick the most. Nobody was safe from the Joker now, especially not Bruce. There was a very real possibility that the Joker would be able to get close enough to the Batman to kill him and nobody would ever suspect a thing!

Dick was so busy in his struggle that he didn’t notice the syringe the Joker held in his hand until the last second and by then it was too late. The needle pierced his skin and he gasped against his gag as the villain injected him with an unknown substance. Immediately he felt much more tired and the world began to spin around him. The man formerly known as Nightwing desperately attempted to hold onto consciousness but it was simply too difficult and as he faded into the land of nightmares, the last thing he saw was his own face grinning above him like a madman…

Consciousness returned some time later. The Joker rose from his slumber and let out a howl of dismay as he realized where he was - back in his cell at Arkham Asylum. “No, no, no!” he wailed, banging against the brick walls. Hadn’t he devised some genius plan to escape capture? He was finally going to kill the Batman! As hard as he tried, he simply couldn’t remember what that plan was, nor if he’d actually been able to go through with it. Wasn’t that funny? The madman burst out into laughter as he considered what might have ended him back in the lock-up with all of the other loonies that called Gotham City their home.

“Does it feel good to be back home?” A voice called out from the other side of the cell bars, snapping the Joker out of his hysteria. He glanced over and found himself peering through the bars at the Pretty Bat Boy, Nightwing. There was a twinge of familiarity when the Joker looked upon him but he couldn’t quite put his finger on why. Had his plan involved the other, somehow? “You’re fitting right in for your first time stay. I must say, I’m impressed!” The other finished with a deep chuckle and for once, the Joker was horrified to realize that he didn’t understand the joke.

“First time stay? Oh dear Pretty Bat, you must be mistaken! I guess you’re really all looks and no brain, hmm?” he retorted, only to be met by more laughter from the other. The Joker was perturbed. Was somebody laughing at him? Preposterous! “What is it? What’s so damn funny?”

A wicked smirk crossed the vigilante’s face - one that was all too familiar. Could it be? No… he’d remember being in that body, surely! “Just a joke,” the hero explained, “My best one yet, actually.” With a howling laugh, Nightwing retreated back into the shadows, leaving the Joker trying to piece everything together in his own insane mind…