Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 58 (Patreon)

Unfortunately, I’m Not A Hero 58

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Commissioned by Shaderic

Wordcount: 2500

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I expected every single one of my plans to be overridden the day of the actual wedding, because Kindred have proven themselves time and time again to be absolutely, horny sluts lacking in self-control. 

Everything about the wedding that I changed in the wedding was directly aimed at lowering the levels of eroticism present in the temple. There weren’t going to be any public-use men, there wasn’t going to be a bed to consummate anything on, and everyone at the wedding was going to be dressed and acting properly. 

Naturally, on the day of the wedding, I expected to swear my vows with an orgy raring to go at the foot of the altar. 

And, I’m absolutely in the right for expecting that, because Kindred are Kindred. 

Stereotyping? 

Absolutely not. 

It is a fact that Kindred will die for the chance to fuck, therefore I have every right to believe that they’ll disregard a single man’s wishes in regards to having a half-decent wedding. 

If my wedding wasn’t going to be burning to the ground, courtesy of some enemy somewhere that I made over the course of my lifetime, I expected it to be sopping wet, absolutely disgusting, and utterly terrible instead.

However, that wasn’t the case. 

The pews were filled, and everyone seated were wearing kimonos. Some barely had them closed, but they were wearing clothes, therefore I counted that as a wing. The tables and food area that dominated the right of the temple was properly set up. None of the servers were being dragged beneath the linen table clothes, or being cajoled into being plates to eat off of. Finally, off to the left of the temple, there wasn’t a single sign of anyone using the curtains cordoning away the gifts to have their way with a butler, or two, or three. 

Everything about the whole affair screamed that this was just a regular, normal wedding where nothing lewd was expected to happen at all.

If you ignored the giant, lewd statue of a Kitsune wearing nothing that is. 

However, I did ignore that, so everything else made Kurama’s expression all the more devastating to all of my plans. 

The red-haired Kitsune who was supposed to be my most formidable enemy, the woman sent by the Kindred to keep my leashed and maybe extract everything I had for themselves, was waiting for me at the altar with a scarlet blush that stretched like a band across her face. Luminescent blushes were supposed to be fictional, but apparently that wasn’t the case for Kindred. 

“Ur, what the hell is going on?” 

Was this some sort of massive joke? Kindred actually acting like reasonable, sane people instead of frantically horny and insatiably horny people? I’d laugh my ass off the moment I heard someone even insinuate you don’t have to be on guard 24/7 to be treated like a person by Kindred. The moment a man decides to not be an unreachable goal, they get pounced on and taken by Kindred, and that’s that.

Also, why do I feel like asking that question aloud make me feel like it’ll get me killed, even though it’s supposed to be true?

Before I was able to consider the situation any longer, I felt Ur’s hand on my shoulder.

“Hachiman, you can panic and rethink things later. Now, you must act.” Ur spoke, but there was more to her words than that. There was more than confidence and assurance to her tone. It nearly sounded like she was disappointed in my sudden stop, even though she continued to press me forward. “Act properly and make this moment special, please.”

Even though I was desperately trying to figure out what she meant, only to come up against an insurmountable wall each time I tried, my body began to move forward regardless.

Because, even if I could lie to myself, there comes a point when even being an expert at fooling myself wouldn’t help in the slightest. 

Everything that I saw now was done for me. 

Against the traditions of the Kindred, in the eyes of nobility in the valley, and even in the eyes of the nobility from beyond, Kurama implemented all that I asked her to, and ensured that every single thing that I asked for was done. 

Despite the fact her family valued tradition, despite how it would be proper for her in the eyes of everyone else to not listen to a word I said, and despite the fact that I couldn’t have stopped her if she chose to not listen, Kurama still did.  

Then, finally, there was the fact she made sure that the guards of the temple, A’Bel, the Amazons, and Reiser, were all past the altar or in the periphery of my vision. Guards who shouldn’t be seen, who should be outside, were present because she knew that their presence would calm me down… and so that those present would know of my military strength. 

Undoubtably, I didn’t have a chance at all spinning what I saw against Kurama.

So, as I walked forward towards her, I could no longer remember to forget who Kurama really was… and the reason why I was willing to go this far. 

Kurama allowed me to keep my distance, even though she could have asked me to be with her, by leveraging what I owed to her family.

Kurama worked and did as she was asked, doing everything she could properly and diligently, even though she could’ve lived any way she wanted in Ylstu. 

Kurama went against her mother’s wishes to have me drugged and become hers, when I couldn’t have stopped her. 

A long, long time ago, I swore that I would never fall for a nice girl again. Someone who happened to be kind to everyone, I thought, is a just a person who’s kind to one.  The me from all those years ago didn’t probably thought that he wanted something genuine, something true, and not just a facade.

However, after all these years of dealing with the hatred of the Empire, being treated like weapon to be used, and being special to so many other people…

I didn’t mind being with someone who treated everyone kindly like Kurama.

Not a waste of resources.

Not a soldier against my will.

Not a silver bullet to every single problem, a chieftain, or a hero.

I wanted to just be a person. 

Maybe I’m betraying myself, but marrying someone who’s decent, nice, and knows to take a step back… just doesn’t sound bad anymore.

Eventually, I found myself before Kurama, with my legs managing to take me along while I was lost to my thoughts. With just a single look, I could tell that there was something besides that kindness that accepted. The woman in front of me had her own intentions, her own desires, and her own wants.

I don’t know her that well.

Her birthday, her favorite food, her favorite color were all things I never asked her about. Her dreams, aspirations, and goals? 

I didn’t ask her about that either.

But I know that she’s a good person, someone who cares for people even they treat her terrible, and I can’t think of a better person to hand Ylstu off to when I’m gone.

“Hey.” I did my best to stand straight, to not act like a complete idiot, and I succeeded until I felt heat start to gather on my face. Whatever credibility I had from dressing up like an otome game villain died the moment the blush formed on my face. Everyone knows that the moment a villain blushes everything wrong they’ve ever done is immediately turned into “gap moe” fuel, therefore I’m fucked. “So… how are we doing this?”

Kurama gave no answer, while a priestess came forward with a pillow in her hand with two rings. 

Kurama took one and held out her hand, while glancing at my right.

And, so, I raised my hand and placed in hers. 

There was more than few whispers from the peanut gallery of Kindred. They were all probably frightened by the lewd act of holding hands in public, instead of ceremonial fucking in public, but I paid them little attention.

I focused on Kurama, clad in the most expansive and wonderful silk gown I’d ever laid my eyes upon, as she treated the ring and my hand like they were both infinitely more precious. Carefully, making sure to not make a single mistake, Kurama held my hand as she placed the golden band around from my ring finger. She smiled as it expanded, and then contracted, until it was a perfect comfortable fit on my hand. 

Then, she took a step back, and offered me her own hand. 

Hesitation threatened me for a second, but I took what little confidence I had and took control of the situation. If I tried to be gentle, I knew that I would mess up, so I made sure to be thorough instead. I should just be rough and quick, not caring at all about convention, so that this can be over with without me fucking up.

That was my thought process, yet the moment slowed to a crawl the moment I touched the ring. 

It was cold to the touch, heavier than I expected, and it brought with it the entirety of the situation that I was trying to ignore.

I didn’t deserve to have this. 

I need to be at the front. 

I need to fight.

I need to make everyone’s sacrifices worth it.

Holding Kurama’s hand, and holding a ring, shouldn’t bring up those thoughts… if things were simpler. If it was true, all of this was just so that I could continue to strengthen Ylstu, then there wouldn’t be a single problem. However, as the thoughts continued to pile on, to insist, and to stop me from doing what I needed to do… the truth that I already acknowledged and tried to push aside weighed on me more and more.

This wasn’t even happiness; I was only finding someone I could trust to take care of Ylstu. 

Someone I could count on to do the right thing, and see Ylstu safe once I’m gone. 

Kurama deserved this spot, and I wanted her to have it… so I went against those thoughts with all my might. 

If I risk my own life, it’s fine.

If I die, it’s fine.

But I’m not going to let my fuckups, regrets, and mistakes fuck up the people of Ylstu. 

Ylstu is a place filled with good people. Not humans. Not Kindred. Good people who’ve come to find good lives, even though I’ve used them to my own ends. When I die, just like I decided with Ur, I don’t want them to follow after me. They’ve worked hard for the lives they now lead, they deserve to live, and they don’t deserve to lose anything. 

So, for them, I forced myself forward, took control of my hand, and placed the ring upon Kurama’s finger. 

The moment I did… the next breath I took felt as though it was the first, I’d taken in a long, long time. 

There it was. 

It was undeniably selfish for me, since I gave it to Kurama.

However, in the end, I couldn’t think of anyone else to give it to. 

Thought the moment seemed to last for forever for me, no one else seemed to notice whatever troubles I had.

Due to the lack of applause though, I could tell that whatever was supposed to finish the wedding hadn’t happened yet.

The priestess began to say some traditional words, about union, togetherness, and fertility and all that, but hardly anyone was listening to her. Everyone’s eyes were on both myself and Kurama, while I wondered about what was going to happen after my latest panic attack at something completely trivial. 

Thankfully, Kurama was somehow capable of looking through my perfect, emotionless mask and mouthed a single word at me to explain. 

That word was: “kiss.”

I see.

So I’m losing one virginity today no matter what, huh?

Well. 

I guess, I might as well lose it on my own terms.

Kurama gazed at the priestess, while I prepared myself for what I needed to do in order to claim as much as I possibly could at the start of this relationship. As she waited for the starting gun to fire, I planned my attack, calling upon what little knowledge I had of kissing horny Kindred who might jump me if I don’t go for an all-out attack that destroys them instantly. 

As the traditional chants died down, for some reason, all I could think of was related to a… yellow octopus that could fly at Mach 20?

That part of the idea made absolutely no sense, but it was difficult to not cry about that octopus for some reason.

Thank you, strange, weird thing from my past life for helping me out at this moment. 

I sincerely apologize for not knowing what you are, but I will use the knowledge somehow connected to you to the best of my ability.

The moment the priestess stopped speaking, as a suddenly glint formed in Kurama’s eye, I struck decisively.

A kiss is a multilayered attack.

First, you make contact.

Kurama’s eyes widened with surprise as our lips connected, and she froze as I expected, allowing me to move forward.

Second, you take hold of your target. 

Kurama, frozen in shock and surprise, couldn’t resist even with her superior strength as I wrapped one arm around her waist and tilted back her head with the other. It was a gambit, of course, since the moment I failed would leave me in her grip. However, I had no intention of failing whatsoever.

Thirdly, the most important part of the kiss, is to overwhelm the enemy’s defense and attack continuously!

I have no clue about the theory behind it whatsoever, but from my memories of the past, this technique allowed a young boy to defeat a monster… so I put my all towards passing my tongue between her lips, and steadily, slowly, and assuredly claiming all I could reach with my tongue, tilting her head back, holding her close, and minimizing the distance between the two of us as much as possible in order to reach all the I could.

Kurama tried to wriggle out of my grip, and even fight back, but as she tried to get past my defenses I just intensified. Some muffled words and cries started to leave her, as she shuddered in my grip, but I persisted and did all that I could while her eyes fluttered, her blush brightened, and as what was unmistakably enjoyment shorted out her brain.

When I pulled away, the taste of strawberries lingered on my tongue, as I wiped away the mess on my lips with one hand and held Kurama’s limp form up with the other. 

A delirious smile played on her lips, and somewhere along the kiss, her hands went from limp to holding onto my waist. 

I was too focused on doing what I needed to do to pay attention to the wedding, so I glanced over the congregation as Kurama somehow held onto me even while unconcise.

The nobles with husbands were gone along with their husbands, including Kurama’s parents.

The nobles without husbands were being held down by my Amazons who were all glaring at me, while A’bel was laughing away in the corner. 

Reiser was glaring at the serving boys, who were all looking at me with anger for some reason.

Then, finally, there was Roseann… clapping all by herself with an amused smile on her face.

Dammit, woman, I’m doing my best with what I’ve got!