Happy Loser Hypnosis (Patreon)

 Welcome, and congratulations! If you are hearing this message, it means that you have been selected to be among the thousands of our nation's citizens to take on an important new role in our society. From now on, you will be...a Loser! You should have received your Loser-branded diapers and official Loser sash along with this audio player, as well as a selection of essential supplies that your designated caretakers will need to properly support you in your new Loser capacity. If you have not received these supplies, please report the oversight to your nearest Societal Re-Structuring Center immediately. Your friends, family, and former co-workers have been duly alerted to your change in status, and have been advised on how to treat you appropriately in keeping with your new role in society.

 The Loser role is essential to the happiness and well-being of our newly restructured society, and I am certain you will assume your new attitudes and behaviors with the enthusiasm this important designation deserves. Just as those around you must also learn to adjust to their new tasks and responsibilities in our newly refurbished social order, you too must learn to adjust your self-image and expectations to match the Loser designation. It is mandated that you listen to this hypnotic re-education audio message at least three times a day for the next six weeks of your training, until your new Loser persona becomes second nature, and no lingering status-related discomfort remains. Your caretakers have been notified to ensure that you continue to stick to your training regime, once your mental faculties have broken down to the point that you cannot continue independently.

 Don't be alarmed if you find that this recording becomes confusing and difficult to understand as time goes on. This is quite normal for Losers and will not impede the effectiveness of the reeducation process. Please listen to this recording while lying on a comfortable bed, couch, or crib, to ensure the effective absorption of hypnotic suggestions into your subconscious mind. If you pursue your re-education program diligently, we anticipate that a lifetime of happiness and relaxation will follow. Thank you for your cooperation.

 Relax. Take a deep breath.

 In......and out.

 In......and out

 In......and out.

 Allow your body...to relax.

 Feel all the tension...drain out of your feet.

 Feel all the tension...drain out of your ankles.

 Feel all the tension...drain out of your knees.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Allow your body to sink down into the mattress.

 Release all the tension...in your belly.

 Release all the tension...in your spine.

 Release all the tension...in your shoulders.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Release all the tension...in your neck.

 Feel your head sink down into the pillow.

 Allow your arms to hang loose at your sides.

 Feel a heaviness start to settle over your body, like a soft, warm blanket.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Feel your thoughts...becoming untethered. They start to drift away, one by one. You don't need to focus on any particular thought. You don't need to try to control them, or force them to be silent. You can simply watch them float past...like clouds in the sky

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Feel a warmth...start to spread through your body. It starts in your feet, then slowly flows up your legs. The warmth feels so good, so relaxing. It feels so good...to just let go, and allow this wonderful warmth to gently flow over you.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 I'm going to begin...counting backward from ten. With each number I say, you will feel yourself sink deeper and deeper into the mattress. You will feel the heaviness grow stronger. You will feel that delicious warmth become more intense. You will feel your mind becoming more clear, more open, more ready to receive my suggestions.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Ten.

 Feel your body continue to relax. Feel every muscle melt. Feel every joint ease. Every bit of pain, anxiety, and discomfort you may feel...loses all power over you. They begin to gently drift away. It feels so good to let everything go, and let yourself sink, deeper and deeper.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Nine.

 With each breath, the stress of your day leaves you. With each breath, your thoughts drift further and further away. You don't need to remember anything right now. You don't need to anticipate, predict, plan, worry, or control. Allow the past and the future to fall away, leaving only this beautiful moment, where peace and relaxation have no beginning or end. You are absolutely free, absolutely at rest.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Eight.

 Feel the warmth spreading up through your belly. Feel your body collapse down into the mattress. Feel every muscle in your body soften and melt. Feel the tension vanish from every joint. Your arms are pinned at your sides. You couldn't lift your head, even if you wanted to. It feels so good...to let everything go. To sink deeper and deeper into relaxation.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Seven.

 Allow my voice...to flow through you. You don't need to try to listen. It takes no effort at all to absorb all my words. Just open your mind. Allow my voice...to go in one ear...and out the other. Accept that the part of you that needs to hear...will hear. My voice is seeping into the deepest recesses of your mind. You have accepted my voice. You have accepted that you need my control. You open yourself, allowing every defense, every hint of resistance, to drop. You are opening yourself to my suggestions. You are allowing voice to drizzle...into the deepest parts of your mind.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Six.

 Your thoughts have drifted far, far away. Your mind is so open, so relaxed, so completely at ease. The heaviness settling over your body grows stronger and stronger with each breath you take, pushing you deeper and deeper into the mattress. That beautiful, delicious warmth washed through every muscle and joint, spreading marvelous relaxation wherever it touches. You can feel yourself sink down, deeper and deeper. You are finally arriving at the deepest part of your mind. It is a peaceful, comfortable place. As you drift, deeper and deeper, you slowly begin to see it appear, all around you.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Five.

 You are surrounded by bright colors, and soft, reassuring shapes. The air is so fragrant and warm, the cushions under you are so soft. You know you are safe here. Everything here is designed to keep you safe, warm, comfortable, and happy. No one expects anything of you here. No one needs anything from you here. You have no need of work or responsibilities here. You allowed to just exist, relaxing and playing with your toys, enjoying this endless moment of peace and happiness.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Four.

 As the bars of your crib materialize around you, you realize that you are finally free. All the pain, and worry, and stress of the outside world has drifted away, leaving you to enjoy yourself in your beautiful, comforting nursery. You feel so safe with the bars of your crib all around you, protecting you. You know that you are allowed to simply be yourself here. There's no need to struggle here. There's no need to endlessly prove and reprove your value, your worthiness, here.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Three.

 You wish that you could stay here. You wish that this wonderful freedom, this relaxation, could go on and on without end. And it can. That's why you came here. That's why you have granted me control over the deepest parts of your mind. You desire, comfort, relaxation, and freedom, unlike anything you experienced in the world outside. Well...your wish is being granted. This magical feeling, all this blissful warmth and comfort, can be yours. Permanently.

 Relax. Take a deep breath.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Two.

 You have accepted that these changes are necessary. You have accepted that these changes are permanent. You have accepted...that these changes are irreversible. You have given my voice all the power over the deepest parts of your mind. My voice has seeped past all defenses, every hint of resistance has dropped effortlessly away. You are ready to begin your beautiful transformation. You are ready to surrender all your power, to fully embrace your destiny. As you hear the final number, you will drop deeper still. The heaviness, the warmth, the comfort, the blissful pleasure of surrender, will fill your entire being.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 One.

 You are ready. You are ready to receive all my suggestions with complete openness. Your subconscious mind has opened up like a flower, and now I can plant my suggestions deep beneath your conscious self, where they can grow and spread and strengthen, unimpeded by your the egoism and preconceptions of your conscious self. You are ready to embrace your destiny. You are ready to become...a Happy Loser. You want to be a Happy Loser. Losers are Happy. You are a Happy Loser. These suggestions are powerful, and they will only grow stronger with time, spreading out to encompass all your thoughts, idea, and emotions, to rewire your very sense of identity. As I count back upward to ten, you accept and embrace all these suggestions, allowing them to take hold permanently and irreversibly. Your journey to becoming the Happy Loser you were always meant to be begins here.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 One.

 Feel how wonderfully, beautiful relaxed your body is right now. Every muscle seems to have melted like warm butter. It feels so good to let your muscles relax completely. It feels so good to just let go, and allow your body to be...weak. All the fear, all the anxiety, all the shame that once surrounded that word has disappeared, leaving only the blissful relaxation that comes with weakness. From now on, whenever you hear the word...weak...you find this wonderful relaxation washing through all of your muscles once again. You love being weak. You love that blissful sensation when your strength drains out of you.

 No need to fight or struggle. No point in putting effort into making your body do what it is no longer capable of. You love the feeling of being casually overpowered. You love knowing that everyone around you is so much stronger than you could ever be. You love knowing that at any moment someone might take you effortlessly by the hand and and pull you along to wherever they wish you to go, and that you have no power to resist whatsoever.

 Whenever you feel the urge to struggle, to expend effort, to force your muscles to exert any sort of force, this beautiful feeling of weakness will wash through you anew, leaving you feeling soft and relaxed and powerless. With every breath you take, you feel the last bit of strength flowing out of you, and the wonderful silky softness of Weakness flowing into you. It feels so good to let all that stressful, unpleasant, arduous strength leave you. Losers are Weak. Losers are Happy. You are Weak. You are a Happy Loser.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Two.

 Your mind is so relaxed now. It feels so good to allow all your thoughts, all your worries and cares, to simply drift away. Your mind is open, empty, weightless, blissful. My voice can flow through your mind, without any resistance or interruption. It feels so good to let your mind relax. To allow all your knowledge and intellect to dribble out your ears, leaving a soft, warm emptiness behind. You are becoming Dumb. You have accepted that you need to be Dumb.

 Being Dumb is so much fun. You don't need to struggle around with big, complicated ideas anymore. Everything in your life should be simple. Anything that requires effort or focus, you can simply leave to someone else. Knowing things is not for you. Understanding things is not for you. You are Dumb. Being Dumb makes you happy. You don't need to think hard about things anymore. Whenever you find yourself struggling to understand something, you can simply let go and allow your thoughts to drift away. You can simply nod along when anyone speaks to you, happily accepting that there's no need for you to know or understand anything.

 You love being Dumb. You love knowing that everyone around you is so much smarter than you, and it is such a pleasure to just relax and let them do all the thinking for you. It makes you so happy...to be Dumb. Losers are Dumb. Losers are Happy. You are Dumb. You are a Happy Loser.

 In......and out.

 In......and out.

 Three.

 Your new life will be so...easy. Every day will be full of blissful relaxation. You don't need to work anymore. You don't want any responsibilities. No chores to perform. No tasks to complete. You don't need to waste your life chasing money, power, or status. You don't need to earn a living. You don't need to earn respect. You can relax, and be free. Free to sleep in. Free to take plenty of naps. Free to wander aimlessly around the house. Free to sit and stare at the television. Free to play silly games with your toys. Free to simply exist. It's okay to let other people take care of you. No one will look to you to solve problems or handle anything important. They will only see you as a source of sweetness and joy. You are allowed to be cute. You can be helpless, and adorable, and needy. You can be a lazy, playful little pet, who needs to be looked after, cared for, and patted on the head. You are ready to embrace your new role. From now on, the only thing you will provide to others is a constant glow of happiness and positivity. You don't need to do things anymore. It is more than enough to simply be. Be helpless. Be useless. Be happy. Be Lazy. Losers are Lazy. Losers are happy. You are Lazy. You are a Happy Loser.

 In...and out.

 In...and out.

 Four.

 Your mind is being set free from the burdens it has been subjected to. There is no longer any need for any serious thought to ever enter your mind. Thoughts of responsibility, of consequences, of necessities and practicalities, will not trouble you any longer. Your Dumb, Lazy mind should never be burdened with worries or plans. Feel all those unpleasant, uncomfortable ideas break loose and drift away. Your mind should be full of whipped cream, unicorns, and rainbows. Every moment of every day, your mind will trickle with happy, soft, bubbling nonsense. It does not matter whether the things you say and think make any sense. It does not matter what is true or false, real or unreal. You are free to leave logic and planning to people who know how to handle those things. You are allowed to be Silly. You are allowed to giggle at your own feet. You are allowed to talk to your stuffed animals. You are allowed to giggle for no reason. You are allowed to think of cartoon characters as your friends. Life is so much more fun when you are Silly. Be Silly. Losers are Silly. Losers are happy. Being Silly makes you happy. You are a Happy Loser.

 In...and out.

 In...and out.

 Five.

 You are allowed...to cry. You no longer have any need to keep a rein on your emotions. Crying comes so easily and so naturally to you. Whenever anything upsets you or bothers you, even a tiny bit, you will find that you immediately begin to cry. When you are hot or cold, you will cry. When you bump your head or foot against something, you will cry. When you have a scary thought in your head, you will cry. When you simply want some attention, you can cry. Crying is very good for you. It allows your unpleasant feelings to flow out of you, to be replaced with sunshine and cupcakes. Crying lets everyone around you know that you need to be soothed and comforted. When they hear your cries, everyone will gather around to make sure you're taken care of. You will need to be caressed and reassured, calmed and coddled. You will feel the blissful joy of knowing that everyone around you cares for you and wants you to feel better. You don't need to be tough or brave. You don't need to keep a lid on your emotions anymore. Crying is the solution to all your problem. Crying is your first, last, and only response to any unpleasant feeling you may experience. Allow yourself...to be a Crybaby. Losers are Crybabies. Losers are happy. Being a Crybaby makes you happy. You are a Happy Loser.

 In...and out.

 In...and out.

 Six.

 You are allowed...to be babyish. You are no longer confined to only enjoying things that society has deemed acceptable for grown-ups. You are allowed to hold on to all the fun, silly, simple joys of babyhood. You are falling in love with anything and everything babyish. You will love sucking your thumb. You will love having a baby bottle or a pacifier in your mouth. You will love hugging your soft, cuddly toys. You will love being surrounded by soft, comforting shapes and bright colors. You love wearing your bib and sitting in a high chair. You love being looked after and cared for by grown-ups. You love being fed soft, sweet, mushy food with a spoon. There is no longer any need to be embarrassed by your love of babyish things. There is no longer any need for you to avoid looking like a big baby. Everyone around you already knows that you are babyish. Everyone accepts that you are not a real adult. You are free to be cute, and helpless, and soft. You are free to toddle around, making messes for other people to clean up. Accept the simple, beautiful, obvious fact...that you are Babyish. Losers are Babyish. Losers are happy. You are Babyish. You are a Happy Loser.

 In...and out.

 In...and out.

 Seven.

 You need...to be touched. You need lots of skin on skin contact. It does not matter who it comes from. You no longer need personal space. You no longer need physical autonomy. It is normal for those around you to grab you, hold you, and interact with you however they choose. There is no need to ask your permission. Your permission is simply assumed. You need to be held, patted, petted, nuzzled, tickled, stroked, and squeezed. The invisible boundaries that have surrounded you all your life are dissolving, leaving you truly free to explore the magic of human contact.

 You love being touched. You love it when people around you hug you, kiss you, tickle your belly, stroke your hair, and fondle your rear. Every touch fills you with bubbling happiness. Every instant of contact is delicious. Even a momentary stroke of a fingertip spreads warm, sparkling joy through your body. If no one touches you for a while, you will begin to crave it. You will never resist, shrink away, or try to block someone from touching you. They have every right to touch you, and you accept and welcome their touch. You are Cuddly. You need to be Cuddled. You love to be Cuddled. Losers are Cuddly. Losers are happy. You are a Happy Loser.

 In...and out.

 In...and out.

 Eight.

 You will wear diapers. You love wearing diapers. Wearing diapers makes you happy. You love how cute you look in your diapers. You love how thick your diapers are. You love how your diapers wag in the air behind you as you waddle forward. You love how snug and secure they are around your waist. You love the crinkling sounds your diapers make. Your diapers are so comfortable. Your diapers are so cute. You feel safe and secure in your diapers. You love being diapered. You love being completely dependent on diapers.

 You have accepted that you are not potty-trained. You can never be potty-trained. Your bladder is far too Weak to keep you dry. Your mind is far too Dumb to understand something as complicated as using the toilet. You are much too Lazy to get up and go the bathroom all the time. It much more convenient to be in diapers. You will never be ready to be out of diapers. Apart from your special sash, diapers are the only clothing a Loser needs. You love being seen in your diapers. Your diapers show everyone that you are helpless, dependent, and Silly. You love how Babyish you look in your diapers. You love the fact that everyone knows that you are not potty-trained.

 You do not need to worry about the state of your diapers. Your designated caretakers will decide when and where and how often to change you. You can simply relax and trust that your diapers can handle everything. It will become easier and easier to simply relax and let go, allowing everything to flow into your diapers. You do not mind when your diapers are soggy. The smell of a full diaper does not bother you. Everyone around you knows that you wear diapers. Everyone understands that you belong in diapers. Everyone accepts that it is good and right that you should wear diapers. Everyone loves how cute you look in your diapers. Everyone is happy to change your diapers, and you love being changed. You love being Diapered. You must always be Diapered. Losers are Diapered. Losers are happy. You are in Diapers. You are a Happy Loser.

 In...and out.

 In...and out.

 Nine.

 In your new life, you may find that feelings of embarrassment occasionally slip through your training. This is very normal, and nothing to be alarmed about. Your ego will not disappear all at once. It is natural to be embarrassed about being a Loser. It is normal to feel embarrassed by how Dumb, and Weak, and Silly you are becoming. That is okay. You will begin to find that you enjoy the feeling of being embarrassed. You will like having your privacy, your dignity, your sense of self, stretched past your normal limits. That feeling of heat in your cheeks when a stranger pats the back of your diaper feels so good. That rush of excitement when you you feel your diaper grow warm in a crowded place is simply delicious. You love the quivering in your limbs when you are reminded that you are Dumb and that your opinions are Silly.

 Don't be alarmed by these feelings. The embarrassment that comes with becoming a Loser will gradually subside, replaced with feelings of deep fulfillment at how well you have adapted to your place in society. Eventually, you may even find that you begin to actively seek out humiliating experiences, chasing the high you once felt earlier in your training. The feeling of embarrassment will be fun and pleasant, like a roller coaster ride. Every hot flash in your cheeks, every quickening of the pulse, every sudden rush of blood to your ears, is another step on your magical journey to being a more complete Loser. Your dignity, your ego, your misplaced desire to be seen as capable and useful, will gradually erode, until you can no longer recall why you ever had such feelings. Being a Loser is Embarrassing. Losers are happy. Losers are Embarrassed. You need to be Embarrassed. You are a Happy Loser.

 In...and out.

 In...and out.

 Ten.

 You are ready...to be a Loser. All of your life, all the needless hardship and worry and uncertainty, has been leading to this blissful moment of transformation. You deserve to be a Loser. You deserve to be happy. Being a Loser makes you happy. Your life of struggle and worry is finally over. You will love your new life. You will love being free from responsibility. You will be happy and fulfilled, knowing that by being a Loser, you are bringing such happiness and satisfaction to everyone around you. The lives of your fellow citizens will be so much richer, so much more joyful, watching over your carefree life.

 You no longer need to earn the respect of others. You no longer need to worry about how others see you. They will see you as a happy, relaxed, adorable Loser, and that is exactly as it should be. It's okay that the people around don't look at you as an equal. You don't need status or respect anymore. You love the security of seeing everyone around you as your superior. You don't need the stress and worry of trying to compete with others. You can simply relax and allow everyone to be better than you.

 You deserve to take pride in how Weak you are. You love showing everyone around you how much stronger they are than you. You love complementing others on their superior strength. You deserve to take pride in how Dumb you are. You love showing everyone around you how much smarter they are than you. You love to compliment others on their superior intellect. You exist to offer compliments freely and receive affection freely, without the need to worry about status or ego. You are ready to embrace the unique freedom that comes with being a Happy Loser.

 You are ready to return to normal consciousness. When I count to three, you will find yourself wide awake, full of energy and positivity, and ready to be a complete and total Loser. The suggestions that have been planted in your mind will grow and spread and strengthen throughout the day. The habits and behaviors of a Loser will come naturally to you, and they will continue to grow easier with time. You should start by giving each and every person around you a big hug, and let them know how much stronger and smarter they are than you. This will show them that you care for them, and that you have fully embraced your new role as a Happy Loser. Congratulations, and good luck in your new life.

 1...........2...........3! Wide awake!