Battle of Buttons: Taliaferro's Date (Part 4, Ferro Version) (Patreon)

Part 1: https://www.patreon.com/posts/64548439

Part 2: https://www.patreon.com/posts/battle-of-part-2-64785102

Part 3: https://www.patreon.com/posts/battle-of-part-3-67312625 

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The spaceship’s interior would be crowded were it fully staffed; with only the captain and first mate at their stations, it feels too large. There are no roses, no conveniently located books of poetry: it has more in common with the generic set of Spaceballs than with the scene of a romantic encounter. Only the glimpse of space through the curved front window prevents the atmosphere from coming across as too sterile.

A deep, disembodied voice sounds over the electronic bloops and beeps of the command deck.

Disembodied-Voice-That-Is-Definitely-Not-Just-Gil-Speaking-An-Octave-Lower: Space, what humans consider to be the final frontier, but only because they believe that theirs is the only universe. This is the dream date of Taliaferro Parker, his mission to win the heart of “Button” Wiseman and thus boldly prove himself to be their One True Soulmate and Ultimate Canon Match.

Talia’s Voice, Also Disembodied: Try again.

Disembodied-Voice-That-Is-Definitely-Not-Gil: Not all that long ago, in a dimension far, far away. It is a dark time for Taliaferro Parker. Although he’s currently engaged, a demonic force has driven the intrepid strategist from his love and . . .

Talia’s Voice: Gil, stop plagiarizing the intro. My male counterpart deserves an original introduction.

Disembodied-Voice-That-Is-Probably-Gil: I’m Gil Harrison, and welcome to a new season of “Truest Love Quest!” And by new, I mean really new. It’s a new timeline, and we’re in a new spectacular dream dimension, and most importantly a new bachelor trying to win the heart of everyone’s favorite protagonist.

Sally’s Voice: Now you’re copying the last season of The Bachelor.

Gil’s Voice, No Longer Lower Than Usual: Am not.

Nick’s Voice: Dude, you added “Harrison” to your name.

Gil’s Voice: Did I? Perhaps you imagined that bit.

Talia’s Voice: I swear, if you want something done right . . . Fine. I’ll do it myself.

Gil’s Voice: You can’t just take over my show.

Talia’s Voice: Watch me.

She clears her throat.

Talia’s Voice: This is the incredible, mind-blowing fantasy date between my other self and the light of both my lives: “Button” Wiseman. Or should I say sci-fi date? Because in space, no one can hear you scream with pleasu—

Kenna’s Voice, Quietly Exasperated: Let’s just start.

The scene of the spaceship unfreezes, its two cast members seemingly unaware of the time that’s passed as the “narrators” debated.

Seated at the helm, Ferro’s head turns so that he stares out the curved window into the vastness beyond, the twinkle of stars so close that their colors can be differentiated. These stars aren’t the faint white glimmers visible to an earthbound stargazer, but rather possessing varying sizes and ranging in luminosity from fading reds to burning blues, with greens, yellows, and oranges in between.

Ferro: The stars are beautiful tonight, aren’t they, Captain?

Talia’s Voice: Seriously? That’s my opening line? We talked about this beforehand! What a cliché. They’re in space; there’s no night/day cycle. He should’ve—

Kenna’s Voice: Shush.

Unable to hear their commentary, Ferro continues to gaze out the window.

Ferro: John Keats called the stars steadfast, but they age and die just as we do. Janelle Monae sang that there are no rules on the moon, yet we still had gravity pulling us down last time we had a picnic there. At least there were no ants.

Captain Button: What’s your point?

Ferro: Only that not even poets truly understand space.

Captain Button: What about astronomers?

Ferro: Heavens no! Keats and Monae understood things much better than scientists.

Captain Button: Someone’s feeling philosophical today.

Ferro gives them a small smile.

Ferro: Perhaps. Being out here alone makes me feel a little melancholy. Or maybe it’s nostalgia.

Captain Button: Nostalgia for what?

Ferro: Our apartment back on earth, perhaps.

Captain Button: We still share quarters on the ship, and it’s not like our condo is much bigger.

Ferro: True, but it’s not the same when we’re galivanting around the cosmos. You know, I used to hate chores like grocery shopping and cleaning. Since you, I miss doing the mundane together.

Gil’s Voice, in a bored whisper: Their conversation feels extremely mundane, if I might offer my five cents. Taliaferro chose to have a date in space, and he’s wasting it discussing grocery shopping?

Talia’s Voice: Have some faith in me. 

Still heedless to their commentary, Ferro flips a switch. The protective plating that protects the cockpit slides open, transforming the area into an observation deck.

Captain Button: You’ll make us vulnerable to an attack by Vengeance space pirates!

Ferro: We’ll be fine. Besides, I miss dancing with you like we do at home.

Captain Button: You mean when I’m vacuuming and you grab me from behind and start swaying?

Ferro: Waltzing, my dear. Waltzing. But yes, I miss that. And the way you wield the feather duster.

Ferro flips another switch, and Captain Button’s hair drifts outward as the gravitational field on the ship is turned off.

Captain Button: What are you doing? The rest of the crew will be here soon.

Ferro unbuckles himself from the navigation chair and pushes off with his feet towards the captain’s seat. He holds out a hand for them.

Ferro: Dance with me, Starlight. Like we do back home.

Captain Button: The vacuum will feel left out.

Ferro: Somehow, it’ll cope with its jealousy.

Captain Button laughs and unclips their seatbelt.

Normally, floating in space would be chaotic, but this is Ferro’s dream. The two come together without any awkward upside-downness, wrapping their arms around each other and swaying midair to a melody that only the two of them can hear.

Ferro: This is what every day feel like when we’re together.

Captain Button: Like we’re dancing?

Ferro: Like we’re dancing among the stars. Weightless, a little dizzy. A freefall into you.

Captain Button: Ferro . . .

Ferro: It doesn’t matter where we end up or what names we possess, Captain. I’ll follow wherever you lead.

Their lips gently touch. The scene refreezes mid-kiss, turning the brief moment into a snapshot of something eternal and unbreakable.

Talia’s Voice: Which is what makes ME the perfect first mate.