That just won’t do. (Patreon)

Come on, this just won’t do, Tom you are the goal keeper, that’s why your in blue. Hanson, you play mid field, your in yellow. What made you buy soccer boots in alternating colours? They aren’t even made by our kit sponsor, adidas.

Well, the last coach insisted that we had a different colour boots from our kits, and since we have to pay for our own boots, we chose the brand.

No guys, I want my team out there looking presentable. Didn’t you get the text last week, saying to buy new colour matching boots?

Yer, but it takes a while for custom fits.

The rest of the team managed it, why haven’t you?

Clearly they already had a pair of colour matching ones, since it definitely takes at least 2 weeks for custom fits.

Well, we are going to have to sort it out ain’t we? Hanson, give your boots to Tom, Tom give your boots to Hanson.

That won’t work, Hanson has much smaller feet than me. What are you, an 8?

Yep, I’m an 8.

And you see I’m a 12. My boots will fit on his feet for sure, but he will be running around as if he is wearing clown shoes. And his, well I doubt I’ll get my toe inside. What about the spare kits? What about if we just swap our kits?

None of the spare kits have numbers or names on, you know that and if you just swap kits then you’d be playing the wrong position. Make it work lads or your on the bench for the rest of the season.

Coach, come on.

Make it work TODAY, or the bench.

Well Tom, I suppose it’s the bench, I’ll happily try yours on, see if I can walk in them, never mind run. But what about you?

No point us both being benched. Here, see if you can.

Hanson quickly removed his own boots and was handed Toms. He noticed how much bigger and heavier they are.

Tom, I’m not sure I can put your boots on. It’s just a bit too weird for me, wearing someone else’s boots. It’s freaking me out a bit even touching them.

Mate, it’s fine, just pretend they are yours, at least try it.

Fine.

Hanson added the already warm and sweaty boots to his own socked feet. the yellow landless boots did match his yellow kit much better. He stood up but immediately fell down.

Tom, I feel very dizzy all of a sudden. Light headed.

Are you ok?

I don’t know, I feel funny.

Erm, Tom, you look funny. Your growing and your clothes are disappearing. Didn’t you have some tattoos on your left arm? Now your ink is in your right arm, and it’s the same ink as I’ve got. Your growing a beard. What the fuck man? All this from wearing my boots.

I really feel like crap, I need to lie down.

No mate, you need to stand up, you’ve just been given a blue kit. Your also a duplicate of me.

What, I’m Tom?

I think your a duplicate Tom, since I’m also still,wearing blue, I’m assuming I am also Tom.

Yep, you look like Tom still. I wonder if you wear my boots, if you’ll turn into me?

Worth a try, but my feet ain’t gonna fit in your boots.

I bet they will if you try.

Moments later, Tom, the real Tom was sliding the blue boots belonging to Hanson onto his feet.

They are going in, I can feel,it. My feet habe already shrank and I felt my toes touch the little indents where your toes normally go. I feel weird.

You look weird, your shrinking. Your clothes are disappearing, your turning into me. Oh fuck I’ve got the worst headache I have ever had.

So have I, but now it’s going away and I suddenly know everything about you.

Somehow wearing each other’s boots had caused them to swap bodies. Coach wasn’t going to be happy though because they still had mismatched boots. They thought something weird was happening, so they swapped their boots back and they became themselves again.

Lads I’m sure I asked you to swap boots, why haven’t you done it?

Well coach, we did and something weird happened. Our bodies swapped and I became Tom.

Bullshit, sort it out or it’s the bench.

Coach, we promise that’s what happened.

Prove it.

Within moments they had swapped boots again and sure enough before the coach’s eyes, they swapped bodies.

Well, this won’t do. You get each others knowledge wehen you swap places..

Yep

So Hanson, when you become tom, you know the attributes of being a goalie?

Yep. But when we swap our kit swaps.

Ok what if your naked before you swap boots, change back into yourselves again. Then you can both strip and swap again.

That’s exactly what they did and it appeared to work. Their boots colour matched their kits and they chose to stay swapped.