STAY IN YOUR LANE! (Patreon)

Years ago, I told a producer I'd worked with for a long time that I was interested in getting into directing. He told me, in no uncertain words, that the TV industry - at least, kids TV - didn't like people who didn't stick to what they were known for, and that opportunities for me to direct weren't likely to be forthcoming. 

I was labelled as 'a writer', and that was what they expected to do forever. I got the message, but it irritated me nonetheless - partly, because I knew he was only stating how it is. But also because it kind of felt like I was being told "Know your place in the pecking order".

Something similar happened at Teletext, where they were forever trying to get me to stop writing, and go back to doing graphics full-time. I complained - more than once - in assessment meetings about the management viewing me as a "graphics bimbo".

Ironically, writing Digitiser meant that I became seen as a "video games bimbo", so when - years later - I tried to do different things after I left, many people wouldn't look twice. 

Specifically, going waaaay back... when I published a book. 

I dare say that if I'd written a book about video games - and, indeed, I have been approached more than once to do so - it would've sold bucketloads. But I didn't have any interest in that, so I wrote what I wrote, and it didn't sell bucketloads, and then the publisher went bust about two weeks after the book came out anyway. 

Fact is, as I've written many times... much as I like games, they aren't a massive part of my life in the way they are for many of you. I spend far more time reading, watching telly, listening to music, and doing creative things, than I ever have done playing games. I fell into being a games journalist by accident, which is precisely why Digi was so damn weird back in the day - because I wasn't sufficiently interested in games to write straightforward games stuff. 

The only reason I lasted on Digitiser as long as I did was because a) I had the humour and characters and whatnot to keep it fresh, and b) Frankly, for the last six years of it, it paid the mortgage while I was trying to start doing something new (writing scripts).

That's not to say I'm not proud of it, and don't look upon it fondly; it's precisely why I brought it back. It was a special time, and I feel it's a privilege to have been such a part of so many lives.

At the same time... it kind of forever meant that Mr Biffo would be That Video Game Guy in the eyes of the majority... when I always saw myself as just a guy who happened to be writing about video games, and the subject was merely a Trojan horse for writing weird, funny, stuff. 

LUCKY BOY

I've been lucky in a lot of ways. I've managed to carve out at least two - possibly three - completely separate careers, and done alright in each, sometimes simultaneously. I've always kept Mr Biffo and Paul Rose separate as much as possible, and that has turned out to have been a wise thing, because it means both have kind of existed separately from one another. 

Biffo stuff has never really impacted on my screenwriting, and vice-versa. It's like I've had two lives, in some ways. On the rare occasion they cross over - being somewhere in my day job capacity, only for somebody to bring up Digitiser - it's always jarring. I get a real pang of cognitive dissonance. 

At the same time, I've often felt constrained by both, given the world doesn't like those of us who don't just stick to one thing. Or in this case, two things.

I mean, I live in my own head, I've lived my own life... so it's natural and logical to me that I'd, say, release an album and start making music, seemingly out of the blue. To me, that doesn't seem like an abrupt turn at all. It's completely right and normal. I have a restless creativity, wherein I love the discovery that comes from trying new things.

As I've discussed before, my tendency towards trying new things had a detrimental effect in terms of holding back the growth of my audience, especially when it comes to modern Digitiser - veering sharply away from retro games hit the channel's subs in a major way last year, and we've never really recovered.

Albeit only once I stated publicly that this is what we were doing. If I'd shut up about it, I'm not sure how many people would've even noticed! Which is weird, y'know.

Even weirder to me is how Found Footage was kind of embraced... whereas Lost Footage has been virtually invisible (despite, in my opinion, possibly being the stronger series) - possibly because it followed in the wake of the all-consuming Digitiser The Show, which brought in an audience that was utterly inflexible when it came to me doing anything that wasn't gaming-related. 

Dunno, but it's telling that those who didn't know me from the Teletext days, whose first experience of me wasn't Digitiser The Show, who aren't retro gamers, seem much more receptive to me doing different sorts of things.

REGURGITATION

I bring this up now, because I watched a video last night about the downfall of the YouTuber Shane Dawson. 

In case you're not aware... he has recently been "cancelled" over some of his past content - which was of a dubious racial and sexual nature. As the video explained, Dawson's apology was roundly criticised and rejected, despite the fact he has apologised twice before for the same content. The video was a bit nothing, ultimately, but what was interesting - and I kind of related to - is how it touched upon the mistakes Dawson made which led to this being the time the cancellation stuck. 

The presenter of the videos suggested that Dawson's audience began to turn against him when he started to a) Collaborate with other YouTubers who have a negative reputation, and b) Changed the sorts of videos he was making. 

Another video on the same channel looked at a second big YouTuber, Grav3yardGirl, whose own channel began to struggle once she moved away from the sort of content she was best known for. Once again, I could relate to that one. 

It showed clips of a very distraught Grav3yardGirl, who was clearly torn between making the sort of content she was drawn to making instinctively, but which didn't grow her channel... and the sort of stuff that her audience expected and demanded, and tuned in for. I mean, when we say she's struggling... she still has over 8 million subscribers, and her videos still get views in the hundreds of thousands. So... first-world problems and all that...!

My big issue with it all is, of course, the notion that a failing YouTube channel is literally the worst thing in the world. And in some respects it is... if that's your career. I've kind of gone through the ennui I felt after Digitiser The Show, and now that I know most of the negativity on the channel was/is coming from one cretinous troll... I'm kind of at peace with it all. 1 dislike or a 1,000... what's the difference if they all come from the same individual?

Nevertheless, I know full well that if I was making the same sort of repetitive, gaming-related, stuff as Mr Biffo... the knock-on effect would only be positive. If I continued to collaborate with other retro gaming YouTubers, if I quite literally played the game, I know I could grow the channel.

However... it's not why I do it. At least, I can't bring myself to do it.

One last point that was raised in the videos I watched yesterday was that the typical advice that new YouTubers get is "Be yourself, and make what you love" - except that advice doesn't actually work. Making what you love is no guarantee, because audiences - like kids TV producers - expect us to stay in our lane. Give people what they expect. Be predictable. Don't try new things. 

I had hoped that, perhaps, who I am, and the kind of varied thing I do would be enough to grow  the Biffo "brand" (shudder), but I'm okay now that it won't. Even putting aside the inevitable negative connotations of my well-seasoned vintage, I'm always going to be impossible to pigeonhole... and with my day job career - the thing which really pays my bills - not allowing me to flex different muscles, I'm grateful to have an outlet (supported by all of you at least) where I can do that, which I'm not relying upon to keep a roof over my head (though... the Patreon income does make a huge difference). 

It might not cover all my bills, but being Mr Biffo is as important - if not more so - than the day job.

I've come to accept that it is unlikely to ever be much bigger than it currently is; it'll never replace my other career, in terms of income, because I'm just not wired to do the same thing over and over and over, for years. That's what's required for growth. It was a miracle I kept the Digitiser2000 website going as long as I did, because, for the last year or so, writing it was really starting to feel like a chore. I'm not ruling out resurrecting it, and I'm sure I'll still write the occasional piece on there - as I did recently - but I kind of feel I've done that now.

It's the same reason I needed an abrupt turn after Found Footage - into Digitiser The Show - and why I started getting bored last year talking about retro gaming on the channel. And why I've been writing songs and releasing albums now. I need variety, I need new challenges, I need to push myself, and learn new skills - and I love not knowing what the next left-turn will be, even though I know that continuing on my wayward creative journey is only going to limit my potential audience growth.

Anyhow. There you go. A few Friday musings. New Live Quiz on Tuesday, hopefully, and a brand new video at some point next week, featuring a carnivorous Cabbage Patch Kid.

Have a good weekend, and thank you as ever for embracing the variety. 

Paul