im exhausted (Patreon)

i cant relax anywhere without anything triggering a severe anxiety attack, everyday, day in, day out, 365 days a year, im exhausted, i dont know what to do anymore, it gotten to the point where i deleted my telegram, my twitter, if it wasnt for fa being down, id be deleting it too, ive mentally collapsed in on myself, im tired.. i dont wanna fight anymore, i have anxiety bursts once every hour, im literally exhausted, i didnt come to this world just to live like this, i cant get help or help myself, i feel like the only way for me would just to disappear from everything, no body understands the pain im going through, everyone are like "keep pushing! life gets better!" or "youll make your family and friends sad if you left them!"

this is not the thing i want to hear, im literally ehxuasted, and using friends and families DOESNT make it easier for me, im severly damaged, ive been suffering for over a decade, im sick of it, ive been trying to fake happiness, i still feel alone, everyday i spend time in my bedroom doing the same over and over again, i cant go out without getting social anxirty, and i have no friends irl to help me out either, im literally stuck with my own thoughts, i wish i could get the help i need but i am at the edge, i cant take it anymore

im sorry for letting you guys down, im sorry for creating false hopes, im sorry for everything

i shouldnt have been here in the first place, i was supposed to be aborted when i was still an infant, my dad committed suicide, i got no one to go to with my issues, i dont want to spend money on therapy, they cant help me with the issues i have, pills cant help me, nothing can, why do i need to suffer anymore, i was fucked from the beginning, i am terrible sorry for coming into your lives just to disappear as quick again, i cant anymore..

nothing can help me, i am in so much mental pain that it literally gives me physical pain, my chest hurts, my entire body hurts,

i cant escape anywhere,

ive imploded in on myself