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My TED piece "What it feels like to get divorced..." on Substack (and live for-patrons video reading). (Patreon)

Published:
2023-04-26 22:18:39
Imported:
2023-04

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Content

Hello my loves.

Here's the piece I promised you from TED. 

It's called "What it feels like to get divorced—and possibly remarried—at TED 2023: An offering from your emotional-reporter-at-large."

 The piece itself is published here on Substack:

https://amandapalmer.substack.com/p/what-it-feels-like-to-get-divorcedand


It was copyedited by Rina Bander (very, very deep thanks to her, she rushe din and killed it, as usual).

I wanted to pause, breathe, and personally thank all of you - especially in this moment - for being patrons. Yes, you all afforded me the opportunity to go to TED, but now you're all also part of this fucking piece (as you'll read, when you read).

You are all now such an integral part of my life now.

The piece is over six thousand words, the video is almost an hour, and I didn't brush my hair or put on make-up or nice clothes before recording it (because I can't be fucked), I cry a

If you enjoy it, hell, if you even manage to get to the end....PLEASE, share it. As usual, I'm self-published. You are my media. And if you wanna, subscribe to the Substack itself. It's free, and I'm using it as a more focused channel/platform for my writing offerings and advice column, which the patreon here fules.

I am really proud of this one.

I didn't mean for it to go the way it did, but I never do.

I'm here for comments, discussion, and all that.

If you have thoughts about the piece itself, do me a favor and post them over on substack. (This post is patron-only).

Either way, I'm reading comments on both posts. 

Off to play the piano and rehearse for this weekend's shows. 

See a lot of you soon.

XX

AFP


2023 Tour Dates:


***AFP SOLO***

Friday, April 28th - Poughkeepsie, NY - Bardavon *ALMOST SOLD OUT*

Saturday, April 29th - Boston, MA - The Wilbur Theater *ALMOST SOLD OUT*


***THE DRESDEN DOLLS***

May 19th, 20th, & 21st - Denver, CO - Ophelia's Electric Soapbox *SOLD OUT*

May 26th, 27th, & 28th - Santa Fe, NM - Meow Wolf *SOLD OUT*

June 16th, 17th, & 18th - Orlando, FL - The Social *SOLD OUT*

June 23rd, 24th, & 25th - New Orleans, LA - Toulouse Theatre *SOLD OUT*


All tickets at: https://amandapalmer.net/events/



———THE STUFF I PASTE AT THE END OF THE POST———

1. if you are a patron and new to my work, don’t forget your patronage allows you access to ALL of my patreon releases to date. HERE is the link to download my latest big solo record, “There Will Be No Intermission”, and HERE is a link to download the PDF of the art/essay book that goes with it.

2. if you’re a patron reading this post via an email notification, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol. that's always nice for me to see, so i know who's reading.

3. see All the Things (over 200 of them) i've made so far on patreon:

http://amandapalmer.net/things

4. JOIN THE SHADOWBOX COMMUNITY FORUM, find your people, and discuss everything: https://forum.theshadowbox.net/

5. are you new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

6. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net




Comments

Christina C.

A few weeks ago, my life came to this weird sudden halt of Everything I've Worked At In My Entire Adult Life Has "amounted to nothing." This is literally a thing for me right now. I'm in my 40s suddenly unemployed and facing what feels like a now or never choice (not to mention a possible financial crisis) to sell my house and follow my dreams (the authentic way this time) or remain somewhere I don't want to be...forever. I'm single because, as I'm just now really accepting, I am afraid of "forever" no matter how much I love my lovers. The literal OCD (diagnosed) in me screams instrusively about the imperfect nature of failures and how the fits and starts are all my fault because Im so afraid of "forever." At the same time the poet lover in me that senses impending doom, and war, and even more disconnect says... no wait a minute stop, shh. None of that is true. Perfection is not true. Forever ia not real even if 4 billion years is. What I've done with my life up till now has made me better at loving even if I can't love one person forever. And whatever happens next, it's the same. It will make me better at loving. If I let it. That center always holds and it's all we really get. Faire feu de tout bois...yo. ❤️‍🔥 And thank you for helping us cry when we couldn't cry.

Anonymous

This might, single handedly, have been the most worthwhile thing I've watched in years. Thank you so much for sharing. For me, life has been a strange fluctuation of pain, healing, hurt, and repair since March 2020. It's gotten darker than I'd like to admit. I love how the story wraps around it self. (I will be saying, "bats can see shape," to people.) The marriage proposal though... that weird connection of life situations mirroring previous life situations. That's been my life. I've had to relive so many things (good, but mostly bad) throughout the past for years. You're amazing. Thank you for giving.

Anonymous

We are not Post anything… I’m three years into supporting my incredible teen in their mental health crisis. I’m literally falling apart. I will not let this chapter of her life end in self blame. Nothing speaks to my life like your work does. I think about that poem a lot. We need to be the centre for each other now…

DebbieG

I think I have developed ADD in my old age, because I read your piece very quickly, much faster than the well-woven words and feelings deserve. And yet it still reached and moved me. So I have to slow down and read it properly, absorb it. Then I will watch the video. Thank you for sharing it all with us. We are always here for you. ❤️

Anonymous

I read this piece twice and joined Patreon. I’ll watch the video when I’m not up so late but I think this is one of the best fucking pieces of writing I’ve ever read. Bats can hear shape. Plants can eat sun. Human beings are, in fact, facing a Crisis of Belonging. 💜

Tracey Stokes

💜"Not for just an hour, not for just a day, not for just a year but always"

Anonymous

I hope you get to take a rest soon, somewhere with lots of beautiful plants. This was very moving and well said. I also got a divorce last year, finalized this year, and everything is going to be divorce shaped for awhile. I only recently started not filtering everything through the concept of loss and grieving, or maybe I still do but I'm tired of noticing. Maybe it's permanent and maybe that's ok. It was amazing seeing you at Wright Park and I'm still thinking of you like so many others, and you're not alone.

Thomas Herlofsen

SJÆL young people in Norway say when they agree with everything someone says. It means self. So self, Amanda, self. It's so hard, all of it. But we are fucking strong because we bend, we feel, we speak. All the love.

Anonymous

Thank you 🙏💞❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Anonymous

Sooooo beautiful! Wow, thank you. My divorce was final mid January… after 32 years together. It’s excruciating and so many layers of feelings. Hugs to you and all of us in this sucky club.

Anonymous

"Poet on a mission" a marvellous mantra for living.❤

Anonymous

What a beautiful prose poem. Delightfully constructed with emotional heft.

Anonymous

Oh Amanda. I emotionally revel in your words, what beautiful poetry you put together. I feel glistening of being alive after listening (accidental rhyme). Thank you for sharing. ❤️

Anonymous
>>107257631

I don’t know what word in Norwegian is for soul, but in Swedish själv means self (yourself = dig själv) and soul is själ, so the homonym of sjæl. ❤️

Anonymous

Thank you, that was a cry I desperately needed. Humans are not continuously in a crisis of belonging, this community is a repair thingy you have done right :). I hope it helps you get the fix of shared humanity that we get from hearing you, I hope it works both ways and that those waves of love poured out do not cancel each other out. I hope we can keep one another afloat and our common memories of this world out of the silt. I hope we can pass on the local dialect. I hope being inside the trees quiets the general anxiety, but I am not sure it should, we try so compulsively to function despite the pain that we are ourselves the builders of the thing that breaks us. I feel like we should go on strike somehow. Thank you, I feel resonating and heard and weirdly constructive in this scared and lonely and hopeful depression. And when I wrote ”that was a cry” I inferred a post-, which of course is not the truth, I am in the thick of it.

Anonymous

Amanda, please don’t ever stop being who you are in the moment, at the moment. It’s important. It’s vital. Break, fall apart, heal, just keep being you. It’s been almost 9 years now since my divorce. I’m finally starting to tell my friends what happened. There is a ripple effect to everything everyone does. To unapologetically be ones self I believe is the best we cab ever aspire to be. You give me hope and you put words to the abyss that has been my heart for so many years. You and Brene Brown and Maya Angelou speak to my heart in ways that leave me feeling less alone in this world. There is a connection problem amongst humanity, but there’s people out there, living their lives, speaking their truths, and sealing the gaps regarldless and it’s all important.

Anonymous

Thank you

Anonymous

This wasn't just a ted talk, it was a poem Amanda. Thank you for sharing this with us. Your message is filled with hope in spite of all the pain. That's your super power I think. Many hugs and love to you! Great one.

Anonymous

So beautifully written 🥰🥰

Anonymous

What a beautiful piece of writing. Thank you, Amanda. x

Anonymous

my god. May you never stop sharing. You give so many of us voice over the drumming sound of pain and taxes and loss. So much love for you.

Anonymous

This reminds me of a Walt Whitman poem. Beautiful. Encapsulating.

Marley Kendrick

Thank you for the video version, I really can't focus on reading long posts these days. I had to try not to cry as I have a cold and already can't breathe and I really want to cry. Its hard to not cry when you cry. I got really lost in watching/listening.

Len Tower Jr.

Well structured. Two virtuoso performances.

Len Tower Jr.
>>107324120

The hologram is less fuzzy (more information), But the depth & intensity of your pain has been clear for 3+ years. I wish there was more I could do. Love, Len

Anonymous

Thank you for this. It resonates. Sometimes repair feels so hard and being destroyed seems so easy. Reading The Diary of Anne Frank I knew I would never want to live it, but here I am. I am alone and afraid but there is still hope.

Anonymous

Amanda, thank you. It's been a difficult week for me and mine. I'm repairing the rupture and all will be well. I visited a close friend yesterday and fell apart in a safe place, my kind dear friend just listened and held me. (Felt much better having let the tears out). Being one of your patrons feels similar, this article is definitely part of my repairing another kind friend - listening, understanding and reassuring that all will be well. But this isn't why I support you on here. That's a bonus, your music is amazing and a bonus, I support because we're similar people. People doing our best in life repairing as we go. It's about the connection, I see you, you see me. That's why I support you. I hope to meet you one day.

Dorit

Thank you, Amanda. This piece was so different from what I was expecting and so exactly right. I'm with Noel. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your ideas with us through these crazy times.

Anonymous

Oh Amanda - this is impossibly beautiful and sad and sweet and I love you so much.

Anonymous

This is seriously one of my favorite “things” from you. I’ve been here for quite awhile and will always support you. I love the cadence and returning “refrain” in this piece. Hugs to you and Ash.

Barbarella

Brilliant piece. Just know that you never cry alone. As soon as I see you starting to tear up, I'm a damn mess. <3

Anonymous

Wow thank you Amanda. I listened to this as I did my morning stretches, while I brewed my coffee and ate my granola and strawberries. The morning sun shining through my window. Thank you, thank you, thank you xx

Anonymous

of all the wonderful things you enriched my life with, this is the most powerful and touching piece ever to me. thank you so much ❤️

Anonymous

I'm glad Noel was there to hug you. I watched the whole video and wept with you. I love you

Anonymous

Just read it. Wow it’s beautiful! Just like you are

Anonymous

Everything has been so dark. Your honesty about the darkness makes it a little less so. I love you.

Nicolai Giedraitis

I just got out of a 10 year relationship. I want to dive back in at the earliest opportunity. My love is intact. My partner’s is not. The cops came to my apartment today because today is the day that I accepted that she doesn’t love me anymore.

Nicolai Giedraitis

The Polish knew that the war was coming. That’s how the world beat Germany the second time.

Nicolai Giedraitis
>>107592294

It’s actually a very interesting and largely untold story of sacrifice for the world and not just the borders of your own country.

Nicolai Giedraitis

You sound like you’re saying that we need to love the world enough to let its present form decompose and become the building blocks for a healthier one. But maybe I’m projecting and misreading you.

Laura Damone

Amanda, I listened to this beautiful Ted talk it was so touching I cried right along with you. I listened to the entire video and I have to say that I didn’t stop watching which is something I don’t do often.You grabbed me by my heart. I wanted to hug you. If I ever meet you I hope I’ll be able to. I have trauma I’ve been through death my husband who emotional and verbally abused me and we separated after 20 years and became closer before he died, my abusive mother my Dad they were divorced and I never told him that my mother abused me if I had he would of protected me. I was triggered but stayed with your talk which is something I don’t do I stayed and let myself feel the feelings. Your words were powerful and so true. I love your music and your beautiful voice and the way you speak. I’m so happy I found you on Facebook and followed you. Now I am a Patron and so happy I am. I live in Sullivan County NY and hav e been to Woodstock that is a beautiful town. I love you you beautiful woman. I’m glad I was able to remember what I wrote before. ❤️🌹☮️

Anonymous

Love you Amanda 💗

Anonymous

Someone please help me figure out how to listen to this...

Kaleigh

❤️❤️❤️

Viktoria Nikolova

Lots of love! Thank you for sharing this energy! <3

Bane

Oh, Amanda. I loved this so much. So, so much. When you first pitched this idea, I was reminded of a time about 12 years ago. I was running the marine mammal response network on the island of Kauai. I had about 90 dedicated volunteers. I got the opportunity to attend a week-long regional conference, and I wished I could bring all my volunteers with me, to learn about all the year’s highlights in our field. I promised them a summary of the conference upon my return. I called it the “speed conference” - speed dating was big back then. I reached out to every presenter and asked them to send me one slide from their presentation - a summary, a title slide, a really telling graph - whatever. And I pieced it all together into a very speedy 2 hours or so for my volunteers. But WOW, what you have done here is lyrical and has such beautiful flow - I’m so moved and inspired. And I really want to go to TED!

Anne Morgyn (edited)

Comment edits

2023-05-10 22:11:35 so many tears with you. I have been navigating divorce the last year too and your words brought me deep into a new level of grieving I needed as I've been feeling stagnant, apathetic. let's build new roads together...fuck guardrails. thank you for continuing to bare your sweet, powerful heart and soul to us and the world, may it come back to you threefold and you be held through this rebirthing. <3
2023-05-10 16:29:04 so many tears with you. I have been navigating divorce the last year too and your words brought me deep into a new level of grieving I needed as I've been feeling stagnant, apathetic. let's build new roads together...fuck guardrails. thank you for continuing to bare your sweet, powerful heart and soul to us and the world, may it come back to you threefold and you be held through this rebirthing. <3

so many tears with you. I have been navigating divorce the last year too and your words brought me deep into a new level of grieving I needed as I've been feeling stagnant, apathetic. let's build new roads together...fuck guardrails. thank you for continuing to bare your sweet, powerful heart and soul to us and the world, may it come back to you threefold and you be held through this rebirthing. <3

Diana Rodriguez

I am currently going through a divorce and I listened this yesterday when I got the email and had to again today. When you say "The centre cannot hold" tearfully and your voice cracks, it I feel it so deeply. You are amazing.