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{patrons only}

hello my loves. 

welcome to many, many new patrons. it’s wonderful to have you here. be at home.

greetings from london. it was neil‘s 59th birthday today. i posted this on thee social mediae:

happy 59th birthday, @neilhimself. you are the most wonderful, lost in space, marmite-consuming, handsome, ambitious, shy, expansive, hangry, multi-pocketed, gentle, fierce, introverted, extroverted, tea-worshipping, afraid, beautiful, confused, loving, bizarre and wonderful man i know. 

i love you so much. 

and so many others do, too. 

hang in there, sweet man. (photo taken at the clutes in camden by charlie clift). 

......

and then i pointed out that i used wonderful twice. i’m tired. and it must be true. 

.........

then this. 

for his birthday, @neilhimself wants 

1) “proper” fish & chips for lunch 

2) dinner in camden 

and, apparently 

3) to make up a story for ash about “animals with enormous bottoms”

why can’t every day be like this

.....

we spent the whole day with ash and maddy gaiman, neil’s you fear from his upper batch, and her sweet boyfriend kevin. 

how sweet are these three on the tube. 

.......

i am behind. it’s fine. but real. 

i am very behind in my life on a lot of fronts. 

i am finding it incredibly therapeutic to be doing a 1,000 piece puzzle on the floor of this unfurnished house in london. it is bringing me a strange calm. i haven’t done a puzzle this big, alone, ever. why would i? do not ask how it happened. but it is bringing me peace and i am glad to have found this puzzle. 

i am about to post a lot of things, i’m behind on the althing/state of all things, and there is actual art and writing coming your way - but i wanted to do something i’ve never done before because it feels like time. 

i am about to open a season of heavy asking. i am about to ask you a lot of things, from silly questions about merch to heavier questions in the personal and political departments. there is about to be a lot of me asking you. 

before i begin 

is there anything you want to ask me? 

there are almost 16.000 of you. chances are definite i won’t be able to respond to all of your comments. 

but i will do what i can, and please note that you can upvote things if you find a like-minded commenter. 

even if i don’t answer - i am reading, and it will give me a sense of where you are and what you are thinking before i start my own season of asking. 

ask me. what is. on your. mind. about me, about patreon, about the tour, about any stuff. 

oh; and also remember that we are a community. you are very free to respond to anybody else’s asks if you have things to share and say. we are friends here. 

ok go. 

and remember i love you. 


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------THE NEVER-ENDING AS ALWAYS---------

1. if you’re a patron, please click through to comment on this post. at the very least, if you’ve read it, indicate that by using the heart symbol.

2. see All the Things i've made so far on patreon: http://amandapalmer.net/patreon-things

3. join the official AFP-patron facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/afpland

4. new to my music and TOTALLY OVERWHELMED? TAKE A WALK THROUGH AMANDALANDA….we made a basic list of my greatest hits n stuff (at least up until a few years ago, this desperately needs updating) on this lovely page: http://amandalanda.amandapalmer.net/

5. general AFP/patreon-related questions? ask away, someone will answer: patronhelp@amandapalmer.net



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Comments

Els Van Haute

Oh, can't wait to puzzle myself. It's a thing I do every year, in winter , with my husband. Brave that you do it on your own! I hate doing the air :)

Anonymous

Can we talk about drinking? You’ve mentioned that it warrants an entire blog/post of its own. I’m a binge-drinker, easier for me to completely abstain than to stop once I get a single drink in me. I keep waiting for it to get bad enough that my loved ones call me out, but I suspect it’s already that bad and they just haven’t said anything yet.

Kate Michmerhuizen

I don't know if you're still reading, I'm late with my participation. I've been thinking of the impact you've had on my life. I came to your work through your book and discovered your music at the Boston Book Festival along with my entire family of men and boys (instafans :). But you drop little tid bits that I've followed up on and they have come to be a big part of my life. You made the comment about cold baths and I tried and found that they improve my disposition immensely. I did my research and now practice the Wim Hof Method and have met a lovely community of people through workshops and online. You held the listening party in New York, a safe space to cry. I hadn't really cried in years, there was a mountain of grief damned up that needed to flow and I cried, I think, inside my sleeping bag even while sleeping. You mentioned your course at Omega and I had never heard of Omega, so I looked it up. They had a Women's Leadership Intensive, so I applied and was accepted. It was an incredibly powerful week, life changing. Leslie Salmon-Jones was one of the leaders and I'll be attending her Afro-Flow Yoga classes here in Boston. Amanda, thank you for sharing, I just want you to know what has happened in this little corner of Boston because of your posts. And it does feel like a bond of some sort. As the pain of life comes knocking and I blissfully submerge into ice water, it feels like shared experience, it feels less lonely. And there is a tide of strength building. Change is coming as people stand up and speak, your power is contagious!

Anonymous

Amanda, you fiery force. Thank you for what you do and the community you create. I want to ask - the hard questions. How do you do it? How do you keep breaking your heart open on stage night after night, and yet somehow protect yourself enough to keep going? Enough to stay open to the world? I am an environmental scientist and musician from Australia. Huge areas of my state are currently in flames. People are losing their homes, people have died, our land is burning up and blowing away yet our government can only continue with their inaction, their blaming and their petty arguments against climate change. I care so very much. I want to do more, to speak out, to help people, to work harder to advocate for the ecosystems I love so much. It can feel so overwhelming to speak from within my sadness and anger. Perhaps I need to channel more of this into creativity. (P.S. The sky was howling and dark with dust yesterday. I listened to Drowning in the Sound. It helped. P.P.S. Please do another Ride in Canberra. I will be there. It helps.)

Jess W

The only thing I could ask is if you how how much you are loved and appreciated. You are a brilliant soul, and the chance to offer you a hug with all the love in my heart is a bucket list item for me. Thank you. For existing, for all you do. For just being yourself.

Anonymous

Amanda my question is when are you going to address what happened on facebook? Many of us missed a lot of it because of the gaslighting #24hoursofpets. I was disappointed by your apology and especially disappointed by all your “I’ve apologized”s. When we are the media I don’t think this is a media I want to support anymore, but I just keep waiting for your actual response.

Anonymous

Hi Kate, love your post. It feels so close, and yet lonely and far away... ice water baths sound like absolute fucking torture. But I too will be at Afro flow yoga in Boston. This weekend actually.. Omega with Amanda, Leslie, and wayne was an incredible life changing experience. Maybe we will cross paths moving to the sound of the drums at the dance complex. It would be cool to exchange Omega stories. Peace <3

Anonymous

I was totally overwhelmed by the number of FB messages that I stopped following the group. What happened?

Anonymous

Amanda, thank you for your art! Most of the comments has already described how important you are for all of us. Personally, I haven't followed you very thoroughly untill reading your book and going to your TWBNI show in Offenbach. Before, I only checked your YouTube channel for some new or old songs. And now I realise that I was looking for you during these dark moments when I needed help to find THAT light. "In my mind", "Leads united", "In harm's way", "Drowning in the sound", "The ride", "Bigger on the inside", "The Art of Asking" gave me that necessary spark to help me find my way to happiness every time. Thank you! Now, I am discovering and enjoying the Patreon. I have already liked the questions and comments that others asked here before, but I will repeat them again and then, add some new questions in additional posts. - Would you like to slow down in your "job"? I am personally extremely overwhelmed by media in general. And right now catching up two months of your posts. During my PhD, I had a course "Project and time management", where we learned a 80/20 rule. In summary, it states that we do 80% of our work with 20% of our time. And we spend 80% of the remaining time trying to fullfill 20% that separates us from the perfection. So sometimes it's better to be "good enough" than perfectionnist in order to do more things. I live in Heidelberg and had a choice between Stuttgart and Offenbach to go to your concert. So for me, it would not make a difference if you did one show instead of two. You could have dedicated your other day on visiting another hospital like you marvelously did with Sinéad (love and R.I.P. 🙏). What about a live system for patrons who can't come to the venue? I honestly prefer to listen to your spontaneous audioblog than go through long text posts. Especially after spending so much professional and personal time in front of the screen. And I listened to your audiobook as well... Anyways, this is what I love about your art. I wish it would be more concentrated, so I don't feel catching up after you as well as you feel catching up after your work. 😅 But the most important is that you continue doing what you love as well. 🤗 - What happened to FB group? I got too overwhelmed by media and my life that I couldn't catch up with the group anymore. 😬 Even though it helped me to find an AFP fan in Heidelberg. 😊 So I would totally love to still have a web community where we can share and exchange. I was thinking about Discord as an alternative platform, but unfortunately there can be only 5000 users per server. 😕 We are already too many! 😃 Maybe a standard old-fashioned forum? Would you like your fans become moderators? It would lift some workload from your team's shoulders and keep the speach free but still moderated. And the chosen moderators could be evaluated by all the fans - metamoderation. So these were the two main questions I saw in comments and was asking myself as well. Take care! Love you!

Anonymous

Would you like to engage a conversation about justice? During your show, you talked about restorative justice. I learned about it from "Orange is the new black" show. It looks promising. Can it replace correctional and punishing justice? Could a mix of them be useful for society? In your book and show, you also talked about this difficult moment of your life when you showed compassion to a terrorist. Does justice get controversial with absolute compassion? Would you like to address these questions in a public discussion? Maybe with some philosophers, political and social scientists and you as mediator? I am personally touched by this issue. Firstly, because my father is in maximal security prison for 7,5 years. He has 5 kids (3 of them are underaged) that materially depended on him untill he was accused of public money laundering 2,5 years ago (hopefully I am materially independent - got my own job just at the moment when he started having problems). Since then, he has nothing, he lost his job, his wife divorced him with another scandalous court case, he spent most of his money on lawyers trying to defend himself. And now, he has even less: his family. He says that prison conditions are difficult but the most difficult part is being apart from us. Is it real justice? If he stole from people, he could be put in financial depth that he would pay off the rest of his life, not got separated from his family. Could he start stealing again? No, because nobody would ever hire him on similar positions after such a scandal. So did he get real justice? Or just was used as a scapegoat? "Look how efficiently the government fights corruption". And who takes the hardest hit? His children - my little brother and sisters. 😢 Secondly, because I was a direct victim of a crime as well. It was my second month in Germany. One evening, a flatmate offered me a piece of chocolate cake without any special notice. Turns out it was a marijuana hash cake. I never took any drugs in my life and never wanted to. I am already too sensible to alcohol and any medical drug anyways. And music is my real drug... But I woke up in the middle of the night having hallucinations, a panic attack and a crazy heart beat - a real bad trip. Next day, I reported on him to the police. My urine test was positive for THC. They sent me to a hospital to take a blood test and promised to contact me back. I left the shared flat for two weeks, came back and still saw my poisoner living there. Nobody in the shared flat belived me that it was a hash cake. I started doughting it as well. Police sent me a letter with contacts for drug addiction help and suggestion of restorative justice. I moved out of there as quickly as possible, tried to contact the police but they would never reply to me. Some months later, I learned from my other flatmates that my blood test turned out positive, the poisoner got arrested and sent to psychic clinic. Few months later, I saw him on the street. He ignored me. So where is justice there? I feel angry against my perpetrator. I wish he'd contact me, take an effort to speak English, apologise and take my anger. I wish he would not be able to harm anybody else. But does he really? Police promised keep me informed, but they never did. I feel abused and I have regular depressions since that incident. Because of his act? Because I have no idea if he received justice? Or I feel depressed because of something else? I will never know. I will just live with that. But I still feel lucky: I wasn't raped, nor mugged. I heard so much more terrible stories of abuse. Would all victims be capable of forgiving and show absolute compassion? Would it be just and good for society? I wish my Dad was not scapegoated and not taken his right of being Dad. But I also wish I could publicly humiliate and put my poisoner in a cage untill he sincerely asks for my forgiveness... Such a conflicting and disturbing feeling... Amanda, do you think you have already axhausted this topic in your latest show or would you like to go further?

Anonymous

Would you like to tackle the immigration crisis deeper? I loved "In harm's way"! I have some good friends with nationalist ideas. It's difficult to talk to them about immigrants and refugees. They fear that their culture is in danger, will be replaced by another. How could we really emotionally reach nationalists?

Anonymous

Would you like to start a web free radio? Could be on Twitch, Discord or any other platform where you would stream and patrons would call you, tell you their stories and have a chat.

Anonymous

Would you like to participate in a project mixing art and science? I am preparing an exhibition "The Art of Science" (guess where I got inspired 😉) for the fall 2020 in Heidelberg, Germany. PhD students from University of Heidelberg will be paired with artists in order to produce art pieces representing their research and how their science inspires artists. Same question for patrons. 😉 A close availability to Heidelberg is preferable.