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[VIDEO] My Channel was a Bit Ableist When I Started (Patreon)

Published:
2022-05-03 17:23:10
Imported:
2023-02

Content

Internalized ableism is a mostly invisible thing that we deal with every day, and even my channel was a bit ableist when I started it, but is that really how we should live our lives? Let's talk about that, especially now during Mental Health Awareness Month.

Files

My Channel was a Bit Ableist When I Started

Thank you to Sunsama for sponsoring this video! Check them out and click my link: https://get.sunsama.com/a/howtoadhd Internalized ableism is a mostly invisible thing that we deal with every day, and even my channel was a bit ableist when I started it, but is that really how we should live our lives? Let's talk about that, especially now during Mental Health Awareness Month. Support us on Patreon: http://patreon.com/howtoadhd Check out our website: http://howtoadhd.com Follow us on all the things: Twitter: http://twitter.com/howtoadhd TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@howtoadhd Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtoadhd/ Facebook: http://facebook.com/howtoadhd Our Merch Shop: http://shop.howtoadhd.com

Comments

Anonymous

And now I'm crying... The internalized ableism is so difficult to get past. I did not get diagnosed until just a couple years ago at 48. The diagnosis and learning more about ADHD has helped put so much in perspective. I now understand that I followed a very 2E trajectory of not living up to my potential and then hating myself for it. I'm trying to be more accepting of where I am now, but it is still challenging. I've also realized that the internalized ableism that I had towards myself likely made me a lot harder on people who were probably also neurodiverse. There was a lot of, "Yeah this activity (keeping a schedule, staying on topic, staying still,...) can be difficult, but I'm not holding them to a higher standard than I hold myself." I have some pretty heavy feelings that I'm working through about having held others to neurotypical standards that I was barely managing at best. Being critical of people for exhibiting the things we dislike in ourselves is not great for either side. It's unfair to them and just reinforces the ableism in ourselves. Thank you so much for the work you've done on this channel sharing your story and the information you find! It has been a huge part of me learning to accept myself, my struggles, and the neurodiverse people in my life. I don't know if I would have ever sought a diagnosis without you and your channel. I'm certain that I would not be managing as well as I am with things not even two years into an adult ADHD diagnosis.

Anonymous

This gutted me, but in good way. Thank you.

Todd Holdsworth

"I have a brain that works this way. It's not my fault. And there's some things I really love about it but it's also not my responsibility to completely erase any trace of me having ADHD for the convenience of others." Brilliant.

Anonymous

Pretty awesome evolution! But I don’t know how to accept myself for who I am when despite all of my efforts my adhd prevents me from reaching my goals. If I am so smart and I can’t achieve anything satisfactory in my life and struggle so hard with the basics still it feels like failure. Worse than torture bc I want to explore and learn and achieve but the road block tells me I can’t and even with accommodations it feels futile. Sorry, had a rough week at work despite trying.

Anonymous

so wholesome :)

Anonymous

I love the idea that we need to create a world that is accepting of us ADHDers as we are! I think this starts with educating neurotypicals about the benefits of how our brains work. Have you done an episode on all of the amazing things about the ADHD brain?

Anonymous

I loved this video. It was totally real. It inspired me to patreon for the first time ever! You are my first patreon pledge because of this video! The video touched on a bunch of things I have gone through in my life. Learning to love yourself, accept you for who you are, realize that you are okay, these are all hugely important and absolutely necessary to achieving true happiness in this world! A while back, my big wake up moment, was when I took the Meyers Briggs mbti test. I found out that I was an INFP. When I read the description at that time, I literally cried. It said that the INFP was the ugly ducking. That they tried their hardest to be the knight in shining armor or the princess of fairy tale, and that they always felt like they failed, that they were never good enough. It said that most INFP's struggled their whole life, never realizing that they made it, they had accomplished that goal and only they themselves felt that they were unworthy, when in truth, they were all, okay. That was the point where I cried. I was, "Okay"? Really? I didn't feel okay. This test was telling was me that I was okay, and in fact, I was more than okay, I was the perfect me I had always tried to be! Not only was it telling me that, "I" was okay, but there was a test that included me in it, which meant there were others out there like me! I was okay, and, I was not alone in the world! That was so huge! I have spent a lot of time since then, learning, growing, and figuring out who "I" am. I found myself. I learned who I was. I learned to love myself. I learned to accept myself the way I was. I learned it was okay to be me. I also learned it was okay to grow and change and still be true to who I am. I have been wanting to start a YouTube channel for a while now, but have not figured out my niche. I have had a million directions I wanted to go in. I think this video has helped me finally decide which way I may want to go. I want to help people learn to be okay with themselves. It took me a long time and I am still learning and growing, but I have a lot of experience at it now, and there are a lot of people who could really use some advice. There are a lot of people who could use someone out there to tell them that they are okay, just as they are. There are a lot of people who want to learn how to accept themselves. There are a lot of people who are unhappy and don't even know how to recognize what happy looks like. I want to help them all. I am thinking about making my YouTube channel to tell people that they are okay and to help people learn how to accept themselves and learn what happy is and how to reach happiness. That being perfect, may just be, being who you already are, and being okay with that. What do you think? Is that a good idea? Are there enough people out there who might want a channel like that? Thanks Jessica! PS. Your videos have been nothing but helpful for me. I watch them, and then point them out to friends and family and say, "See! I am normal! I am okay! This is what normal looks like!" So you have never seemed ableist to me, only empowering. 😀

Anonymous

I (day) dream about that world, too. Such a lovely one. As always, poignantly, honestly, and authentically from your heart. Thankful for you and the team, Jess 💙

Anonymous

Now seems a time more than ever that we all need this new direction. I've been reading about long covid, and so often people's experiences read to me like they have all the executive functioning issues of adhd. So sadly there's likely a huge amount more people who need the neurotypical world to adjust. As always, providing accommodations for a disability helps so many others as well (I also hate the word "accommodation", it implies someone has to be put out a bit so someone else can fit in, when that's not always the case, it can be a change that's for the better of everyone, it just feels hard at first simply because it's a change)

Anonymous

Just finishing up a Masters in Social Work. After 25 years in a career as an art director, where I could mostly make my ADHD work for me. I enjoyed that but went into because it was the path where I didn't feel incompetent all the time. Didn't know I had an ADHD brain then. Going to grad school was SOOOO hard. I'd known I had ADHD for at least a decade, but I had to finally seek out an official diagnosis. Every assignment was late. Covid and kids who are also diagnosed ND with tons of anxiety and depression (and husband who denies being ND) made it even harder. The whole family runs on my limited EF. So there has been the awesome level of feeling ashamed in front of school personnel because I can't always be right on top of stuff for my children .

Ann Ingham

Thank you so much for this. I have got really emotional in a mostly good way. Sadness that despite all my personal development work, real growth and telling others they are good enough and lovable enough and worthy enough, I am still struggling with it myself. Also, relief because I realise it's true and that I can take the bad feelings away by changing. Gratitude to you for being so authentic. Grief for all the years of self-criticism rather than self acceptance.

Anonymous

So I've been a Patreon subscriber for almost 5 years now and have followed the channel since it's early days. I am a huge proponent of everything Jessica and all the hardworking people here do and have suggested it to countless friends and family members as possibly the single greatest ADHD resource on the internet. Diagnosed at age 10 (45 now) this has and continues to be a lifelong struggle. I've had it wreck just about every single imaginable part of my life, and it continues to do so, though, admittedly, I do get better dealing with it. I wanted to open with all that, because for the first time I can remember in the history of the channel, I don't agree. To be fair, I don't agree 100%. You do make a number of immensely valid points. I once had someone I was dating (3+ years) tell me near the end of an argument (one of if not our last), "Oh, I understand ADHD, I just don't want to deal with it." She was pretty much the definition of an ablest and a very good profile in who I should not be with. But the girl I'm dating now, who I'd also classify as a heart, has been a lot more understanding about ADHD. We have a standing Sunday night appointment to watch videos (always starting and often ending with yours) and discuss the topics and how it affects me/her/us. And tonight's video session has led to this topic. I think the overall arc of a the video was borderline dangerous. The world is neurotypical. The world will always be "neurotypical" simply by the word typical being in it. If a branch of neurodiversity all of a sudden because more prevalent than traditional neurotypicalism, it would be the new neurotypical for that reason. Regardless, the world is a baseline, and there are certain societal norms that need to be upheld regardless of how your brain works. Timeliness is obviously something many of us here suffer from, and something I find the older I get I actually get worse at it. Now I've set myself up in a world where it's not generally that important, but this is a situation where I had to adapt to the world. The world is never going to adapt to us. If you have to be at your job at 9am, you need to (mostly) be at your job at 9am. You can't look at that as something ablest and be okay with being the person who shows up late. There are more examples, but I am greatly concerned that this shift in philosophy may be leading people to think they don't need to overcome some of their shortcomings that come from this. Yes, you are right that many of the "shortcomings" really aren't, and shouldn't be viewed that way. If you're not a good classroom learner, or you use a different path to get work done, but in the end you learn and you get the work done, no one should tell you that you should do it any different. But there are shortcomings that genuinely are shortcomings. Being late, not locking doors (my personal favorite), misplacing important items, missing deadlines, and more. When I was 17 I got a letter back from my first choice of college telling me that I would have been accepted....if the application had been on time. That's not on them, that's on me. I can't just say "well, I didn't want to go to Ablest U anyway." The tips, tricks, and analysis you bring to our lives is incredibly valuable. And ADHD is like (IMHO) 70% handicap, 30% superpower. And its something so fundamental to my identity that I wouldn't want to envision who I would be without it. But it is still 70% handicap, and I *DO* want to make that better, either though correcting issues, hacking issues (home automation is my big one here), or finding ways to avoid them all together. But for anyone who actually reads this novel of a comment, do understand one very important point from the video which is 100% correct: Just because you have ADHD does not make you "less than" at all. You are "different than" and you may have to work harder just to achieve some things needed for the world to view you as "average" in areas, but you are NEVER "less than" Love and gratitude for all you do from LA!

How to ADHD
>>83512396

Oh of course; there are still some things that need to remain in place but there are adjustments that could be made to make things more accessible. It's not much different from having braille menus at a restaurant for those who are hard of seeing or unable to see at all. It's applying that concept but for ADHD and mental health in general. Here is a great way to explain it from our Lead Animator: Just want to add on to this, the "ableism" that Jessica was referring to was the idea that we need to better ourselves to conform to neurotypical expectations. A lot of the channel before was tools to help those with ADHD conform better to a neurotypical world, and frankly tools to help mask their struggles. Now, however, it's more about how we can change the world to better fit everyone. For example, I'm working on the next definition video that's about to come out about what "ADHD Friendly" means. One of the statements inside the video is about how tools for those of us with ADHD will also benefit those who are neurotypical as well (albeit not as much as they benefit us). The example is a stool to reach a high shelf. Those who are neurotypical (tall) can reach the shelf already but a stool makes it easier. Those of us who are neurodiverse (short) need that stool to function. So mostly it's just about changing the idea about what needs to change. Ableism is the idea that we need to change our disabled selves to fit the world, rather than changing the world to benefit all who live in it. - I hope that helps explain more about the spirit and intentions of the video! And of course if you still disagree that is totally fine! 🧡 - Harley Community Manager

Anonymous
>>83363054

I’m finishing up my master’s in mental health counseling. I got my diagnosis 3 years ago, right after starting my program. I am lucky to have accommodations with my school. My accommodations include letting me have extra time for assignments but still, Everything is late because of the accommodations. I wouldn’t be able to finish school without those accommodations. I would have failed out like I did the last couple times I tried grad school, before my diagnosis. I have two kids with big NDs of their own (ADHD and BPD) and one with chronic physical illness and I have my own chronic physical conditions too. My ADHD is the biggest struggle of it all though. The executive dysfunction tries to destroy everything so often.