Beta Bully (F/F) - Chapter 32 (Early Access) (Patreon)

Apologies & Affirmations

“My birthday isn’t in August.”

Luna flushed pink in the dim orange light. “Shit. Sorry, I could have sworn- I feel so stupid-”

“It’s not your fault,” Darcy said hurriedly. “I told you that.”

“Why?” Luna laughed awkwardly. The room seemed to be closing in on her suddenly. “That’s… a weird thing to lie about, Darce.”

Darcy squeezed the blankets in her hands. Gathering courage. “Because it’s actually January 8th,” she admitted. Finally.

In the pause that held them, Luna’s eyes seemed to be flicking back and forth over an invisible calendar as she processed her words.

“You skipped a grade?” Her voice had risen in pitch.

“No, Luna.”

“You skipped more than one? Are yo- how old are you?” Her expression was horrified, desperate to know if she was actually sharing a bed with a child.

“I’m eighteen,” Darcy whispered.

The look of horror was frozen. Her whole body halted.

“You’ve- You’re-”

The floundering was making Darcy feel ten times worse. She finally said the words aloud.

“I already hit mate maturity,” she confessed.

Luna looked winded. She glanced back and forth between Darcy and the opposite wall. Unable to maintain eye contact consistently.

Eventually, she managed to ask, “You knew I was your mate back then?” She sounded winded, too.

“I did.”

“You lied to me,” she said, so softly that it stung Darcy’s eyes. Luna was hurt. An emotion Darcy really hadn’t forecast for this moment. Angry or confused, maybe. But Luna’s voice was wavering in a heart-wrenching way. “You denied it every time.” She scrubbed a hand through her hair in a mild daze. “And… you knew even before MYSTIKA told me.” She turned to her, eyes accusatory. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried to earlier!” Darcy said, suddenly on defence. She twisted away. She couldn’t look at her mate any more. It hurt. Spikes of pain were protruding through her chest. It hurt her arms to cross them over it.

“I meant months ago, Darce.” Her tone was soft, almost sweet.

“Because you were the scariest person in the world to me then,” she huffed, sounding far more pathetic than she had intended. The answer was more than obvious, she felt. Despite Luna’s gentle voice, Darcy felt as though she were on trial. That she had to explain herself. “I would rather have told a raging bull that it was my soul-mate.” Luna pulled her into her lap but didn’t interrupt her. Darcy fought the primal urge to nestle in close to her warmth. Her scent, usually an instant tranquilliser for her, was nothing more than a nice smell as she ranted. “Every time I saw you my body would get so stupidly excited my skin would tingle,” she continued. Borderline babbling. “But the moment you would catch sight of me, my stomach would drop and I would be filled with dread.” Her eyes began to tear up and her face burned under Luna’s gaze. “It was like I could only look at you as long as you didn’t look back.” She pressed her forehead to her chest and whispered, “I was terrified of you.”

Luna’s arms around her tightened, pressing a fresh wave of her scent out and over her. She kissed the crown of her head. “I’m so sorry.”

“You were a jerk,” Darcy added with a sniff.

“I was.”

“You bullied me,” she reminded her with another sniff. She could see defeat on the horizon against the tears that were brewing.

“I did. I’m so sorry.” Luna rocked them gently back and forth, clutching her close as though she might disappear. It soothed the ache in her body. Heart ache that had spread like an infectious disease. “I was such an idiot, I can’t believe I actually thought what I was doing was just a joke.” Luna took her face with both hands, clasping her cheeks with a sweet touch. Staring deeply into her eyes she said, “It wasn’t.” Her sincerity pushed the tears out. It was well and truly all her fault.

“I wanted to hate you,” Darcy sobbed. “I wanted to think mean things about you, or wish harm on you. But the moment I woke up on my birthday I just couldn’t.” She laid her hands over Luna’s, squishing her own face between them. Coating her skin in her soul-mate’s scent marker. “I could find you awful and cruel. I could be afraid of you…” She hiccuped a few times and Luna stroked her cheeks with her thumbs, helplessly brushing away tears. “But I couldn’t break the soul-mate tie,” she gasped. The words squeezed her chest even to vocalise them. “I couldn’t force myself not to love you just a tiny. Little. Bit.” She punctuated the words with pathetic sniffs. “I ended up hating myself more because I felt so weak. Too weak to even think of hating you, let alone act like it.”

Luna stared down into her face with pinched lips and desperate eyes. “I’m sorry you were forced to love me,” she whispered. As though Darcy had become so delicate she might accidentally blow her away with loud words. How she knew that was exactly how she was feeling, Darcy didn’t know. “That is so unfair.”

“Well,” she sniffed. “It’s your turn next. When you wake up you’ll be forced to love me, too.” She said it as though it were the most awful punishment, but Luna’s worried face split into a weary grin.

“Too late,” she said.

Darcy threw her arms around her neck and nuzzled into her collarbones, smothering Luna with her scent. Stealing hers for herself. Luna snuggled her back, rubbing her fingers along her back soothingly.

Luna slid them both down flat onto the bed, onto their sides, and began to kiss her face all over. “I’m sorry.” Another kiss. “I’m sorry.” And another. “I’m sorry.” Her words began to slur and her eyelids were drooping. “I’m sorry.” Luna was getting drowsy.

Darcy remembered the night before her mate maturity, she hadn’t even been trying to stay up late, but the sleepiness hit her well before midnight. Her parents said it was normal, your body forcing itself to sleep for the overnight change.

Luna continued to peck little kisses over her nose, cheeks, brows… always apologising in between.

“Don’t say sorry as your last thing before you fall asleep.” Darcy whispered. She didn’t want the night to end with thoughts of their past. A new day was on its way. The first day of their true relationship. As soul-mates. “Say nice things.”

“I don’t feel nice,” Luna grumbled. She pressed their foreheads together. “I feel sorry. And stupid.”

“I love you,” Darcy said, quiet as a mouse. Luna heard it, though. Her eyes lit up, the gold sparkling even in such low light. She returned to her feverish kisses, lips touching every inch of her face, hair, neck.

“I love you more.” A kiss to the tip of her nose. “I love you so much.” A peck to her cheek. “I love you all day long.” A suckling smooch to her throat. Darcy squirmed under her touch. She felt suddenly too hot under her attention.

“Go to sleep, you big doof,” she ordered. But she couldn’t keep her own grin at bay.

“Is that the last thing my soul-mate wants to say to me?”

“You’re becoming an adult, not dying.”

Luna laughed quietly, flicked off the lamp, and curled herself around her. Her face was all Darcy could see in the dark. It was all she wanted to see.

Darcy brushed her lips against her ear. Luna’s drowsy eyes followed her and a weak smile remained on her lips. “I forgive you. For everything,” Darcy whispered.

Her eyes closed.