Beta Bully (F/M) - Chapter 32 (Early Access) (Patreon)

Apologies & Affirmations

“My birthday isn’t in August.”

Luca flushed pink in the dim orange light. “Shit. Sorry, I could have sworn- I feel so stupid-”

“It’s not your fault,” she said hurriedly. “I told you that.”

“Why?” he laughed awkwardly. The room seemed to be closing in on her suddenly. “That’s… a weird thing to lie about, Darce.”

Darcy squeezed the blankets in her hands. Gathering courage. “Because it’s actually January 8th,” she admitted. Finally.

In the pause that held them, Luca’s eyes seemed to be flicking back and forth over an invisible calendar as he processed her words.

“You skipped a grade?” His voice had risen in pitch.

“No, Luca.”

“You skipped more than one? Are yo- how old are you?” His expression was horrified, desperate to know if he was actually sharing a bed with a child.

“I’m eighteen,” she whispered.

The look of horror was frozen. His whole body halted.

“You’ve- You’re-”

The floundering was making her feel ten times worse. She finally said the words aloud.

“I already hit mate maturity,” she confessed.

Luca looked winded. He glanced back and forth between Darcy and the opposite wall. Unable to maintain eye contact consistently.

Eventually, he managed to ask, “You knew I was your mate back then?” He sounded winded, too.

“I did.”

“You lied to me,” he said, so softly that it stung her eyes. He was hurt. An emotion Darcy really hadn’t forecast for this moment. Angry or confused, maybe. But Luca’s voice was wavering in a heart-wrenching way. “You denied it every time.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair in a mild daze.  “And… you knew even before MYSTIKA told me.” He turned to her, eyes accusatory. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried to earlier!” she said, suddenly on defence. She twisted away. She couldn’t look at him any more. It hurt. Spikes of pain were protruding through her chest. It hurt her arms to cross them over it.

“I meant months ago, Darce.” His tone was soft, almost sweet.

“Because you were the scariest person in the world to me then,” she huffed, sounding far more pathetic than she had intended. The answer was more than obvious, she felt. Despite his gentle voice, she felt as though she were on trial. That she had to explain herself. “I would rather have told a raging bull that it was my soul-mate.” Luca pulled her into his lap but didn’t interrupt her. She fought the primal urge to nestle in close to his warmth. His scent, usually an instant tranquilliser for her, was nothing more than a nice smell as she ranted. “Every time I saw you my body would get so stupidly excited my skin would tingle,” she continued. Borderline babbling. “But the moment you would catch sight of me, my stomach would drop and I would be filled with dread.” Her eyes began to tear up and her face burned under his gaze. “It was like I could only look at you as long as you didn’t look back.” She pressed her forehead to his chest and whispered, “I was terrified of you.”

Luca’s arms around her tightened, pressing a fresh wave of his scent out and over her. He kissed the crown of her head. “I’m so sorry.”

“You were a jerk,” she added with a sniff.

“I was.”

“You bullied me,” she reminded him with another sniff. She could see defeat on the horizon against the tears that were brewing.

“I did. I’m so sorry.” He rocked them gently back and forth, clutching her close as though she might disappear. It soothed the ache in her body. Heart ache that had spread like an infectious disease. “I was such an idiot, I can’t believe I actually thought what I was doing was just a joke.” He took her face with both hands, clasping her cheeks with a sweet touch. Staring deeply into her eyes he said, “It wasn’t.” His sincerity pushed the tears out. It was well and truly all his fault.

“I wanted to hate you,” she sobbed. “I wanted to think mean things about you, or wish harm on you. But the moment I woke up on my birthday I just couldn’t.” She laid her hands over his, squishing her own face between them. Coating her skin in his scent marker. “I could find you awful and cruel. I could be afraid of you…” She hiccuped a few times and he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs, helplessly brushing away tears. “But I couldn’t break the soul-mate tie,” she gasped. The words squeezed her chest even to vocalise them. “I couldn’t force myself not to love you just a tiny. Little. Bit.” She punctuated the words with pathetic sniffs. “I ended up hating myself more because I felt so weak. Too weak to even think of hating you, let alone act like it.”

He stared down into her face with pinched lips and desperate eyes. “I’m sorry you were forced to love me,” he whispered. As though she had become so delicate he might accidentally blow her away with loud words. How he knew that was exactly how she was feeling, she didn’t know. “That is so unfair.”

“Well,” she sniffed. “It’s your turn next. When you wake up you’ll be forced to love me, too.” She said it as though it were the most awful punishment, but Luca’s worried face split into a weary grin.

“Too late,” he said.

Darcy threw her arms around his neck and nuzzled into his collarbones, smothering him with her scent. Stealing his for herself. He snuggled her back, rubbing his fingers along her back soothingly.

He slid them both down flat onto the bed, onto their sides, and began to kiss her face all over. “I’m sorry.” Another kiss. “I’m sorry.” And another. “I’m sorry.” His words began to slur and his eyelids were drooping. “I’m sorry.” He was getting drowsy.

Darcy remembered the night before her mate maturity, she hadn’t even been trying to stay up late, but the sleepiness hit her well before midnight. Her parents said it was normal, your body forcing itself to sleep for the overnight change.

He continued to peck little kisses over her nose, cheeks, brows… always apologising in between.

“Don’t say sorry as your last thing before you fall asleep.” Darcy whispered. She didn’t want the night to end with thoughts of their past. A new day was on its way. The first day of their true relationship. As soul-mates. “Say nice things.”

“I don’t feel nice,” Luca grumbled. He pressed their foreheads together. “I feel sorry. And stupid.”

“I love you,” Darcy said, quiet as a mouse. He heard it, though. His eyes lit up, the gold sparkling even in such low light. He returned to his feverish kisses, lips touching every inch of her face, hair, neck.

“I love you more.” A kiss to the tip of her nose. “I love you so much.” A peck to her cheek. “I love you all day long.” A suckling smooch to her throat. Darcy squirmed under his touch. She felt suddenly too hot under his attention.

“Go to sleep, you big doof,” she ordered. But she couldn’t keep her own grin at bay.

“Is that the last thing my soul-mate wants to say to me?”

“You’re becoming an adult, not dying.”

He laughed quietly, flicked off the lamp, and curled himself around her. His face was all she could see in the dark. It was all she wanted to see.

Darcy brushed her lips against his ear. His drowsy eyes followed her and a weak smile remained on his lips. “I forgive you. For everything,” she whispered.

His eyes closed.