Beta Bully (M/M) - Chapter 32 (Early Access) (Patreon)

Apologies & Affirmations

“My birthday isn’t in August.”

Luca flushed pink in the dim orange light. “Shit. Sorry, I could have sworn- I feel so stupid-”

“It’s not your fault,” Darcy said hurriedly. “I told you that.”

“Why?” he laughed awkwardly. The room seemed to be closing in on Darcy suddenly. “That’s… a weird thing to lie about, Darce.”

Darcy squeezed the blankets in his hands. Gathering courage. “Because it’s actually January 8th,” he admitted. Finally.

In the pause that held them, Luca’s eyes seemed to be flicking back and forth over an invisible calendar as he processed his words.

“You skipped a grade?” His voice had risen in pitch.

“No, Luca.”

“You skipped more than one? Are yo- how old are you?” His expression was horrified, desperate to know if he was actually sharing a bed with a child.

“I’m eighteen,” Darcy whispered.

The look of horror was frozen. His whole body halted.

“You’ve- You’re-”

The floundering was making him feel ten times worse. Darcy finally said the words aloud.

“I already hit mate maturity,” he confessed.

Luca looked winded. He glanced back and forth between Darcy and the opposite wall. Unable to maintain eye contact consistently.

Eventually, he managed to ask, “You knew I was your mate back then?” He sounded winded, too.

“I did.”

“You lied to me,” he said, so softly that it stung Darcy’s eyes. He was hurt. An emotion Darcy really hadn’t forecast for this moment. Angry or confused, maybe. But Luca’s voice was wavering in a heart-wrenching way. “You denied it every time.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair in a mild daze.  “And… you knew even before MYSTIKA told me.” He turned to him, eyes accusatory. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I tried to earlier!” he said, suddenly on defence. Darcy twisted away. He couldn’t look at him any more. It hurt. Spikes of pain were protruding through his chest. It hurt his arms to cross them over it.

“I meant months ago, Darce.” Luca’s tone was soft, almost sweet.

“Because you were the scariest person in the world to me then,” he huffed, sounding far more pathetic than he had intended. The answer was more than obvious, he felt. Despite Luca’s gentle voice, he felt as though he were on trial. That he had to explain himself. “I would rather have told a raging bull that it was my soul-mate.” Luca pulled him into his lap but didn’t interrupt him. Darcy fought the primal urge to nestle in close to his warmth. His soul-mate’s scent, usually an instant tranquilliser for him, was nothing more than a nice smell as he ranted. “Every time I saw you my body would get so stupidly excited my skin would tingle,” he continued. Borderline babbling. “But the moment you would catch sight of me, my stomach would drop and I would be filled with dread.” His eyes began to tear up and his face burned under Luca’s gaze. “It was like I could only look at you as long as you didn’t look back.” Darcy pressed his forehead to his chest and whispered, “I was terrified of you.”

Luca’s arms around him tightened, pressing a fresh wave of his scent out and over him. He kissed the crown of his head. “I’m so sorry.”

“You were a jerk,” Darcy added with a sniff.

“I was.”

“You bullied me,” he reminded him with another sniff. Darcy could see defeat on the horizon against the tears that were brewing.

“I did. I’m so sorry.” Luca rocked them gently back and forth, clutching Darcy close as though he might disappear. It soothed the ache in his body. Heart ache that had spread like an infectious disease. “I was such an idiot, I can’t believe I actually thought what I was doing was just a joke.” He took his face with both hands, clasping Darcy’s cheeks with a sweet touch. Staring deeply into his eyes he said, “It wasn’t.” His sincerity pushed the tears out. It was well and truly all his fault.

“I wanted to hate you,” Darcy sobbed. “I wanted to think mean things about you, or wish harm on you. But the moment I woke up on my birthday I just couldn’t.” He laid his hands over Luca’s, squishing his own face between them. Coating his skin in his soul-mate’s scent marker. “I could find you awful and cruel. I could be afraid of you…” Darcy hiccuped a few times and Luca stroked his cheeks with his thumbs, helplessly brushing away tears. “But I couldn’t break the soul-mate tie,” he gasped. The words squeezed his chest even to vocalise them. “I couldn’t force myself not to love you just a tiny. Little. Bit.” Darcy punctuated the words with pathetic sniffs. “I ended up hating myself more because I felt so weak. Too weak to even think of hating you, let alone act like it.”

Luca stared down into his face with pinched lips and desperate eyes. “I’m sorry you were forced to love me,” he whispered. As though Darcy had become so delicate he might accidentally blow him away with loud words. How he knew that was exactly how Darcy was feeling, he didn’t know. “That is so unfair.”

“Well,” he sniffed. “It’s your turn next. When you wake up you’ll be forced to love me, too.” Darcy said it as though it were the most awful punishment, but Luca’s worried face split into a weary grin.

“Too late,” he said.

Darcy threw his arms around his neck and nuzzled into his collarbones, smothering him with his scent. Stealing his for himself. Luca snuggled him back, rubbing his fingers along his back soothingly.

Luca slid them both down flat onto the bed, onto their sides, and began to kiss his face all over. “I’m sorry.” Another kiss. “I’m sorry.” And another. “I’m sorry.” His words began to slur and his eyelids were drooping. “I’m sorry.” He was getting drowsy.

Darcy remembered the night before his mate maturity, he hadn’t even been trying to stay up late, but the sleepiness hit him well before midnight. His parents said it was normal, your body forcing itself to sleep for the overnight change.

Luca continued to peck little kisses over his nose, cheeks, brows… always apologising in between.

“Don’t say sorry as your last thing before you fall asleep.” Darcy whispered. He didn’t want the night to end with thoughts of their past. A new day was on its way. The first day of their true relationship. As soul-mates. “Say nice things.”

“I don’t feel nice,” Luca grumbled. He pressed their foreheads together. “I feel sorry. And stupid.”

“I love you,” Darcy said, quiet as a mouse. He heard it, though. His eyes lit up, the gold sparkling even in such low light. He returned to his feverish kisses, lips touching every inch of Darcy’s face, hair, neck.

“I love you more.” A kiss to the tip of his nose. “I love you so much.” A peck to his cheek. “I love you all day long.” A suckling smooch to his throat. Darcy squirmed under his touch. He felt suddenly too hot under his soul-mate’s attention.

“Go to sleep, you big doof,” he ordered. But he couldn’t keep his own grin at bay.

“Is that the last thing my soul-mate wants to say to me?”

“You’re becoming an adult, not dying.”

Luca laughed quietly, flicked off the lamp, and curled himself around him. His face was all Darcy could see in the dark. It was all he wanted to see.

Darcy brushed his lips against his ear. Luca’s drowsy eyes followed him and a weak smile remained on his lips. “I forgive you. For everything,” Darcy whispered.

His eyes closed.