Neighbors, Part 6 (Patreon)

Six.

Hello, handsome boy. In need of a change, are you?

I had read and re-read the message from Lucy close to 100 times. It said so little, but it also said everything. I could almost imagine Lucy’s voice in my mind. Her tone. Her inflection for each syllable.

I wanted to write her back.

But I also didn’t.

Lucy might not even exist. She could have been a hoax or a scam. Maybe somebody’s hobby or catfish project.

But she did exist in my mind. And so long as I didn’t write back, she would continue to exist there.

Even if she did exist, and she was who she claimed to be, I still had to impress her. I needed to be whoever it was she thought I might have been when she initially reached out to me. That, in itself, sometimes felt like an insurmountable obstacle.

I was constantly waffling back and forth on whether or not I was going to respond. When I woke up that Sunday, I was positive that I wasn’t going to. Between the complicated relationship I had with Veronica - and the strange game that might have been blossoming with Ashley, I wasn’t sure that I even wanted to entertain the idea of introducing yet another element to this world of mine.

Yet, by the time Veronica left the apartment to go spend time with Ashley again, my phone was in my hand and I was ready to respond.

Oh yes, I badly need you to change me and…

I probably shouldn’t be so desperate. I opted to scrap that message and start over.

Me: I could probably always use one, though you’re welcome to check and see for yourself.

I felt better about that. I hit send.

Then, it was just a matter of waiting.

I checked my phone 2 minutes later. No response.

Five minutes later. Nothing.

Ten minutes later. Nothing.

Twenty minutes later. Nothing.

Come on, Lucy. Please.

When it became apparent that I couldn’t just will a response into existence, I tried to allow my mind to wander elsewhere for a bit. It wasn’t too hard to do - I simply pulled up the text messages from Ashley the afternoon prior. The ones I had initially neglected to read. The ones she sent me while excited for her new diaper adventure.

Ashley: I want to wet myself. Is that bad? I’m so curious.

Me: That’s what it was made for. It’d be a waste of a diaper if you didn’t.

Ashley: Yes, you’re right. Thank you, I needed to hear that.

Ashley: I chugged so much water in the last hour or two so that I could do this.

Ashley: I have to pee so BAD. But...I can’t? It’s like my body knows it’s doing something it shouldn’t and it's not allowing me to do it.

Ashley: LOL nevermind. Totally pissing myself right now. HOLY SHIT. I’M DOING IT!

Ashley: OMG, I wish you could feel this.

I wish I could’ve too. I could see it happening. I could imagine the expression on her face as she wet herself.

There were no texts after that, and we hadn’t spoken since. I wished I had responded the day before, even if it was hours later. Now too much time had elapsed, and it’d be awkward and essentially useless for me to do so.

I would’ve loved to have known what happened next.

--

“Hello, handsome boy. In need of a change, are you?”

In my imagination, there she was again - Lucy. A construct of Lucy. Bits and pieces of her profile combined with imagined details and well wishes.

It was probably unhealthy to daydream about someone I made up as much as I did. It felt like having an imaginary friend.

At first I thought I was just daydreaming again. But it occurred to me that it might have been an actual dream.

“You’d have to look for yourself,” I said.

“Turn around,” she commanded.

I did so.

I felt her fingers pull open the back of my diaper so that she could peer in. I was unsure what she saw - I wasn’t even sure myself what the condition of this diaper was.

“Pretty clean,” she said. “You can do better than that.”

“I can do anything you want me to,” I said.

“You know what I want.”

Did I? “You want me to...fill my diaper.”

“Yes,” she said.

I was acutely aware of another presence in the room. I spun around to see that both Veronica and Ashley were here too. How long had they been here? Had they always been here?

“Fill it up, diaper boy,” Veronica said with a snide smile. “We know you want to.”

“If you do it, I’ll do it,” Ashley said. Then, looking to Veronica: “If I do it, you’ll change me right?”

“Of course, baby,” Veronica cooed.

“Well?” Lucy asked. “What’s keeping you?”

I didn’t need to be told again what I had to do. With no further consideration for who else was in the room watching me - and I was no longer sure who was in the room or not - I proceeded to squat down and push.

--

I woke suddenly, catching myself seconds before I was actually pushing on my bowels.

That had certainly never happened before.

It had been years since I had messed in a diaper. Too much time had elapsed for me to say, for certain, whether it was even something I liked or not. It was one of those things that - in a fantasy and removed from reality - seemed pretty exciting. Though...maybe there was a reason it had been so long since the last time I had done it.

It was just a dream, I had told myself. Just a weird dream brought on by a little dry-spell in the bedroom, that’s all. Dreams were, you know, random fragments of thoughts and ideas that were just, like…

Oh, fuck it. That dream was hot as hell, and it had convinced me to take my cock out of my pants so that I could start stroking myself.

There I was - now thinking about shitting a diaper while my wife watched. While Ashley watched.

And Lucy.

I finished quickly - it felt more pathetic than satisfying. The refractory period was spent contemplating my ever-growing desperation in contrast with how much of a tease my life had become.

I was lonely. I needed...something. Someone. I needed to talk about diapers with someone who wasn’t, probably, fucking my wife as I sat here fantasizing about shitting myself.

I cleaned myself and used the bathroom before returning to the couch, slightly more grumpy. Slightly more sad.

My phone was in my hand, and I tossed it back and forth from one hand to another. I thought about texting Ashley - even though she was out with Veronica. But what would I even say?

I tossed my phone across the room, letting it land on a chair. That kind of thinking was dangerous and I needed to get away from it.

New plan: I’d run down to the store, grab some beer and snacks, then come back up here and get lost in a bad movie or two. I just needed a distraction - and if TV couldn’t do it by itself, then maybe it could with the help of beer.

I threw some decent clothes my shoes on. I considered slipping into a diaper for my little jaunt - something else I hadn’t done in a long time - but I decided against it. In my current state of perpetually-unfocused horniness, it was probably best that I didn’t over-excite myself.

Except, as it turned out, the whole world seemed stimulating when you were desperate and lonely. Every cute woman - hell, every cute guy - triggered a fleeting fantasy of them watching me in some state of infantilism. I passed a woman pushing a stroller. I wish she was pushing me around.

The grocery store? The absolute worst place to be in this mindspace. I told myself I was going to be strong. I could walk right past the baby aisle. There was no need to rile myself up further.

And then I was suddenly there.

The aisle’s faint scent of baby products. The wall of diapers; far too small for me, but that didn’t stop their presence from making me blush regardless. Bottles I could be drinking out of. Pacifiers I could be suckling on. Baby food. Formula. Diaper rash ointment.

There was a bib that read “Mommy’s Little Dinosaur.” With its pastel green and yellow accents, I found it pretty cute, though I had no idea if it would fit around my neck or not. I held it up to myself for a moment, placing it on my chest and under my chin - only to find another woman giving me some suspicious side-eye. I awkwardly laughed and set the bib down.

What are you doing? Food and beer. That was the plan.

I wandered back towards more adult foods, though a pacifier had found itself hitching a ride in my shopping basket.

My phone vibrated.

Veronica: Where are you?

Me: At the store. Where are you?

Veronica: We went out for some food, but now we’re headed up to her place for a bit. We stopped by the apartment, but you weren’t here.

I sighed. Of course, the one time I left the apartment was the time that Ashley would’ve been there.

And, right on cue…

Ashley: We were just at your place. Nobody home…

Me to Ashley: So I heard. That’s a shame, because I literally just stepped out for a moment to get some stuff.

Me to Veronica: Planning on being out for a while?

Ashley: Need more baby powder? Baby wipes? ;)

Her message had me buzzing. I felt my skin tingling and my cheeks warming. I wasn’t just walking down the store aisle, I was floating down it.

I hated that I had given her so much power over me. Or...maybe she had just taken that power.

Me to Ashley: Just regular adult food, thank you very much. And beer.

Veronica: Probably.

Me to Veronica: Have fun.

I threw some more food in my basket. And a pint of ice cream - the universal symbol for spending the night alone.

It was as I was picking out some beer for myself that I got another message from Ashley.

Ashley: Can I show you something?

Me: Of course.

Ashley: But promise you won’t get mad…

How could I ever get mad at Ashley? Those words, in that sequence, didn’t even make sense to me at that moment.

Me: I won’t. Though I’m very curious now.

She sent a photo. Except, with my spotty connection within the store, I wasn’t loading. My heart raced a little. What was she going to show me? Why did she think it’d make me mad?

I tried to find a better position in the store, wandering around aimlessly while staring at the screen on my phone. Two bars. Three bars. Two bars. One bar. Two bars.

I gave up and slipped the phone into my pocket so that I could just pay for what I was buying and get out of there - which is what I should’ve done in the first place. The checkout line moved excruciatingly slow. Either it just seemed that way because I wanted to see this photo - or because the universe was doing its best to piss me off. Message received, universe.

It was only one I was in the parking lot that my phone’s bars began to replenish and the photo loaded.

Diapers. More diapers. Big thick ones, not unlike the ones I had - except these were a solid pastel pink color.

My initial reaction was genuine happiness for her.

Me: Hey, good for you! Those look cute. How did you get these?

Ashley: The advantages of living in the city, I suppose. I found a local supplier with same-day delivery. I owe you a diaper.

Me: Oh, no, you don’t owe me anything. That was a gift. Besides, I’m not sure if pink is my color…

Ashley: Don’t be silly. All babies look adorable in pink. Just like your cheeks right now, am I right?

Oh, she was right. I could feel my warm cheeks radiating as I walked home.

Once again, I wondered why she thought I’d be upset with her for showing me this.

Unless…

Me: Does Veronica know about the diapers?

Ashley: Not yet. But...I was thinking I’d show her today.

I had to put my phone back in my pocket. I wasn’t mad at her. I couldn’t be. But…it did rub me the wrong way. Just a little. She had already somehow gotten Veronica to treat her the way I once asked to be treated - but was denied. And to make matters worse, in giving her one of my own diapers to try, I may have only been contributing to this ever-evolving nightmare.

I felt the phone vibrate in my pocket. I told myself I wasn’t going to look at it or respond until I got home, but I caved after just walking a block.

Ashley: I hope that's not too weird.

What if it was? Would she do anything differently?

I spent another block mulling over what my response should be. I thought about the things I should say. How she can’t string me along while having fun with my wife. How I was the one who first fell for her, and had never really recovered from it. How I wanted to be the one to change her diaper.

Instead…

Me: You’re good. Promise. I hope you have fun tonight.

I sighed, realizing that I had once again proven that I was my own worst enemy. My phone slid back into my pocket, with the intent of keeping it there for the rest of the walk. This time for real.

My phone vibrated again, minutes later. And it took every ounce of will I had to not grab my phone and check it. And while I did manage to achieve that, it hadn’t stopped me from trying to predict what the text said.

Perhaps Ashley was showing me wearing one of the new diapers. Or she was apologizing again. Maybe she was asking me for further advice on how she could go about rubbing my face in her success with my fantasies…

Okay, so maybe I was a little more upset with Ashley than I had cared to admit.

When I finally got into the lobby of the apartment building, I finally checked my phone, completely prepared to scoff at whatever new level of absurdity Ashley and Veronica were delving into.

Except that it wasn’t Ashley, nor was it Veronica.

It was a response from Lucy.