February 2023 Story - Blowing the Mission (Chapter 3) (Patreon)

Ross and Haley slowly stepped out into the adjacent office. It was dead quiet in the small room. They briefly checked the desk with the computer hooked to the security camera. Haley then sat down and scoured the files to find the footage of the interrogation. She jumped when she opened the video of herself farting. The sound bass-boosted the speakers. She quickly stopped it and deleted it. She looked up at Ross and said, in a rather flustered way, “To clear our tracks. Obviously.”

Ross was pained to see the footage of the biggest fart he ever witnessed being deleted. “Yes, of course.”

He picked up one of the pistols the guards had in the office and was ready to step out into the hallway when Haley said, “Wait. Stop.”

She pointed to one of the monitors. The front entrance of the laboratory showed a long line of special forces entering the building. They spoke with the front desk clerk, who directed them to the elevator.

“Looks like we have company,” she said. “They must have called them once we started fighting.”

“What do we do? We still need to blow up the bacteria.”

Haley looked around. She then spotted a vent. “There. The old-fashioned way.”

#

Ass.

It stared at Tom Ross right in the face.

Easy, Ross, easy. She’s your partner. It’s just business.

But who could resist something so bodaciously beautiful?

Ross’s psychology teacher years ago (this was in high school) told the snickering class that men loved cleavage because it reminded them of buttcheeks, which is where the vagina was located right underneath.

Fuck that, I’ve always gone straight for the ass. I mean, breasts are great and all, don’t get me wrong. But if I ever wanted a girl, she needed to have some junk in her trunk.

Haley certainly had the right amount of junk.

Calm down, Ross.

Ever since she ripped ass right in front of him, he brimmed with sexual arousal. He could not focus on the mission at all. The sound of the fart and the look on her face were priceless. He wanted more of that. But he had to fucking calm down or else he would blow the mission.

Blow. Just like her ass. Dammit, Ross! Mind out of the gutter RIGHT NOW!

Haley was a professional. As such, she put the events of the past ten minutes aside and did not reference them. She did laugh at his pun, so that was good. Other than that, Haley did not question him about his boner.

The air vent was a tight space, barely wide enough for the average human body to squeeze through. As such, Haley’s ass took up his entire view. Haley stopped a couple times at junctions to figure out how to get back to the lab. She used the blueprints on her phone to guide them. Whenever they stopped, he stared dumbly at those two bubbly cheeks. The light of her phone lit up the darkness. He looked down, afraid she might notice. He momentarily dared to rub his crotch against the floor of the vent, but stopped once it creaked.

Her ass is just so…juicy and meaty. I want to lie down and use it as a pillow, hearing its gut-wrenching farts.

Then again, her farts were caused by the effects of the bacterium. How did her real farts compare? He wondered how a woman like her could fart. Were they always deep and bassy? Did she have wet ones? Long ones? She knew how to burp but would she be open about farting? The front-row seat of her ass drove him mad.

They continued crawling through the vent. They were about to pass by a grating, and she whispered, “If you see anything interesting, tell me.” Her voice was sweet and soft, almost inaudible.

Oh, I see something alright.

It wobbled and tightened with every inch forward.

Ross imagined making love to a woman like her, entering his cock and riding her like an animal. How would she react if she noticed that he still had a boner? He cursed to himself over and over about his raging hormones. Even when he didn’t think about ass or farts for five whole minutes, his dick kept straight as a rocket, as if he had another brain working on its own.

A sudden rumbling echoed through the vent. They were still crawling and she had ignored it as if it were nothing. At first, Ross thought it was the air conditioning kicking in. The second time they heard the sound, it became apparent that it was her stomach.

Haley paused briefly as if to say something, but continued crawling anyway.

The next wave of growls was so loud that she had to stop.

Please be a fart, please be a fart.

“Are you okay?” Ross asked.

She growled through a grunt, “No…”

Please be a fart, please be a fart.

“Tom?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m only saying this because you’re right, well. . . behind me. But. . .”

Here it comes, here it comes.

“I have to break wind again. I’m still sick. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think it would still affect me. If I did, I wouldn’t have let you crawl downwind from me.”

Ross never imagined he would hear such things in that posh British accent. It sounded so proper and yet so dirty.

“I’m really sorry, Tom,” she said, dejectedly.

“No, no, it’s—go ahead. I don’t mind.”

“You showed great talent there doing what you did.”

Ross raised a brow. It then occurred to him that she didn’t think he had a fetish. She actually thought he braved through the stench of her fart and only pretended to be into it!

Unknown to her, Ross inched his face closer, nose just touching her cheek.

“Just doing my job,” he said.

“I…I always admired that about you. When you were an analyst I couldn’t imagine sitting there all day cross-referencing all that data. But to even think outside the box on a field mission. I’m starting to wonder if I’m getting rusty.”

“Not at all.” He bit his lip. “Now, go ahead. I can take it.”

They then heard muffled voices underneath them. The sound of a thousand boots echoed, nearly trembling the air vent.

They heard voices shouting, “CLEAR!” every so often. The special forces were checking every room in the hallway below them.

“Bloody hell,” Haley hissed. “I have to hold it in again.”

Ross very slowly rubbed his cock against the vent floor. A part of him hated that he was secretly enjoying this, but that was the truth of it. This probably wasn’t going to happen ever again in his career.

Haley’s ass trembled as she held in her fart. She moaned more and more. She then gasped and hissed, “Ross! I don’t think I can do it!”

“You can do it. Breathe in and out slowly. Like you are having a baby. Er. I mean, if you’ve ever had one.”

“No.”

“Yoga then? Breathe in and out slowly. Deeply.”

Haley did so. Her breathing then started to quicken. She moaned again and hissed, “Rooooossss!”

“Just a little longer!”

A voice below them barked, “We found Alessio down that way. They could be around the corner there. Move, move!”

Once the thundering footsteps faded, Haley didn’t hold it in a second longer.

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFffhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppppppppppppppPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHhhhhHHhhTTTTTTTTTTTttttt!

The intense gust of hot wind bristled against his face. It was like having a fan blowing right in front of him. Ross couldn’t believe it. He never imagined such fantasies could actually be real. Truly, a biotechnical marvel. He had to hand it to Alessio. Sick bastard, but a genius. Haley had ripped the kind of manly, gutsy fart one would let out after having too much to eat, needing to lift one cheek aside because of its apparent force.

When it ended, Ross swore he could hear it echo down the vent behind him. Haley let out a moan which, out of context, sounded sexual. She relaxed her arms, faceplanting against the vent, and moaned, “Blooooody hell! I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Think nothing of it. Whenever you’re ready, I’m good to go.”

Along the ways Ross added, “If you need to let anymore go, by all means do so. I’m not against it.”

“Um. Okay.”

Ross cringed. That might have come off as suspicious, if not then weird. He was just so overwhelmed with excitement at such a rare opportunity that he wanted to experience it to its fullest potential.

Before crawling further, they stopped when they heard voices echoing behind them.

“Did you hear that?” one of the soldiers said.

“Yes, what was that?”

“It sounded really loud.”

A pause.

“Must be the air conditioning kicking in.”

“Hey, what’s that smell?”

“It’s coming from the vent!”

“What is THAT? It smells HORRIBLE.”

And then they screamed and gagged as Haley’s deadly fart suffocated them.

The first soldier cried out, most likely into his walkie-talkie, “THIS IS TEAM SIX. THE ENEMY HAS RELEASED A TOXIC GAS UPSTAIRS. WE’RE FALLING BACK!”

Haley seemed to scoff. She then cleared her throat and said, “Let’s move on while we have the chance.”

To reach the laboratory in the basement, they had to descend the elevator shaft. They took their time stepping down and reaching out slowly from door to door. The elevator cabin was below them at the third floor. They landed gently on top of it and were about to jump in when the doors opened. Through the grating, they saw that armed special forces filed in and filled the cabin. Ross and Haley froze as the elevator started to lower.

“Dammit,” Ross hissed.

Haley then pulled down her pants. Ross widened his eyes, shocked in wonder at what the hell she was doing. She then placed her ass directly on the grating and farted out loud. Being that she had just recently let out a massive ripper, this one wasn’t too big. However, she let out a sizeable squeaker that dragged on for half a minute. Once she finished, she got off and they watched, partly in juvenile amusement.

One of the guards sniffed loudly. The others started exchanging looks. Then the guard who sniffed first started crying out loud and covered his nose. Almost immediately, the smell hit the others and they clamored and cried out, pressing the button on the elevator rapidly, even though it was completely futile. They reached out and grasped for the grating. By then, it was too late. They all passed out.

“Wow,” Ross said.

Haley jumped inside. Ross had to take a moment, still awed by her quick thinking that aroused him further. He was nervous that she would notice his boner. He jumped down and immediately turned away from her.

“Get dressed,” she said.

The did so, back-to-back. Thankfully, Ross’s boner was no longer visible underneath the tactical gear. The two of them were unrecognizable underneath the layer of body armor and helmets.

They rushed down the hallway, rifles raised, and returned to the lab they originally tried to sabotage. Their new uniforms had a string of grenades at their belts, which were good enough to blow up the specimens. They began opening up each freezer, but before Ross could pluck a grenade from his belt, Haley stopped him.

She reached for a handful of specimens in the freezer and stored them in a handy container with ice that she found in the lab.

“What are you doing?” Ross asked, staring blankly.

“As a field agent, you’ll find that they always ask to bring home extras. I’ll save two for you too. This is a joint effort after all.”

Ross didn’t like the ethics of it. Sure, he enjoyed the existence of a genetically modified organism that can make anyone suffer extreme gas and rip the biggest farts. On the other hand, the thought of their government secretly holding the bioweapon didn’t sit well with him. His blank stare told her everything.

“Look,” she said, “I know. We should destroy this thing outright. Believe me. But we always have to be one step ahead of everyone else. That’s the world we live in.”

Ross nodded. Once Haley finished putting them all away – they blew the freezer room to smithereens with a dozen grenades.

After the explosion rocked the basement, the fire alarm rang out and sprinklers doused the entire facility. They passed by a group of special forces agents, further confusing the chain of command as they took a different route.

They headed up the emergency stairwell for the lobby so that they could book it to one of the armored trucks. The home stretch was in sight. The lobby was completely empty. They then stopped dead in their tracks when someone behind them shouted, “Alza le mani!”

“Shit,” Haley spat. The door was only a few feet ahead of them.

They turned around slowly with their hands above their heads. A special forces soldier held them at gunpoint with his rifle. He further yelled to them in Italian, asking to identify themselves.

Their silence prompted him to approach them. Haley was behind Ross in that moment, so the soldier reached out to grab her first. Haley then instantly grabbed the soldier’s wrist, twisted it, and tripped him. Ross then gawked as Haley planted her ass on the soldier’s face and farted out loud.

BBBBBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHT!

The soldier screamed. Haley got up and they watched as the man covered his face as if acid were thrown on it. The man convulsed, and the whole thing dragged on a bit too long and felt vaguely traumatic, enough to make them wince. The soldier then finally passed out.

“You really survived that?” Haley asked Ross. “I’m impressed.”

He shrugged, a little sheepish and blushing fiercely behind the helmet.

Without a further word, she led the way out the door to the first armored truck they saw. Ross followed suit…his pants still tight around his crotch…