divinity: 003 (Patreon)

don't mind the word vomit, these are my spaced out thoughts. some more coherent than others. 

he's a big softie. a very sweet person from the soles of his feet to the strands of hair on top of his head. he is a vegetarian if he could choose, since he doesn't want to personally hurt animals. if he cooks, hell serve those types of meals. he's a well known crier and emotional softie who coos at the slightest appearance of an animal, be it bug or mammal. 

he also finds humans cute, in the same way he finds other animals cute. its also very conflicting since he fears them, and feel resentment. a rare emotion for him. 

now 003 was born so large and so hefty, lots of things needed to be custom built for him. it was already hard enough for the other numbers and their specifications and measurements, but 003 was another level. he broke his bed all the time, his clothes would naturally tear from simple movements, and him leaning against walls leaves dents. 

this comes with the upside of being supernaturally strong and resilient. to be frank, the weaponry against 003 is useless. he is so thick skinned that weapons that normally sting or even badly hurt numbers, leave nothing. all he feels is a small pressure. the only true damage is speculated to be with bombs, and heavy artillery. but with the rising costs of maintenance, those ideas have to be put on the back burner for 003 specifically. they found another way to control him. 

it was extreme emotional abuse. since physical punishments didn't work, they went all in for psychological damage. beratement, yelling, screaming, throwing things, blaming him, and over all verbal abuse. 

they blamed him for not following tasks and killing things, and would torture his mind by giving cruel deaths to the people and animals he was supposed to kill himself. like the bunny, he was supposed to kill it or else the humans would tear that animal alive in front of him. since he was so nonviolent, he doesn't even think of retaliating, since he will be feeding into the same violence he doesn't want. 

hes strong and can physically retaliate, but he will be vulnerable to killing them by accident, just 003's own voice can cause hearing damage. he has to be SOOO careful or else people will get hurt. the other numbers are the only people he can interact with normally. he craves their love, since he can do what he wishes and desires most with them. like hugging, talking, and more. but he is often denied and left isolated as punishment for his inability to complete certain tasks.

teach him how to shoot, combat skills, and how to build and take apart things, but he wont apply those when it comes actual combat. or at-least he wouldn't normally. '

see the mental abuse was high and the amount of times he was forced to watch the suffering of victims, who if he doesn't watch, will get an even worse death, and he'll hear their screams anyways. the humans have thoroughly made him feel like he is at fault for everything. and with his biggest weakness, love, they weaponized it against him. 

they'll kill his favorite humans, take away his gifts, put him in isolation saying how much he deserved to be alone. he felt like he deserved it. they'll tell him they will love him if does do what they say, that he can see the numbers,, that he can keep his gifts, that his favorite people will live... and so.. all if he did as told. all you gotta do is one simple thing for us okay? that's how they frame it. like it is a simple task. 

so he does.

he kills. 

he does it so that suffering would end. he does it to receive love again. he does it see the numbers, the people he can freely hold in his arms. he wants love soo badly that hell do it. he knows its wrong, but he'll do it for love. 

but his conscience doesn't give him peace either. after every kill, he becomes inconsolable, after every breakdown from being so abused that he breaks and goes into a violent crying fit, after the aftermath... hell feel so much guilt that he let his deep desire for connection to override his morals. that he let violence be the answer, that he let himself become a monster, the same monster he doesn't want to be. he hates seeing fear. the fear in animals and people's eyes are like poison to him.

 hell be inconsolable.

during those inconsolable moments, he must be left alone. nothing would work and he wouldn't even be able to hear people during this state. so the humans do, till he comes back to his senses and the abuse starts all over again. his self esteem is rock bottom and he is a push over, too sweet to stop, to delicate to not break, picks up the pieces and lets them fall apart again. he feels like he deserves it, like it was his fault, for both lashing out, and questioning his inability to kill things as a personal fault. 

he feels guilt because the numbers are also being punished because of him. now he has another reason to obey, even if he can't stand hurting things. he grows to have an explosive reaction, a violent coping mechanism, since it was the only one that humans actively ensure it happens, that backfires on him after he regains his senses. and crying for days is the only way he can handle the stress. he bottles that anger till he explodes in a fury, since he never was allowed to handle his big feelings the way it supposed to. 

after freedom, he almost never explodes again, since he is never stressed enough to do so. his biggest triggers are gone. though he doesn't have a fear of other people's anger, especially if directed at him. he also gets anxiety when he's called for things, always thinking he did something wrong, even if logically he didn't do anything. 

he cant really watch violent things, because it brings bad memories. hearing sounds of tearing, screaming, pain, and other sound effects that can relate to hurting people often gives him a panic. because some of these sounds are even common to the world, he has to manage the stressors as best he can, telling himself all he's hearing is x thing and not the x action of a human dying. 

either way, his gentle nature prevailed despite it all. just with a little mix of anger/anxiety.  he does have those lingering resentment, hatred, and grudge that he cant just shake off now that he's safe. it makes looking at humans complicated because it gives him two conflicting feelings. hatred and love.