Getting things off my chest. (Patreon)

This is a little rant about how I am feeling at this moment in time.

At the beginning of the month we passed my first goal of $50 a month. Something I didn't expect to reach for a while, and it has been difficult to wrap my head around it. It is hard for me to believe that I am worthy of your guy's generosity. There are so many talented individuals out there that have more then earned your donation. While I am still very new to animation, and can't deliver at the same quality as others. This has caused a lot of stress for me over the past month, and I can't put it into words how I am truly feeling.

I have all of "Haydee can't suck cock" blocked out. Meaning all of the animation is there except for the end stuff. Stuff I need the voice lines for to finish. After doing a test render... I am extremely disappointed with how the animation looks. After getting the voice in, and letting sound design play with it. I believe that it could turn out decent, but I don't like that! Right now I don't have the experience to create at a level that is worthy of achieving my first Patreon goal, and it is... "emotional"... is the best way I can put it.

Why am I making this post... I truly don't know why any of you became a patron to begin with. Was it my basic loops that you enjoyed? Was it the quality of my animations? Did you read my bio/description on Patreon, and tell yourself you wished to support me. To hopefully one day get some high quality smut? I really don't know...

So why am I truly making this. I have big ideas that I want to do in my head, and to achieve those goals I need time. Time to not only make my projects, but time to learn, and grow as an animator. If I don't release something every month. I feel like I am a fraud, lazy, not living up to the expectations that I put on myself. Believing that I should be making higher quality smut because people are opening their wallets for me. I'm struggling to sleep because I feel like I am not doing enough. Ten plus hours a day, and I feel like I am not making any lead way of creating any faster, or at a higher quality. The test render that I did, has left me extremely disappointed, and making me feel like I should just start from scratch....

So this leads me to asking my main question... Why? Why are you supporting me? 

You liked the basic loops? If this I will start making a priority of basic loops. Pushing for a biweekly release at the highest quality that I can.

You like the longer animations?  If this I will start making a priority of longer animations. No deadline, and will take as long as needed to complete. (Can be within a month, could be two months per animation. I don't really know)

You like supporting me for what ever reason/Hope for high quality smut in the future? If this... I will continue as normal, but with the knowledge that you understand this takes time to learn. Time to master. That a couple years from now. Icky will be creating some good ass porn. 

Please choose all that apply to you for supporting me.

Sorry for the long post, and sorry if you didn't want to read it all... At the end of the day I thank each, and everyone of you for the support. Even if it is a one time pledge. It is overwhelming, and has left me emotional to a degree that I can't put it into words. So... From the bottom of my heart... Thank you so much.