Battle Royale with Cheese! - Introduction, Teams, & Rules (Patreon)

The waitress's heels clacked against the smooth wooden floor as she strolled across the ballroom, a silver platter of snacks in her hand. Slipping skillfully between the passengers on the dance floor, their bodies crammed into tightly-fitted, high-quality gowns, she came to a stop beside one of the chamber’s grand windows. Cat’s eye drones flew over her head, positioning themselves to catch every inch of the passengers’ bodies.

Snatching a little fish treat off her platter, she plopped it into her mouth and chewed as she looked out the window, tail flexing. Beyond the screen lay an endless starscape, streaming past the ship like so much rain in the wind.

Swallowing her treat, she closed her eyes and double-checked the schedule. Everything was in place. It was almost time to–

Someone tapped her on the shoulder.

With a smile, the waitress turned. “Good evening, madam. Would nyou like something to eat, nya?”

The pale face of Ruby Rose stared back at her, white with fear. “I-I–” The Collar around her neck beeped, and she jerked as if electrocuted. “Oh!” she said, voice enthusiastic (though her eyes told a different story). “Those treats look simply scrumptious! Do you think I might try one?”

The waitress snickered. “Of course, nya. Help nyourself.” She held out the platter.

“Why, thank you!” said Ruby, a big grin on her face and little tears in her eyes. “Just the one though, thank you. I’m trying to watch my weight.” She ran a hand down her burgundy dress, over her exposed cleavage and stomach, and shivered.

The waitress giggled. “Enjoy, nya~.” Strolling past, she gave the redhead a slap on the tightly-clad rear and laughed at the exaggerated ‘oooh~!’ it earned.

Leaving Ruby Rose to enjoy her treat, Seigu strolled to the front end of the ballroom, where a chubby catgirl in a captain’s uniform stood looking out into space. Dismissing the cat’s eyes trailing her, she gave her sister a poke in the flab. “We’re almost there, nya. Are nyou ready to begin?”

Without a word, Taberu turned, snatched up every treat on Seigu’s platter, and stuffed them into her mouth all at once. “Off coarsh!” she said, cheeks bulging.

Swallowing, she turned and strolled back to the crowd, raised her hands, and clapped them once, emphatically. In response, every light in the room snapped off bar one, every cat’s eye whirled to focus on her, and every passenger–Collars beeping–turned to stare at her in unison.

Seizing her uniform, Taberu ripped it off in a single dramatic motion, baring a dress the color of molten cheese, which squeezed her body so tight large portions threatened to spill out of it.

Twirling a matching pointer, Tabby raised it to her lips. “Hello, everyone!” she cried, voice booming through every speaker in the room. “Welcome to Battle Royale with Cheese! I hope nyou’ve all enjoyed our little cruise, nya, but I’m afraid we’re finally at our destination!”

She clapped again. The ballroom’s grand windows crackled with static before snapping to a shot of the same celestial object:

Beyond the glass floated a tranquil desert island wrapped in a hardlight bubble, as if someone had scooped a chunk out of the Earth, water and all, and hauled it into space. (Actually, Seigu had made it out of an asteroid, but she thought that sounded less romantic.)

“Welcome to Dessert Island!” cried Taberu. Seigu winced.

The gathered passengers produced a wave of groans too, which immediately cut off as their Collars activated. Ignoring them, the ship’s screens zoomed in and swept over the island, starting with the giant pyramid in the center. If you looked close, you could see a beautiful beach; a fecund forest; a pile of tangled pipes…

“Before we descend, I’m going to lay down the ground rules,” said Taberu, turning her attention to the cat’s eyes hovering above the crowd and the quadrillions of Bakeneko viewers looking through them. “In a few minutes, our passengers are going to be split into 6 teams and transported to 6 different zones on the island below. Their goal, nya, is to survive… both the island and each other~.” She licked her lips. “The last one remaining wins.”

Watching from behind, Seigu smirked to see a wave of fear and uncertainty wash over the passengers’ faces. Their Collars kept them from making any protest, but that didn’t make them any happier about their situation.

Taberu chuckled. “Okay, it’s nyot that simple, nya. For one thing, we’re nyot just going to let them slug it out.  As nyou might have nyoticed, all of our contestants are wearing a very special Collar. That’s to let nyou guys override their actions! Each time they encounter an obstacle, we’ll be holding a real-time vote to let nyou (or at least the paying viewers among nyou) determine what they do!  Yep, that’s right, nyou’ll have almost complete control of them. Nyou can make them compete, jump into traps, or even just pair up and screw each other senseless!”

She laughed, earning a few whimpers from the crowd.

“Of course, there are a couple of extra things to keep in mind, nya! To start, some options will be marked ‘BAD END’. If one of these wins a vote, someone is all-but-guaranteed to be ELIM-I-NYATED, nya, so keep that in mind!

“Extra thing 2! Every round, you’ll have the chance to vote for a WILD CARD! This is a bonus option that nyou can pick on top of nyour normal choices, nya. So long as it gets a minimum number of votes, it’s guaranteed to happen!

“WILD CARDs will have a random effect on anything from a single player to the entire island! And the longer the game goes on, the easier they’ll become to activate!”

She smiled. “Nyow, I understand if that’s a lot to take in at once, so why don’t we have a little demonstration, nya? Here are nyour options:” She clapped. Holographic letters filled the air.

In the crowd, someone squealed.

WHAT SHOULD THE SURVIVORS DO…?

A: SCREAM IN FEAR

B: MASTURBATE FURIOUSLY [VANILLA]

C: THROW THEMSELVES INTO TABBY’S MOUTH [VORE, BAD END]

BONUS: WILD CARD! [RANDOM, MIN. 30 VOTES]

The results came in quickly and predictably:

A: 22 TRILLION VOTES

B: 36 TRILLION VOTES

C: 12 TRILLION VOTES

BONUS: 31 TRILLION VOTES

Taberu laughed. “Wow, who saw that coming, nya? At 36 trillion votes, B: Masturbate Furiously is the winner!”

As Taberu grinned, the passengers’ Collars started beeping. With a series of passionate moans, they all hiked up their skirts, slipped their hands between their legs, and fingered themselves madly. The sound of schlicking soon filled the ballroom.

“Ah~ ! Stop this!” cried Bulma, face red. Her Collar beeped, her arm sped up, and her moans of pleasure silenced her protests.

Back in the spotlight, Taberu laughed, making her chubby body shake. “Of course, the BONUS option also met its minimum,” she said, licking her lips. “Which means we get to pick a WILD CARD! YAY!”

A flurry of holographic cards flew past her face, spiraling around her. The Love Bug! read one, showing a heart with six legs and mandibles. Slime from Space! read another, showing goo falling from the heavens. Change Places! said a third, depicting a clockwise arrow over the island.

Finally, the holographic deck settled on a card with a picture of a skull and crossbones.

“Oooh, Pirate Raid!,” read Taberu. “I wonder what that involves, nya? Well, I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough. In the meantime, I’ve got one final rule to mention…”

“Nyou see, we’re nyot just going to let them sit around and finger themselves forever, nya. As the game goes on, we’ll be turning up the heat.” She licked her lips. “Five other cats and I will be going down to the island with them. And once a little time has passed, we’ll be setting out to hunt.”

The passengers, still recovering from their brief self-teasing session, looked up at her, half in shock, half in righteous anger.

A spot of darkness appeared on the ship’s screens, blocking out some of the stars. Taberu flicked a glance at it. “Looks like it’s almost time to start, nya. Just one final thing… This would be over really quickly if we treated them like nyormal prey, nya, so instead we’re going to follow some rules. One of us will head to each zone, and we’ll start on the outskirts, moving in to close the circle. We’ll give them some time to get prepared and get moving, and when we do start the hunt, we’ll give nyou guys lots of chances to get them to safety, so don’t worry about everything ending too soon.” She laughed. “Of course, if we do catch them...” She tightened her eyes. “Well, that depends on who’s doing the catching, nya. I know I can’t wait to get my lips around them.”

The dark spot on the screens swelled, covering the island and stars alike.

“And with that, I think we’re almost ready!” said Taberu. The screens flickered, staticky. “Three, two, aaaand–!”

With a tremendous boom, the entire ship shook, knocking the passengers off their feet and earning a round of terrified screams. The screens fizzled and flickered, a stylized skull and crossbones replacing the utter blackness.

A second later, these vanished too, replaced by the image of a catgirl in an exquisite pirate’s outfit, complete with stylish eyepatch (only 60,000 bells from Succi) and tricorne (95,000 bells from Purrda) “Nyar!” said the catgirl, strolling towards the camera. “I be the Pirate Queen Blackcat, most dreaded pirate on the seven space seas, nya! Hand over nyour booties, or I’ll–! Nyaaah!”

Her foot caught a loose plank–arms flailing, she tripped, rolled, and finally came to a stop with her butt in the air and her panties on full display. Her lacey black panties, complete with filigree skull and crossbones (120,000 bells from NYEXT).

Seigu sighed. Panchira…

Leaping back to her feet, Blackcat grit her teeth and thrust her sword at the screen. “Nyah! Forget the speech! Fire the cannons! Blow their ship out of the sky! Nyah!”

As the screens cut off, another tremendous bang shook the ship. The lights flickered; Weiss Schnee screamed.

“Oh nyo!” cried Taberu, squeezing her cheeks dramatically. “What a calamity! Quick, everyone, we have to get to the escape pods!”

Bounding forward, she grabbed the first girl she passed (Aqua, whose tearful screams could be heard over the cannonfire) and dragged her towards the exit. Cat’s eyes and spotlights alike hurried to follow her. Running to catch up herself, Seigu snapped her fingers.

At once, each of the passengers’ Collars beeped, and with a jerky shudder, everyone who wasn’t already following Taberu gave chase.

As she pounded through the halls of the ships, dragging Aqua behind her like a teary balloon, Taberu raised her pointer to her mouth. “Let’s announce the teams, nya!”

She skidded to a stop outside an open hatch. “In Pod 1, heading to Boobytrap Beach, we have… Ruby Rose, Weiss Schnee, Blake Belladonna, and Yang Xiao Long!”

Panic on their faces, the four girls ran past her, throwing themselves desperately into the pod. The second they were in, the hatch slammed shut, and with a little whoosh, they were gone.

Taberu turned her eyes to the next open hatch. “In Pod 2, heading to Juicy Jungle… Zelda and Samus!”

The two women, both among the calmest of the passengers, stepped past her into the pod. Once again, the door slammed shut, and it launched with a little whoosh.

“In Pod 3, heading to Wetshirt Waterpark, we have… Android 18 and Bulma!”

The two women ran forward, propelled by their Collars. 18 had just enough time to throw Taberu a glare before the hatch closed. Whoosh!

Taberu smirked. “In Pod 4, heading to Lewd Laboratory: Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness!” As Megumin and Darkness entered the pod, the latter practically drooling, Taberu drew back and launched Aqua like a baseball.

“Uaaaah!” Thud. Clang. Whoosh!

“In Pod 5,” said Taberu, smoothing down her dress, “heading to A Mostly Mundane Mall… Tifa, Albedo, and Tohru!” She watched the disparate trio pass without a word, pausing only to stick her tongue out at Albedo.

“And last but not least (well, mostly) …in Pod 6, heading to Hellish Hotel, we have… Lucy Heartfilia and Erza Scarlet!”

The last two girls ran past her, assets jiggling in their dresses. Lucy looked like she might burst into tears at any moment, but Erza maintained a stern expression until the hatch slammed shut and cut off Tabby’s view of her. Whoosh!

“Well, that’s the survivors off,” said Taberu, wiping her hands. “Time for me to head down too! We’re going to take a quick commercial break, and when we’re back we’ll be switching straight to Team 1. So get ready to vote!”

Battle Royale with Cheese! will resume after these messages!