Battle Royale with Cheese! - Prologue & Cast List (Patreon)

Seigu looked down from the gantry with a smile as the giant cardboardium box, baby blue and shimmering with circuitry, floated into the loading bay. Triple checking the cat’s eye cameras orbiting her head, she hopped off the balcony and sent the command to start filming.

Her boots hit the floor with a clack. “Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Battle Royale with Cheese! pre-show livestream, nya! I’m nyour backstage host, Seigu, and today I’m coming to nyou live from the hold of the transdimensional explorer ship Kitty Hawk, where we’ve just received a package of all the people nyou voted for!”

With uncharacteristic clumsiness, the Kitty Hawk’s cat’s paws dropped the box onto the floor. As it landed with a thud, a little catgirl dropped down from it. “Seigu! Seigu! Seigu! I did it! I got them all this time!”

Seigu cut her mic and tightened her eyes. “All of them?”

“Uh huh!”

“And nyou’re certain they’re the right people this time?”

“Of course I am, nya!”

“Nyes, well, nyou said that last time too, and look what a mess that was.” With a sigh, Seigu flicked her mic back on and approached the box. “Why don’t we take a look inside?”

She snapped her mic off again. “I swear, ‘Fuku, if I have to film this a fourth time…”

Suppressing a sigh, she placed a hand on the box. At once, it lit up, lines of glowing circuitry flowing outward from her paw. Purring, the box shuddered, shimmered, stretched, rising in height as a large portion of its upper half turned translucent.

Kicking her heels to activate her anti-grav, Seigu floated up to the newly-formed window. Her cat’s eyes floated with her, swiveling to catch everything.

Inside the changing box, fifty women, all remarkably distinct, stood packed together, bodies squeezed into the cramped confines of the cube. They’d been disarmed, their unique powers shackled, but in every other respect they were perfectly whole, untouched.

The audience would want them to be fresh~.

Tapping into the Kitty Hawk’s computer, she ran a quick series of facial scans and checked the results against her database. Every one came back correct–‘Fuku had found the correct people this time. (Third time’s the charm…)

She snapped her mic on again. “Well, there they are,” she said, struggling to keep the relief out of her voice. “All the humans and not-quite-humans nyou asked for, nya!”

As her cameras took in the humans trapped squirming and panicked inside the box, a cat’s paw on a cable sprouted from the ceiling of the cage, followed by an unclimbably-tall exit chute in the corner. Finally, a console with a joystick forced its way out of the box’s side. ‘Fuku poked it experimentally, making the paw inside twitch. “What nyow, Seigu? What are we gonna do with them, nya?”

“Nyow?” said Seigu. “Nyow we wait for voting to end and–Ah! Here we go, here are the results nyow.” With a flick of her wrist, she conjured a glowing blue holosheet. “Tch. I can’t believe how late we’re running. We were supposed to be ready for this hours ago.”

Scrolling down the list, she chuckled at what she read. “Okay, let’s go from highest to lowest…”

“Oooh! Oooh!” ‘Fuku bounced on the spot. “Can I operate the machine, nya?”

Seigu shrugged. “Go ahead.”

“Nyaaaay!” With a squeal of delight, ‘Fuku grabbed the joystick and swung it up and down and side to side, making the crane’s paw swing about wildly.

Seigu tried to ignore her. “First on the list, with 22 trillion votes (rounded to the nearest trillion, of course, nya): Samus Aran!”

There was a pause.

“That’s the blonde one in the blue spandex,” said Seigu.

“Oh, got it!” Flinging her joystick from side to side, ‘Fuku sent the cage’s crane to the far end of the box. Raising a hand, she slammed a big button, dropping the paw into the crowd. A wave of panicked cries rose from the trapped women as it rummaged among them. Finally, it snapped back into the air, holding in its grip a tall, stern-faced blonde.

“Try nyot to drop her,” said Seigu, as ‘Fuku contrived to carry Samus to the front-left corner of the cage. After several near misses, the little catgirl finally plopped her in the exit chute. With her x-ray vision, Seigu watched her tumble down the tube and through a ring which wrapped her in a bubble of smooth blue hardlight.

Spat out of a hatch on the side of the box, Samus rolled to a stop beside her. Fists clenched, the bounty hunter looked up and glared furiously.

“I don’t know why she’s so mad,” said ‘Fuku. “She was happy to roll around when we found her, nya.”

“There’s probably some nyaunce we’re missing.”

With a smirk, Seigu kicked the bubble into a corner and turned back to her sheet. “Nyext up, at 19 trillion votes each, Princess Zelda of Hyrule aaaand the self-titled goddess, Aqua!” She flicked ‘Fuku a pair of holograms.

Seifuku’s paws worked madly. The cage’s crane flew across the ceiling. A few moments later, two more bubbles rolled out of the hatch.

In one sat a pristine brunette, silent and calm, the very image of regal sensibility. In the other…

“Uaaaah! Lemme out! Lemme out! You can’t do this to me! I’m a goooooddeeess!” Tears flying from her eyes, Aqua pounded against her bubble.

“Nyou’re a goddess?” said Seigu, giving her a sick smile. “That can’t be right. What kind of goddess would let herself be caught so easily, nya?”

Biting her lip, Aqua screwed up her eyes, trembled pathetically, and finally burst into a fresh round of tears.

Chuckling, Seigu kicked both bubbles away. “Nyow, nyext on the list at 18 trillion votes… Tifa Lockhart!”

The joystick clacked–the crane whirled. Finally, a bubble with a busty, long-haired brunette rolled out of the cage and came to a stop beside Seigu.

“Let me out!” cried Tifa Lockhart, slamming her fists against the side of her bubble. The impact made it roll a little, but mostly–Seigu noted–it just made her boobs jiggle. With a smirk, she kicked Tifa into a pile with the rest.

“Nyext up, at 16 trillion points… Android 18!”

The crane dragged a short-haired blonde out of the tangle. She fought, punching and kicking madly, but the crane’s paw clung tight, and soon enough, she bounced out of the box just like the rest.

As she rolled to a stop beside Seigu, the woman inside pounded against the bubble. “Let us out! You won’t get away with this!”

“Why’s she called ‘Android’ if she’s nyot an android, nya?” said Seifuku.

“Because she’s a dirty liar and deserves nyone of our respect,” replied Seigu, kicking ‘Android’ 18 away. “Nyext up: another tie. ‘Fuku, get nyour paws ready. Nyext up, at 15 trillion votes each… Darkness and Megumin, nya!”

‘Fuku went to work. Two girls, one tall and blonde, one short and dark-haired, rolled out of the machine.

“L-let us out!” cried the latter.

“Hmm,” said Seigu, tapping her chin. “Maybe. Why don’t we ask what nyour friend thinks?”

She turned to the other bubble, which had already fogged up from the blonde inside’s panting. As Seigu turned to her, she squeaked, red-faced.

“Ah… Ah! It’s terrible… to be picked up and wrapped like a piece of meat at the butcher's…” Darkness shivered, red-faced and sweating. “Y-you better not have any filthy plans in store for us!”

“Just a few,” said Seigu.

Screwing up her eyes, Darkness slammed her legs shut tight. “Nn~!”

Sending them to join their friend with a flick of her wrist, Seigu turned back to her holosheet. “Nyow, at 14 trillion votes each… Yang Xiao Long and Erza Scarlet! ‘Fuku!”

“Nyou got it, nya!” With a series of sharp sweeps, ‘Fuku snatched up the two girls and dropped them into the prize chute.

As their bubbles rolled to a stop, both the women inside jumped to their feet as if to fight. “Let us out of here!” they cried, almost in unison.

Seigu smirked. “Wow, so spirited! I think nyou two are going to do really well!” She licked her lips. “...Assuming the audience lets nyou.”

With a chuckle, she sent them rolling into the pile. “Nyext on the list, at 12 trillion points… Ruby Rose!”

It didn’t take long for Yang’s Xiao Long’s sister to come rolling out of the machine. Unlike her sibling, she didn’t seem quite as feisty.

“Yang!” she cried, struggling to stay on her feet. “Yang, where–?” Seigu gave the bubble a little kick, knocking her to her knees. Looking up, Ruby caught her expression and shivered, silver eyes trembling. “P-please,” she said, “please you have to let us–”

“Hmm,” said Seigu. “Nyou and nyour sister were the only pair of siblings to make it through to the nyext round. I wonder if the viewers will do anything with that.”

Ruby squeaked.

Kicking the huntress away, Seigu turned back to the box. “Nyext up, at 10 trillion votes, we have a bunch of different candidates… Weiss Schnee! Lucy Heartfilia! Bulma! Tohru! Aaand Albedo!”

“Uaaah! Too many!” ‘Fuku struggled to work the crane.

One by one, bubbles rolled out of the machine, one holding a white-haired heiress, one holding a blonde mage, and another holding a blue-haired inventor. A fourth carried a maid with dragon’s wings and a matching tail, while a fifth contained a succubus in a pure white, virginal dress.

Four of the five jumped to their feet the instant their bubbles stopped rolling. Only Lucy Heartfilia seemed too stunned to act.

“H-How dare you?!” cried Weiss Schnee. “What have you done with–?”

“What she said!” cried Bulma. “How dare you keep us in little capsules like this–”

A terrifying roar cut her off as Tohru drew in a deep breath and flamed. Seigu smirked as the dragon’s bubble turned a bright orange, glowing like a ball of molten lead but–more importantly–not popping. It took several seconds to cool down again.

In the final bubble, Albedo quaked in rage but said nothing. She didn’t have to–the grinding of her teeth said far more than any words could.

“Uuaah!” cried ‘Fuku, cowering behind her sister. “Scary!”

Seigu flicked her a frown. “How did nyou catch her, nya?”

“Um, that’s a really long story. To start with, I had to make friends with this dragon–”

Seigu held up a hand. “Tell me later. In the meantime, relax. She’s nyot a threat to us. Look.” She pulled down an eyelid and stuck out a tongue, earning a burst of giggles from Seifuku and a snarl from the trapped succubus. With a smile, Seigu flicked her wrist and sent all five to join the pile.

“Anyway,” said Seigu, turning back to the machine. “Time for our last contestant: at 9 trillion votes, just barely enough to get through… Blake Belladonna!”

As ‘Fuku scrambled back to the controls, Seigu raised her hand and snapped. The crane shot straight across the ceiling, dived into the crowd with utmost precision, and snatched out the dark-haired girl in one go.

“Hey, nyo fair!” said ‘Fuku, as Blake rolled out of the machine. “Nyou said I could–oh hey! I recognize her, nya! She’s the one that looks kinda like us.”

Blake Belladonna cowered in her bubble, managing to press herself into a non-existent corner.

“Nyeah, it’s really weird, isn’t it?” said Seigu. “The lack of a tail is especially uncanny,” she added, flicking her own with a whip crack.

As Blake flinched, Seigu kicked her into the pile, scattering it like pool balls. Screams filled the air as they pinged from wall to wall.

As the bubbles stopped bouncing, Seigu turned to her cat’s eyes and gave them a pleasant smile. “Well, that’s our 16 contestants selected. All that’s left is to get them processed!” She snapped her fingers, and a tube dropped from the ceiling. Nuzzling the bubbled girls like a playful elephant’s trunk, it sucked them up one by one in a series of screams and shouts and protests.

“Don’t worry about the nyoise,” said Seigu, flicking a glance at her cameras. “Once they have their Collars on, nyou can make them as quiet as nyou like~.”

“Seigu! Seigu! What about all the others?” ‘Fuku thrust a finger at the remaining girls in the box.

“Ah, nyes,” said Seigu, following her gaze. “The losers. What should we do with the rest of them, nya?”

“Oooh, ooooh, I know! I know! Pick me! Pick me!”

“That was rhetorical, nya. I already know what I’m doing with them.” Looking up at the box, Seigu licked her cold blue lips. “Seeing as we’re heading to a ‘desert island’, I have the perfect idea...”

She snapped her fingers.

At once, the cardboardium box clicked and trembled and shook, its circuitry flashing. As the women inside screamed, the cat’s paw on the ceiling and the exit chute retracted, while the console on the side melted away. Finally, the glass cage turned back to opaque cardboardium, and with a schunk, the box snapped back to its former size.

It didn’t stop there though. With every second, the box grew smaller and smaller, making the screams from inside louder and louder in turn. By the time it stopped shrinking, it was only a few meters wide… almost exactly the size of a standard Seigu-brand transmuter.

With a click, the box started to purr. As the sound hit a peak, the machine thrummed and trembled, bright pink light spilling through its cracks. The screams from inside it soon took on a different tone, more pleasured than panicked. With every second, they grew more and more orgasmic, until at last, just like that–

–they cut off, all at once.

With another click, the box’s purring died and its glowing dimmed away. Slowly, hissing and steaming, it ceased to shake, and a tiny hatch opened on its side to spit out…

‘Fuku cocked her head and frowned as a flesh-colored balloon sprouted from the machine and grew, taking on a new shape as it swelled. It wasn’t until it finally popped free, struck the ground, and bounced with a squeak, that it became apparent what it was: a pooltoy, a perverted pooltoy, a bloated rubber parody of the pink-haired young woman who’d become it, her boobs and rear blown to ridiculous proportions. A simple seat lay nestled between them, perfect for a catgirl to sit on.

The inflatable’s eyes stared blankly ahead, her plastic locked in an exaggerated smile. The mind inside felt anything but happy, of course.

As ‘Fuku giggled and jumped into the pooltoy’s seat, the transmuter extruded inflatable after inflatable: a green-haired, big-butted tree; a blue and pink swim-ring made from two girls curled together, mouths locked against each other’s sexes; a big, blue dragon toy; a red-orange beachball with black circles on its upper half; an inflatable banana with a purple tip and a scarlet sash winding around it; a fiery, orange ‘flamingo’; an inflatable bunny girl with long, blonde twintails; a little orange fox toy; a giant white teacup and saucer; a black and green raft with lots of decoration; and so on and on and on. Beach balls and sexy inflatables soon littered the floor of the loading bay.

Finally, just as it seemed the machine was done, it spat out an inflatable chair made from a winged young woman, her legs serving as the seat while her swollen boobs provided a magnificent pair of cushions. Settling into its lap, Seigu summoned a drink and smirked at the feelings of lust and pent-up horror emanating from around her.

Lying back, she sipped happily at her juice. “Well, that’s all from us for nyow, nya. We’re going to take a quick commercial break while we get everything else ready, and when we come back I’ll hand nyou over to Taberu to introduce the show! Get ready for Battle Royale with Cheese!”