You're all amazing (Patreon)

And never forget that.

I've been reading your comments to my previous post and it really brings tears to my eyes. Yes I have autism so I'm emotionally way more sensitive, but I hope you all understand that just means I care about you all a lot.

Every day, every waking second of my life, feels empty when I'm not filming. I realize that K-Pop and Blaire are literally the only two things that genuinely make me happy in life.

The moment I wake up, I'm listening to K-Pop. I listen to K-Pop in the shower on speaker, when I turn on the ice cold water, I rap K-Rap songs and stand under the cold ass water. When I leave my house, when I am walking the street, I am listening to K-Pop. And I didn't realize this was my autism but--I've literally only listened to TNX's "Love or Die" 40+ times today. Yeah. I only listened to other music when I was making a mixtape for Blaire.

Reading your comments, it made me realize (I mean I always knew--) and be more mindful that you are all of different religious, ethnic, cultural backgrounds. All SORTS of age groups, live all over the world, some of you are facing difficult times, some of you are enjoying life. Some of you are starting to raise your kids and some of you have grown ass kids of your own!

Hearing about everyone's plans for their day to day... It made me envious. I think quite literally EVERYTHING everyone mentioned--is all something I've tried or have always wanted to do, or even long fantasized about.

Because for me, I love life. I have an ultimate appreciation and zest for life, and I would like to try doing everything and anything. 

Instead I chose this path. And because I know how precious life is, I am happy being the person who sacrifices all those small happiness to give people that encouragement to carry on with something that brings me the greatest happiness (who knew that would be K-Pop reactions).

The past few days have also been very eye opening and more than just being a "form of therapy", I would like to become a form of inspiration. I've already inspired many of you to share your personal stories and even some of you to make changes in your own life. I want to do more of that.

I was not kidding or being hyperbolic when I said that I would live for you all from now on.

Thank you all for sharing, and please know that I appreciate you all. It truly moved the depths of my soul to hear about what you may even consider day to day minutia, your goals, your hopes & dreams, your losses, and even just feeling confused or lost.

I am not a therapist. I cannot tell you all how to change or better your lives. Only you can answer that.

But I will say this: I used to fear you all. I thought it was for this or that reason but I realize it's just how I was thinking about you all. Even though there's hundreds of DMs everyday, I just think "aw my Patrons are so cute" and it makes the tasks so much more enjoyable. Or if there's a hater, something Chris Martin from Coldplay said: "That's great!"

But please never feel alone. If all else fails, remember that there is at least one person in this world who cares about you so much, that they will go against every fiber of their being and reveal the most darkest, shameful, and personal aspects of their lives and thoughts in front of thousands of other people. Remember that person works morning, day, and night to film as much content as they can for you. Remember this person cries and bears their soul on camera for you, remember they always push themselves to the brink, even willing to break their body and soul to make you laugh.

Remember that I am always here dedicating my life to your happiness. And if I care enough to do this for you, someone else will as well. It may seem impossible, but who I am and what I do seemed impossible to many people even 7 years ago.

But most importantly, if I can do it for your happiness. So can you.

If I can always put your happiness first, you can also put your own happiness first.

You don't have to accomplish much, you don't even have to be happy right away--but have it in your sights. Just be the very best version of yourself and treat others and yourself with the utmost kindness, even when it seems impossible. 

You don't need to win today. You just need to make progress. And to make progress is to move forward. But to take that first step, you have to be brave.

Be brave enough to choose happiness. Just be you.

You're all amazing. Never forget that.

Do me proud :)