Endbringers Hate Paperwork Part 24 (Patreon)

Taylor watched the last of the Starfleet personnel vanish then turned to look at Myst. "Do you think they'll make it back to Earth?"

Myst skimmed over the most likely timeline that resulted from tossing the crews together. "It takes ten years but they eventually get home."

Noelle turned to look at Myst. "How come it took them longer than the original crew?"

"They took time to smell the roses, get to know people and salvage enemy ships," Myst replied with a grin. "They also avoided a bunch of dangerous shortcuts and didn't lose nearly as many people as the main timeline."

"How did they manage to make it back in ten years if they weren't taking as many shortcuts?" Amy asked.

"Mostly Seven and Kes but having a functional cloak helped, it let them avoid some of the more hostile factions. Seven managed to write an algorithm to predict how long they could remain in slipstream before the ship suffered an excessive amount of damage because the ship wasn't designed for it and Kes was able to use her telekinesis to boost the speed of the ship now and then which helped cut the time down to something a bit more reasonable," Myst explained as he started searching through various dimensions for people with elixirs of youth they wouldn't mind selling or wouldn't need.

"I'm glad they made it, what's the next step?" Taylor asked, wondering if Myst had a plan or if he was just winging it.

Myst smiled when he found someone with an elixir of youth they didn't need. "I was thinking about cloning a mad scientist but I need an elixir of youth."

"Mad scientist?" Amy asked warily.

"She managed to blow up a star," Myst replied with a grin as he summoned an old and slightly familiar looking bald man with just a hint of red in his gray hair.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Ronald demanded.

Myst kicked the old man in the nuts and grabbed the elixir with his telekinesis when Ron collapsed to the ground screaming. "Sorry Ron, not this time."

"What the fuck?!" Amy asked as the old man vanished.

Myst floated the elixir over to his hand. "That particular version of Ronald Weasley was a piece of shit. He was going to turn himself into a young man so he could seduce his grandniece and steal her money."

"Why?" Amy asked.

"One too many bludgers to the head from a failed quidditch career or maybe he was just jealous of Harry's fame and money," Myst replied as he summoned another version of old Ron from a slightly different timeline.

"Who the-" Ron cut off with a squeal when Myst kicked him in the nuts.

Myst used his telekinesis to catch the elixir as it went flying. "I know it's hard but have you tried not being a piece of shit?" he asked the old man that was clutching his crotch.

Noelle shook her head. "He's not the one summoning people and kicking them in the nuts."

"He deserved it," Myst argued as he let the old man vanish as he grabbed the second elixir out of the air so he'd have more telekinesis free for the next bit.

"Doesn't make it right," Taylor pointed out.

"Just funny," Amy said as a blond haired man wearing expensive robes and holding a crystal vial appeared right next to the edge of the platform.

Myst jabbed Draco in the eyes with his telekinesis then gave him a telekinetic shove to his neck and grabbed the elixir while he was distracted falling to his 'death'.

"Have you considered therapy?" Amy asked Myst, only half joking.

"That reminds me, I should probably clone Inara," Myst mused as floated the elixir over and grabbed it.

"Inara?" Noelle asked.

"She's basically a high class courtesan/therapist in a dimension where humanity abandoned Earth and left for the stars," Myst explained as he went looking for a version of Inara that wouldn't mind getting cloned. 'Stray shot from an agent. Yeah, that's a pointless death.' He focused and summoned Inara before the agent pulled the trigger on his gun, causing the dark haired woman to appear and stumble backwards when the sand shifted. "Don't worry, you're safe."

"What's…" Inara trailed off when she looked up and saw the sky. "What's going on?"

Myst gestured towards Amy. "Amy said I needed therapy, so I went looking for a therapist."

Inara glanced between Amy and Taylor. "I'm not exactly a therapist."

"I'm aware but I doubt most therapists would want to deal with the school. Can you give her a check up?" Myst asked Amy.

"Sure," Amy replied as she walked over and helped the attractive dark haired woman wearing a nice dress to her feet, surprised that she was suffering from a genetic disorder that would probably kill her in a couple of years since she didn't look sick. "Permission to heal you?"

"How are you going to heal me?" Inara asked, not sure what the hell was going on since she'd been in her apartment with the agent a minute ago.

"Magic, just say yes," Myst suggested as he cast cure disease on Inara.

'Or you could just cheat,' Amy mused as she watched the spell cure the genetic mutation that caused the disease and a decent amount of the damage it had caused over the years. "Don't worry, it's not invasive."

"Fine," Inara agreed. "As long as it doesn't involve leeches."

"I don't use leeches," Amy replied as she went to work fixing the rest of the damage the disease had caused. "How would you feel about living forever?"

"I wouldn't say no," Inara replied, figuring she was joking.

Amy smiled as she gave the woman a tune up so that she'd live a couple of thousand years and be immune to just about every disease she could think of.

"How did I get here? Is Mal alright?" Inara asked, looking away from the girl that was sort of staring at her blankly.

"Mal is fine. I have the ability to summon people from other dimensions," Myst explained.

Inara muttered something in Chinese as she glanced at the strange sky. "Do you have any proof?"

"Yeah, give me a second," Myst replied as he focused on summoned Jen, causing her to appear sprawled out a couple of feet off the ground.

"Hey boss, what's up?" Jen asked as she sat up, twisting on the air like it was solid.

"Did you drug me?" Inara asked as she pinched her wrist, trying to make sure she wasn't dreaming or drugged, not sure what else was going on or why the girl's legs seemed to end in mist or how she was sitting on thin air since she didn't think she was dreaming.

"No, you asked for proof so I summoned my genie," Myst replied with a grin.

Jen smiled at Inara. "Nice to meet you, I'm Jen."

"Inara," Inara replied, her training kicking in despite her shock. "Can I get names for everyone else?"

"Myst, Amy, Taylor and Noelle," Myst offered as he gestured at the girls in order.

"Nice to meet you," Amy said as she let go of Inara's hand. "I fixed the genetic damage but you should probably see a doctor for peace of mind since I doubt you'll believe me."

Inara focused on Amy. "Considering everything else, I'm starting to believe."

"Excellent. Let's see if we can save a couple of lives." Myst turned to look at Jen. "I'm going to summon someone with a gunshot wound that's close to death, can you give him regeneration to help with the blood loss while Amy patches him up?"

"Sure," Jen agreed.

"No problem," Amy agreed, having dealt with countless gunshots at the hospital.

"Mal?" Inara asked warily, hoping she didn't have to watch Mal die.

"No, Book," Myst replied as he summoned Shepherd Book as he was dying in Mal's arms.

Inara froze when she saw her friend lying on the sand bleeding from a nasty gut wound. "Shepherd!"

Jen reached down and touched Book's arm and gave him regeneration, hoping it was enough to slow the process since he was close to death.

Amy reached down and started fixing the damage from the gunshot to the man's gut, doing her best to keep him from bleeding out and dying. "This would have been easier if you'd healed him before he spent a couple of minutes bleeding out."

"Probably," Myst admitted. "Is he going to make it?"

"He's alive and I dealt with all of the metal fragments," Amy replied as she got to work fixing the rest of his injuries.

Myst cast a cantrip to clean his various wounds then he cast a healing spell to fix everything now that he didn't have any metal fragments in him. "Can you check to make sure everything is working?"

Amy checked his health and relaxed when she realized he was going to be fine. "He should be fine."

"What happened?" Inara asked.

"I'll let him explain when you get there," Myst replied as he let the Shepherd vanish. "The less you know or say until after it happens, the better."

"Can you fix River?" Inara asked hopefully.

"Eventually," Myst replied as he summoned River from her bunk after they escaped Maranda, causing her to appear on the sand.

Jen reached down and touched her arm and gave her regeneration then snapped her fingers and banished her when River twitched. "We should probably look into picking up some nonlethal weapons."

"It's on the list," Myst replied, adding it to his mental list. "One more person on the list. He's going to need invulnerability."

"I'll take care of it," Taylor assured him, knowing her durability lasted longer than what Jen could provide without a wish.

Myst summoned Wash from right after he finished his 'I'm a leaf on the wind' speech and before he got impaled by the reaper harpoon. "Hello."

Taylor reached down and gave Wash 'invulnerability'. "Done."

"Six hours," Myst told the confused pilot then let him vanish. "Feel free to explain that his durability has a limit when you get there."

"Are you a guardian angel?" Inara asked, trying to put things into a context that made sense.

"Only today," Myst replied with a grin. "Joking aside, I'm not an angel. I'm just a magic user with an interesting power and the ability to make a difference." He glanced at Taylor. "Can you give Inara invulnerability? She's going to need it."

"Sure," Taylor replied as she reached out and touched Inara's hand, giving her six hours of invulnerability. "That should do it."

"Best of luck," Myst told her, then let her vanish.

Taylor looked at Myst. "I thought the plan was to copy her?"

"No point in complicating things right before a fight," Myst replied, figuring he'd give Inara a couple of weeks to sort things out and get some medical tests run before he'd ask if he could clone her.

"What did you need the elixirs for?" Taylor asked.

"Right, the mad scientist," Myst replied with a grin as he focused on one of the versions of Stargate where the team ended up having children on the Odyssey while it was frozen in time.

"How many mad scientists do you need to copy?" Taylor asked.

"No clue, I'm just setting things up in case we need one." Myst summoned everyone from the Odyssey from a couple of minutes before Teal'c activated the time field, summoning SG1 along with their children. "Hello."

"Are we dead?" Mitchell asked as he studied the unfamiliar people, fairly sure he'd never seen them before but not sure because his memory wasn't what it used to be.

"Not yet," Myst assured him. "With any luck, you'll have another sixty years before you die."

"What are you?" Daniel asked the girl with mist for legs that was sitting on thin air.

"Genie," Jen replied with a grin.

"As in a dijin?" Daniel asked in surprise.

"More or less," Jen replied with amusement.

Vala glanced at the girl that clearly wasn't human. "Let me guess, you need us to do something?"

"Yes and no," Myst replied as he levitated one of the elixirs of youth over to Vala.

"Can you make that bit more vague?" Vala asked sarcastically, wondering what type of technology he was using to pull off the levitation trick or if it was an ascended ability.

"Sure," Myst replied with a grin. "I don't technically need you to do anything but I'm offering you a chance to make a better future."

"Are you an ascended?" Jack asked Myst, thinking of Daniel's stories.

Myst focused on the man that resembled a younger Jack O'Neill with a dash of Sam's features tossed in. "No, I just got lucky."

"What's with the vial?" Vala asked as she examined the crystal vial.

"It's a potion of youth," Myst replied with a grin.

"Funny," Vala replied, not particularly amused by his joke.

"It's not a joke," Myst assured. "If I wanted you dead, I would have let Carter push the button and erase everything."

"If we don't, we'll lose the Odyssey and we'll eventually die anyway," Sam pointed out, knowing they had less than five years before the time dilation field collapsed and everyone died from the ori blast unless they reversed time.

Myst turned to look at Carter. "Just because the button needs to be pushed, doesn't mean you have to push it. If you use a timer, you'll avoid getting erased from existence and get to watch your grandchildren grow up."

"Wouldn't that cause a paradox?" Sara Jackson asked, thinking of her grandmother's stories.

Myst looked at the teenager standing next to Daniel. "No, you'd basically be jumping to an alternate dimension, you won't unravel or vanish as long as you're in another dimension when the timeline resets."

"Yes!" Amanda Jackson squealed, happy that they had a way to avoid running out of power and getting erased or screwing something up when they went back in time.

"What do you get out of it?" Jack asked, thinking about Daniel's stories of the ascended and how they always had an angle.

"Contacts and good karma," Myst replied with a shrug.

"That's it?" Sarena Carter asked.

Myst looked at the thirteen year old girl standing next to Jack. "You never know when you need a mad scientist or an amazing linguist on speed dial to help with a project."

"Or just someone that can run to the hardware store," Amy added.

"I don't mind helping with translations," Daniel assured Myst, figuring it was the least he could do if the man could help them out of the mess they were in.

"Screw it," Vala said as she opened the vial and downed the contents, slightly surprised that it tasted like some type of berry.

"Vala…" Daniel trailed off as Vala changed before his eyes, the years almost melting off as she changed to look like a girl in her late teens or early twenties.

"How the hell?!" Mitchel blurted as he stared at Vala's face.

"I'd say magic but you wouldn't believe me," Myst replied with a grin as he floated one of the bottles over to Sam. "Give me a minute and I'll have enough for everyone."

Vala took her glasses off as they made everything blurry.

"Is this going to cause any side effects?" Sam asked as she grabbed the vial out of the air, curious if she could recreate it in a lab.

"Not that I know of," Myst replied as he gestured towards Amy. "Amy is a biokinetic, she should be able to make sure you're healthy after everyone drinks it."

"Are you related to the Ancients?" Daniel asked Amy.

Amy glanced at Myst. "Not that I know of."

"Shouldn't be." Myst focused and summoned one of the people he'd found that was selling elixirs of youth since he doubted stealing the potion in front of the team would go over well without a long explanation he didn't want to give.

The green and black haired woman that looked to be in her twenties glanced around then focused on Myst. "What can I do for you?"

"I was hoping to buy a couple of potions of youth and any spell books you have," Myst replied as he pulled a couple of bags of silver coins out of his spatial ring.

"Not a problem," the witch replied as she started pulling spellbooks out of her inventory. "Do you want a book on alchemy?"

"Yeah, I'll take everything you have on magic," Myst replied as he floated his last elixir over to Daniel.

"Excellent," the witch replied cheerfully as she continued pulling books out of her expanded pockets. "You're going to need more silver."

"I have plenty," Myst replied with amusement as he worked on scanning everything she was pulling out so that he could duplicate it.

"How many elixirs of youth do you want?" the witch asked as she glanced at the old people.

"At least one, unless Jack and the girls want to be twenty again?" Myst asked the adults.

"I wouldn't say no," Amanda said, not seeing a problem with being younger.

"Same," Jack agreed at the same time as Scarlet and Beth.

Sam glanced at Vala then looked down at her wrinkled hands. 'Screw it, he's right. If he wanted us dead, there are easier ways to kill us.' She drank the vial that Myst had given her and sighed in relief as the various aches and pains she'd been dealing with for years vanished like they'd never been. "Are you using nanites?"

"Just magic," Myst replied with a grin as he watched Sam's face change and regain her youth.

"We could make a fortune off these," Vala mused as Daniel drank his elixir, changing into a teenager.

"It's a decent living," the green haired witch replied with a grin.

Daniel took his glasses off. "I'm going to have to get new glasses."

"Or I could just fix your eyes," Amy offered, planning on giving everyone a tuneup before they sent them home or to the school.

Myst pulled a couple more bags of silver out of his spatial ring and handed them to the witch.

"Thanks," the witch replied as she handed Myst the stack of books. "Can I interest anyone in potions that turn people into witches?"

"Magic?" Vala asked with interest.

"Exactly," the witch replied with a grin as she started handing out the elixirs of youth.

"Might as well," Vala agreed.

"Is this a trick?" Daniel asked warily, thinking about the time he'd used an ascended's power and thought it was magic.

"It's not a trick," Myst assured him as he handed the witch another bag of silver. "You're welcome to stay for a couple of weeks before you head back so you can pick up some spells and get used to dealing with strangers again. We also have a decent library."

"Sounds good," Daniel admitted, knowing he was going to need a bit of time to get used to dealing with strangers again and to figure out what he was going to tell the general.

Myst smiled when he scanned the last book in the stack of books and realized it contained a spell for turning people into magic users. 'Nice, that makes things easier,' he mused as he opened the book, causing the spell to be burned into his mind and the book to vanish.

"Is that normal?" Sara asked, fairly sure books weren't supposed to vanish when you opened them.

"Depends on the book," Myst replied with a grin as he turned to look at Sam. "How long will it take to set up a timer?"

"Five minutes, maybe less," Sam replied.

"Can we take our stuff?" Sara asked hopefully.

"Sure," Myst replied as he opened his build menu and pulled up the pattern for a spatial ring. He selected silver for the material and a basic celtic knot design then hit the create button and fed the project mana, causing a silver ring to form in the palm of his hand.

"What is that?" Sara asked.

"It's a magic ring," Myst replied as he tossed the ring to Daniel. "Just think about storing things when you touch them and they should appear in the ring."

"He should probably drink the potion, you need a certain amount of magic to use them," Taylor suggested.

"Good point," Myst admitted as he handed Daniel one of the witch potions.

'Might as well see if they're messing with us.' Daniel drank the potion and smiled when he felt a source of energy that he could tap into. 'Not quite the same as when Oma was 'helping' me but close enough that it shouldn't be too hard to use,' he mused as he held his hand out and conjured an apple, using the strange bit of knowledge he'd picked up along with the energy. "I could get used to this."

"Did you just create an apple out of thin air?" Sam asked, wondering where the energy came from.

"No, the potion gave me a pool of energy," Daniel explained, curious how fast the pool would recharge or if he'd have to keep drinking potions to get more. "How do you get more energy?"

"It should slowly recharge but you can also use mana potions to restore your mana," the witch offered. "I have a few for sale if you're interested."

"Sure," Myst agreed as he handed the witch another bag of silver, curious if they'd be easier or harder to make than the versions he already had.

"Pleasure doing business with you," the witch replied with a grin as she handed Myst a couple of mana potions in a cloth bag.

Myst scanned the potions then handed the collection to Taylor, happy to pick up more examples of mana potions. "Best of luck collecting everything and setting things up, I'll bring you back in an hour."

"Sure…" Sam trailed off as she found herself back on the ship along with the rest of her family and team. "Let's get to work, we have an hour," she told them as she got to work setting up a timer so that she didn't have to be present.

Myst smiled at the witch. "Can I talk you into finding more books?"

"As long as you keep finding bags of coins," the witch replied with a grin.

"I'll summon you back in a couple of days," Myst told the witch then let her vanish. "That went better than I was expecting."

Noelle shook her head. "You're having way too much fun."

"I'm aware," Myst replied with a grin as he pulled up his collection of spellbook patterns and selected the spell to create witches. "We're going to have to grind the hell out of the witch spell in the Item World eventually but it should be good enough to get people started."

"Are you going to clone the mad scientist?" Amy asked.

"That's the plan…" Myst trailed off as he realized he needed to check something. "Can I see your hand for a second?"

"Sure," Amy replied as she held her hand out. "What's the matter?"

Myst poked Amy's hand and used her power to check her DNA. "I don't think the magic girl transformation is skin deep."

Amy focused on her ring and transformed back to her normal form, instantly going from a tall red haired girl back to her shorter brown haired form without any sparkles. "That was disappointingly mundane."

"Yep," Myst agreed as he mentally compared her DNA to her transformed state, happy that her power remembered the changes. "I'm not an expert but you'd barely count as related though there are a couple of things that are the same."

Amy pulled the ring off and handed it to Taylor. "You should transform, I want to check something."

Taylor slipped the ring on then activated it, causing multicolored sparkles to sweep over her as she floated in the air.

Myst smiled when Taylor's costume vanished, showing off the fact that Taylor had gained at least a cup size and a couple of inches though that was hard to judge as she was floating above the ground. 'Not exactly something you'd want to do in public, is that because of the costume?' he mused as he watched her long black hair turn dark green and unbraid itself and rebraid itself into pigtails with blue scrunchies.

Amy grinned as a pair of sheer green panties appeared on Taylor followed by a sheer blue dress that matched her costume. "Nice costume," she offered as the last of the sparkles vanished, leaving Taylor with soft blue leather boots as she dropped back to the ground.

"Great," Taylor muttered when she looked down at her breasts and realized that her dress was worse than her costume and she wasn't wearing a helmet to hide her face. "I'm going to need to swap costumes."

"Or grab a jacket," Amy suggested, enjoying the view.

"If it makes you feel better, the dress has a S.E.P. enchantment on it so people shouldn't complain or connect the dots with your actual identity," Jen offered.

Taylor twisted so she could glance at her butt. "A little bit."

Amy reached out, touched Taylor's hand and checked her genetics. "I think we just found a solution to the wizarding world's issues with inbreeding, most of her genetics aren't particularly close to her normal form, at least not close enough to cause trouble."

"Most?" Taylor asked.

"Your face is reasonably close, same with your personality quirks," Amy replied as she examined the differences, trying to figure out if there was a good way to implement some of the changes since the increased muscle density might be nice.

"We should probably check some of the other transformation items," Myst mused as he looked through his spatial ring for transformation items.

"I think the transformation item mixed in the strength from the other ring," Amy mused. "We're going to have to run some tests."

Taylor glanced between Jen and Myst. "Do you have a mirror?"

"Just a…" Myst trailed off as Jen gestured and conjured a standing mirror in front of Taylor, "never mind."

Taylor stared at her reflection, fairly sure someone had airbrushed her features as she couldn't remember ever looking that good. "I could do without the green lipstick."

"Nothing wrong with green," Myst replied with amusement as he glanced at her sheer panties that were 'hiding' a nice ass. 'Just because she doesn't look like Jailbait doesn't mean she isn't. Eh, nothing a couple of years in the snow globe won't fix.'

"This feels like a naughty fairy tale," Taylor admitted as she slowly spun around to get a look at herself in the mirror, enjoying the way everyone's eyes followed her even if it was a touch embarrassing at the same time.

"Do I need to summon a Prince Charming? I can probably find a couple that aren't complete assholes," Myst offered.

Taylor shook her head, not particularly impressed with that particular story considering some of the older versions she'd read. "No thanks, I'd rather have someone with a decent personality and a passable understanding of the modern world."

Myst laughed as he pictured a foppishly dressed prince getting hit by a car because he was expecting it to stop for him. "Yeah, I can't say I blame you on that one. As much as I appreciate the costume, I'm going to summon a magic user, do you want to change back?"

"Probably should," Taylor agreed as she ended her magic girl transformation, changing back to her spandex costume and helmet. She pulled the ring off and handed it to Myst. "I'm going to want a version that has a better costume."

"I'll see what I can come up with," Myst replied as he used his summoning ability to look for interesting worlds or people that ended up in the wrong world that might want to leave. He smiled when he found a version of Harry Potter running around with Spiderman that was in serious need of cash for a project and would end up dying when the aliens invaded since they weren't able to stop the nuke some sociopath in the military dropped on the city. He focused and summoned the dark haired teenager as he was walking out of his apartment. "I was curious if you wanted to make a deal?"

"What type of…" Harry trailed off when he glanced around and noticed Taylor. "Sorry, what type of deal?" he asked after a couple of seconds of staring at the girl wearing a nearly sheer costume.

Myst pulled a bag of silver out of his spatial ring and tossed it to Harry. "I basically lucked into owning a magical school."

Harry shook his head. "I'm not interested, I had a sadistic teacher and no one cared enough to stop her, the wizarding world can rot in hell."

"Can I at least finish my proposal?" Myst asked.

Harry opened the bag and glanced at the silver coins, a touch surprised they weren't sickles. "Can I keep the money?"

"Provided you actually listen, sure," Myst replied with a grin, glad the Item World dropped the coins like candy.

"I'm all ears," Harry replied as he stuffed the bag of coins in his pocket.

"Long story short, I want to pay you to let me copy you so that your clone can knock a bunch of attractive witches up and teach a technomancy class or two," Myst replied with a grin.

Amy shook her head.

Harry raised his eyebrows. "My clone?"

"I have the ability to instantly clone people and I figured you wouldn't want to leave New York," Myst explained.

"When you say a bunch, how many are we talking about?" Harry asked thoughtfully.

"Considering you're athletic, reasonably good looking and you have a lot of magic, at least a hundred," Myst assured him.

"Reasonably good looking?" Taylor asked as she studied the handsome man with wild black hair and an athletic figure that was wearing fashionable looking glasses.

"He's a guy," Myst replied with a shrug.

"Fair," Harry agreed with amusement. "As much as I'd like to help, my father was a pureblood, I'm probably related to half of the witches at Hogwarts, if distantly."

"Not really a problem, I'm not from your dimension and you don't look like the version of Harry Potter I've met so I think we're in the clear. Even if that wasn't the case, I have a couple of magical transformation items that should avoid that particular issue," Myst explained.

"In that case, how much are you paying and can I bring my friends?" Harry asked with amusement. "Hermione would enjoy the chance to look at your library and Peter just broke up with his girlfriend and could use a chance to unwind. He doesn't have magic but he's a genius and he has a couple of extraordinary abilities that might be genetic which would probably improve the gene pool."

"I have a spell to give people magic, I'm sure the girls will like him. How many bags of silver do you want?" Myst asked with a grin.

"How many do you have?" Harry asked, hoping he could learn the spell to give people magic, if only to screw with the wizarding world.

"Enough, why?" Myst asked.

"Peter needs a new job, his boss is nuts," Harry complained.

"I'm sure we can figure something out," Myst replied with a grin as he started pulling bags out of his spatial ring.