Endbringers Hate Paperwork Part 22 (Patreon)

Myst spent another twenty seconds with his eyes closed relaxing on the couch and enjoying the quiet then opened his eyes and looked at Jen. "You mentioned my soul being unstable earlier, do I need to worry about keeping the school?"

Jen used her magic to check. "You should be fine unless you turn the school into a slaughterhouse or recruit a couple of thousand magic users in the next couple of weeks."

"Does that mean I can recruit a couple of hundred?" Myst asked as he handed Jen the snow globe.

"That should be fine," Jen assured him.

"Cool." Myst yawned as he stood up and stretched. "I have a couple of capes I want to deal with before everyone gets back."

"Do you want help?" Jen asked, not sure how much help she'd be without a wish.

"Only if you want to," Myst replied as he walked over to the runic circle on the ground, not particularly worried about the parahumans he was planning on summoning.

"Nope, the couch is too comfy," Jen replied as she closed her eyes and sprawled on the extremely comfortable couch. "Besides, I'm not supposed to interfere without an actual wish."

"No worries, see you in a minute," Myst replied as he pulled the amethyst ring that worked like a mana shield out of his pocket ring and set it in the circle, glad that he'd remembered to get it back from Amy so he could upgrade it. "Hopefully I can cut the mana cost down to something reasonable."

"Have fun breaking the world," Jen replied with amusement.

"I'll try," Myst replied cheerfully as he stepped into the runic circle. He ignored the various broken stone walls and ruined structures that filled the level as he glanced at the various monsters that looked like a mix of monsters from various anime. He raised his hands and mentally applied the tricks he'd picked up from the materia to his eldritch blast. "Hadouken," he shouted as he pushed his hands out and unleashed his upgraded 'spell', causing a storm of glowing balls of magic to fly from his hands like miniature homing missiles.

'Close enough,' he mused as he waited for the stream of magic missiles to stop. He sighed when the world lurched and he found himself on the next level. 'Let's try that again,' he mused as he quickly recast his spell on the new group of monsters, getting the same result. "Third time's the charm," he muttered as he recast his spell on the knife wielding demons that were charging out from behind vine covered stone walls.

"Or not," Myst muttered when his volley of spells finished off the last monster and he found himself on a sand covered platform. He ignored the desert landscape as he recast his spell, not really expecting to have enough time to scan anything before he got to the next level.

Myst smiled when an ugly ogre on another floating platform managed to survive his barrage of eldritch blasts and he wasn't yanked to the next level. He glanced around to make sure he wasn't going to get stabbed in the back by another survivor then turned his attention back to the floating platform the surviving ogre was on and scanned it, picking up a pattern for a floating platform.

'That should let me make a flying school or a base in the bay,' he mused as he pulled up the new pattern on his heads up display and looked at the ingredients, a touch surprised that you didn't need anything exotic to make it work, just mana and whatever you want the platform made out of. He closed the window and checked his spatial ring, curious if he'd picked up anything interesting from the monsters. 'Random crap, a couple of mana and health potions and two elixirs in crystal vials.'

"Might as well start with the random crap," Myst mused as he walked over and sat down on a large flat rock. He pulled a pair of sparkly white gloves out of his inventory and scanned them, a touch surprised that their armor rating covered the wearer's entire body. 'That would be a lot more useful if they weren't made out of cheap cloth,' he mused as he deconstructed the gloves, picking a small amount of magic cloth and some mana crystals. He pulled the magic cloth out of his ingredients inventory and scanned it, picking up a pattern for turning cloth into magic cloth.

'I wonder if I can swap that property to dragonhide boots,' he mused as he pulled the next unidentified item out of his spatial ring and started scanning it. 'Glowing hot pink skirt that increases tips by two percent? Is that because it's magic or nearly see through?' he mused as he swapped to the next item.

Myst spent the next couple of minutes scanning and deconstructing the 'worthless' items before he found something that was actually interesting. He examined the double edged sparkling crystal sword that he'd stolen from one of the monsters for a couple of seconds then scanned the blade and sighed when it turned out to be a simple if nearly indestructible crystal sword, rather than something unique. 'So much for being a magic girl sword or something more impressive, still nearly indestructible is nearly indestructible.'

He set it on the ground next to him and scanned the next unidentified item, hoping for better luck. "Life leech ring? That's nasty," he mused as he checked the pattern for the cursed ring. 'Mana, magic leeches and a ring. Could be worse. I should probably test the ring, Umbridge? Nah, Hermione should have the chance to set her on fire for killing her parents, random Umbridge? Nah, she might be able to dispel it. I need someone without magic that deserves it.'

He scowled as he realized he had the perfect test subject that wouldn't be missed. He focused on a particularly sadistic version of Joffrey Baratheon from a couple of hours before Jon Arryn death when the little shit was just about to shoot a cat with a crossbow and summoned the 'prince'.

Joffrey jumped in fright and accidently shot the crossbow he was holding when he found himself on a sandy platform five feet away from a man wearing weird clothes. "What is going on?!" he demanded in a shrill voice, trying to cover up his fear.

"My name is Jack, your mother bought a magic ring for you so that you could take your place as one of the greatest kings in the world." Myst tossed the cursed ring to the child.

Joffrey fumbled the crossbow and caught the ring. "Magic?"

"From somewhere beyond Essos," Myst replied with a 'friendly' smile. "It should only take a couple of weeks to master your new powers."

"How do I use it?" Joffrey asked eagerly.

"Just put it on and you'll have the power of the ancient Kings of Westeros," Myst replied as he conjured an eldritch blast in his hand, wanting to prove that magic existed, on the off chance that being summoned to a strange world wasn't enough.

Joffrey stared at the glowing ball of magic for a couple of seconds then put the ring on, his lips twisting up into a particularly sadistic expression before the ring tightened on his finger and it started hurting. "What the fuck?!"

"Nothing comes without a price, you're a sadistic shit and your mother is a whore," Myst told the twelve year old then banished him back to his dimension. He scanned the child's future, not surprised that he died screaming less than a minute later as the ring ripped the life out of him. 'That was slightly more painful than I was expecting.'

Myst summoned the version of Jon Arryn from Joffrey's dimension and quickly cast Esuna on the feverish man that was lying on the sand, clearing out the poison and bringing him back to lucidity. "Welcome back to the land of the living."

Jon blinked a couple of times as he realized he wasn't in pain. "What happened…" he trailed off as he saw the star-filled sky and realized he was somewhere strange.

"Your wife decided to poison you because you wanted to steal her baby boy from her and because Little Finger is a piece of shit and has been whispering in her ears," Myst explained as the old man got to his feet, looking less frail now that he wasn't suffering from poison.

"Lysa poisoned me?" Jon asked, not sure he believed it but he'd gotten sick after reading her note and he didn't sound like he was lying. "Where are we?"

"A world between life and death." Myst cast a healing spell on the old man, reversing most of the damage the poison had caused.

"Between life and death?" Jon asked warily.

"Your death would spark a war or at least set the stage that results in a death that starts a war," Myst offered as he summoned Jon's version of Robert, wanting to make sure at least one version of their world didn't turn into a clusterfuck.

"What the fuck?" Robert blurted when he went from being in the infirmary checking on his friend and mentor to being in a strange land with stars he'd never seen before and noticed Jon standing and looking alive and well.

Myst gestured and cast Esuna on Robert, wanting to make sure he didn't have to repeat himself because the king was drunk. "Jon was poisoned by his wife because Baelish wanted him dead and she's a delusional bitch that doesn't want her precious boy out of her sight."

"I'm going to kill that little shit," Robert snapped. "Where are we?"

"You're in the land between life and death. You're going to want to dismiss Jamie Lannister from the king's guard, he's fucking your wife and none of your 'legitimate' children are actually yours," Myst explained then banished Robert when he lunged towards him. "That went about as well as I'd expect."

Jon sighed. "You're supposed to break things like that over a drink or something."

Myst laughed as he stood up. "Not my lion, not my problem. If you want help killing the Lannisters, take twenty crossbow men and shoot the Mountain then send his head to Dorne, that would go a long way to patching things up."

"This is going to spark a war," Jon complained.

"I might have a solution," Myst replied as he focused and summoned Tywin Lannister, noticing that he looked a lot like the actor from the show.

"What sorcery is this?" Tywin demanded, trying to keep Jon and the stranger in sight despite the fact that the sky looked wrong.

Myst glared at Tywin. "Your daughter has been fucking Jamie, they never stopped and none of her children are legitimate. Robert knows and is probably going to do something drastic, so in the interest of stopping a war, you're going to agree to forgive the debt the crown owes you in exchange for having Jamie tossed from the Kingsguard and Cersei banished to the sisters rather than beheaded."

Tywin scowled at Myst. "Why would I agree to that? The crown owes me millions of gold and you have no proof of your slander."

"I've looked at the records, every child between Lannisters and Baratheons have black hair and none of the children look like Baratheons," Jon argued.

"Not all children look like their parents," Tywin argued, not particularly surprised by the accusation since he'd caught them messing around when they were younger but wishing he'd sent her to the sisters when realized there was something wrong with her. "I'll take the records to the Iron Bank if you try to default on the debt and I'll bring an army if you hurt my children."

"Screw it," Myst muttered as he focused on a version of Lobo that was currently between jobs and summoned him. "I'll give you a bag of silver and a magic sword if you'll work for me for ten minutes," he offered the bounty hunter.

Lobo glanced around then focused on Myst. "Deal."

Myst picked up the nearly indestructible crystal sword and handed it to Lobo along with a bag of silver coins from his spatial ring. "Paid. I'll give you another bag if things work out."

"What do you want me to do?" Lobo asked with a smirk as checked the coins and hooked the sword to his belt.

Myst gestured towards Tywin as he summoned Jon's version of Gregor Clegane. "Grab the large asshole and the old guy."

"Kill him!" Tywin ordered Clegane, deciding that he'd had enough of the man's disrespect.

Gregor Clegane lurched forward and punched Lobo and promptly screamed in pain as the bones in his hand shattered.

"Fuck," Tywin muttered when the man Clegane hit merely smirked as he put the bag of coins in a pocket of his coat. "I'll pay you gold."

"I already took the job," Lobo replied as he grabbed Clegane by his neck and lifted him off the ground. "I do the job, I get paid," he stated as he grabbed Tywin by his shirt with his other hand. "Now what?"

"Once you get back to the bar, drop them or beat the shit out of Clegane, he thinks he can fight," Myst replied with a grin then banished Lobo, causing Tywin and Clegane to vanish with him.

"Where did you send them?" Jon asked, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Somewhere they can't bribe their way out of trouble," Myst replied with a grin as he checked on Clegane and watched Lobo cut his head off with his new sword. 'At least I have confirmation that they stay dead if they're dropped on another world.'

"Are they coming back?" Jon asked.

"No," Myst replied with a cold smile. "I suggest making Tyrion Lord of Casterly Rock and banishing Cersei to the sisters, there are better ways to punish people than simply killing them and Cersei hates her younger brother so the idea of her brother as the lord of the rock should drive her more insane."

"I'll see if I can get His Grace to see sense," Jon said, fairly sure he could spin things so that Robert agreed to send Jamie to the wall and Cersei to the sisters which might be enough to avoid a war with the Lannisters.

"Either way, best of luck." Myst let Jon vanish and summoned the version of Fudge from Harry's dimension after he'd set his wand down for the night. "Welcome to the land of the dead."

"What?!" Fudge sputtered, trying to figure out where he was or why the wards he'd paid for hadn't saved him and how to talk his way out of the situation he found himself in.

Myst kicked the corrupt politician in the nuts, causing him to squeal like a stuck pig and collapse to the ground as his legs stopped working. "Fucking politicians." He focused and summoned Harry's version of Umbridge then punched her as hard as he could in the jaw before she could grab her wand, shattering it and sending her to the ground with a broken neck. "Harry's a saint, the rest of us aren't."

Myst ignored whatever Umbridge was trying and failing to say as he used his telekinesis to pick up her wand on the off chance that she actually knew enough wandless magic to summon it to her hand or could make it work at range. He wasn't expecting much considering her broken jaw and the way she hadn't moved since he'd hit her but he didn't see a point in taking a chance.

Myst pulled a bag of silver coins out of his spatial ring and resummoned Lobo. "One more favor?" he asked as he tossed Lobo the bag of silver.

"I'm still under contract," Lobo replied as he pocketed the bag of silver, rather happy with how well the magic sword worked.

"Cool," Myst replied, ready to banish Lobo if he tried to attack him. "Pick up the trash and toss them when you get back to the bar."

"Easy money," Lobo replied as he grabbed the ministry officials by their robes and lifted them off the ground.

"I appreciate it," Myst replied and let Lobo vanish, relieved that Lobo hadn't decided to double cross him. He checked on Fudge and Umbridge, not surprised to realize that they hadn't even lasted five minutes before getting themselves killed. He focused on Jon's dimension and checked on Daenerys, finding her in a pool with a naked girl braiding her long silvery gold hair. 'Yeah, this is certainly closer to the books than the show, I should have asked Jon how long it had been since Robert took over.'

Myst spent a couple of minutes walking through the rest of Daenerys' rather short life, not particularly happy that this version of Drogo was more of a bastard than the version in the show. 'Yeah, death by poison after losing everything, screw that,' he thought, making a mental note to grab her later when he had the snow globe on him.

Myst focused on Taylor and frowned when he 'saw' her sprawled on her bed sans clothes reading an electronic tablet filled with arcane looking symbols. 'This would be easier if I still had my telekinesis.'

Myst skimmed over the next couple of minutes of her reading until Taylor got up and grabbed a soda from her desk. 'Amy does nice work,' he thought as he summoned her, causing her to appear with the bottle of rootbeer.

Taylor glanced at the sky then around the area before she focused on Myst, seemingly unconcerned about her lack of clothes. "What's up?"

"I was planning on dealing with the Yangban before I handed your parents magic elixirs and dropped them in the school so you can catch up. Do you want to copy some abilities?" Myst asked, glad she didn't look that upset about summoning her while she was naked.

"Sure," Taylor replied as she activated her magic girl ring, not interested in letting any of the Yangban see her naked, since that was reserved for friends.

Myst focused on Taylor's version of Null and summoned him, causing a middle aged Asian man to appear wearing a black business suit. "Null."

"Zhè shì shénme yìsi?!" Null demanded.

"English?" Myst asked.

Null snorted. "Xuéxí yī mén zhēnzhèng de yǔyán."

"No, fucking clue," Myst replied then stepped forward and kicked Null in the knee, dropping him to the ground screaming in pain as his knee snapped and his leg bent the wrong way.

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" Null shouted as he clutched at his knee, glaring up at the crazy American and the girl that looked like someone out of a Japanese movie.

"Hey, he does know English," Myst replied as he kicked the cape in the temple, dropping him unconscious.

"You're almost as bad as Vicky," Taylor muttered as she walked over and touched Null's shoulder, picking up an unlock for her minions that would let people share their parahuman abilities.

"He'll get over it," Myst replied as he summoned Harry's version of Ron.

Ron blinked as he looked around. "What's up?" he asked.

"We're getting rid of dangerous monsters and we could use some help," Myst explained as he pulled a bag of silver coins out of his spatial ring.

Ron glanced between the unconscious guy and the bag of coins that Myst was holding. "What do you need?"

Myst tossed him the bag of coins. "I need you to stun a couple of people so the Captain can touch them without getting screwed over by their powers."

"They're bad people, right?" Ron asked, wanting to make sure.

"Yeah," Taylor agreed, thinking about some of the stories she'd heard of the group.

"Null runs a gang that took over a country on his world. They use their powers to brainwash people, the rest are equally as insane," Myst assured him.

Ron put the bag of coins in his pocket and pulled out his wand. "Ready when you are."

Myst focused and summoned Taylor's version of Teacher out of the birdcage, wanting to make sure he wasn't around to cause trouble. "Stun him."

"Wait!" Teacher sputtered a second before he was hit in the chest by Ron's stunner.

"What did he do?" Ron asked as the middle aged man wearing a weird outfit dropped unconscious like his strings were cut.

"He arranged for the assassination of a king to see if he could, he's also insane," Myst explained as Taylor walked over and touched him, not wanting to actually explain what a vice president was to the pureblood.

Taylor smiled as she looked at the two unlocks she'd picked up from the villain. "Nice, I got a version that doesn't come with the master effect."

"Fantastic," Myst agreed, looking forward to seeing what they could do with a room filled with knockoff tinkers. "Okay, just a warning, the next villain makes Bellatrix look sane and her power lets her drive people mad with a touch."

“Who is she?” Ron asked, deciding that he had to at least ask.

“Engine… no that’s not right,” Myst muttered.

“Anne Gnu…” Taylor sighed heavily. “Let’s just call her the cape with the stupidly hard to pronounce correctly name.”

"Great," Ron muttered and quickly stunned the attractive looking woman that appeared a few feet in front of Myst. "Stupefy!"

"It's probably a good thing that you're not a villain," Taylor said as she walked over and touched the unconscious woman's arm, picking up a couple of unlocks. "At least my power split her power up into different powers, her ability to twist her mind into a pretzel can't be good for her sanity."

"Probably not," Myst agreed as he copied Ingenue's power. He walked over, touched Teacher's arm and pushed the man's power, trying to drop the master component as low as it would go and push the trump aspect up. "Can you get a different power from Teacher? I boosted his power."

Taylor walked over and touched Teacher's arm. "Nothing, it probably has to be a permanent power or at least long lasting or maybe I can only grab someone's ability once?" she mused as she took a couple of steps back from Teacher in case he woke up.

"It probably has to be permanent," Myst mused as he pushed Teacher's power a couple of different ways, taking a chance to play with the trump aspect of Ingenue's power as it would help drive Teacher insane or at least make sure his minions had less loyalty to the bastard on the off chance that he actually had his powers in the dimension he was returning him to.

Ron glanced at the unconscious people on the ground. "What are we going to do with them?"

"Do you want to practice your obliviate spell?" Myst asked thoughtfully.

Ron frowned as thought about Lockhart's favorite spell. "That sounds like a good way to turn them into vegetables."

"And nothing of value would be lost," Myst assured him. "The Chinese guy in a suit is part of a gang responsible for killing thousands of people, the woman drove at least five men completely insane because she thought it was fun and the other bastard is less sane than Bellatrix."

"I don't need that showing up on my wand," Ron argued, wanting to avoid getting a one way ticket to Azkaban as a political statement.

Myst picked up Umbridge's wand from where he'd set it down and scanned it, picking up a pattern for a magic wand. "That's fine, I have a spare wand." He handed the wand to Ron.

"Is that Umbridge's wand?" Ron asked, easily recognizing her short and rather distinctive wand.

"Yeah, I dropped her in another dimension with a bunch of aliens, she barely lasted two minutes before one of them blew her brains out," Myst explained.

"She's dead?" Ron asked in surprise, not used to bad things happening to people that deserved it.

Myst gave Ron a less than impressed look. "That's what usually happens when people are missing the top half of their heads."

"Sorry, I'm just not used to tossers getting what they deserve," Ron replied as he waved Umbridge's wand at a rock, trying to get a feel for it. "Wingardium Leviosa," he chanted as he waved her wand at the rock.

Myst frowned as the rock moved sideways rather than up. "On second thought, we don't need you ending up like Lockhart."

"Yeah, her wand sucks," Ron complained as he handed it back to Myst. "What's next?"

"Two, they can amplify powers," Myst explained as he stuffed the wand into his spatial ring in case he found a use for it later.

"What?" Ron asked, not understanding.

"That's the girl's name or title," Myst explained as he summoned an Asian woman in her twenties. "Sorry, not sorry," he offered as Ron stunned her.

"Would this work on the Death Eaters?" Ron asked hopefully as Taylor reached down and touched the woman's leg.

Myst shook his head. "Not without a decent amount of setup, they can teleport and I'm not immune to magic."

"Can't you just summon people while they're asleep?" Ron asked, wanting the Death Eaters dealt with so Harry wouldn't have to deal with all of them.

"Technically but I'd have to wait until Harry has a chance to finish looting his vault and I don't really care about the Wizarding World so I'm disinclined to put myself at risk. Stun the next one." Myst summoned Jiǎ, causing an Asian man in his mid thirties to appear then promptly collapse when Ron's stunner hit him.

"How about telling us how to kill Voldemort?" Ron asked hopefully as he watched Taylor touch the man's leg.

"Sure," Myst replied as he summoned Shén Yù, causing a severe looking Chinese man in a black outfit to appear ten feet in front of him.

Ron scowled as the man dodged two stunners. "That's annoying."

"How dare you attack us!" Shén Yù declared as he charged Ron, prepared to dodge the man's rather slow attacks.

Myst stabbed Yù in the eyes with his telekinesis, causing him to stumble into Ron's next stunner as his ruined eyes started leaking fluid. "Idiot."

Taylor walked over and touched the man's leg, picking up several powers, while Ron shuddered at the sight. "How are you planning on dealing with everyone?"

"I'm going to cheat," Myst replied with a grin as he pulled an empty spatial ring out of his pocket and slipped it on his left ring finger.

"What does that do?" Ron asked.

"It's a portable storage device," Myst explained as he walked over to Teacher and stuck him in his empty storage ring.

"I don't suppose you have extra rings?" Ron asked hopefully.

"I'll make you a deal. If you drop the people in the ring somewhere they're not going to cause trouble, like the Forbidden Forest, I'll let you have it," Myst offered as he moved the rest of the parahumans to the ring, fairly sure Ron's world was far enough away that they wouldn't have their abilities.

"They're worse than Death Eaters, right?" Ron asked, wanting to be sure.

"They’re evil, but then so are the Death Eater’s. Once you reach the ‘Kill a baby to make a point’ level it’s hard to sink further down," Myst said with a shrug, knowing the Yangban were guilty of worse crimes.

"I'll make that deal if you can get rid of Bellatrix," Ron offered, knowing she was one of Voldemort's most dangerous minions.

"Let me check," Myst replied as he checked on Bellatrix, trying to figure out what she was doing at the moment he'd grabbed Ron and the rest. "I was hoping to catch her sleeping but this works almost as well, she's taking a bath."

"Right now?" Ron asked, not sure how he felt about seeing the lunatic naked.

"Time is frozen for your world but yeah, her wand is sitting next to her which means she doesn't have it," Myst mused, fairly sure he was still making a mistake.

[This is a horrible idea], Taylor complained.

[I'm aware], Myst agreed, prepared to banish Bellatrix if something went wrong. "I'm going to try to summon her with her back to us, try to toss up a stream of stunners so I can summon her in the way."

"Stupefy, stupefy, stupefy," Ron chanted as he flicked his wand sending a barrage of stunners at the rock wall.

Myst focused on the version of Bellatrix from Ron's world and making sure she appeared facing away from them then activated his power, causing a naked and wet dark haired witch to appear in front of one of the stunners. He sighed in relief as Bellatrix was hit in the back and face planted onto the sand.

Ron sighed in relief when she didn't twitch or get up. "I was half expecting her to kill us… I also wasn’t expecting her to have such a cracking ass."

Taylor made a show of rolling her eyes, though privately she had to admit the woman did have a very shapely rear, even if she needed a serious shave as it looked like she had a veritable forest between her legs.

Myst flew over and quickly shoved Bellatrix into the spatial ring he was going to give Ron, relieved that his plan hadn't resulted in anyone getting cursed or dead. "That was easier than I was expecting."