The Melancholy of Kazuma Sato, Chapter 49 (Patreon)

“I can’t believe we’re actually doing this!” Haruhi said, her cheeks flushed and rosy, a huge grin on her face. She was dressed in her leather jerkin and skirt, yellow ribbons in her hair, SOS Brigade Chief armband at the ready. A katana rode at her hip and she had her stomping boots on.

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Kyon sighed, rubbing his face with his hand, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. He was dressed in a simple tunic and trousers, and had on a heavy pack with pots, pans, and a sleeping pad tied to it, along with a walking stick and a dagger, which Haruhi looked at skeptically.

“Don’t you want a better weapon, Kyon? What about an axe, or a mace! The smithy has plenty of them, and they’re magic.”

“No thanks. I don’t know how to use them, and I spent the skill points I did have on being able to carry more gear and survival skills,” Kyon said, shaking his head. “I don’t need something that weighs me down. Besides, Yuki has us covered.”

For her part, Yuki was looking rather out of place in her school uniform, though she did have both a great ax and a falchion strapped to her back, along with a two handed warmaul just for style. The lone concession she had in regards to her wardrobe was that Kyon had absolutely insisted that her sneakers were inappropriate for cross country hiking. Yuki had swapped them out for a sturdy pair of boots, though who knew what difference that would make.

For her part, Mikuru was dressed in a miko’s robes, complete with nine-ringed staff with the symbol of the SOS brigade in the center hoop. It wasn’t the “improved” version that Haruhi had suggested, and was instead fairly modest and practical instead of making her look like a stripper.

As for the other three…

“Look, I told you, we can’t just bring a gallon of booze on the trip, I don’t care WHO gave it to you!” Kazuma said, taking out two very large bottles of wine from Aqua’s pack as she looked on aghast.

“B-but it was a gift from Yunyun! And Iris! They’re our friends, how could I leave them behind?!” Aqua protested.

“The booze or them? Because I ain’t opposed to Yunyun coming along on this little trip. She’s a freaking archmage!” Kazuma argued.

“Hmph. There is only room in this party for one archmage! And it is I, MEGUMIN, Foremost Genius of the Crimson Demon Clan, Mistress of Explosion Magic, and she who has slain one Devil Queen and vanquished another!”

“I think you’ll find that I was the one who killed the first Devil King, thank you very much!” Kazuma said, buffing his knuckles on his tunic.

Aqua hastily picked up one bottle of wine and tried to pop the cork, only to have Yunyun take it out of her hands.

“Um, I’ll just save it for when you get back, OK?” the Director of the Open Air Insane Asylum said.

Kyon could still see where her argument with one of her supposed friends had resulted in three houses burning down. You could only tell because of the six massive earthen golems who were in the process of building three new houses. They were already halfway done. He half wondered if the Crimson Demons could make a killing in the construction industry back home, but decided it probably wouldn’t be worth the drama.

“I can’t come. Queen Iris wants the Crimson Demons to aid in defending the heartland from the invading monsters, as the Royal Guard and army are still exhausted. A-and the Crimson Demons will answer the call,” Yunyun said firmly. Then she gave Megumin a hug. “Come back, OK?”

Megumin stiffened slightly, but then returned Yunyun’s hug, giving the other woman a squeeze. “I did the last two times. Why do you think you have to worry about me?”

“I just do, OK?” Yunyun said, brushing away some tears and letting Megumin go. “T-take care of her, Goddess Haruhi.”

“Of course! She’s a member of the SOS Brigade now, and the SOS Brigade never leaves a member behind!” Haruhi declared, posing heroically with her hand on her sword hilt, one foot planted atop a rock.

“You really do fit in here too well,” Kyon muttered to himself. To his surprise, Yuki’s head bobbed ever so slightly, and a slight smile quirked on her lips. Perhaps even she recognized that the Crimson Demons were just as out to lunch as their fearless leader.

“Then go now, intrepid heroes! May the Crimson Eye of Destiny watch over you!” Yunyun declared, flinging back her cloak and summoning a dramatic wind to make it flutter in the breeze.

The villagers all cheered, and Kyon shouldered his pack and trudged forward as Haruhi led them dramatically onward. For a few minutes, Kyon trudged forward, keeping an eye out on his surroundings. Slowly, however, a smile spread over his face. Thanks to his Pack Bearer skill (learned from Kazuma) along with the Endurance skill (also learned from Kazuma) he could haul a 50 kilo pack like his for hours without tiring in the slightest. And, well…

“We really are on an adventure. Just like Lief Erikson off to see the new world,” Kyon muttered.

The land they were walking through was forested hills, not much different than what he would have seen in the Japanese countryside. There was an abundance of pine and conifer trees, mixed in with what he thought were oaks, firs, and juniper. The path was narrow and winding, going around hills and over small creeks, the trough meadows willed with tall grass and wildflowers. There were various birds, none of which Kyon recognized, not that he was much of an ornithologist. He spotted a few small shapes in the undergrowth scurrying along and plenty of insects, but nothing dangerous as far as he could tell.

Yuko nodded slightly. “It is similar to the circumstances in many of the novels I have read.”

“Yeah, it’s one thing to read about stuff like this, I guess it’s another to live it,” Kyon mused. He glanced at Yuki, who plodded along in serenity at his side. “Are you having fun?”

“I am with you,” Yuki answered. It was a bit tautological, but it brought a warm glow to Kyon’s heart. After a moment’s consideration, he held out his hand, and Yuki took it. He figured if anything dangerous DID attack, she’d know before anyone else did.

After nearly an hour of walking, Haruhi called a halt and made everyone take out their waterskins for a long drink. “Phew. How much progress have we made? We had to come at least a couple kilometers! Are there any dangerous monsters nearby?”

“The woods around the Crimson Demon Village are home to the fiercest of beasts!” Megumin declared, raising her staff and putting on an eyepatch. “It is a miracle we have not already been assaulted by all manner of foes, such as One Punch Bears, salamanders, and Brorillas!”

“Alright, where are they!?” Haruhi demanded. “Come on, Mikuru and Yuki! Let’s see if we can find one!”

“What about me?” Kyon said in irritation, then glanced at Aqua and Kazuma, who were just sitting and chatting. Make that arguing.

“-telling you that he was just a stupid chicken!”

“No, he was a brave and fierce dragon! I know if we could find Emperor Zel, he’d be a great help in our quest!”

“As a plate of chicken nuggets, maybe.”

“Don’t you dare, Kazuma! He’s my pet! AND HE’S NOT A CHICKEN!”

…whatever THAT was about.

“You didn’t take any combat skills, Kyon! If you were really serious about this, you’d at least have picked up a ranged build or something,” Haruhi told him.

Kyon glanced at Yuki, who had silently gone to stand beside Haruhi as she quite literally beat at the bushes with her scabbarded sword. Mikuru winced in the background, clutching her staff and trembling slightly. Sighing, Kyon set down his backpack, then dug out a first aid kit.

“What’s that for?” Aqua asked him, forgetting her inane argument with Kazuma.

“In case someone is hurt, obviously. Anyone feeling any heat patches or blisters? I managed to get some ointment and moleskin, though no one seemed to understand why. You’d think in a village of arch wizards that like to blow up each other’s houses, they’d have good first aid kits around.”

“Why would we need something as mundane as that?” Megumin asked, frowning. “We’d just drink a potion. Or if it was really bad, teleport to the capitol and get an archpriest. Like the time Bukkoroii accidentally blew off his own arm right after he graduated.”

“Geeze, did you manage to save the arm?” Kyon asked, feeling a bit faint at the thought. That couldn’t happen to Yuki or Mikuru, right?

“Huh? Oh, yeah, he thought about getting a prosthetic and had one for a few days, but he said it itched so he went to the Cathedral of Eris and had it grown back,” Megumin said with a shrug.

“Should have gone to MY cathedral,” Aqua muttered.

“No one wants to deal with the Axis Cult if they didn’t have to,” Kazuma said with a shake of his head. “Look, we’ve got two healers in the party, and one of them is literally a goddess of healing. You might think she’s only good at party tricks, but Aqua’s put me back together more times than I care to count, and she never screwed it up once.”

That made Aqua puff out her chest. “That’s right! I’m better than any first aid kit!”

Kyon frowned and put a protective hand on the kit. “Hey! I had to go through hell to get this, and you never know when it will be useful. What if we’re separated, or-”

“What the hell are these!? Hey, Kazuma, Aqua, what are these little things?”

Kyon turned to see Haruhi squatting over what looked like small purple blobs on the ground, poking them with a stick, while Mikuru fluttered about looking panicked, and Yuki held one in her hand, head cocked to one side.

“Grape! Grape!” the little things said.

“Wild grapes,” the trio of more experienced adventurers said in a chorus.

“They’re sweet and yummy, and can turn into bubbly!” Aqua explained.

“They’re pretty common around here. Komekko and I used to gather them as snacks,” Megumin added.

“Better smack them fast, or they’ll bite,” Kazuma advised.

“What? Are these really grapes? That’s so weird! But they’re moving around like KYAAAAA!!!!”

Haruhi let out a scream as one of the grapes bit her stick in half, then six of them jumped her and started biting at her skin. Yuki immediately crushed the grape in her hand, then whirled on Haruhi, hands flying in a blur. In a moment, there were six purple stains on Haruhi’s new clothing, and some very dead grapes.

“Ow,” Haruhi said, wincing and looking at the small bite marks on her arm. “Well, I guess you guys weren’t kidding when you said the plants were out to get us.”

“Ha! See, now who’s dumb for bringing a first aid kit?” Kyon asked, pulling out some ointment and bandages.

“H-Heal!” Mirkuru said, putting her hand on Haruhi’s arm. There was a warm yellow glow, and a moment later, all traces of the very minor injury were gone, save for the grape juice stains. Those never come out.

“You are,” Kazuma said bluntly.

“It’s a complete waste of space,” Megumin agreed.

“I mean, we could use the bandages to make something cute?” Aqua suggested.

Kyon tossed the stupid thing in the bushes.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Sasaki supposed that she now knew how Kyon had felt all this time. She’d never had to talk to her past self before, but this was a really surreal experience. Especially when her past self was a giant death robot.

“Do you think they’ll let us go outside soon?” Kiriko said wistfully, the glowing red of her optics peering through the grate between their cells.

“Maybe,” Sasaki said. She didn’t remember getting to go outside if she were honest. Just her mother coming to play with her and talk with her. Though she was becoming increasingly certain that neither of them had known their relationship. She half suspected that her mother didn’t realize she had a child at all. Which was odd, but she was very kind to both of the prisoners.

“I want to pick flowers. Would you pick flowers with me? I’ve always wanted to make a daisy chain and put it on my sister’s head. You could be my sister!” Kiriko said, sounding wistful and nostalgic.

A lump formed in Sasaki’s throat, and a memory of her doing just that with Haruhi when they had both been young girls popped into her head. Their families had taken a trip to the mountains together, where her Uncle Kazuma had gotten into a competition with her father to see who could catch the biggest and most fish. It was actually one of the few times she’d seen her dad actually get competitive and lose at something, as somehow Kazuma not only had caught the biggest fish, but he’d also caught exactly one more than her father had. He’d quietly fumed for days, though he’d congratulated Kazuma calmly enough. He’d gone fishing every weekend for a month to “improve his technique.”

Though now that Sasaki thought about it, the fact that her uncle seemed to have married a literal goddess of water probably had something to do with it. She did recall aunty Thalia giving Kazuma his bait, and “calling” the fish. Sasaki probably hadn’t helped when she’d thrown rocks in the lake, but she’d also been six. She’d cried a little when her uncle had fileted his fish, and made her dad let all of his go to his bemusement. She’d thought the trout were cute, though Haruhi had been delighted to help clean her family’s catch.

“It’d be fun. We could go fishing too,” Sasaki said quietly.

“I don’t know, I don’t like hurting animals, even fish,” Kiriko said hesitantly.

“We would let them go after,” Sasaki promised, feeling a lump in her throat.

“Oh, that’s alright then! But doesn’t it hurt the fish? I wouldn’t want to be pulled into another world by strangers and left to flop around,” Kiriko sighed.

Sometimes Sasaki wondered if life enjoyed kicking her in the gut or if she was just special like that.

Before she could try to formulate a response to her more innocent self, the door opened up. She looked up, expecting Ristarte, but instead found her father standing there. It was odd, looking at him 20 years in the past. Even in her hazy memories of this time, she’d pictured her parents as they were at the time: middle aged, in their 30s or 40s, though in fantastic shape. Here, her father was a teenager the same age as she was, though he still looked like a professional athlete instead of anyone normal.

It made her realize just how young and out of their depth her parents were. Even her mother, a supposedly immortal and ageless goddess, acted more like the girls at her school than anything else. She was also obviously incredibly down bad for her father, which was both sweet and disgusting to watch. While she figured her parents still loved one another, they were nowhere near this sickening. Though her father here seemed…cold. Like he didn’t care about her mother at all. That was almost worse than her mother’s clear crush.

“Mr. Seiya!” Kirko said happily. “Can we go outside? Please? We won’t cause problems?”

Seiya stiffened slightly, and he regarded Kiriko for a moment. “It’s dangerous outside. You’re safer here.”

“Aww. But I promise not to hurt anyone…” Kiriko said, her tone like that of a whining child. Which, really, she was. Despite being a giant death robot.

Seiya ignored Kirko and stepped forward. He had dark circles under his eyes, and Sasaki wondered just what he’d been doing to lose sleep. Probably training. The maniac was always getting up before dawn to exercise.

“Come with me,” Seiya declared, and turned around on his heels.

Sighing, Sasaki got up, dusting off her dress. “I’ll be back, Kiriko. Maybe they’ll let me bring you a flower.”

“Ok! See you!” Kiriko called happily. How could she be happy in such a miserable place? Sasaki wanted to cry.

Jogging to catch up to Seiya through the underground passages, Sasaki looked around. She’d been let out before, usually to be questioned, but it had been a few days since anything but food had appeared in her room. “So do you believe us yet? Can we get out? We want to help you!”

Seiay didn’t respond, though his jaw did tighten. He was chewing on his tongue, Sasaki knew. Her dad always did that when he was furious. Usually about something she’d done. Or hadn’t.

“Fine, be that way,” Sasaki huffed. “You never want to talk anyway.”

She half missed a step when Seiya’s head snapped around, and cringed slightly. She thought fast, and added something her mother said when her father was being especially taciturn, “Boys never want to talk. Would it kill you to actually express your emotions instead of just grunting and glaring like a gorilla?!”

This time, Seiya came to a full stop, and turned to face Sasaki. She made herself stand up straight, and puffed her chest out. She really was envious of her mother at the moment. Life just wasn’t fair. Granted, Ristarte seemed to be a whole cup size bigger than her mother, which didn’t make sense. Had she had breast reduction surgery or something?

“Where did you hear that?” Seiya asked, his voice flat and dangerous.

Sasaki almost said, “It’s something my mother says,” but instead huffed, “I dunno, a movie or something? Now are you going to talk to me or just grunt and flex like a musclebrained fool?”

“We shall see.” Seiya turned again and stalked down the corridor, his hand flexing in that manner they did when he was agitated. Sasaki walked after him very slowly, uncertain of what she was coming to.

After a bit, she came to a room guarded by several golems, who stepped aside for Seiya. When she approached, they blocked her.

“INTRUDER DETECTED.”

“Password: The Righteous General Returns,” Seiya stated. “She is given clearance this one time.”

“PASSWORD ACCEPTED. YOU MAY PASS.”

“Paranoid maniac,” Sasaki muttered, shivering as Seiya opened the door and ushered her inside.

Within the room, Sasaki found an older woman kneeling by a bed, holding the occupants hand while she dabbed at the fevered forehead. The woman looked vaguely familiar, though Sasaki had never seen her before. The one on the bed though-

“MOM!” Sasaki screamed. She couldn’t help herself. Ristarte at that moment looked just like her mother. Her face haggard and worn, her hair lank and sweaty, clinging to her face, while her chest rose and fell in labored breathing. Sasaki was at her side in an instant, tears streaming down her face, clutching her mother’s hand. “Mom, it’s OK, I’m here.”

Ristarte’s eyes fluttered open, feverish and dazed. “W-who…?”

“It’s me,” Sasaki whispered, and swallowed. “Kiriko.”

The woman across from Sasaki gasped, and she heard a thump, but ignored it. How could this be happening? She didn’t remember her mother being sick and dying! Just that there had been a time she hadn’t come to see her in the dungeon, but she had known they were off fighting the Devil King or something. How did this happen?

“Well. I suppose that explains a great deal.”

Sasaki blinked, then felt a dawning sense of horror. She let her mother’s hand slip through her fingers, and she sat back hard. Trembling, she hugged herself, bowing her head. “Y-you bastard. You tricked me. Is she even sick?”

Please. Please let her not be sick.

“She’s dying. She’s been cursed by Vengeful Empress Celemonic. And she will die in less than a day,” Seiya said. His voice cracked, and Sasaki looked up in shock. Tears were trickling down his face, but there was a look of pure rage on it that made her shrivel up in horror.

“Who sent you? What trick is this?” Seiya hissed, kneeling down, his eyes burning with fury. “You are not my daughter. Her soul is in the machine. I have worked so hard to find-”

Seiya cut himself off, bowing his head for a moment. When he looked up, his eyes were cold. Calculating. But still full of anger. “Your masters have miscalculated. If I thought the life of Kiriko was no longer in danger, I would not hesitate to kill Ultimaeus and every one of his followers. All that stays my hand is- no. I will not be a fool who tells you his plans.”

The strange woman spoke up, her voice trembling. “Seiya, please, this girl, is she-”

“Not now, Carmilla,” Seiya said flatly

But Sasaki’s head whipped around, her eyes going wide. The word was torn from her throat before she knew what she was saying. “Grandma?!”

“It can’t be,” Carmilla gasped, her hand going to her chest. But she was. Sasaki could see herself, see her mother in the woman’s features. She’d only rarely heard her mother speak of her grandmother, who was supposedly long dead, but Sasaki had no real memory of her. But now…

“But you’re dead,” Sasaki whispered, then clutched at her head. No! No! She had time traveled before, briefly, and now she was making every mistake in the book! She was going to doom them all!

“Oh child. It was you I thought dead,” Carmilla gasped, bursting into tears and hurrying around the bed to scoop Sasaki into her arms. “You and Tiana…I didn’t even think she was pregnant when she…but of course. I should have known…”

Sasaki just cried for a few minutes with Carmilla. She vaguely saw Seiya holding Ristarte’s hand, his face a mask of pain. She thought she heard him mutter, “Not again. I can’t lose you again. Please.”

Throughout it all, Ristarte was clearly delirious, wracked by pain and fever as she groaned softly.

“She’s a goddess. How can a curse affect her?” Sasaki finally managed, drying her face on her sleeves and coating them in snot and tears.

“This world is twisted. She took what was meant for me,” Seiya said, his voice disgusted. “Even a goddess can be destroyed by this curse. You said you were a priestess of some sort. I had hoped you could have some small chance of breaking it. But no. I will find a way.”

“My dear sir. It sounds like you need…a friend. A friend like moi.”

Seiya was up even before the voice had finished speaking. A blazing sword appeared in his hands from nowhere, slicing towards the neck of the bowing man in the pinstripe suit and mask who had walked out of the shadows.

Vanir blocked the blade with two fingers.

“Tsk tsk, young man. Is that anyway to greet a guest?” Vanir chuckled, straightening up and smiling broadly. “Moi is here with a most charming offer.”

“Yeah, I was bored anyway.” From behind Vanir, Komekko walked, one cheek puffed out as she chewed on something. A plate of cookies, by what she had tucked under one arm. She swallowed, then shoved another cookie into her mouth before proffering one. “Want one? It’s free.”

“Demon,” Seiya snarled, the veins in his neck bulging as he strained against Vanir’s block. “I am perfectly prepared! This room-”

“Yeah you put like, a lot of enchantments on it. And my prison. But I’ve been breaking the most complex and convoluted protective spells made by a bunch of mad geniuses who are way more creative and nasty than you since I was able to walk,” Komekko said with a shrug, popping the cookie in her mouth and talking as crumbs dribbled onto her dress.

“Dad, I mean, Seiya, wait! Maybe she can help mo- Tiana- I mean- ARGH!” Sasaki strode forward and glared at Komekko. “Can you help her or not!?”

Komekko grinned widely. “Of course we can.”

Seiya didn’t lower his blade, but he did take a step back, if only to prepare for another swing. “You can save Ristarte?”

“Sure! It’s simple. That’s an unbreakable death curse,” Komekko agreed, swallowing and reaching for another cookie. “You know how to break it, Vanir?”

“Even for a duke of hell, such a thing is not possible,” Vanir sighed, swooning dramatically. “Perhaps this goddess could, were she at full strength, but alas! Only a divine spell could do so.”

A sudden surge of hope struck Sasaki. “But I’m a goddess! I’m her daughter!”

Seiya blinked, then looked at her out of the corner of his eye, not taking his eye off of Komekko and Vanir. “You really are…but how?”

“Time travel is stupid and I hate it,” Sasaki said with venom.

“Now that opens up interesting tactical possibilities,” Seiya mused.

“Dad, shut up. For once, think about something other than your stupid training!” Sasaki snapped. “Mom’s dying!”

Seiya nodded slowly. “If you are an actress, you’re very committed.”

“You’re the one that should be committed,” Sasaki snapped back.

Vanir coughed. “Moi senses time is critical. Now, to our deal…”

“You said you couldn’t break it,” Seiya said, readying himself to attack again. “There is no deal. If…if this girl can, then we don’t need you.”

“Oh, but you do. Because you see…she’s not a full goddess in this time,” Komekko said, grinning broadly and showing off her chocolate stained teeth. They were rather sharper than they should have been.

“Because mom’s still a goddess,” Sasaki said slowly. She turned her head, frowning. “But she wasn’t when I…hold on. I thought she lost her divinity because she and dad…you know…”

“We have not. Precisely because that would happen,” Seiya said firmly. “She is not my Tiana. She is-”

Sasaki tried to kick her dad in the shin, but he blocked it so that she stubbed her toe.

“YES SHE IS! YOU KNOW SHE IS! WHY DON’T YOU SAY YOU IT TO HER ONCE IN A WHILE YOU ASSHOLE!”

Pain flashed over Seiya’s face, then cold rage. “I have to be perfectly prepared. Or she… I will not survive this.”

“ARGH!” Sasaki threw up her hands in sheer frustration. “WHATEVER! Ristarte, what do we have to do to save her!? If she dies…she’s my mom! And if she dies before I’m born will I even exist!? What about the other me!? How do I stop being a robot! I hate this place, I just want to go home and see my parents! Even if they are here this isn’t them!”

“S-seiya?” a quiet voice rasped

Instantly, Seiya was at Ristarte’s side. “It’s OK. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

A sad smile crossed Risarte’s lips. “H-help me sit up…I think…I think I was wrong…that girl…she’s not just a Crimson Demon.”

“Oh no,” Komekko agreed. “I’m the Devil Queen of Belzerg. Which means I’m at least ten times more awesome than this poser you have here.”

“I knew it,” Seiya growled, and he held his sword up in a warding gesture. “GOLEMS! Get ready to-”

“Thy golems are currently…non-functional,” Vanir tisked. “Moi did not wish for us to be interrupted.”

“Super basic stuff. Like, you didn’t even properly weave the mana into the cores to let them resist take over by soul bonding them,” Komekko said, sounding disgusted.

Seiya hesitated. “You can…do that?’

“Sure, Crimson Demon secret. It does make them more eccentric and prone to personality disorders, but that just makes them cooler!” Komekko laughed.

“That sounds like a bug,” Seiya said, his eyes narrowing.

“To her that would be a feature,” Sasaki sighed.

“Enough.”

The voice was quiet, but full of command. Carmilla stood up, and went over to Kommekko. “I don’t care who you are. I lost my daughter once. I can’t bear to do it again. What is your price, Demon?”

“Oh, that’s simple.” Komekko’s grin grew enormous. “You just have to give me a really awesome meal.”

Author's Note:

Thank you all for being patient with me in this time. I'm feeling a little better, but am still down pretty sick. I've managed to get more writing done, and I had Haruhi on the brain. This story is actually pretty darn near to completion now, so that will be a big load off my plate when it does get there.