The Melancholy of Kazuma Sato, Chapter 49 (Patreon)

The ground shook, and thunder sounded as an army advanced into an abattoir. Feeling sick, Sasaki watched as endless ranks of automatons marched into a series of death traps, from collapsing walls, to giant golems that crushed them, to pit traps that sent them plummeting, to all manner of destruction raining down.

“This is dumb. Who cares if a bunch of golems get blown up?” Komekko complained.

Kyoko reached over and swatted the back of Komekko’s head, prompting the other girl to cry out and glare over at the esper. The three of them were currently laying atop a rocky overlock to the battlefield down below them, where the forces of the few human holdouts of the recently revived Kingdom of Termine were doing battle with what appeared to be an endless horde of murderbots, created by the Machine Demon General Oxerio.

“Don’t glare at me like that, Komekko. You know Sasaki’s alternate self is down there somewhere, caught up in the battle,” Kyoko snapped, gesturing at the destruction taking place below them.

“So? Then we blow up the other side’s golems!” Komekko argued.

“The other side is my parents, who are fighting for the last free humans on this planet,” Sasaki said, feeling sick and uncertain. “I…I used to hate them, but…well…I can’t blame them too much for being willing to sacrifice me. I thought they did it just for power, but…this place…”

“Hey now, the humans in Komekkopolis are free! I freed them myself,” Komekko argued, sticking out her lower lip and pouting. She sighed and slid down the slope slightly, crossing her arms and frowning. “Look, I can either blow up one side or the other. Or both. But the whole point I thought was to help save Sasaki.”

Sasaki let herself slide down next to Komekko, grimacing when some gravel got under her clothes and scratched at her. She sat up, trying to get the dirt and grime out. “Look, the point is to gather intelligence. We need to take our time here. Figure out what’s going on. My memories of this place are a little hazy. And we have to consider how both sides would react to us showing up. Going in guns blazing is suicide.”

“Which is why I would go in with Advanced magic instead of some weak and pathetic technology. I’ve seen what guns can do, and I’m not impressed,” Komekko said smugly.

“It’s an expression. And she’s right. We really should wait and take our time,” Kyoko agreed, still looking out over the slope. “Huh. Looks like things are winding down. Another pit trap opened up and cut off the murder bots, so those Earth Golems are crushing what’s left. You…you’ll be OK, right, Sasaki?”

“I remember falling into a pit trap, but if we changed the timeline somehow,” Sasaki felt vaguely sick. What would happen if she died here, in her own past? Would her parents even be able to defeat the Demon King?

“Fine. Well, there’s other demon generals we can fight, right? Let’s go do that, speed things up a bit. I’m getting bored and hungry just sitting here,” Komekko whined.

“You know, for a supposedly powerful Devil Queen, you sure act like a spoiled brat,” Kyoko muttered.

Komekko stuck her tongue out. “I’m sixteen, just like you two! I’m no more of a brat than you are.”

“You know I never thought that the manga depictions of gods and demons as bratty teenagers would be so accurate to real life,” Kyoko sighed. “Do I really have to be the adult here?”

“You’re not my mom,” Komekko grumbled.

“No, but we can tell Wiz,” Sasaki said sweetly.

Komekko blushed and looked away. “Hmph. Whatever. We can go fight somewhere else, right? Or at least get some more food.”

“I want to keep an eye on what’s happening here,” Sasaki said, crawling back up beside Kyoko.

“You just want to peep on your parents. You should just turn them into animals like I did my dad. It’s very satisfying,” Komekko said, crawling up beside Sasaki.

“We’re not plotting the evil downfall of humanity,” Sasaki hissed. “Maybe you are, but Kyoko and I are the good guys!”

“Says the one teamed up with a Devil Queen,” Komekko snorted. She frowned down at the battlefield. “Ugh, golems. How boring. This Seiya guy has no style.”

“That we can agree on,” Sasaki muttered. “He’s a jerk.”

“Hey, do you guys sense something?” Kyoko asked, sitting up slightly and looking around. “Like…a disturbance. I don’t know…I was sensing not much in the way of psychic presence around here, but now I don’t sense anything.”

“Why’s that weird? There’s no one out here, that’s what makes it so boring,” Komekko sighed.

Hairs rose up on the back of Sasaki’s neck. “Oh no. RUN!”

She grabbed Sasaki, just as a bolt of fire shot out from a nearby hilltop. Both girls screamed and toppled down the steep slope on the other side, sharp rocks and gravel biting into them painfully for a few seconds. Kyoko managed to jerk them to a stop with her telekenisis, and they looked up to see Komekko desperately hurling lightning and fire at a figure with a glowing sword and burnished armor who was parrying her blows.

“No,” Sasaki gasped. She couldn’t quite make the man out, but she knew who it was. “KOMEKKO! DON’T KILL HIM! THAT’S MY- THAT’S THE HERO!”

She barely kept herself from saying it was her father. She couldn’t spit that out. Not at this crucial moment.

“I know it’s a hero! I’ll deal with him and- STOP ATTACKING! I HAVEN’T EVEN INTRODUCED MYSELF!” Komekko screamed.

Seiya Ryuuguuin, looking about twenty years younger than the man Sasaki knew as her father paused. “Why? Introductions are a waste of breath.”

Komekko’s nostrils flared. “What?! Introductions are how you show how cool you are, and intimidate your foes with awesome poses and your cool titles! I don’t even know who you are! If you’re a REAL hero, you’ll let me introduce myself, monologue a bit, then give a defiant speech!”

“Hmm. I see. Well, I suppose I’ll let you go first then,” Seiya said, lowering his sword and standing up straight.

“Mwahahaha! Good!” Komekko flung her cape out behind her dramatically, taking a pose by covering one eye with an eye patch she produced from seemingly nowhere and standing with her legs splayed. “BEHOLD! I AM KOMEKKO, FOREMOST-”

“No, it’s a trap!” Sasaki wailed, but it was too late. As soon as Komekko was distracted by her introduction, Seiya charged again, using some sort of flash step ability to get behind her, slicing Komekko across the back with his sword. She cried out, staggering, but Seiya didn’t pause in his assault, kicking her in the stomach, then stabbing her in the shoulder with the sword.

“NO! STOP!” Sasaki wailed, stretching out her hand. Komekko might be a Devil Queen, but well, she was Sasaki’s friend now, and perhaps her one lifeline out of this mess.

Bleeding profusely, Komekko crumpled, and the next thing Sasaki knew, her father was beside her.

“No. Please. Not again,” Sasaki whispered, tears making her vision swim. She saw the flat of the sword swing towards her face, and her vision blacked out.

When Sasaki came to, she felt a gentle hand on her forehead. “Mom?”

“Shhh. Just rest. I’m healing your wounds. That idiot gorilla went too hard on you girls. If I hadn’t managed to stop him in time, he would have just killed you. I swear, that man is too extreme. You clearly aren’t spies for the Devil King.”

The voice was that of Sasaki’s mother, but her stomach did a flip flop. She managed to open her eyes, and it was the face of her mother. Unlike her father, her mother’s face didn’t seem to have aged much. She recalled a few more lines, and a bit more weariness in the face of Tiana, but Ristarte the Goddess was clearly the same woman, looking only a few years instead of two decades younger. Though, the holy glow and blonde hair were different.

“S-sorry. I thought,” Sasaki managed, anxious that her identity was compromised.

Ristarte smiled, tilting her head to one side just like Sasaki’s mother always did. “Don’t worry, you’re not the first person I’ve healed to think I was their mother! But, I’m Ristarte, Goddess of Healing. Who are you, exactly?”

“I’m,” Sasaki paused, and for a moment tried to think of an alias. Then she realized that her parents would have called her Kiriko anyway, and wouldn’t know who Sasaki was. It wasn’t exactly a rare name anyway. “...I’m Sasaki. Sasaki Sato. I’m from-”

“That’s a Japanese name! But, Seiya was supposed to be the only hero sent here!” Ristarte gasped.

Oh, right. “Uh, a-actually, I was sent to a place called Belzerg…”

“Oh.” Ristarte rolled her eyes. “Of course. How did Aqua screw up this time…”

Ah. So her mother did know that place, even now. That probably made sense. “We, um, we are a party who was working to defeat the Devil Queen of Belzerg…Komekko is from the Crimson Demon Clan, but Kyoko and I are from Japan. I’m not sure how we ended up here…”

“I told you she was evil. We should kill all three of them.”

Sasaki jumped and sat up, finding her father leaning against a wall and looking at her impassively. “S-sir! Um, I-I’m just an ordinary Japanese school girl, as is Kyoko! And, well, Komekko says she’s a demon, but, er-”

“Seiya, the Crimson Demon Clan are from one of Aqua’s worlds. They’re just crazy, but they’re just human, not actually demons,” Ristarte said, standing and going to glare up at her husband. Or…future husband? They couldn’t be married if she was still a goddess, right? Or were they lovers even now? This was making Sasaki’s head hurt…

“Hmph. You say you’re from Japan. Who won World War II?” Seiya demanded, pushing Ristarte aside, then behind him, as if to shield her from Sasaki.

“Well, you seem to be operating under the assumption that we’re from the same Japan. I believe that multiple versions likely exist. But, in my version, Japan lost World War II after the United States dropped two nuclear bombs on the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.”

“That’s a foolish point of view. The real reason Japan surrendered was that the Soviet Union declared war,” Seiya said with a snort.

Sasaki opened her mouth to argue, then sighed and bowed her head. “Yes, I suppose that probably had something to do with it. Never the less, our people endured great suffering, and learned that war was a horrible business, not one to be entered into lightly.”

“And yet you were here. On a world torn by war. Claiming to have been sent here by a goddess,” Seiya said with a snort. He bent and whispered something to Ristarte, who frowned, but whispered back. “I see. And what is this Goddess Aqua like?”

“She has blue hair, and is, well, not very smart,” Sasaki wracked her brain a bit, and managed, “She is worshiped by the Axis Cult, and is the goddess of Belzerg, but her religion doesn’t have a very good reputation.”

“That’s completely accurate, I told you! And Komekko DOES look like a Crimson Demon. Did she introduce herself like a chuunibyou?” Ristarte demanded of Seiya.

“Yes, but you saw her levels and skills. She’s a demon summoner and even demon blooded. She’s evil,” Seiya argued.

Ristarte rolled her eyes. “Aqua’s pet maniacs are a bunch of edge lords that make even YOU look normal. She’s probably harmless. And besides, she’s a child! Even you aren’t cruel enough to kill a normal girl, are you?”

“Just because someone looks harmless doesn’t mean they are. Don’t forget Kilkapul,” Seiya said, frowning still at Sasaki.

“Ah. Well…you said the same thing about Kiriko, but she’s a good girl, don’t you think?” Ristarte asked, sounding wistful.

Rage and bile bubbled up in Sasaki’s throat, but she swallowed her words. She managed to croak, “Who…who is Kiriko?”

“No one,” Seiya snapped at the same time as Ristarte’s expression fell.

“The murder bots…they have souls of people put into them,” Ristarte said quietly. “One was a little girl named Kiriko. We’re trying to find a way to save her.”

“Don’t bother, it’s pointless,” Seiya snapped, and turned away. “I’ll let these girls live for now, Rista. But if they threaten you or this kingdom…I will end them. We can have no flaws in our plan. A single misstep can lead to disaster. I must be perfectly prepared.”

“Oh, fine, be that way! I’ll prove it to you!” Ristarte snapped. She turned to smile at Sasaki. “Sorry, you’ll have to stay down here for a while…it’s just a precaution! Besides, it’s safe, I promise. Now, Seiya, you can’t be such a jerk! Would it kill you to be-”

The two of them walked away, still arguing, shutting the door and leaving Sasaki alone. The room she was in was clearly underground, made of roughly shaped stone. There was a bucket in the corner for a toilet, a bed of straw, and a jug of water with a basket that held a few loaves of crusty bread. To either side, there were low metal grates, and light was generated by a dimly glowing lamp that seemed to have some sort of magical spell powering it.

Sighing, Sasaki got up and went over to the jug, splashing some water on her face before taking a drink. She was just wondering where the others were when she heard a voice through the grates.

“Hello? Is someone there? Miss Rista?”

“No, I…” Sasaki licked her lips, and went over to the grate. She knelt down, and saw a glowing red eye peering back at her in a metal face. She shivered, feeling as though someone had just walked over her grave.

“Oh! Hello. I’m Kiriko. I know I look scary, but…I promise I’m nice! Who are you?”

Sasaki forced a smile on her face, even as tears trickled down her cheeks. “I’m Sasaki…I…I’m glad to meet you, Kiriko.”

Inside, she was weeping and screaming. How could this be herself? How could she change the past? And more importantly…create a more peaceful world. For herself, for her parents…and for the oppressed people of this world.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Watching people was a challenge for Yuki. Originally, it was part of her data collection routine: Observe humans, and emulate how they behaved. This was frustrating, as people behaved in all manner of ways for any number of reasons. So instead, Yuki had read a great many books. After all, books were logical, orderly, and described how people behaved. But without all the extra confusing sensory data that was difficult to process.

It was, therefore, something of a shock to Yuki to discover that there had been one human she liked to watch: Kyon. This had started when he’d joined the Literature Club. Originally, she simply wished to collect data on an individual that her prime target, Haruhi Suzumiya, had deemed important. But then, Kyon had gotten Yuki a library card. He had listened to her, looked at her, and treated her, as well, a person. Most people had treated Yuki as more of a piece of furniture. A silent and rarely moving part of the room, more decoration than individual.

But Kyon had looked at Yuki, and seen a person. Not just an alien, but a friend.

So Yuki watched as Kyon interacted with the people of the Crimson Demon Clan. Yuki was generally a poor judge of character or motivations, and had a hard time telling what was normal and what wasn’t. By the remarks that Kazuma and Kyon had made, she gathered that the Crimson Demons were abnormal, though as far as Yuki could tell their behaviors were well within bounds for normal human parameters, if rather on the loud side of them.

Still, Kyon seemed to be enjoying himself. This was sometimes hard to tell as Kyon, when Kyon most enjoyed himself, was prone to making remarks and faces that most people would have associated with annoyance or disgust. But Yuki had found that Kyon made them more frequently when he was highly engaged in a task. He did not often make them at her, which was puzzling, but then again if Kyon were simple to understand, he would not have been so profoundly interesting.

“Hmm, do I detect the presence of the divine? What sort of being has appeared before me?”

Yuki blinked, then looked up to find a woman with dark hair and red eyes smiling at her. Her appearance was similar to the other Crimson Demons, and though Yuki had carefully cataloged them all, they did seem to all share a phenotype. This one’s name was not on record, and her distinguishing features were that she had on a pair of bat wings as a hair ornament, and was possessed of a bust size that surpassed that of even Mikuru Asahina.

“I am Yuki Nagato.” Yuki was uncertain if this woman was speaking to her, but introducing yourself was only polite.

“BEHOLD! I AM ARUE! FOREMOST AUTHOR OF THE CRIMSON DEMON CLAN, AND SHE WHO HAS PUBLISHED THE FAMOUS NOVEL, HEARTS OF CRIMSON!!”

The woman made several odd gestures and put on an eye patch. This was odd. Yuki had read that sailors of old ships would put on eyepatches to preserve night vision belowdecks, but there were no ships nearby.  Neither did the woman  appear to have any malady afflicting her vision. But she was not the only member of this village who wore an eye patch. Perhaps their red eyes were extremely sensitive to sunlight.

The woman had mentioned, however, that she was an author, a proposition that intrigued Yuki. “I enjoy reading novels. Do you have a library?”

“Oh ho!” Arue beamed, grinning widely and producing a feather quill, which she spun through her fingers, splattering herself slightly with black ink. “A fan of my literary works! I can provide you with a signed copy of Hearts of Crimson, or one of my many other works!”

“Yes,” Yuki agreed, and stood up. If books were around, she was very interested. She had not gotten to read anything since coming to Belzerg, and was very curious about their literary traditions.

Arue led Yuki away from the knot of villagers still surrounding Kyon, and past where Yunyun was speaking with Haruhi Suzumiya. Yunyun was the chief of this village, though Yuki was not certain what form of government they used here. The kingdom itself appeared to be a monarchy, but the Crimson Demons seemed to enjoy some sort of special status. Yuki would have to collect further data to ensure she fully understood the situation.

The house that she led Yuki towas a simple looking cottage with a few rooms, a large garden, and an attached building with a sign that read “DEN OF LITERARY GENIUS” on it. It was to this building that Yuki was brought, and inside, she found exactly what she had hoped for.

There were simply mounds of books everywhere. Tables were stacked with pieces of paper covered in writing and more books, while shelves that went floor to ceiling lined every wall. There were several overstuffed chairs that looked very comfortable, as well as a stove with a kettle and several cups for tea. The room was already occupied, by a heavyset balding man with dark hair, but brown eyes and a thick beard. He had on a pair of reading glasses, and was muttering to himself as he read a sheaf of papers, occasionally scratching on them.

Knowing what to do, Yuki stepped up to the man, and patiently waited for him to notice her. He looked up from his papers after a moment, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes before smiling at her and Arue. “Oh, hello dear. And who’s this? I don’t recognize her. An adventurer?

“This is the new goddess, Yuki Nagato. I have brought her here, that I might learn her story and spread it to the world!” Arue declared.

Yuki waited for them to finish, then held her hand out to the man. “I would like a library card, please.”

“A what?” the man blinked a few times, then gaffawed. “Oh no, this isn’t a library, Miss Nagato. Er, Lady Nagato? Er, sorry, I’m used to reading about goddesses, not meeting them.” He hastily stood and bowed, revealing a tunic that had several ink stains on it, and a few food stains as well.

“But there are books here,” Yuki said, looking around. “Is this not a library?”

“This is my private collection, home to the many tomes I have authored, as well as my personal collection of interesting novels and research materials,” Arue said, gesturing to the various books.

The man frowned. “Well, and it’s got my own collection as well. There’s a bit of everything, really. Theology, genealogies, historical accounts, and of course the latest novels from my old employer.”

Yuki nodded. “I would like to borrow some books. Do I require a library card?”

“I was going to give her a copy of Hearts of Crimson, as it is my magnum opus!” Arue declared, and pulled a book from a stack of identical volumes. It featured a buxom mage with glowing red eyes on the cover, a blazing heart within her chest. A noble looking blonde knight with a large sword was on her right, while a nefarious looking rogue with a bow and a silver mask stood on her left.

“Er, she’s a bit young for that, isn’t she?” the man asked, wincing. He smiled at  Yuki. “How old are you, miss?”

“I am 598 years old,” Yuki stated. “Though I am physically seventeen.”

“Oh, er, right. Goddess. Um, well, my wife, you see-”

“He is my editor, Augustin. When he initially refused to move to the village to edit my works exclusively, as is befitting of one so prolific and genius as I am, I…persuaded him to move here,” Arue said, looking rather smug.

Yuki glanced at Arue, then at her spouse. While she was typically uncertain of how to rate the physical appearance of humans in regards to attractiveness, even she could tell that Arue would have been considered conventionally attractive, while her husband very much wouldn’t have.

She wondered how she compared to Kyon. She considered Kyon to be the epitome of good looks, with a well formed face, kind eyes, and tall with nice shoulders and gentle hands. She herself was short, flat chested, and her hair was not a natural color. Did Kyon like it? She worried about that. She could, of course, alter her appearance, but found that proposition unsettling for reasons she could not fully process.

“Er, yes, quite,” Augustin said, coughing into his fist. “Well, er…while it is your best work, it’s a bit, ah…risque. Should we really be giving it to a goddess? What is she even the goddess of?”

“She is clearly a dark goddess of magic and mystery, here to ponder the forbidden texts of my realm,” Arue declared, and shoved the book into Yuki’s hands. “A gift. I insist that you-”

But Yuki was no longer listening. She was quite tired. Not physically, she did not require rest, nor did her physical body need nutriment or even oxygen to function. However, he mental facilities had been rather taxed by the constant presence of many other people, and the need to process a great deal of new data. So, she took the book she had been given, walked over to one the chairs, and sat down by the stove.

She ran her hands over the embossed leather cover of the book, appreciating the art. She liked books that provided a visual reference for events. Not too many: Yuki enjoyed simulating what the events in the book would be from a variety of sensory standpoints, but a starting point enhanced the experience. She held the book up to her nose, smelling the fresh leather and paper, and smiled.

Then she opened the book, and began to read.

Though Yuki was, on some level, aware of her surroundings as she read, she completely lost herself in the book. It was in a literary style quite unlike many of the books she had read, though it seemed to best fit into the category of books called “Harlequin Romances.”

The prose was flowery and descriptive, providing a plethora of data for Yuki to vividly simulate the world she found herself exploring. The main character was a Witch of a reclusive tribe of mages, which Yuki surmised were an analogue of the Crimson Demon Clan. The witch, named Urae, was terribly beautiful and powerful, but had left her village to seek adventure. She had met two men on her travels: the noble Knight Sir Kevin Macintosh, and the cunning and rather perverted rogue Zuma Cato

The crux of the novel was the three characters forming a party and fighting various villains, but what really interested Yuki was the internal conflict of Urae in choosing which of her party members to love. There were many very interesting romantic encounters between them, with long kisses and caresses, and even Urae sharing her bed with both men. The description of her first time making love to the roguish Zuma was especially intriguing, and Yuki wondered if her own body would bleed and experience pain and pleasure in the same way.

She would have to ask Kyon. Or better yet, get him to bed her. It sounded very exciting.

In the end, Sir Kevin nobly sacrificed himself to save Urae and Zuma, who named their first child after Sir Kevin, and settled down, where Urae supposedly composed the autobiographical book and published it.

When Yuki looked up, closing the novel and setting it in her lap, it was past dark to her surprise. She checked her internal chronometer, and found she had been reading for nearly eight hours. Arue was sitting at an ornate desk in a corner of the room, her quill furiously scribbling.

“Ah, finished, are you? Well, what did you think?” Augustin came over, smiling at Yuki, and clearing away her tea cup and empty plate. She had eaten several snacks that had been placed on the table by her chair and drank several cups of tea, careful not to get crumbs on the pages, but she’d been unwilling to stop reading even to eat.

“It was quite enjoyable,” Yuki stated, running her fingers over the book again. “I wonder. Why did Urae choose Zuma over Kevin? Kevin seemed the more suitable as a romantic partner, due to his ability to provide for offspring from his wealth, familial connections, and more respectful treatment of Urae.”

“Hmm, good question. Especially since I’m more of a Kevin than a Zuma,” Augustin chuckled.

“Pah! Because it is more dramatic to end with the flamboyant and roguish thief than the noble knight!” Arue said, looking up from her writing. She made a face. “Besides, the real Sir Kevin is utterly insufferable. Though I do confess, sometimes I wonder what Megumin saw in that man she endlessly pined over.”

That didn’t make any sense to Yuki, but she nodded. “Do you have more books like that one?”

Arue’s eyes gleamed in the candlelight, and she threw back her head and cackled. “BWAH-HA-HA! Do  you hear that, Augustin!? I can claim a goddess as a fan of my works! You must put this on the front page of our next advertising campaign!”

“Yes, dear. But it’s time for dinner. Your writing will be there in the morning. You too, young lady. Er, well, I suppose you’re older than me, but, well…um…would you like dinner?”

Yuki considered this. “Only if Kyon may join us.”

As it turned out, Kyon was rather ready for dinner as well, having spent the day gathering supplies. He was actually walking through the village with Yunyun looking for her and looking rather frantic.

“-can take care of herself I know, but I’m worried about her. I mean, she’s kind of naive and vulnerable. What if one of your wackos tries to bamboozle her somehow?” Kyon was saying as he frantically hurried along the dirt path.

“Well, people here are actually really nice, if, um…a little eccentric. Someone probably just grabbed her to show off their special skill, or wanted her to bless what they were doing since she’s supposed to be some sort of goddess,” Yunyun said.

“Yeah!? And what if one of them tries to turn her into a nightlight, like that crazy smith did with that poor dragon?!” Kyon demanded.

“Is that your young man?” Augustin asked Yuki, pointing to Kyon.

Arue, however, shot a bolt of lighting over Kyon’s head, making him cry out and hit the dirt, while Yunyun just turned around.

“Ha! Behold, I, Arue, am the one who took this goddess captive!” Arue declared, putting a hand on Yuki’s shoulder. “Not with spells nor stone, but with the power of the pen! For you see, she was bewitched by my intrepid tales, and has become a devoted fanatic of my works!”

“Arue! Don’t go corrupting villagers with that trash you write! Please tell me you didn’t let her read that story about me and Megumin…or worse, the one about Kazuma and you…”

“I did not read a story about you or Kazuma,” Yuki stated matter of factly as she went over to help Kyon back to his feet. “The main characters of Hearts of Crimson were Urae the Witch, Sir Kevin the Knight, and Zuma the Thief.”

“I guess I should have known to ask if they had a library,” Kyon sighed, dusting himself off and smiling wryly at Yuki. Then he rounded on Arue, who was looking rather sheepish as an irate Yunyun stalked towards her. “Hey, you! Yeah, you! Maniac! THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO GET PEOPLE’S ATTENTION THAN LIGHTNING BOLTS!”

“Now, Chief, she really liked the book, and it is Arue’s best work,” Augustin said, putting himself between the two women.

“Arue, I’ve told you! Those books are NOT fit to be read by young people! And you HAVE to stop showing them those trashy novels that are just your weird ideas of who your friends should sleep with!” Yunyun said, pushing Augustin aside and sticking a finer in Arue’s face.

“Well, but you want to sleep with Megumin,” Arue said sulkily. “I was just trying to help you two along.”

Yunyun went beet red, then held up a fist, which caught fire. “ARUE!”

“Er, let’s go,” Kyon said, steering Yuki away, as the snap of flame and crash of thunder sounded while the two women had it out in a battle that shattered surrounding trees and set fire to several nearby structures. “You hungry? Because I’m starving.”

“Should we not intervene in the conflict?” Yuki asked, turning around. She was surprised to see Augustin jogging up to them, puffing and looking rather put out.

“Oh, that? Don’t worry about it. They’re just having a minor disagreement,” the man said.

“And that’s why you're running away? A minor disagreement?” Kyon deadpanned.

Augustin shrugged. “If they were really serious, they’d actually be trying to kill one another, or at least curse each other. Really, it’s a standard argument for them. I was just going to go to the bar and get some take out. I love my wife, but…she’s going to lose. There’s a reason Yunyun’s the chief, and Arue spends most of her time inside writing instead of fighting.”

The earth shook, and Yuki watched as Arue summoned a pillar of lava, which she directed at Yunyun. The molten rock was turned aside by a gesture from the chief, who summoned a raging tornado that threatened to pick both women up and send them flying.

“This place is crazy,” Kyon said, shaking his head.

Augustin laughed. “Yes, well, it has its perks! Never boring, you know. You two know where the bar is?”

“Let me guess: the Succubus Maid Cafe?”

“That’s the one! Though, ah-”

“There’s no succubi, or maids. Kazuma told me,” Kyon said with a sigh.

Augustin bid them both farewell when they arrived at the bar, going to sit with two other men, who waved and greeted him. Yuki and Kyon ordered dinner, then went to a booth in the corner to enjoy their food. It was roasted meat of some sort on a bun, the bartender had said it was a Lizard Burger, with fried vegetables that looked like sweet potatoes or yams, and mugs of ale.

“So, you read some sort of trashy romance novel, I take it?” Kyon asked, eyeing his lizard burger skeptically.

Yuki took a big bite, analyzing the food. She found she enjoyed it, and that it was reminiscent of a hamburger, though the meat had a different flavor than beef, pork, chicken, or any other kind Yuki had previously sampled. Despite not requiring nourishment, she found she did enjoy eating. Especially with Kyon.

“It is safe to eat,” she informed Kyon.

He took a bite, brightening and nodding. “Yeah, not bad.”

“The novel was not trashy,” Yuki stated, sipping the ale. She did not drink in Japan, as she was supposedly not of legal age, but no one here seemed to mind. Besides, this was only about 1% alcohol by her analysis, and unlikely to induce intoxication.

“Oh? So you liked it then? Yunyun seemed to think it was pretty scandalous,” Kyon observed.

Yuki considered that. “Perhaps there is a cultural reference that escapes me.”

“Well, it sounds like it was about that lady you were with and Kazuma,” Kyon said with a chuckle. “That’s kinda weird.”

“Negative. There was no character named Kazuma in the story, or Arue,” Yuki said, taking a bite of the fried vegetables. They were fried sweet potatoes as it turned out, with pepper and salt. Very tasty.

“Hmm. Well, as long as you liked it. Maybe I’ll have to get a copy if it’s really spicy,” Kyon laughed.

“I do not recall any spices in the novel,” Yuki said, and the two of them focused on eating for a moment.

“Kyon, do you typically bleed the first time you have sexual intercourse?” Yuki asked after swallowing another bite of lizard burger.

Kyon, who had been drinking his ale, snorted so hard that frothy liquid came out his nose. He began to wretch and cough, and Yuki hastily stood and pounded his back. She was prepared to give the Heimlich maneuver, but he did not appear to be choking.

“Why…why do you ask that?” Kyon rasped once he’d cleaned himself up with a napkin.

“It was described in Hearts of Crimson,” Yuki said matter of factly. “It was very interesting.”

“That’s uh…Er, well…I don’t…I’m not really an expert, you know?” Kyon managed, dabbing at his forehead with his sodden napkin.

“I see.” Yuki sat back down, and took another bite of her meal. It was fascinating that despite differing ingredients and cultural norms, this meal was not unlike something she might have found at a restaurant in Japan.

Kyon awkwardly nibbled at his food for a while, shooting glances at Yuki and blushing.

“I will acquire further novels that describe differing forms of intimacy, so that we may be prepared when we engage in those acts,” Yuki stated. This time, she waited until Kyon was not drinking. She suspected he found her remarks shocking. She was uncertain as to why. Cultural taboos were always so hard to understand. Wasn't Kyon interested in engaging in those acts with her? She was with him. That was the entire point of “dating,” wasn’t it?

“That’s, um…er…” Kyon stammered and flushed, looking excited and confused.

“I will share these books with you. We can discuss them. I would enjoy sharing a hobby with you,” Yuki said, and did her best to smile at Kyon.

“I…I’d like that,” Kyon managed, and smiled back at her. He was much better at smiling than she was. She liked that.

That night, Yuki got to attempt several activities that Urae had engaged in with her male companions with Kyon. She kept to the ones that did not have the potential for physical injury, as she strongly desired not to harm Kyon. While she sincerely doubted that anything he did could ever actually inflict physical harm on her, the reverse was almost certainly not true.

It was rather nice to kiss, cuddle, and caress one another, though Kyon insisted they not sleep in the same bed, citing that he was “not ready for that step yet.”

Yuki was slightly disappointed, but went to the room appointed for her. To her surprise, Aqua was already there, sitting on the bed and looking somewhat morose.

“Greetings,” Yuki said, and began to disrobe. Aqua was already dressed in sleepwear, and Yuki had a pair of pajamas Kyon had given her as a part of the supplies he’d acquired. They were not quite her size, but she silently adjusted them with a little data manipulation.

“Huh? Oh, hey, Yuki,” Aqua said, and hugged her legs to herself. “I thought you’d be staying with Kyon.”

“No. He does not wish to share a bed at this time,” Yuki said matter of factly.

“Yeah…Kazuma said the same thing. It’s dumb. We’ve slept together before. Though, uh… not…together together,” Aqua said, blushing for some reason.

“I see. I have not shared a bed with Kyon, though he once slept in my bedroom for three years,” Yuki stated. She wondered if she should explain that that was relative, as to Kyon only moments had passed.

“Huh. You two are pretty close, huh. Have you always known that, you know…you liked him?” Aqua asked.

Yuki put on her pajamas, then sat on the bed next to Aqua. “No. I did not understand the concept of ‘best buddies’ when I first met Kyon. It was not until the time loop where I experienced several centuries, which introduced errors to my runtime, that I began to develop what could be considered an emotional attachment to Kyon.”

“Yeah…I had to spend a lot of time with Kazuma before I realized…I care about him. More than anything,” Aqua agreed.

Nodding, Yuki considered that. “Is your affection for Kazuma considered an error?”

“Uh…maybe? If you mean like a computer error, goddesses aren’t supposed to fall in love with mortals. I didn’t even understand what that meant. To me, sex was just kinda gross. I was happy it made my followers and other humans happy, but I didn’t get why you’d want to do that,” Aqua said, blushing. “But, um…I think I understand it now. Bathing with Kazuma was pretty interesting.”

“Yes.” A shared bath was one activity described in Hearts of Crimson. She had not engaged in it with Kyon this time, but Yuki resolved to gather data on it later. She felt certain Kyon would also find the prospect interesting.

“I guess it’s kinda the same for you. You’re an alien that fell in love with a human. You weren’t supposed to do that because the Data-Whatever is a big meany, right?” Aqua asked.

“Yes. Is the Chief Goddess you have mentioned also a ‘big meany’ for forbidden such relations as well?” Yuki asked.

“She’s a jerk alright. I don’t know what she was thinking, or how Haruhi became the Chief Goddess,” Aqua sighed. “It hasn’t happened yet, I don’t think. But Haruhi’s a lot nicer than the chief ever was. She wants to have fun! The chief was always going on about honor and duty and was no fun at all.”

“I see.” Yuki considered that. Performing your designated function was important, especially since goddesses seemed to have some sort of key role in the function of data management for entire worlds. But ‘fun’ was also important. Yuki considered what she would do if she were forbidden to read, or worse, not see Kyon again.

She would do what she had: rebel against her creator.

Thinking back to some of the inquiries she had regarding her current situation, Yuki decided to ask Aqua. The other woman had a great deal of experience in many things, and seemed to intuit concepts Yuki often found puzzling.

“Aqua: do you know how to engage in intercourse, and if the possibility of injury exists for those who engage in it?”

Aqua blinked, then gasped. “What?! That can happen?! I-I know that sometimes Axis followers got hurt when they were with their lovers! Especially if one was much larger or stronger than the other! And I’m way stronger than Kazuma!”

As Yuki was unaware of just what the Axis followers got up to, or just how dumb Aqua really was, she did not realize that Axis Followers were known to attempt to have relations with monsters, giants, statues, wild animals, and just about everything a person should, under no circumstances, attempt to get busy with. Especially since Axis Followers tended to think ‘consent’ was something you tricked the other party into.

Troubled, Yuki frowned. “I do not wish to injure Kyon.”

“I don’t want to hurt Kazuma!” Aqua wailed. “I could heal him, b-but what if I do hurt him if we…you know…h-have…have…”

Before the situation could get any more ridiculous, there was a thumping on the wall. “Will you two quiet down!?”

“Kazuma, Kazuma! I promise not to do a death by snu-snu on you!” Aqua blubbered, pressing herself up against the wall.

“Oh for crying- LOOK! That’s not how it works! Kyon was just talking to me about it! Sheesh! Yuki just read some weird fetish fic that Arue wrote. It was probably the hymen or something. Look, the point is, you’re not going to hurt me, you useless-OW! Kyon, if you hit me one more time, I swear I-”

“Don’t try to corrupt Yuki!” Kyon’s muffled voice raged.

“It wasn’t me, it was that wacko Arue! She’s always writing weird stuff. I mean, it’s good, like, top tier doujinshi stuff.”

There was silence for a moment. “Wait, really?” Kyon asked.

“Yeah, no pictures though. Shame that.”

“Negative,” Yuki stated. “There were illustrations.” She was thinking of the cover art, and another picture at the end of the book, which showed Arue and described her other works, several of which had sounded very interesting.

“I, uh, I think we should visit this library…” Kyon said.

“Kazuma! Are you and Kyon being perverts again!?” Aqua demanded, slamming her fist on the wall.

“HEY!” the door banged open, and an irate Haruhi stood there, dressed in her own nightgown and glaring menacingly. “I don’t care WHAT you bunch of perverted weirdos do! But if you’re going to swap rooms and get busy, do it QUIETLY! Some of us are trying to sleep!”

“S-sorry!” Aqua gasped, but Haruhi suddenly turned and slammed her face into the door frame.

“Argh! I just told my parents to do it! Must…purge…thoughts!”

“I am not opposed to sleeping with Kyon,” Yuki stated, walking over to Haruhi. “Please do not injure yourself. We are to set out on our journey, and you must be combat capable.”

Haruhi paused. “Oh yeah. Right! No room swapping! Ugh, do it where I can’t see or hear it! Just, uh…make sure I’m born, OK?”

Then she turned around and left.

Yuki walked back to the wall, and rapped on it.

“Um, yes?” Kyon called, sounding slightly cowed.

“Good night, Kyon. I am glad I will not injure you,” Yuki stated. Then she lay down. To her surprise, she rather enjoyed falling asleep. And the dreams she had were certainly interesting.