the moment comes (Patreon)

the moment comes

where it all feels like too much again.

where the loneliness is so big

it fills by stomach with acid

and my head with constant thoughts of worry and fear.

the moments come

when i don’t know if or how i can do this.

sit with it all.

it’s all so much.

a moment like that is happening now.

my heartburn the painful reminder of it.

coming to yell “hello!!!! you haven’t been noticing me as much as i want you to!!”

so hello,

i see you

but i don’t know how to talk to you.

hello, i feel your pain.

it’s so so very real.

this moment now

is so so very real.

in the night, in the dark,

alone, afraid.

only my second night not having another adult in the house with me.

i go to bed and stay in bed when i put nalcoah to bed.

she falls asleep

and i scroll or listen to a meditation.

but in the meditation tonight

i felt the immense immense sadness.

the wondering the questioning.

what will life look like.

who will i become.

how will i be enough for myself.